The letter
I seem to be writing in this only when things are really horrible. They're really horrible again. I got this letter from Carol today on my bed. this is what it says:
your dad is "afraid of loosing your love" but i've told him it is NOT love to allow you and himself to live in squalor. he has worked so hard and done uncredibly beautiful work on remodeling this house. it could be a lovely home! the impression one gets when entering it-or seeing it from the street is as low as the most trashy white trash place up the canyon you've seen it cleaned up. WHY can't you keep it that way? if you don't know how jennifer then just ask. you will have your own home someday-do you want it to be a dump? do you want to marry someone who wants to live in white trash squalor? you are beautiful! you are smart! you're sweet but someone needs to teach you how to take care of a home. Help your dad!!!!
i will never marry him because i will not live in filth day in and day out. help each other to find a cleaner/healthier way. AND IT STINKS IN HERE TOO!
cleaned up the mess for the last time, carol
....the lines that really get me are "afraid of loosing your love" which I'm more scared about him questioning his love for me...especially because of this line "I will never marry him because i will not live in filth day in and day out" i can't help but wonder if he blames me for them not getting married, i know he wants to remarry...and of course the closing line of "cleaned up the mess for the last time" doesn't make me feel any better, like not only am i pathetic for living at home rent free but his girlfriend even picks up after me.
I'm still struggling with depression from leaving school...I have student loans that I don't know how I'm going to afford and have now become pastdue...I don't know how going into western is going...I hope it works just so i can escape...
and now I feel horrible...i'm scared to look at my dad in the face, and carol...I just feel like this huge horrible disgusting messy blob...i'm a failure....and worst of all i feel like i've disappointed my dad over and over again...which just makes me more depressed.....
your dad is "afraid of loosing your love" but i've told him it is NOT love to allow you and himself to live in squalor. he has worked so hard and done uncredibly beautiful work on remodeling this house. it could be a lovely home! the impression one gets when entering it-or seeing it from the street is as low as the most trashy white trash place up the canyon you've seen it cleaned up. WHY can't you keep it that way? if you don't know how jennifer then just ask. you will have your own home someday-do you want it to be a dump? do you want to marry someone who wants to live in white trash squalor? you are beautiful! you are smart! you're sweet but someone needs to teach you how to take care of a home. Help your dad!!!!
i will never marry him because i will not live in filth day in and day out. help each other to find a cleaner/healthier way. AND IT STINKS IN HERE TOO!
cleaned up the mess for the last time, carol
....the lines that really get me are "afraid of loosing your love" which I'm more scared about him questioning his love for me...especially because of this line "I will never marry him because i will not live in filth day in and day out" i can't help but wonder if he blames me for them not getting married, i know he wants to remarry...and of course the closing line of "cleaned up the mess for the last time" doesn't make me feel any better, like not only am i pathetic for living at home rent free but his girlfriend even picks up after me.
I'm still struggling with depression from leaving school...I have student loans that I don't know how I'm going to afford and have now become pastdue...I don't know how going into western is going...I hope it works just so i can escape...
and now I feel horrible...i'm scared to look at my dad in the face, and carol...I just feel like this huge horrible disgusting messy blob...i'm a failure....and worst of all i feel like i've disappointed my dad over and over again...which just makes me more depressed.....