Fanfic - Endymion: Tiro (II) [Final Fantasy VII: Cloud/Sephiroth]
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Endymion
Part Two: Tiro
… continued from this post
19/04
1300
I struck him.
Without holding back in the slightest, I backhanded him across the face. There is already a huge bruise on his cheek, and we have no Materia on us for me to heal him.
What kind of monster have I turned into? Am I so focused on finding out what I am that I have turned into someone who could strike him?
He does not seem to care. I threw him halfway across my room, slammed him into the wall hard enough for the picture on it to fall off. And he simply got up after a moment, smiled at me dazedly, and repeated that he was coming with me.
I would say that he was insane, except that I know I am the insane one now.
-Sephiroth
--
How you can bother with dates and times I don’t know. Is that your way of trying to force some semblance of order on your life? Or normality, maybe?
I don’t hate you, Sephiroth; quite the contrary. I’m not exactly great with saying things like this in real life, you know that. I’m awkward and I say things I didn’t plan on saying, and forget half of what I wanted to. Being social has never been my greatest skill, but this isn’t about me.
You were upset by something, I know that much. Zack and I could tell you were furious about something or other, and I figured it was something that you’d found in that room. You scared Zack out of his mind, you know. He told me that he was banging on the door for a full hour and you never acknowledged him once. He acted calm when he came down to get me, so as not to worry anyone. But it took me almost as long as he did to get your attention, and then all you said was for us to leave. It was half an hour more before you came out of the room, and you looked so terrifyingly furious then.
We’re worried for you, Sephiroth, hard as it may be for you to believe that. Maybe you don’t want people to worry about you; maybe that’s a liability with your position. But I think it’s nice to have someone care about you, don’t you? It’s nice to be fussed over once in a while.
Evidently I make up for my lack of conversation skills by rambling too much on paper. Hope I get this done before you get back here and see what I’m doing, anyway. Oh, don’t worry - I didn’t read anything you wrote here, except the entry just before this. It was a bit hard to miss that, since it was open to that page and lying here on the table. Come to think of it, did you do that deliberately? Sometimes I think you have as hard a time with words as I do. Saying them out loud, at any rate, seems to be beyond me most of the time.
Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that it was obvious that whatever upset you, you found in this room. It was equally obvious to me that you wouldn’t be able to get any sort of rest, and that you’d probably try to leave before Zack got up. I wasn’t expecting you to leave so very early, but at least I caught you in time. I didn’t want you to have to face this alone again. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better to have someone I like with me when I’m going through something hard.
Well, I hope you like me, at any rate. I know I care about you.
I must say, given what we’ve found so far, I can sort of understand why you reacted the way you did. But you know, in your last entry there? You wrote that you’re focused on finding out “what” you are. You’re not a “what,” Sephiroth. You’re a “who.” Whatever the experiments they conducted on you, you’re still a person. You’re still you, in your own right. You have human emotions, even if your body’s been programmed to surpass human limits.
Maybe I’m reading too much into that, but I always thought that bothered you. Being constantly better than everyone at everything, I mean. Does it? Oh, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’m not sure how you would, at any rate, unless you want to keep swapping this journal back and forth. And if you didn’t, in fact, mean for me to find this, I’m sorry. But do take what I’m writing here into account, okay?
See, to put it nice and plain and simple? I care about you a great deal, more than just about anyone else. You asked me something earlier, right? “If a person knows only their mother’s name, does not know their father and is loved by none, does that person exist?” I don’t know, but it isn’t applicable to you anyway, since the last part doesn’t fit. Get that through your thick skull, General sir, or I will do it for you.
Cloud
--
“-ink you could - oh, I think it’s on now.”
“And it only took a few hours.”
“Oh, be quiet. This thing’s newer than any model I’ve seen before. And anyway you’re the one who refused to use it and made me figure it out.”
“Shall we proceed with the notes then?”
“You’re just ignoring what I said - oh, never mind. How formal is this? Any format you want to stick to or anything?”
“Perhaps a slightly more informal way of looking at this might help. I… feel that perhaps I am taking this more seriously than I ought to?”
“Was that a question or a statement?”
“I’m not entirely sure.”
“Statement, then. Er, you are, rather. I mean, I know you want to find out where you came from. But, I don’t know… isn’t finding out where you’re going more important than that? There’s that quote, uh, “Forget your past to create your future,” or something like that.”
“You made that up on the spot, didn’t you?”
“No, really! I read it somewhere. Of course, I’m paraphrasing it a bit, but you get the idea.”
“Indeed. So what have we found here then?”
“That there’s something called the Jenova Project which you were apparently the subject of.”
“Headed first by one Professor Gast and later taken over by Doctor Hojo.”
“He’s scary. Scared me the very first time I saw him.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah, and all he was doing was walking down a corridor. I couldn’t stand him at all. Ask mother, I know I wrote about it to her.”
“I would rather refrain from having any conversations with your mother, Cloud.”
“Why, what’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing is wrong with her.”
“Then… oh, forget it. So the idea behind this project, as far as we can tell from these crazy notes, was to inject Jenova cells into a foetus, right? And that foetus would absorb the cells and grow into… well, you, essentially. So what’s this Jenova thing exactly? You were researching that, right?”
