at the slaughter house. they kill the animals. that have hears and brains just like you and me.
today was alright. so far.
its almost to the point.
where i couldnt even imagine finding anyone to like/like me back.
that i dont even feel anymore.
i look at someone.
and then i look away.
its just not..worth..it... i guess.
i feel like im giving up.
but i cant.
i just need to not think about it.
but its something i think about.
but im feeling nothing.
there are no feelings.
just running thoughts.
they go on and on and on and on and on.
i cant beleive im being so open about this.
eh whatever. its me. its how im thinking. i dont really care anymore.
maybe i will in a few days. ill shut myself out and continue to talk about boringer stuff.
now..for things that make me want to ...
-the drama at school. i get sucked in. and find a hard time escaping.
-people who want to drive..drink..then drive.. more on that later. what TRUE FUCKERS.
-people who only care about getting wasted. bahh. you suck. get your priorities straight.
-parents when they talk about college.
-homework. but thats obvious.
-those pleated skirts every girl is wearing. and i mean every girl.
-eye liner that doesnt go on right.
-a few guys. ...just a few.
-when my family says NOTHING after i play music. as if im not even there and nothing has just happened. a 'good job' or 'that was nice' would make my day 3849032489 times better.
my eating habits are not fit according to my mom, which means i may have to start eating meat agian, which means i would rather die than eat meat... ok not to that extent, but i would rather do anything other than eat meat or have anything to do with it. i want to scream. for real on that. there is so much more attatched. its sad... my parents will spend so much money on SHIT. then. they cant support my lifestyle of being healthy. hmmmm.
you can pick who is in the wrong.
my room is so dark. and messy. i wish i would clean it. but sometimes you jsut have to have things out of order before they go back into order. and right now. im slightly out of order. on everything. except for when i played piano and violin for 2 hours. glorious. yay. that was nice. im working on scales just cause i feel that i need to get better at my theory.
i have been writing in my journal. and ive been writing more. that is such a releif i can barely explain. i wasnt writing anything good for so long.
next few sentences meaningless....
but i have a bunch of tests comnig up and i feel like i have no life all the time because i just come home, go to starbucks, sit around, and then do my homeowkr and then go to starbucks again, and i dont know. i just suck. and then when dance starts im going to go from doing NOTHING to not having time to do ANYTHING.
anyways. this weekend i want to ....
watch amelie.
watch my somehting corporate and rx bandits dvds. i havnt watched them in a while.
and go to a show. if there is one. that would be grand.
wowwww i could go and on and on and on. about NOTHING. but i think i should start some homework.. or just talk to Morgan Wynneth and Caroline haha cause thats what usually ends up happening.
ok blah blah blah. im done.
so.leave.me.here.
don't.bother.to.glance.
ive.already.glared.
and.you.never.cared.
its almost to the point.
where i couldnt even imagine finding anyone to like/like me back.
that i dont even feel anymore.
i look at someone.
and then i look away.
its just not..worth..it... i guess.
i feel like im giving up.
but i cant.
i just need to not think about it.
but its something i think about.
but im feeling nothing.
there are no feelings.
just running thoughts.
they go on and on and on and on and on.
i cant beleive im being so open about this.
eh whatever. its me. its how im thinking. i dont really care anymore.
maybe i will in a few days. ill shut myself out and continue to talk about boringer stuff.
now..for things that make me want to ...
-the drama at school. i get sucked in. and find a hard time escaping.
-people who want to drive..drink..then drive.. more on that later. what TRUE FUCKERS.
-people who only care about getting wasted. bahh. you suck. get your priorities straight.
-parents when they talk about college.
-homework. but thats obvious.
-those pleated skirts every girl is wearing. and i mean every girl.
-eye liner that doesnt go on right.
-a few guys. ...just a few.
-when my family says NOTHING after i play music. as if im not even there and nothing has just happened. a 'good job' or 'that was nice' would make my day 3849032489 times better.
my eating habits are not fit according to my mom, which means i may have to start eating meat agian, which means i would rather die than eat meat... ok not to that extent, but i would rather do anything other than eat meat or have anything to do with it. i want to scream. for real on that. there is so much more attatched. its sad... my parents will spend so much money on SHIT. then. they cant support my lifestyle of being healthy. hmmmm.
you can pick who is in the wrong.
my room is so dark. and messy. i wish i would clean it. but sometimes you jsut have to have things out of order before they go back into order. and right now. im slightly out of order. on everything. except for when i played piano and violin for 2 hours. glorious. yay. that was nice. im working on scales just cause i feel that i need to get better at my theory.
i have been writing in my journal. and ive been writing more. that is such a releif i can barely explain. i wasnt writing anything good for so long.
next few sentences meaningless....
but i have a bunch of tests comnig up and i feel like i have no life all the time because i just come home, go to starbucks, sit around, and then do my homeowkr and then go to starbucks again, and i dont know. i just suck. and then when dance starts im going to go from doing NOTHING to not having time to do ANYTHING.
anyways. this weekend i want to ....
watch amelie.
watch my somehting corporate and rx bandits dvds. i havnt watched them in a while.
and go to a show. if there is one. that would be grand.
wowwww i could go and on and on and on. about NOTHING. but i think i should start some homework.. or just talk to Morgan Wynneth and Caroline haha cause thats what usually ends up happening.
ok blah blah blah. im done.
so.leave.me.here.
don't.bother.to.glance.
ive.already.glared.
and.you.never.cared.