perma-third wheel fun!

[soft_as_thunder]

The thing I love about instant messaging is that no one can tell what's really happening on the other side of the screen. You could be joking around with a friend when grumpy, or telling a story while not paying attention. It's incredible.

Apparently I have transferred this technique over to the real world. After my grandmother's heart trouble, I had been crying to a friend when another friend, Michal, called. I picked up the phone and turned off the tears. I didn't really think about it, but my friend pointed out what I had done. I then asked Michal whether he had noticed, and much to my surprise, he was shocked that I had been crying.

Now it has gotten to the point where I have just stopped telling the truth to my friends. Instead of telling them that I don't feel well, I just say that I'm not hungry or that I have too much work and hole up in my room. Or better yet, I hang out with them, leaving the pain or sorrow at the back of my mind and plastering a smile on my face. I laugh, I play. And no one's the wiser. It's second nature to me, like lying about my political party or my beliefs. I find it less frightening to tell people what they want to hear.

And who wants to hear that you're having a mental breakdown?