“As far as I can tell, Professor Gast believes it to be one of the Cetra. I read that much yesterday. I noticed a few hours ago, though, that he says it’s only conjecture. He only mentioned it once; it would have been easy to miss, especially in the mood I was in yesterday. She intimidates me.”
“Who, what? Wait, my mother?
“… Why on earth would my mother intimidate you?”
“Don’t ask.”
“But I’m curious now! You can’t do this to me, you prat.”
“Did you just call me a prat?”
“Well. Yes. Uh. Sorry?”
“Find another word to insult me with, Cloud. I think I referred to those animals who insulted you as prats once. I’d rather not be lumped in with them.”
“But you just called them animals. And wait, when did you call them prats?”
“In the journal. I was trying to find as many words to describe them as I could.”
“Oh, do tell.”
“Well, I cannot remember off-hand what I’ve used. But I could say that they’re brutes, prats, boors, louts, thugs, hooligans, oafs and many other such flattering terms. Stop laughing, Cloud.”
“Yes, sir! You’ve just made my day, you know that?”
“After what I -”
“Don’t even complete that sentence. I told you it’s not your fault.”
“Cloud…”
“… Oh. Sorry! I didn’t realise I was so close. Er. Where were we?”
“The Jenova Project. Gast believed Jenova to be one of the Cetra. Cloud, you’re blushing.”
“Well, give me a few minutes and I’ll stop. Shut it and pass me those notes.”
“… You’re still blushing.”
“You’re impossible.”
“I do try.”
“Um, Sephiroth?”
“Just trying to see better. You’re hogging the notes a bit.”
“Randomly, you know, your hair’s really soft.”
“It’s always been that way. Maybe it’s the mako.”
“Oh yeah, I can see that. Advertisements plastered all over town - “Silky smooth in just one treatment! Even General Sephiroth uses it! Come get your mako shampoo today!” And they’d have a blown-up poster of you with suds in your hair and half-naked.”
“I didn’t need that mental image, Cloud.”
“You’d rather I described the mako soap ad? They’d have you completely naked in that one.”
“Assuming I didn’t cut their heads off.”
“Well, there is that. Rather efficient deterrent to taking a good photo, I suppose. And even if you did, the photographers would be too busy drooling to actually take photos.”
“Cloud.”
“Right, work. This says here that Jenova’s believed to have certain powers that enabled her to communicate with the Lifestream - oh, and now we know why ShinRa’s involved.”
“We do indeed.”
“Anything that involves the Lifestream they just go ahead and -”
“You should probably stop there, Cloud.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise to me, of all people. Look at this part.”
“Oh… they were trying to create another Cetra. I guess that’s what you are then?”
“Assuming Jenova is a Cetra.”
“Okay, we really need to find out what a Cetra is in the first place.”
“This must be why they told me my mother’s name was Jenova, I suppose.”
“Is that what they said?”
“Mm. It’s all I knew of her. Except she’s not really a “her,” is she?”
“I don’t know if it’s a she, he or it, but Gast refers to Jenova as female a few times. Might as well stick to that. You know, it says here that Jenova was kept in storage somewhere in this mako reactor. If they didn’t move it -”
“Might explain the strange readings that Zack’s been getting from Sector S2. That’s where excess mako is generally stored.”
“She might be there.”
“Let her stay there. I don’t have any need for such a mother.”
“Mm, don’t move now, I was just getting comfortable.”
“I’m not a pillow, Cloud.”
“You’re comfortable enough. Just let me borrow your shoulder.”
“Tired?”
“A little.”
“You shouldn’t have come with me.”
“Let’s not get into this again.”
“As you wish. Thank you, Cloud. Wait, is that thing still on?”
“I think it is. Hey, I have proof of you being nice now! On tape! And I - ack, Sephiroth, where’re you - no, don’t you dare erase tha-”
--
19/04
2000
I must admit to a rather interesting day today. I transcribed our tape as best as I could, and stuck to the original speech despite everything. I feel rather more light-hearted now than I have been in a long time. Cloud is either a very good or a very bad influence on me. I’m leaning towards the former.
I could easily love him, I think.
-Sephiroth
--
20/04
2030
Cloud offered once more to help me with my personal research, but I decided that I have neglected Zack quite enough. I helped him with his checks today, and he’s explained the anomalies he’s found to me. I was able to see Jenova today, when we entered the storage facilities. There’s a huge plaque on this one canister with her name on it. It’s funny how little I feel now, thinking of her. I used to want a mother so badly, but I find myself not even thinking of her as one.
We’ve rectified the anomalies, at any rate. There are only two more checks to be run, and then we’ll technically be able to leave. I might have them stay here a day more, perhaps. I need the vacation, as much as I hate abusing my power. And I don’t particularly want to see Doctor Hojo again. I expect the first thing he’ll do is give me a mako injection. I wonder if those injections were designed to prolong the effects of what he did to me before. It’s a possibility, I suppose.
I did apologise to Zack, and he’s assured me that I wasn’t at fault. Everyone seems insistent on that. Even Mrs Strife didn’t think it was my fault. Earlier, I went down and apologised to her for striking Cloud - I don’t think he told her who’d hit him. She looked surprised that it was me; maybe she’d expected one of those braggarts from before to have gotten in a lucky strike or something. Heaven knows they’d stand no chance in a fair fight, or even a dirty fight.
