A winding tangential road
I was browsing the online internship resources at Hamline's website and one of the jobs I found recommended that I send in any piece of writing, including blogs, for them to get a feel for my writing style. This led me to browse old entries of my livejournal, finding nearly none of them appropriate for a job submission, but finding inadvertently some of my old journal entries and memories. I realize now how precious memories are, when I record them down with some degree of clarity. It makes it easier to recall the sharp and painful details of my past entries - for I rarely post in here when I'm feeling good. I have in the past, but it's far more common to see entries that are full of angst, anger, fear, disgust or some unholy mixture of all.
It's unfortunate because it paints a picture of me that I feel is only half accurate, but it doesn't really matter anyway, because no one is going to read my archived entries. Which is a good thing. They really make me wish I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now and fix all my stupid mistakes of judgment before I even make them. It would've made my life...if not exactly happier, then at least smoother.
This line of thought begs the question of what mistakes I'm making at this very moment that I will look back on with regret. Hello, future me, if you're reading this! Sorry I keep making these mistakes and errors, I don't know any better like you do. Or maybe I just haven't realized yet that I know better.
Maybe I'll be embarrassed at myself for even posting this emotional outpour. But it's been necessary in the past, and I feel it's necessary now. There are few opportunities lately for me to speak about myself selfishly, and it's a human luxury that I covet greatly. I am an essentially selfish person - it's one of the primal qualities that is part of my makeup. Journaling is a good outlet, though even as I type every word of this I feel the crunch of time pressing in. Every day and every minute brings me closer to summer. I'd really like an internship to start to get real work experience, but unfortunately I'm not experienced yet in the areas that video game companies are hiring for. And I feel that it's too late to start.
But oh well...it's only the summer of my sophomore year. If I have to just take a regular part-time job or two for cash, I can get away with that for one more summer. I'd still rather not, though.
I'll feel so much better when I'm out of college and I have a good steady job of my own. Until then I'd better just enjoy myself while working towards my goals.
It's unfortunate because it paints a picture of me that I feel is only half accurate, but it doesn't really matter anyway, because no one is going to read my archived entries. Which is a good thing. They really make me wish I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now and fix all my stupid mistakes of judgment before I even make them. It would've made my life...if not exactly happier, then at least smoother.
This line of thought begs the question of what mistakes I'm making at this very moment that I will look back on with regret. Hello, future me, if you're reading this! Sorry I keep making these mistakes and errors, I don't know any better like you do. Or maybe I just haven't realized yet that I know better.
Maybe I'll be embarrassed at myself for even posting this emotional outpour. But it's been necessary in the past, and I feel it's necessary now. There are few opportunities lately for me to speak about myself selfishly, and it's a human luxury that I covet greatly. I am an essentially selfish person - it's one of the primal qualities that is part of my makeup. Journaling is a good outlet, though even as I type every word of this I feel the crunch of time pressing in. Every day and every minute brings me closer to summer. I'd really like an internship to start to get real work experience, but unfortunately I'm not experienced yet in the areas that video game companies are hiring for. And I feel that it's too late to start.
But oh well...it's only the summer of my sophomore year. If I have to just take a regular part-time job or two for cash, I can get away with that for one more summer. I'd still rather not, though.
I'll feel so much better when I'm out of college and I have a good steady job of my own. Until then I'd better just enjoy myself while working towards my goals.