Relax (Don't Do It)!
Although I'm using a title of a song written about ANAL SEX (really!), I don't condone it and ANAL sex isn't the point of this post.
Relaxation is. Or rather, my inability to relax.
Now, one would think that this is what has led me to be the A Type Person that I am. /sarcasm
In fact, I use my inability to relax to multi task. I am able to simultaneous listen to music, TV, play video games, respond to client phone calls, and sometimes masturbate all at the same time. If only, I could PROFIT from this ability.
My inability to relax (+ illicit substances) briefly caused a series of anxiety and panic attacks, before I learned how to control them. If YOU are in need of assistance, I will teach you to COMPLETELY eliminate them for a nominal fee. Barter is ok. Long term drug usage is not needed.
I've not had a single occurence in years.
The only vestige of my inability to relax is my insomnia which I've mostly cured through prescription drugs (until recently when my back pain reduces their efficacy).
Enough build up, yesterday was my SECOND EPIDURAL INJECTION. No, I'm not giving birth. Although, at times, it feels as if I am and I certainly have balloned to the point where I might be mistaken as pregnant. But, I digress.
Epidural Injections or blocks as they are sometimes called are basically injections WITH A HUGE NEEDLE of powerful steroids into ones SPINAL CANAL in an effort to reduce inflammation and also "block" the nerves which transmit ungodly amounts of pain to me daily.
I had one a few months ago and it was shockingly rather painless. Despite having the recommended option of doing it under sedation, I have a life and couldn't waste the time. I also decided to man up. Plus, I didn't want to have to depend on making someone be my driver and picking me up. Even non sedated, they required that I had a driver, but I lied :)
Although I have a huge phobia (aka: irrational fear) of needles, it went smoothly as I went to the medical procedure straight from court and fortunately, they took me early, so it was over before I had time to think about it.
THINKING about it the second time was the killer.
Tuesday night, I was talking to a friend about epidurals as she had one previosuly as well and she made sure to ask me if I remember how big the needle was and she was truly giving me way too much info, so politely, I told her to "shut the fuck up" even though she is highly Christian and wasn't telling me to be malicious. Although, how that isn't malicious I do not know.
Having no work Wednesday, I got to wait around all day and I started to think about it....not really, but it must have been in the back of my mind. I went to Kaiser and not only did they not take me early, but they made me wait 45 minutes in, of all, places, THE LABORATORY right next to the Blood Drawing Stations. Yes, this is the place that I AVOID religiously. The last time that I deigned to visit them, I nearly passed out and had to lie down afterward. Yes, really embarrassing. But, it's not like anyone reads this.
Finally, they called me into the room where the nurse provided me with their general waiver that I had to sign. Being a lawyer, I briefly scanned it. Then, I had to have my blood pressure taken. Obviously, my blood pressure is normally high (and I'm on meds for that as well), but being in tremendous pain and also being in a place that causes me dread, and the cuff HURTING my arm, caused my BP to skyrocket. Hey, I warned the nurse beforehand that it would be high.
She told me to relax for a minute and she would come back because it was too high and they wouldn't perform the epidural unless it went down. Like, that's not blood pressure raising.
When she came back, it was still too high. She told me to take a few minutes and relax and to think about "water" or "wheatfields". I asked her half seriously if those were supposed to be "relaxing"?
I know that relaxation techniques include visualizing a place where one is truly relaxed, but I could not think of a single place. Beach? Nah. Bed? Nah. Finally, I just decided to distract myself by fucking around on my Droid, checking email, etc.
Apparently, that worked as it went down and I was INJECTED. This time wasn't so pleasant (and not just because a hot female doctor didn't work on my exposed lumbar spine after the female nurses lowered my underwear) as the male doctor didn't use enough Lytocaine (which numbs the injection site) and caused me to break out in a sweat from searing white hot pain.