All she asked me was if I’d apologised to Cloud. I told her that I had, and that he rather wanted me to shut up about it, at which she laughed and said that Cloud was just that kind of person. He knew when an apology was warranted, but once he got it, he didn’t want to dwell on it. I suppose I have noticed that about him, when others apologised to him for various things; I’ve just never been the one to apologise before. And certainly never for violence directed towards him.
I still feel guilty about what I did, but I cannot think of any ways to make amends. Mrs Strife assures me that there is no need to, but I would still like to do something for him. Perhaps a gift of some sort, when we get back to Midgar. I thought I had better control of myself; evidently I don’t.
Despite everything, I suppose Cloud and I must do more research tomorrow. I’m curious as to what this “Cetra” that was mentioned is.
-Sephiroth
--
“So we’re doing this again, evidently, despite the last time not being very coherent.”
“It was fun enough. It’s on now, by the way.”
“So I gathered. Would you like to begin this then?”
“If you insist, sir. We should probably sum up what we’ve found out about the Cetra today, right? And mother’s making beef stew for dinner, so let’s not be late.”
“If you insist, sir. The Ce -”
“Now you’re just throwing my words back at me.”
“Not at all.”
“You know how weird it is for you to call me sir?”
“I should take it that you’ve never thought of that then?”
“Sephiroth, there isn’t any position higher than yours.”
“I didn’t mean in the military, Cloud.”
“What - you know what, we’re not going there. The Cetra, as far as we can tell, are people who used to live a couple of thousand years ago. They adhered to a particular lifestyle and were particularly attuned to the Lifestream and were able to guide its flow in some instances. Um, they went extinct some two thousand years back because of uh, a “calamity from the skies,” whatever that is. It says here that the humans betrayed the Cetra by not offering aid. And um, evidently ShinRa has some sort of interest in the Cetra. Not surprising, since they’re supposed to be able to control the Lifestream, and ShinRa’s obviously concerned with the use of the Lifestream. Uh, I think… mm… that’s it, is it?”
“I believe you’ve about summed it up, sir.”
“Sephiroth!”
“Yes?”
“You’re impossible!”
“So you’ve told me. You were rambling, you know.”
“Shut up.”
“And now you’re blushing.”
“Are you just listing what I’m doing for the tape recorder?”
“For posterity’s sake, of course.”
“You are cruel to me, Sephiroth.”
“Oh no, the sad eyes are cheating!”
“You don’t care about me, do you?”
“That… is not fair. A male your age should not be able to pull off that look, dammit.”
“Uh, Sephiroth? Cloud?”
“Zack! Hi!”
“Am I… interrupting anything?”
“A brilliantly detailed analysis of the Cetra and me getting the upper-hand over Sephiroth, but nothing much else.”
“You forgot that other thing, sir.’”
“Shut it, Sephiroth.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You know, I don’t think I’m even gonna ask. I’ve finished the checks, Sephiroth. Now we know what’s back there, I’ve managed to compensate for all the anomalies. Everything’s running fine. Well, except for those things back in storage. Damn, those were freaky.”
“What were they like?”
“Let’s just say I didn’t sleep well last night, yeah?”
“That bad?”
“He’s exaggerating.”
“Oh! Nice to see you’ve finally found each other!”
“What are you talking about, Zack?”
“Er, in case you hadn’t noticed, Sephiroth? You’re holding Cloud’s hand… okay, so now you’re not. You really ought to, y’know.”
“Out, Zack.”
“Heh. See you later, kid!”
“Out!”
“What… was he talking about?”
“Nothing of importance.”
“It was.”
“Not at all. Would you gather up those notes? I think we’re done here for today.”
“I’ll find out sooner or later, you know.”
“Later rather than sooner, then. Shut off that tape, will you?”
“You only do this so you can play back our conversations when you’re bored, right?”
“Ah, so you’ve seen through me, have you?”
--
“Cloud is not here now, so perhaps I will be able to get more done than we usually do. We discovered yesterday that the humans of two thousand years ago betrayed the Cetra and abandoned them to their fate, allowing them to be destroyed by the “calamity from the skies.” It is rather unclear at the moment as to what this calamity refers to. It appears that most, if not all of the Cetra, were killed by this incident.
“I suppose as one of these supposed Cetra, I should be rather resentful about the humans abandoning my race. Since Cloud is one of said humans, however, I find I cannot. It is rather alarming how my world seems to revolve arou -”
“I brought lunch! Oh, back to the tape recorder, are we?”
“Y-es.”
“You okay? Did I actually manage to startle you?”
“Think what you will, Cloud.”
“If you insist! Found out anything?”
“Not much new. I think the old me wouldn’t have handled just this much well.”
“As opposed to the new you, who…?”
“Has you by his side.”
“… Ah.”
“I don’t think I’d be as stable now if I didn’t know you, Cloud. And that’s saying something, considering my current state.”
“Not very stable?”
“Not entirely, no. You seem to alleviate some of that, though.”
“Some of what?”
“Longing? I’m not sure.”
“We seem to be having awfully serious conversations lately.”
“Maybe we’re just awfully serious people.”
“Zack won’t hang out with us anymore then.”
