Wondering.....
January 14
I wonder if Nate ever emailed me after I sent him that thank you note. I am curious sort of...It's better if I don't check. I don't see the point. He caused me so much pain when he emailed. I really never thought he'd ever email me. I really thought I'd never hear from him again. I was never going to email him again. When I got his last email I knew that. I still am so shook at how cruel he was.
Yet I'm not sure now why I set up the filter now. The damage is already done. He spoke to them. I didn't want him involved. I wonder what was actually said. I don't know what is going on. It's making me so anxious. I haven't heard anything from the FBI since October. Does he really have the kind of power to destroy my chances with the FBI? This is exactly what I was so afraid of but I just thought that he would be gone when they came to the office. It's amazing to me.
He ruined my career. He bad mouthed me to the FBI investigator. Then he emailed acting like he did me some favor. And I just keep thinking I never asked you to speak to the FBI. How could you do this to me? After everything I did for you. After I was so kind to you and I always treated you with respect and professionalism which is far more than I ever got from you. I also keep thinking he ruined my career after I left him alone.
Of course I didn't say anything. I couldn't. It just sickens me. There was a reason I didn't give them Nate's information. I didn't know what he was capable of doing. An now he's done it. What were the odds considering his travel schedule he'd actually be in the office that day.
I wish I knew how it all came about? Either he was referred or he approached them. It doesn't really make any sense because why would they just go down the hall knocking on office doors. I hadn't been at the office for four years. Why would they think I would know anyone there aside from the supervisors whose names I gave? I don't know anyone where my old boss Shannon works now.
I'll never know for sure. It just made me very uneasy. I still am. I won't feel okay until I go for my training.
I wonder if Nate ever emailed me after I sent him that thank you note. I am curious sort of...It's better if I don't check. I don't see the point. He caused me so much pain when he emailed. I really never thought he'd ever email me. I really thought I'd never hear from him again. I was never going to email him again. When I got his last email I knew that. I still am so shook at how cruel he was.
Yet I'm not sure now why I set up the filter now. The damage is already done. He spoke to them. I didn't want him involved. I wonder what was actually said. I don't know what is going on. It's making me so anxious. I haven't heard anything from the FBI since October. Does he really have the kind of power to destroy my chances with the FBI? This is exactly what I was so afraid of but I just thought that he would be gone when they came to the office. It's amazing to me.
He ruined my career. He bad mouthed me to the FBI investigator. Then he emailed acting like he did me some favor. And I just keep thinking I never asked you to speak to the FBI. How could you do this to me? After everything I did for you. After I was so kind to you and I always treated you with respect and professionalism which is far more than I ever got from you. I also keep thinking he ruined my career after I left him alone.
Of course I didn't say anything. I couldn't. It just sickens me. There was a reason I didn't give them Nate's information. I didn't know what he was capable of doing. An now he's done it. What were the odds considering his travel schedule he'd actually be in the office that day.
I wish I knew how it all came about? Either he was referred or he approached them. It doesn't really make any sense because why would they just go down the hall knocking on office doors. I hadn't been at the office for four years. Why would they think I would know anyone there aside from the supervisors whose names I gave? I don't know anyone where my old boss Shannon works now.
I'll never know for sure. It just made me very uneasy. I still am. I won't feel okay until I go for my training.