Fanfic - An Excerpt [Hawaii Five-0: Steve, Danny]

[soera]

Title: An Excerpt From Got Your Back: A Study of Partnerships in Law Enforcement
Rating(s): PG
Character(s): Steve, Danny [friendship or pairing, you choose]
Summary: Check out the title. Also, the A/N.
Author's Notes: Inspired by this prompt. It's not quite an answer to the prompt - I think the prompter wanted to see the aftermath, and possibly

Comments

[cmariad]

This is really good; I liked it.

But, it feels like you need some text to lead into the excerpt, about Steve/Danno &/or the team griping about Jameson making them work with the writer, them actually working with the writer, or their anticipation--either Steve/Danno-specific or on the team's part, as a whole--of getting to read the finished product. Even a "Hey guys! The report/book arrived!" and then they (again, either Steve/Danno alone or the team as a whole) open it & begin reading. I'm not sure I'm describing that well, but it seems "funky", to me (maybe "asymmetric" or "off balance" would be better descriptors), to just jump into the excerpt without a preceding storyline & then have text where Steve & Danny react to it after the excerpt (shrugs).

Also, given that you're leaving it to the reader how Steve & Danno's relationship is to be taken (friends, "job spouses", or "partners, both on & off the job/married couple who works together"), I have to say I found it ironic (on a "smirk-y" level) what page number you chose to use for the excerpt from the report/book. There's a certain, um, "connotation" or "meaning" attached to that number &, if other readers' minds go where mine did when I saw it, it does induce smirks... just saying. Perhaps you didn't even realize it when you wrote the number. LOL.

Also, are you just looking for the normal "This is good." (or "This doesn't work for me, because...") type comments, or are you also looking for Beta-ish comments?

I was a Beta in my previous fandom; I try to just read fics for enjoyment when I know I haven't been asked to Beta them, but I did that for so long that my eye can't turn itself off to the "reading for 'Beta' purposes" thing whenever I read a fic, no matter how hard I try to get it to (sigh). I have some Beta-type crit I could also offer you on this--more than what I offered above, about adding some preliminary text to lead into the excerpt itself. But I'll give that either privately (if you like) or in a subsequent comment because I don't want to offend or anything by doing it right now.

Anyway... Good work, in general. I hope you might continue this a little further.

[soera]

First off - wow, thanks! I definitely wasn't expecting that much concrit, and the thought's much appreciated.

That said... I do know it's a fragment. It's not actually intended as a fully-fledged piece of writing; just as a tiny taste of what I'm hoping (but doubtful) will develop into a proper piece of fiction. The fault probably lies with my headers, which I now realise make it seem like this is intended as a complete piece of work. I've added an edit to the post to clarify the point, so thanks for inadvertently pointing that out to me!

All this said, I really do appreciate your taking the time out to write out such a detailed response - it's exactly the sort of comment I'd love to get on completed fics. I totally sympathise with the inability to turn your inner beta off when you read fic (Lit student here; same problem!) and I'm all in favour of such comments on other posts. If, uh, the plotbunnies ever bite. I've got my fingers crossed, anyway!

[Also, the choice of page number was completely intentional. *smirks*]

Once again, thank you for the comment - and you needn't worry, this didn't offend at all. =D