“And yet he still does. There must be hope for us yet.”
“Or trauma. This is Zack we’re talking about.”
“Cloud? I have a bit of an odd request.”
“Go ahead and request. I’m allowed to turn you down, right?”
“Of course. Would you hold me?”
“Well, that is odd, yes. But not something I’m inclined to turn down. This okay?”
“It’s fine.”
“You’ve never had anyone do this, right?”
“Be physically close to me? Show any sort of affection? No. Or not before the first time you hugged me, at any rate.”
“I really don’t like Doctor Hojo.”
“President Shinra was the one who ordered him to keep me isolated.”
“Doctor Hojo was the one who carried it out. I bet he was only too happy to. Shinra’s - no wait, I shouldn’t be saying this.”
“Cloud.”
“Hm?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Let’s amend that to, “thank you, but don’t mess up the hair.””
“Fussy. Your hair’s so soft.”
“We’ve been through this, mako shampoo ads and all.”
“Well, if my hair mysteriously starts getting softer after I get my first injections, we’ll know for sure.”
“I wish you didn’t have to. It’s not a pleasant experience, especially if you’re sensitive.”
“The prelim exams said I am. I’m not exactly looking forward to them.”
“If there was some way to get Doctor Hojo out -”
“Sephiroth.”
“I ought to stop there, then.”
“Not that I don’t agree.”
“Want to explore this mansion a little more, Cloud?”
“Well, that came out of nowhere.”
“I’m tired of just sitting here all the time. And I’m sick of reading about the Cetra and about Jenova and about me, except I’m Specimen S on these papers.”
“That part’s rather annoying, yes. I think they only mentioned you by name once.”
“That I’ve come across, anyway. Up for some exploration?”
“That would involve moving.”
“And untangling your fingers from my hair, yes.”
“Mother said you apologised to her.”
“… Ah.”
“You need to let it go, Seraph.”
“Seraph?”
“It fits you. Unless you’d rather I call you Angel, which is what next comes to mind.”
“Seraph is fine.”
“I thought it would be. Don’t try and change the topic. You need to let go of it. Zack managed to find a Healing Materia anyway, so I’m fine now.”
“That’s not the point.”
“So then what is?”
“That I hit you!”
“You were frustrated and scared and angry! I can understand why you did it. You shouldn’t have, but the important thing is that you apologised immediately, that you helped me up and put some cream on for me and everything. It’d only have been wrong if you’d liked hitting me, or if you’d kept on with it. But you realised it was wrong straight away, and that makes it okay.”
“No. No, it doesn’t. It can’t possibly be okay that I hurt you, Cloud.”
“Why not? I’m not hurt anymore. I’m tougher than that, Sephiroth.”
“Any harder and you’d have had a concussion!”
“Why are you so worried about me? Don’t you think I can take care of myself? Or what, you think I’m just a weakling?”
“Of course you’re not, but I can’t help worrying about someone I love!”
“… You finally said it.”
“… I didn’t intend to.”
“Well, don’t you dare take it back.”
“Cloud, I -”
“Is that tape recorder still on?”
“… Shit!”
--
22/04
2100
I feel utterly humiliated, and yet oddly exhilarated. I didn’t even realise at the time that Cloud was wonderfully manipulating me into admitting I love him. He ought to become a politician; perhaps he can replace President Shinra one day. That would be a good day for all of us.
Cloud told me that he was informing his mother. I dread her reaction. And yet, stepping back, it is almost amusing how terrified the great General Sephiroth is at the thought of meeting an elderly woman.
Zack is busy laughing at me because I told him that. He’s been forced to sit in the corner of the room while I write this, but that doesn’t stop him smirking at me.
Earlier, I transcribed our conversation, despite still being rather embarrassed by it. I’m certainly going to be keeping a copy in my quarters; of the tape and transcript. If nothing else, it proves I’m fully capable of human emotions. It proves I’m human, and it proves I love Cloud and that he loves me, which is a better balm to my wounded pride than anything else.
Cloud did kiss me once before we left the mansion. I’m rather looking forward to the next time, and sincerely hoping he’s never practised on anyone else before. I’d like not to be the inexperienced one in this - but it involves feelings, so of course I am. I shall simply have to muddle along somehow. It’s a rather delightful feeling, not knowing what’s going to come next. And knowing it’s Cloud that this is happening with just makes it all the sweeter.
Zack informs me I’m smiling to myself. No matter. I’m happy enough to let some emotion spill out, I suppose. I’ll have to get myself under control before we return to Midgar - which happens tomorrow. I’d have liked to stay longer, but I can’t justify any more delays.
Now, I will excuse myself so that I can go kick my errant second-in-command.
-Sephiroth
--
23/04
1730
And a last extra note here, because I must. Mrs Strife accosted me early this morning and dragged me off to a quiet corner, where she proceeded to inform me that nothing could make her happier, as long as I treat her son with grave respect and provide him with the love he clearly deserves and use protection. At which, I’ll confess, I gaped rather ungracefully at her; I hadn’t even thought that far. I knew there was a reason she struck me as a formidable person.
It seems she’s unofficially adopted me into the family. If there’s anyone I could ever have for a mother - she would be that person. It’s nice to have a mother at last, and even better to have Cloud.
