Im going crazy with life
I'm going crazy. That it. Call in the pools, I'm sure you've all been expecting it. It was just a matter of time anyways. Well here it is. I'm crazy. I'm clawing at my situation and it's pointless. This past week has been terrible. I'm so lonely. I have been chained to my house and my job now for two weeks and I can't take this anymore. My dad is so happy that i work so hard. I could have an 80 hour work week and all he'd care about is that i was tired at the end of the day. He really could care less if they paid me with the shit i mop off the floors at the end of the day so long as I work and work and work.
I get home, and all i want to do is see my friends. If I can see them, then I'll be ok, i know. but i have no car and no way to get one. Which doesn't matter because all my friends have gone away. the few people that are left are unreachable, unatainable, busy, or just too inconsistant to get a hold of. I was supposed to meet up with a friend of mine from kendal tonight after she finished eating on south beach with her parents, but she had to drive her mom home because her dad had to run and so we had to cancel. i'm just feeling so lonely right now. I've left everything that I've known and with the exception of being in the physical city of miami beach, everything is changed. School is gone. My friends seem to have followed. Now I'm working a full time job, driving myself crazy and reaching desperately for anybody that cares to talk to me whether their reasons are pure, selfish, or otherwise. still, there is nobody.
and now, im taking it all out on my parents in a public forum because of things that aren't directly their doing just because they don't know how to deal with me. but hey, why would they know how to deal with me, i never let them. I'm beggining to regret writing the first part of this post, but ill leave it just because im frustrated and maybe its good that everybody sees that i am in fact human no matter how many times i've had to say, "Damnit woman, I'm not a machine."
on a different note, I finally finished a letter to meredith after a week of drafts and it sucks but if i wait any longer, it will get to her after what may seem like two weeks of neglect from me. but she just called me before i wrote that last sentence and she's going to call me back in 15 minutes so i will excuse my letter writing deficiencies presently.
i need some fresh air really bad.
I get home, and all i want to do is see my friends. If I can see them, then I'll be ok, i know. but i have no car and no way to get one. Which doesn't matter because all my friends have gone away. the few people that are left are unreachable, unatainable, busy, or just too inconsistant to get a hold of. I was supposed to meet up with a friend of mine from kendal tonight after she finished eating on south beach with her parents, but she had to drive her mom home because her dad had to run and so we had to cancel. i'm just feeling so lonely right now. I've left everything that I've known and with the exception of being in the physical city of miami beach, everything is changed. School is gone. My friends seem to have followed. Now I'm working a full time job, driving myself crazy and reaching desperately for anybody that cares to talk to me whether their reasons are pure, selfish, or otherwise. still, there is nobody.
and now, im taking it all out on my parents in a public forum because of things that aren't directly their doing just because they don't know how to deal with me. but hey, why would they know how to deal with me, i never let them. I'm beggining to regret writing the first part of this post, but ill leave it just because im frustrated and maybe its good that everybody sees that i am in fact human no matter how many times i've had to say, "Damnit woman, I'm not a machine."
on a different note, I finally finished a letter to meredith after a week of drafts and it sucks but if i wait any longer, it will get to her after what may seem like two weeks of neglect from me. but she just called me before i wrote that last sentence and she's going to call me back in 15 minutes so i will excuse my letter writing deficiencies presently.
i need some fresh air really bad.