And these five days, they weigh on my heart.
I don't know how to describe this week. I can only start with the products that are the finished products of my decisions and my actions in accordance with the best of my abilities. My car is totalled. One of my best friends left yesterday, the rest are on their way away. My relationship with the woman that I love is teetering and will end before monday at 11:00 am when her flight leaves the earth. I can't even sign a yearbook without crying. I'm morbid. I'm sad. And right now, I'm drunk.
It's been a long week.
After the accident, I made my previous entry, then slept, woke up and my dad sent me off to work on of the longest days of my life. Cuncussions don't really help in the hardware business. I had a headache that lasted all the previous night, the whole next day and into friday. Thank G-d I don't work fridays or saturdays. I benched Gomel this morning for the first time in my life. The prayer for being saved from a fatal situation. It was strange, its hard to explain. I just wanted to sit all day and talk to the people that cared about me, but how long can shabbat lunch last at shul?
I spent the day with Adam on the beach. We walked down and just sat there. Adam is a really amazing person although many people don't really see it. He really took care of me today in his own way. He spoke to me when I needed conversation, left me when I needed to be alone, gave me whatever I needed, and I don't even think he knew he was doing it, yet he did it well. We sat there for a few hours, tanning, drinking... I did some soul searching to no avail. I just can't. I don't really know what to look for in myself or my surroundings even so, I find myself trying more and more often.
Al's party was hard. I can't write in yearbooks. It makes me so upset. The people that I love, the people that love me, those that fit into either category that couldn't come, those I didn't know, those who I didn't like, and those who didn't like me; and I didn't know what to do with it all. When I signed Andrews the other night I started crying and I just couldn't do it right. So I got good and tipsy to write in eveybody else's. It's just too much for me to do in a regular state as much as I could have, I just didn't want to kill myself to save face. After a few, I got real platered and tried to have a good time but, near death experiences hamper everything. I'm too morbid now, too attached, I don't know how I'm going to get through the next couple of days.
It's been a long week.
After the accident, I made my previous entry, then slept, woke up and my dad sent me off to work on of the longest days of my life. Cuncussions don't really help in the hardware business. I had a headache that lasted all the previous night, the whole next day and into friday. Thank G-d I don't work fridays or saturdays. I benched Gomel this morning for the first time in my life. The prayer for being saved from a fatal situation. It was strange, its hard to explain. I just wanted to sit all day and talk to the people that cared about me, but how long can shabbat lunch last at shul?
I spent the day with Adam on the beach. We walked down and just sat there. Adam is a really amazing person although many people don't really see it. He really took care of me today in his own way. He spoke to me when I needed conversation, left me when I needed to be alone, gave me whatever I needed, and I don't even think he knew he was doing it, yet he did it well. We sat there for a few hours, tanning, drinking... I did some soul searching to no avail. I just can't. I don't really know what to look for in myself or my surroundings even so, I find myself trying more and more often.
Al's party was hard. I can't write in yearbooks. It makes me so upset. The people that I love, the people that love me, those that fit into either category that couldn't come, those I didn't know, those who I didn't like, and those who didn't like me; and I didn't know what to do with it all. When I signed Andrews the other night I started crying and I just couldn't do it right. So I got good and tipsy to write in eveybody else's. It's just too much for me to do in a regular state as much as I could have, I just didn't want to kill myself to save face. After a few, I got real platered and tried to have a good time but, near death experiences hamper everything. I'm too morbid now, too attached, I don't know how I'm going to get through the next couple of days.