-Sephiroth
~fin
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Endymion
Part Two: Tiro
… continued from this post
19/04
1300
I struck him.
Without holding back in the slightest, I backhanded him across the face. There is already a huge bruise on his cheek, and we have no Materia on us for me to heal him.
What kind of monster have I turned into? Am I so focused on finding out what I am that I have turned into someone who could strike him?
He does not seem to care. I threw him halfway across my room, slammed him into the wall hard enough for the picture on it to fall off. And he simply got up after a moment, smiled at me dazedly, and repeated that he was coming with me.
I would say that he was insane, except that I know I am the insane one now.
-Sephiroth
--
How you can bother with dates and times I don’t know. Is that your way of trying to force some semblance of order on your life? Or normality, maybe?
I don’t hate you, Sephiroth; quite the contrary. I’m not exactly great with saying things like this in real life, you know that. I’m awkward and I say things I didn’t plan on saying, and forget half of what I wanted to. Being social has never been my greatest skill, but this isn’t about me.
You were upset by something, I know that much. Zack and I could tell you were furious about something or other, and I figured it was something that you’d found in that room. You scared Zack out of his mind, you know. He told me that he was banging on the door for a full hour and you never acknowledged him once. He acted calm when he came down to get me, so as not to worry anyone. But it took me almost as long as he did to get your attention, and then all you said was for us to leave. It was half an hour more before you came out of the room, and you looked so terrifyingly furious then.
We’re worried for you, Sephiroth, hard as it may be for you to believe that. Maybe you don’t want people to worry about you; maybe that’s a liability with your position. But I think it’s nice to have someone care about you, don’t you? It’s nice to be fussed over once in a while.
Evidently I make up for my lack of conversation skills by rambling too much on paper. Hope I get this done before you get back here and see what I’m doing, anyway. Oh, don’t worry - I didn’t read anything you wrote here, except the entry just before this. It was a bit hard to miss that, since it was open to that page and lying here on the table. Come to think of it, did you do that deliberately? Sometimes I think you have as hard a time with words as I do. Saying them out loud, at any rate, seems to be beyond me most of the time.
Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that it was obvious that whatever upset you, you found in this room. It was equally obvious to me that you wouldn’t be able to get any sort of rest, and that you’d probably try to leave before Zack got up. I wasn’t expecting you to leave so very early, but at least I caught you in time. I didn’t want you to have to face this alone again. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better to have someone I like with me when I’m going through something hard.
Well, I hope you like me, at any rate. I know I care about you.
I must say, given what we’ve found so far, I can sort of understand why you reacted the way you did. But you know, in your last entry there? You wrote that you’re focused on finding out “what” you are. You’re not a “what,” Sephiroth. You’re a “who.” Whatever the experiments they conducted on you, you’re still a person. You’re still you, in your own right. You have human emotions, even if your body’s been programmed to surpass human limits.
Maybe I’m reading too much into that, but I always thought that bothered you. Being constantly better than everyone at everything, I mean. Does it? Oh, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’m not sure how you would, at any rate, unless you want to keep swapping this journal back and forth. And if you didn’t, in fact, mean for me to find this, I’m sorry. But do take what I’m writing here into account, okay?
See, to put it nice and plain and simple? I care about you a great deal, more than just about anyone else. You asked me something earlier, right? “If a person knows only their mother’s name, does not know their father and is loved by none, does that person exist?” I don’t know, but it isn’t applicable to you anyway, since the last part doesn’t fit. Get that through your thick skull, General sir, or I will do it for you.
Cloud
--
“-ink you could - oh, I think it’s on now.”
“And it only took a few hours.”
“Oh, be quiet. This thing’s newer than any model I’ve seen before. And anyway you’re the one who refused to use it and made me figure it out.”
“Shall we proceed with the notes then?”
“You’re just ignoring what I said - oh, never mind. How formal is this? Any format you want to stick to or anything?”
“Perhaps a slightly more informal way of looking at this might help. I… feel that perhaps I am taking this more seriously than I ought to?”
“Was that a question or a statement?”
“I’m not entirely sure.”
“Statement, then. Er, you are, rather. I mean, I know you want to find out where you came from. But, I don’t know… isn’t finding out where you’re going more important than that? There’s that quote, uh, “Forget your past to create your future,” or something like that.”
“You made that up on the spot, didn’t you?”
“No, really! I read it somewhere. Of course, I’m paraphrasing it a bit, but you get the idea.”
“Indeed. So what have we found here then?”
“That there’s something called the Jenova Project which you were apparently the subject of.”
“Headed first by one Professor Gast and later taken over by Doctor Hojo.”
“He’s scary. Scared me the very first time I saw him.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah, and all he was doing was walking down a corridor. I couldn’t stand him at all. Ask mother, I know I wrote about it to her.”
“I would rather refrain from having any conversations with your mother, Cloud.”
“Why, what’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing is wrong with her.”
“Then… oh, forget it. So the idea behind this project, as far as we can tell from these crazy notes, was to inject Jenova cells into a foetus, right? And that foetus would absorb the cells and grow into… well, you, essentially. So what’s this Jenova thing exactly? You were researching that, right?”
