Life
Once again life takes over.
I could say that 2009 hasn't had the best of starts, but there has been some good stuff happening too.
School has been okay, my Drawing class grades have been great (20/20 average) and I found a way to do what I like in Art's Shop (Officina de Artes) so I've been enjoying those classes more than I used to.
We had a nice school trip two weeks after Christmas break, and it was fun. We went to see a monestry/castle we'll be reading about after Spring break. It was nice to hang around with my friends and spend some time with all of them outside school.
Waltz practice re-started and that has been amazing. Seriously, I never thought I would enjoy waltzing this much. Besides, I get to spend more time with Mauro, which I think we hadn't done in a while. I has been a lot of fun. There was no practice this weekend, which feels wrong somehow.
Two weeks ago I was the guest tale teller at Tale Time (Hora do Conto) at my school. Usually an adult (teacher or parent) or a famous portuguese writer goes to our school to read a tale to the 5th graders. It was really nice to read to them, and they enjoyed it very much and asked so many questions I couldn't talk by the end of the second hour. It was a great experience.
This month had been almost great if it hadn't been for this past Monday. One of my closest friends, Pedro, hanged himself on his 18th birthday. It was a shock to everyone. He was so intelligent and racional, and he wasn't a sad kid, nor angry nor anything... He was the last person we thought would do something like that. He deleted everything from his computer and cellphone and so far no one has been able to restore anything that could tell us what made him commit suicide. I miss him. I hadn't spend that much time with him in the last months because we weren't as close as we had once been, but I can still hear his voice in my head and see him smiling and being all chipper. I wish I could understand.
This past week has been hell. We heard about it Tuesday morning and then most of the seniors got together and just stood in silence in the food court all afternoon. On Wednesday morning the whole school (literally) got together at the food court for 2 or 3 minutes and were silent. It was surreal. I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone. If it wasn't for my best friends crying I would have thought it was some kind of sick joke.
I guess it was the fact that it all felt so wrong that I had to see him uncovered that afternoon, at the funeral. His eyes weren't fully closed and he was staring at me, his lips parted, as if he was asking for help. I won't be able to forget that last time I saw him.
We're all better now, we all try to think this was the best for him, at least in his point of view and that he was suffering inside with something no one knew about.
However, I do hate him for what he did. Suicide is a selfish, cowardly way out of every problem. Some people say you have to be brave to commit suicide, but I think that bravery is facing the problems, not running away from them. For that cowardly act and for all the pain he caused to his friends and family I hate him. I hope I find out why he did it, then maybe I can forgive him...
I can only hope next month is brighter.
<3
I could say that 2009 hasn't had the best of starts, but there has been some good stuff happening too.
School has been okay, my Drawing class grades have been great (20/20 average) and I found a way to do what I like in Art's Shop (Officina de Artes) so I've been enjoying those classes more than I used to.
We had a nice school trip two weeks after Christmas break, and it was fun. We went to see a monestry/castle we'll be reading about after Spring break. It was nice to hang around with my friends and spend some time with all of them outside school.
Waltz practice re-started and that has been amazing. Seriously, I never thought I would enjoy waltzing this much. Besides, I get to spend more time with Mauro, which I think we hadn't done in a while. I has been a lot of fun. There was no practice this weekend, which feels wrong somehow.
Two weeks ago I was the guest tale teller at Tale Time (Hora do Conto) at my school. Usually an adult (teacher or parent) or a famous portuguese writer goes to our school to read a tale to the 5th graders. It was really nice to read to them, and they enjoyed it very much and asked so many questions I couldn't talk by the end of the second hour. It was a great experience.
This month had been almost great if it hadn't been for this past Monday. One of my closest friends, Pedro, hanged himself on his 18th birthday. It was a shock to everyone. He was so intelligent and racional, and he wasn't a sad kid, nor angry nor anything... He was the last person we thought would do something like that. He deleted everything from his computer and cellphone and so far no one has been able to restore anything that could tell us what made him commit suicide. I miss him. I hadn't spend that much time with him in the last months because we weren't as close as we had once been, but I can still hear his voice in my head and see him smiling and being all chipper. I wish I could understand.
This past week has been hell. We heard about it Tuesday morning and then most of the seniors got together and just stood in silence in the food court all afternoon. On Wednesday morning the whole school (literally) got together at the food court for 2 or 3 minutes and were silent. It was surreal. I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone. If it wasn't for my best friends crying I would have thought it was some kind of sick joke.
I guess it was the fact that it all felt so wrong that I had to see him uncovered that afternoon, at the funeral. His eyes weren't fully closed and he was staring at me, his lips parted, as if he was asking for help. I won't be able to forget that last time I saw him.
We're all better now, we all try to think this was the best for him, at least in his point of view and that he was suffering inside with something no one knew about.
However, I do hate him for what he did. Suicide is a selfish, cowardly way out of every problem. Some people say you have to be brave to commit suicide, but I think that bravery is facing the problems, not running away from them. For that cowardly act and for all the pain he caused to his friends and family I hate him. I hope I find out why he did it, then maybe I can forgive him...
I can only hope next month is brighter.
<3