So It's Been a Month aaaaand...
Things are most certianly looking up. I appreciate all of the comments and loads of advice that was given to me during that first week-ish.. but I definitely had to let everything play out for myself emotionally. First I went through that whole "this isn't happening" thing.. then it went to that "we can work it out" phase.. and now.. I'm just content where I am. Going to school was definitely the best thing for me.. I have some amazing friends here (not to say those from home aren't.. because they most certainly are the best friends a girl could ask for.. but you know how it is when you live with people..) When you're around people 24/7 that are just amazingly fun.. there is no time to be upset or sad.
First of all, I've definitely taken this opportunity to learn a lot about myself and my weaknesses. There are things that in my next relationship I will do differently and things about myself that I have been working through. For example: Planning. Jerod and I planned way too much and I think that put a lot of stress on both of us.. it's not worth it to plan all the time, nothing will turn out how you want it to anyways.. so it's better to just live in the moment. Another example: Confidence. I totally and completely lack self-confidence. I always needed reassurance, which I'm sure is annoying as all hell. I never felt pretty or happy with myself, and truly felt like I was so blessed that Jerod even found me attractive at all and loved me regardless of how I look. I've definitely already gained a ton of confidence just by being single these past few weeks.. I've been able to be myself and see people were excited that I was single and that Jerod wouldn't be the only person that found me attractive (I know you're probably all thinking how i could think that about myself.. but you really have no idea til you go through it). There are many other things.. and in talking with a bunch of people here they can already see a change in my attitude towards life in general, and myself.. so yaaaay!
Although going through the breakup itself was horrible.. maybe this is something I need at this point in time.. at school I've definitely let loose and have been having a lot more fun not worrying about if it would offend Jerod at all.. I've also gotten a chance to get to know some awesome people I probably wouldn't have gotten close with if I were still with him. My attitude and outlook on life have completely transformed even from day 1 of RA training until this moment in time. I still talk with Jerod every so often and I still consider him one of the people that knows me best in this world. I definitely still love him, because how could I not? He's been my best friend for 3 years. He's still one of the people I call when something incredibly good/bad happen and I know he's there for me. I've stopped looking for any type of "signal" as to whether he thinks there's a future.. it's a waste of time to wait around for him to make up his mind. If things are meant to work out between us, I have faith I'll understand either way at some point in time. In the meantime I'm having a crap load of fun being me and redefining who that is.
First of all, I've definitely taken this opportunity to learn a lot about myself and my weaknesses. There are things that in my next relationship I will do differently and things about myself that I have been working through. For example: Planning. Jerod and I planned way too much and I think that put a lot of stress on both of us.. it's not worth it to plan all the time, nothing will turn out how you want it to anyways.. so it's better to just live in the moment. Another example: Confidence. I totally and completely lack self-confidence. I always needed reassurance, which I'm sure is annoying as all hell. I never felt pretty or happy with myself, and truly felt like I was so blessed that Jerod even found me attractive at all and loved me regardless of how I look. I've definitely already gained a ton of confidence just by being single these past few weeks.. I've been able to be myself and see people were excited that I was single and that Jerod wouldn't be the only person that found me attractive (I know you're probably all thinking how i could think that about myself.. but you really have no idea til you go through it). There are many other things.. and in talking with a bunch of people here they can already see a change in my attitude towards life in general, and myself.. so yaaaay!
Although going through the breakup itself was horrible.. maybe this is something I need at this point in time.. at school I've definitely let loose and have been having a lot more fun not worrying about if it would offend Jerod at all.. I've also gotten a chance to get to know some awesome people I probably wouldn't have gotten close with if I were still with him. My attitude and outlook on life have completely transformed even from day 1 of RA training until this moment in time. I still talk with Jerod every so often and I still consider him one of the people that knows me best in this world. I definitely still love him, because how could I not? He's been my best friend for 3 years. He's still one of the people I call when something incredibly good/bad happen and I know he's there for me. I've stopped looking for any type of "signal" as to whether he thinks there's a future.. it's a waste of time to wait around for him to make up his mind. If things are meant to work out between us, I have faith I'll understand either way at some point in time. In the meantime I'm having a crap load of fun being me and redefining who that is.