heart. fuck. thoughts. ahh. life. no. help. me. now.
alright. i made a very long post.
telling everyone. my thoughts.
and they were so true. and to the second.
and then my computer decided to fuck up.
im very upset.
now its about two hours after all the FUCKING drama i have created for myself.
and i am just sitting here.
1. wondering why dont i ever just sleep.
2. wishing i didnt feel like such a failure.
3. wishing i could just learn from what i do wrong. no not mistakes. just things i dont do exactly right.
4. hoping i dont continue to live in such remorse and sickness over peoeple. not physical sickness, but mental.
5. attempting to pray. because i feel that i am so horrible of a person. yet i honestly do nothing wrong. i dont know what is wrong with me.
6. wondering why in most posts here it all comes down to.. and i dont know or i am confused. that is how i feel. so i must be living my life incorrectly. if that is how it is.
7. how i can go from such highs to such lows in moods. but maybe im just imagining that.
7 and a half... not feeling like a burden to the world. even if it doenst view me that way.
8. im getting sick of this list so im stopping.
i went to starbucks 3 times today.
and randomness happened.
whenever i try.
nothing happens.
when i never try.
everything happens.
and i dont really feel like explaining.
you can read whats going on in my mind.
and attempt to understand.
but really non of it is really making sense anymore.
i dont know who i want to be.
because i dont feel im good enough to be anything right now.
its too bad i feel this way.
but the thing is i dont even know if this is how i really feel.
or if i just create the emotions for myself.
i ramble on and on and you are a really great person if your reading this.
cause im even getting sick of me go on about how 'everything is wrong' when in reality i guess nothing is wrong.
but see here i go with reality.
what the HELL is even reality. that im not sure of.
like what is the RIGHT way to life your life?
i feel im doing alright. then my mom goes and makes me feel like the worst. and i know its not intentional.
teachers make me feel like a bitch when i disagree.
well you know what i want to say FUCK YOU. your SCREWING ME OVER AND YOU KNOW IT.
ugh.
but i guess its my fault if i do bad? you know what?! enough with school. ill do what i do. and attempt to get by.
this is not a journal to talk about school.
wow. im pathetic. i want to scream so loud. its bad.
i will hopefully wake up in the morning.
and not feel worse.
but feel better.
im going to be quite alright.
i just let life and the dumbasses get in the way.
and then this is how i end up.
oh how i wish.
i could understand
the understanable.
that i just dont get myself.
oh how i wish.
a friendship.
wouldnt slip before my eyes.
or is it even slipping?
goodbye.im.still.here.
not.leaving.soon.enough.
not.staying.long.enough.
telling everyone. my thoughts.
and they were so true. and to the second.
and then my computer decided to fuck up.
im very upset.
now its about two hours after all the FUCKING drama i have created for myself.
and i am just sitting here.
1. wondering why dont i ever just sleep.
2. wishing i didnt feel like such a failure.
3. wishing i could just learn from what i do wrong. no not mistakes. just things i dont do exactly right.
4. hoping i dont continue to live in such remorse and sickness over peoeple. not physical sickness, but mental.
5. attempting to pray. because i feel that i am so horrible of a person. yet i honestly do nothing wrong. i dont know what is wrong with me.
6. wondering why in most posts here it all comes down to.. and i dont know or i am confused. that is how i feel. so i must be living my life incorrectly. if that is how it is.
7. how i can go from such highs to such lows in moods. but maybe im just imagining that.
7 and a half... not feeling like a burden to the world. even if it doenst view me that way.
8. im getting sick of this list so im stopping.
i went to starbucks 3 times today.
and randomness happened.
whenever i try.
nothing happens.
when i never try.
everything happens.
and i dont really feel like explaining.
you can read whats going on in my mind.
and attempt to understand.
but really non of it is really making sense anymore.
i dont know who i want to be.
because i dont feel im good enough to be anything right now.
its too bad i feel this way.
but the thing is i dont even know if this is how i really feel.
or if i just create the emotions for myself.
i ramble on and on and you are a really great person if your reading this.
cause im even getting sick of me go on about how 'everything is wrong' when in reality i guess nothing is wrong.
but see here i go with reality.
what the HELL is even reality. that im not sure of.
like what is the RIGHT way to life your life?
i feel im doing alright. then my mom goes and makes me feel like the worst. and i know its not intentional.
teachers make me feel like a bitch when i disagree.
well you know what i want to say FUCK YOU. your SCREWING ME OVER AND YOU KNOW IT.
ugh.
but i guess its my fault if i do bad? you know what?! enough with school. ill do what i do. and attempt to get by.
this is not a journal to talk about school.
wow. im pathetic. i want to scream so loud. its bad.
i will hopefully wake up in the morning.
and not feel worse.
but feel better.
im going to be quite alright.
i just let life and the dumbasses get in the way.
and then this is how i end up.
oh how i wish.
i could understand
the understanable.
that i just dont get myself.
oh how i wish.
a friendship.
wouldnt slip before my eyes.
or is it even slipping?
goodbye.im.still.here.
not.leaving.soon.enough.
not.staying.long.enough.