“As far as I can tell, Professor Gast believes it to be one of the Cetra. I read that much yesterday. I noticed a few hours ago, though, that he says it’s only conjecture. He only mentioned it once; it would have been easy to miss, especially in the mood I was in yesterday. She intimidates me.”
“Who, what? Wait, my mother?
“… Why on earth would my mother intimidate you?”
“Don’t ask.”
“But I’m curious now! You can’t do this to me, you prat.”
“Did you just call me a prat?”
“Well. Yes. Uh. Sorry?”
“Find another word to insult me with, Cloud. I think I referred to those animals who insulted you as prats once. I’d rather not be lumped in with them.”
“But you just called them animals. And wait, when did you call them prats?”
“In the journal. I was trying to find as many words to describe them as I could.”
“Oh, do tell.”
“Well, I cannot remember off-hand what I’ve used. But I could say that they’re brutes, prats, boors, louts, thugs, hooligans, oafs and many other such flattering terms. Stop laughing, Cloud.”
“Yes, sir! You’ve just made my day, you know that?”
“After what I -”
“Don’t even complete that sentence. I told you it’s not your fault.”
“Cloud…”
“… Oh. Sorry! I didn’t realise I was so close. Er. Where were we?”
“The Jenova Project. Gast believed Jenova to be one of the Cetra. Cloud, you’re blushing.”
“Well, give me a few minutes and I’ll stop. Shut it and pass me those notes.”
“… You’re still blushing.”
“You’re impossible.”
“I do try.”
“Um, Sephiroth?”
“Just trying to see better. You’re hogging the notes a bit.”
“Randomly, you know, your hair’s really soft.”
“It’s always been that way. Maybe it’s the mako.”
“Oh yeah, I can see that. Advertisements plastered all over town - “Silky smooth in just one treatment! Even General Sephiroth uses it! Come get your mako shampoo today!” And they’d have a blown-up poster of you with suds in your hair and half-naked.”
“I didn’t need that mental image, Cloud.”
“You’d rather I described the mako soap ad? They’d have you completely naked in that one.”
“Assuming I didn’t cut their heads off.”
“Well, there is that. Rather efficient deterrent to taking a good photo, I suppose. And even if you did, the photographers would be too busy drooling to actually take photos.”
“Cloud.”
“Right, work. This says here that Jenova’s believed to have certain powers that enabled her to communicate with the Lifestream - oh, and now we know why ShinRa’s involved.”
“We do indeed.”
“Anything that involves the Lifestream they just go ahead and -”
“You should probably stop there, Cloud.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise to me, of all people. Look at this part.”
“Oh… they were trying to create another Cetra. I guess that’s what you are then?”
“Assuming Jenova is a Cetra.”
“Okay, we really need to find out what a Cetra is in the first place.”
“This must be why they told me my mother’s name was Jenova, I suppose.”
“Is that what they said?”
“Mm. It’s all I knew of her. Except she’s not really a “her,” is she?”
“I don’t know if it’s a she, he or it, but Gast refers to Jenova as female a few times. Might as well stick to that. You know, it says here that Jenova was kept in storage somewhere in this mako reactor. If they didn’t move it -”
“Might explain the strange readings that Zack’s been getting from Sector S2. That’s where excess mako is generally stored.”
“She might be there.”
“Let her stay there. I don’t have any need for such a mother.”
“Mm, don’t move now, I was just getting comfortable.”
“I’m not a pillow, Cloud.”
“You’re comfortable enough. Just let me borrow your shoulder.”
“Tired?”
“A little.”
“You shouldn’t have come with me.”
“Let’s not get into this again.”
“As you wish. Thank you, Cloud. Wait, is that thing still on?”
“I think it is. Hey, I have proof of you being nice now! On tape! And I - ack, Sephiroth, where’re you - no, don’t you dare erase tha-”
--
19/04
2000
I must admit to a rather interesting day today. I transcribed our tape as best as I could, and stuck to the original speech despite everything. I feel rather more light-hearted now than I have been in a long time. Cloud is either a very good or a very bad influence on me. I’m leaning towards the former.
I could easily love him, I think.
-Sephiroth
--
20/04
2030
Cloud offered once more to help me with my personal research, but I decided that I have neglected Zack quite enough. I helped him with his checks today, and he’s explained the anomalies he’s found to me. I was able to see Jenova today, when we entered the storage facilities. There’s a huge plaque on this one canister with her name on it. It’s funny how little I feel now, thinking of her. I used to want a mother so badly, but I find myself not even thinking of her as one.
We’ve rectified the anomalies, at any rate. There are only two more checks to be run, and then we’ll technically be able to leave. I might have them stay here a day more, perhaps. I need the vacation, as much as I hate abusing my power. And I don’t particularly want to see Doctor Hojo again. I expect the first thing he’ll do is give me a mako injection. I wonder if those injections were designed to prolong the effects of what he did to me before. It’s a possibility, I suppose.
I did apologise to Zack, and he’s assured me that I wasn’t at fault. Everyone seems insistent on that. Even Mrs Strife didn’t think it was my fault. Earlier, I went down and apologised to her for striking Cloud - I don’t think he told her who’d hit him. She looked surprised that it was me; maybe she’d expected one of those braggarts from before to have gotten in a lucky strike or something. Heaven knows they’d stand no chance in a fair fight, or even a dirty fight.
