I'm trying but I just don't understand
I don't get it. I understand that I don't make particularly well considered choices in regards to women, but I thought I had that under control. I thought that as long as I was up front and clear, saying that I'm not interested in anyone, that would make my intentions clear enough.
So, 30 dates later, 5 nights sleeping in the closet, two broken relationships, two married women, and one questionable instance of prostitution, things are not getting better. Cassie's pregnant again, which weirds me out in a lot of ways, not the least of it being how she told me she wasn't really into sleeping with her husband, and then implied that she was in love with me still/again. Tree is I guess going to marry Morgan, which I don't know what to do about. Tree really seems to love him, I have no idea what his deal is. Despite fucking his best friend's wife, he's still my friend. :-\
Rosie is.... I don't know how to handle that situation. She told me that it is a problem for her that I am in her life, but informed me that she will not let me go. I can't tell if I've helped her in life or crippled her emotionally and ambitiously.
I've been talking to Kara again, which is delightful, and I really like being her friend again. I also worry that I broke her in terms of love. Since she already has trust issues, which I just exacerbated... I don't know. I hate it, though, that my flirt gun is stuck on auto-fire, so when we went roller skating on valentines, I was acting like it was super a date, which it super wasn't supposed to be. Basically Bad Idea max was calling the shots that day, and everything he says is contrary to all the Maxs that want to stay friends with Kara.
So, I just listed a handful of old romantic-like hard-to-define female relationships I've had. The list, however, would be incomplete without....
We exchanged a couple letters over the summer, in which she made it clear that she had a boyfriend, and not much interest in me. So, I let it go, convinced myself I'd be happy just to have what we've had.
Then I had a dream about her. A really nice, lovey dream. And, as per my somewhat unfortunate habit, I tell people when they appear in my dreams. That was.... Thursday?
She called me last night, saying she wanted to make my dream come true. We chatted for a bit, but I left, telling her I'd call her back soon. Why did she call me? What was on her mind? What does she want?
So, immediately, all sorts of crazy feelings I had years ago flip their shit, and my brain made lots of stupid chemicals that made me do a stupid little dance. I'm not in love with her anymore, I don't think, but man... I just got to thinking when I could see her, and when we could be together, and how she can come up for my graduation and just... I mean, I was thinking about a life years from now. We only talked for a few minutes on the phone. This does not bode well for Maxwell3000.
If she's still with boyfriend, a mysterious and no doubt sinister "M," they've been together for a couple few years. I was becoming very worried that they'd get married, and I'd never see her again. We seem to talk when we're both single, or at least when I'm single. Hell, it didn't stop me when she was engaged, nor did one of her boyfriends after that. Not that I'm trying to be a home wrecker, but since me and The Devil have become BFFs, I'm not about to let current boyfriends/husbands stop me. That hasn't really been a problem lately, because like I said in the preface, I'm not interested in anyone. But when I say that, and this has been true for a long time, I bracket her off. In the past, she's done the same to me. I dearly hope we can reconnect and regain what we once had.
If she's single, she won't be for long. I suspect either way, if we still have that spark that made us both so happy, I'm going to be getting more parking tickets in Boston.
So, 30 dates later, 5 nights sleeping in the closet, two broken relationships, two married women, and one questionable instance of prostitution, things are not getting better. Cassie's pregnant again, which weirds me out in a lot of ways, not the least of it being how she told me she wasn't really into sleeping with her husband, and then implied that she was in love with me still/again. Tree is I guess going to marry Morgan, which I don't know what to do about. Tree really seems to love him, I have no idea what his deal is. Despite fucking his best friend's wife, he's still my friend. :-\
Rosie is.... I don't know how to handle that situation. She told me that it is a problem for her that I am in her life, but informed me that she will not let me go. I can't tell if I've helped her in life or crippled her emotionally and ambitiously.
I've been talking to Kara again, which is delightful, and I really like being her friend again. I also worry that I broke her in terms of love. Since she already has trust issues, which I just exacerbated... I don't know. I hate it, though, that my flirt gun is stuck on auto-fire, so when we went roller skating on valentines, I was acting like it was super a date, which it super wasn't supposed to be. Basically Bad Idea max was calling the shots that day, and everything he says is contrary to all the Maxs that want to stay friends with Kara.
So, I just listed a handful of old romantic-like hard-to-define female relationships I've had. The list, however, would be incomplete without....
We exchanged a couple letters over the summer, in which she made it clear that she had a boyfriend, and not much interest in me. So, I let it go, convinced myself I'd be happy just to have what we've had.
Then I had a dream about her. A really nice, lovey dream. And, as per my somewhat unfortunate habit, I tell people when they appear in my dreams. That was.... Thursday?
She called me last night, saying she wanted to make my dream come true. We chatted for a bit, but I left, telling her I'd call her back soon. Why did she call me? What was on her mind? What does she want?
So, immediately, all sorts of crazy feelings I had years ago flip their shit, and my brain made lots of stupid chemicals that made me do a stupid little dance. I'm not in love with her anymore, I don't think, but man... I just got to thinking when I could see her, and when we could be together, and how she can come up for my graduation and just... I mean, I was thinking about a life years from now. We only talked for a few minutes on the phone. This does not bode well for Maxwell3000.
If she's still with boyfriend, a mysterious and no doubt sinister "M," they've been together for a couple few years. I was becoming very worried that they'd get married, and I'd never see her again. We seem to talk when we're both single, or at least when I'm single. Hell, it didn't stop me when she was engaged, nor did one of her boyfriends after that. Not that I'm trying to be a home wrecker, but since me and The Devil have become BFFs, I'm not about to let current boyfriends/husbands stop me. That hasn't really been a problem lately, because like I said in the preface, I'm not interested in anyone. But when I say that, and this has been true for a long time, I bracket her off. In the past, she's done the same to me. I dearly hope we can reconnect and regain what we once had.
If she's single, she won't be for long. I suspect either way, if we still have that spark that made us both so happy, I'm going to be getting more parking tickets in Boston.