On Vox: Full of __________?
It sucks when life is going so good then stupid little things like ignorant drama. I swear some people thrive on drama and making other people feel miserable. Anyway so work was a pain in the ass tonight. Somehow I get caught up in the drama of these kids. Somehow everything is my fault and I'm the bad guy. That's really bad cuz all I do is try and help these kids and show them the right way to do things in their lives.
But that didn't upset me as much as I think I've disappointed my dear Iesha. She quit smoking before she had Baby E, and doesn't want to start back up. She said she'd start back up hanging with me. I don't want that. I've been trying to quit smoking for so long and I know it's bad for me and I know it makes me feel like ass, and I know people look down on me for doing such. But honestly I'm trying! Iesha has done alot in such a short time to help me quit smoking, and drugs and all that crap. I've realized she truly does care about me alot and she said tonight that I make her happy. But then she said you're smoking now aren't you, and I could have said no since she's at work and can't check, but I had to be honest and say yes I just lit a cigar. Stupid me! Cuz as soon as I said that and said I'm sorry I'm really trying hard to quit she said ok I'm actually hanging up this time. Maybe it wasn't cuz of that and it was cuz she had to make other phone calls and stuff but it just felt like she was really disappointed in me. That makes me sad! I told her I really am trying hard and didn't buy a pack today like I usually would. Also said thank you for helping me with compassion not judging and that I don't want to jeopardize what we have cuz I really care about her alot and she cares about me alot too!
It's true! I've never been happier in my life with life itself, with my relationship, or with a beautiful, inspiring, sensitive, strong, caring and pursuing woman! I just don't want to disappoint her and have her upset with me cuz that really would damper me alot. I know maybe I'm looking into things too much, and maybe I aren't trying hard enough but I want to! I don't want to lose her or our relationship because right now it's fabulous and I couldn't be happier.
Oi vey I'm so....stressed and upset. I feel really bad right now. My back hurts, my heart is heavy, my head, etc... God I feel so pathetic! Blast! Well hopefully she'll still come over later today before I have to go to work. I'm falling, but maybe I'm falling too quick, too much, too.....nevermind, I give up!!
That's all chitlins!
tikvah
-solemn
Originally posted on solemn.vox.com