All she asked me was if I’d apologised to Cloud. I told her that I had, and that he rather wanted me to shut up about it, at which she laughed and said that Cloud was just that kind of person. He knew when an apology was warranted, but once he got it, he didn’t want to dwell on it. I suppose I have noticed that about him, when others apologised to him for various things; I’ve just never been the one to apologise before. And certainly never for violence directed towards him.
I still feel guilty about what I did, but I cannot think of any ways to make amends. Mrs Strife assures me that there is no need to, but I would still like to do something for him. Perhaps a gift of some sort, when we get back to Midgar. I thought I had better control of myself; evidently I don’t.
Despite everything, I suppose Cloud and I must do more research tomorrow. I’m curious as to what this “Cetra” that was mentioned is.
-Sephiroth
--
“So we’re doing this again, evidently, despite the last time not being very coherent.”
“It was fun enough. It’s on now, by the way.”
“So I gathered. Would you like to begin this then?”
“If you insist, sir. We should probably sum up what we’ve found out about the Cetra today, right? And mother’s making beef stew for dinner, so let’s not be late.”
“If you insist, sir. The Ce -”
“Now you’re just throwing my words back at me.”
“Not at all.”
“You know how weird it is for you to call me sir?”
“I should take it that you’ve never thought of that then?”
“Sephiroth, there isn’t any position higher than yours.”
“I didn’t mean in the military, Cloud.”
“What - you know what, we’re not going there. The Cetra, as far as we can tell, are people who used to live a couple of thousand years ago. They adhered to a particular lifestyle and were particularly attuned to the Lifestream and were able to guide its flow in some instances. Um, they went extinct some two thousand years back because of uh, a “calamity from the skies,” whatever that is. It says here that the humans betrayed the Cetra by not offering aid. And um, evidently ShinRa has some sort of interest in the Cetra. Not surprising, since they’re supposed to be able to control the Lifestream, and ShinRa’s obviously concerned with the use of the Lifestream. Uh, I think… mm… that’s it, is it?”
“I believe you’ve about summed it up, sir.”
“Sephiroth!”
“Yes?”
“You’re impossible!”
“So you’ve told me. You were rambling, you know.”
“Shut up.”
“And now you’re blushing.”
“Are you just listing what I’m doing for the tape recorder?”
“For posterity’s sake, of course.”
“You are cruel to me, Sephiroth.”
“Oh no, the sad eyes are cheating!”
“You don’t care about me, do you?”
“That… is not fair. A male your age should not be able to pull off that look, dammit.”
“Uh, Sephiroth? Cloud?”
“Zack! Hi!”
“Am I… interrupting anything?”
“A brilliantly detailed analysis of the Cetra and me getting the upper-hand over Sephiroth, but nothing much else.”
“You forgot that other thing, sir.’”
“Shut it, Sephiroth.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You know, I don’t think I’m even gonna ask. I’ve finished the checks, Sephiroth. Now we know what’s back there, I’ve managed to compensate for all the anomalies. Everything’s running fine. Well, except for those things back in storage. Damn, those were freaky.”
“What were they like?”
“Let’s just say I didn’t sleep well last night, yeah?”
“That bad?”
“He’s exaggerating.”
“Oh! Nice to see you’ve finally found each other!”
“What are you talking about, Zack?”
“Er, in case you hadn’t noticed, Sephiroth? You’re holding Cloud’s hand… okay, so now you’re not. You really ought to, y’know.”
“Out, Zack.”
“Heh. See you later, kid!”
“Out!”
“What… was he talking about?”
“Nothing of importance.”
“It was.”
“Not at all. Would you gather up those notes? I think we’re done here for today.”
“I’ll find out sooner or later, you know.”
“Later rather than sooner, then. Shut off that tape, will you?”
“You only do this so you can play back our conversations when you’re bored, right?”
“Ah, so you’ve seen through me, have you?”
--
“Cloud is not here now, so perhaps I will be able to get more done than we usually do. We discovered yesterday that the humans of two thousand years ago betrayed the Cetra and abandoned them to their fate, allowing them to be destroyed by the “calamity from the skies.” It is rather unclear at the moment as to what this calamity refers to. It appears that most, if not all of the Cetra, were killed by this incident.
“I suppose as one of these supposed Cetra, I should be rather resentful about the humans abandoning my race. Since Cloud is one of said humans, however, I find I cannot. It is rather alarming how my world seems to revolve arou -”
“I brought lunch! Oh, back to the tape recorder, are we?”
“Y-es.”
“You okay? Did I actually manage to startle you?”
“Think what you will, Cloud.”
“If you insist! Found out anything?”
“Not much new. I think the old me wouldn’t have handled just this much well.”
“As opposed to the new you, who…?”
“Has you by his side.”
“… Ah.”
“I don’t think I’d be as stable now if I didn’t know you, Cloud. And that’s saying something, considering my current state.”
“Not very stable?”
“Not entirely, no. You seem to alleviate some of that, though.”
“Some of what?”
“Longing? I’m not sure.”
“We seem to be having awfully serious conversations lately.”
“Maybe we’re just awfully serious people.”
“Zack won’t hang out with us anymore then.”
“And yet he still does. There must be hope for us yet.”
“Or trauma. This is Zack we’re talking about.”
“Cloud? I have a bit of an odd request.”
“Go ahead and request. I’m allowed to turn you down, right?”
“Of course. Would you hold me?”
“Well, that is odd, yes. But not something I’m inclined to turn down. This okay?”
“It’s fine.”
“You’ve never had anyone do this, right?”
“Be physically close to me? Show any sort of affection? No. Or not before the first time you hugged me, at any rate.”
“I really don’t like Doctor Hojo.”
“President Shinra was the one who ordered him to keep me isolated.”
“Doctor Hojo was the one who carried it out. I bet he was only too happy to. Shinra’s - no wait, I shouldn’t be saying this.”
“Cloud.”
“Hm?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Let’s amend that to, “thank you, but don’t mess up the hair.””
“Fussy. Your hair’s so soft.”
“We’ve been through this, mako shampoo ads and all.”
“Well, if my hair mysteriously starts getting softer after I get my first injections, we’ll know for sure.”
“I wish you didn’t have to. It’s not a pleasant experience, especially if you’re sensitive.”
“The prelim exams said I am. I’m not exactly looking forward to them.”
“If there was some way to get Doctor Hojo out -”
“Sephiroth.”
“I ought to stop there, then.”
“Not that I don’t agree.”
“Want to explore this mansion a little more, Cloud?”
“Well, that came out of nowhere.”
“I’m tired of just sitting here all the time. And I’m sick of reading about the Cetra and about Jenova and about me, except I’m Specimen S on these papers.”
“That part’s rather annoying, yes. I think they only mentioned you by name once.”
“That I’ve come across, anyway. Up for some exploration?”
“That would involve moving.”
“And untangling your fingers from my hair, yes.”
“Mother said you apologised to her.”
“… Ah.”
“You need to let it go, Seraph.”
“Seraph?”
“It fits you. Unless you’d rather I call you Angel, which is what next comes to mind.”
“Seraph is fine.”
“I thought it would be. Don’t try and change the topic. You need to let go of it. Zack managed to find a Healing Materia anyway, so I’m fine now.”
“That’s not the point.”
“So then what is?”
“That I hit you!”
“You were frustrated and scared and angry! I can understand why you did it. You shouldn’t have, but the important thing is that you apologised immediately, that you helped me up and put some cream on for me and everything. It’d only have been wrong if you’d liked hitting me, or if you’d kept on with it. But you realised it was wrong straight away, and that makes it okay.”
“No. No, it doesn’t. It can’t possibly be okay that I hurt you, Cloud.”
“Why not? I’m not hurt anymore. I’m tougher than that, Sephiroth.”
“Any harder and you’d have had a concussion!”
“Why are you so worried about me? Don’t you think I can take care of myself? Or what, you think I’m just a weakling?”
“Of course you’re not, but I can’t help worrying about someone I love!”
“… You finally said it.”
“… I didn’t intend to.”
“Well, don’t you dare take it back.”
“Cloud, I -”
“Is that tape recorder still on?”
“… Shit!”
--
22/04
2100
I feel utterly humiliated, and yet oddly exhilarated. I didn’t even realise at the time that Cloud was wonderfully manipulating me into admitting I love him. He ought to become a politician; perhaps he can replace President Shinra one day. That would be a good day for all of us.
Cloud told me that he was informing his mother. I dread her reaction. And yet, stepping back, it is almost amusing how terrified the great General Sephiroth is at the thought of meeting an elderly woman.
Zack is busy laughing at me because I told him that. He’s been forced to sit in the corner of the room while I write this, but that doesn’t stop him smirking at me.
Earlier, I transcribed our conversation, despite still being rather embarrassed by it. I’m certainly going to be keeping a copy in my quarters; of the tape and transcript. If nothing else, it proves I’m fully capable of human emotions. It proves I’m human, and it proves I love Cloud and that he loves me, which is a better balm to my wounded pride than anything else.
Cloud did kiss me once before we left the mansion. I’m rather looking forward to the next time, and sincerely hoping he’s never practised on anyone else before. I’d like not to be the inexperienced one in this - but it involves feelings, so of course I am. I shall simply have to muddle along somehow. It’s a rather delightful feeling, not knowing what’s going to come next. And knowing it’s Cloud that this is happening with just makes it all the sweeter.
Zack informs me I’m smiling to myself. No matter. I’m happy enough to let some emotion spill out, I suppose. I’ll have to get myself under control before we return to Midgar - which happens tomorrow. I’d have liked to stay longer, but I can’t justify any more delays.
Now, I will excuse myself so that I can go kick my errant second-in-command.
-Sephiroth
--
23/04
1730
And a last extra note here, because I must. Mrs Strife accosted me early this morning and dragged me off to a quiet corner, where she proceeded to inform me that nothing could make her happier, as long as I treat her son with grave respect and provide him with the love he clearly deserves and use protection. At which, I’ll confess, I gaped rather ungracefully at her; I hadn’t even thought that far. I knew there was a reason she struck me as a formidable person.
It seems she’s unofficially adopted me into the family. If there’s anyone I could ever have for a mother - she would be that person. It’s nice to have a mother at last, and even better to have Cloud.
-Sephiroth
~fin
As always, CC is very much appreciated. Let me know if you spot any mistakes!