A short time later, I promised the nurse that I would be "ok" and would remain bed bound for 24 hours and she bought it because she wanted to get to the cafeteria for lunch. I wasn't "OK". I was a total mess (and not in a good way) when I went to Baja Fresh on my way home. I've no idea how I managed to get home, but I did.
I've also have no idea how hours later when I thought that I was FINE, I went to my mail box and realized I was moving slower than old people. I wanted to move faster, but it felt like I was wading through a swamp (although I've no idea what that would be like) and I also felt incredibly lightheaded.
Today, I woke in pain again. I've no idea if it worked or not. The results are still out. At the best, it should "relieve" some of the pain for some time, but it's not a cure. Last time, it worked for nearly TWO WHOLE WEEKS and I almost kicked my drug habit(s).
Since everyone is wondering when I will get better....the goal (s) is like this:
1. Get pain to move up from leg into back
....???
They really have no clue after that.
Which leads to the only probable solution.
2. SURGERY
and then, 3. Recovery from addiction to prescription pills.
These are the goals. Not necessarily in order. :)
PS The part about boredom, insomnia, and not being able to relax might explain this midnight post.
Relaxation is. Or rather, my inability to relax.
Now, one would think that this is what has led me to be the A Type Person that I am. /sarcasm
In fact, I use my inability to relax to multi task. I am able to simultaneous listen to music, TV, play video games, respond to client phone calls, and sometimes masturbate all at the same time. If only, I could PROFIT from this ability.
My inability to relax (+ illicit substances) briefly caused a series of anxiety and panic attacks, before I learned how to control them. If YOU are in need of assistance, I will teach you to COMPLETELY eliminate them for a nominal fee. Barter is ok. Long term drug usage is not needed.
I've not had a single occurence in years.
The only vestige of my inability to relax is my insomnia which I've mostly cured through prescription drugs (until recently when my back pain reduces their efficacy).
Enough build up, yesterday was my SECOND EPIDURAL INJECTION. No, I'm not giving birth. Although, at times, it feels as if I am and I certainly have balloned to the point where I might be mistaken as pregnant. But, I digress.
Epidural Injections or blocks as they are sometimes called are basically injections WITH A HUGE NEEDLE of powerful steroids into ones SPINAL CANAL in an effort to reduce inflammation and also "block" the nerves which transmit ungodly amounts of pain to me daily.
I had one a few months ago and it was shockingly rather painless. Despite having the recommended option of doing it under sedation, I have a life and couldn't waste the time. I also decided to man up. Plus, I didn't want to have to depend on making someone be my driver and picking me up. Even non sedated, they required that I had a driver, but I lied :)
Although I have a huge phobia (aka: irrational fear) of needles, it went smoothly as I went to the medical procedure straight from court and fortunately, they took me early, so it was over before I had time to think about it.
THINKING about it the second time was the killer.
Tuesday night, I was talking to a friend about epidurals as she had one previosuly as well and she made sure to ask me if I remember how big the needle was and she was truly giving me way too much info, so politely, I told her to "shut the fuck up" even though she is highly Christian and wasn't telling me to be malicious. Although, how that isn't malicious I do not know.
Having no work Wednesday, I got to wait around all day and I started to think about it....not really, but it must have been in the back of my mind. I went to Kaiser and not only did they not take me early, but they made me wait 45 minutes in, of all, places, THE LABORATORY right next to the Blood Drawing Stations. Yes, this is the place that I AVOID religiously. The last time that I deigned to visit them, I nearly passed out and had to lie down afterward. Yes, really embarrassing. But, it's not like anyone reads this.
Finally, they called me into the room where the nurse provided me with their general waiver that I had to sign. Being a lawyer, I briefly scanned it. Then, I had to have my blood pressure taken. Obviously, my blood pressure is normally high (and I'm on meds for that as well), but being in tremendous pain and also being in a place that causes me dread, and the cuff HURTING my arm, caused my BP to skyrocket. Hey, I warned the nurse beforehand that it would be high.
She told me to relax for a minute and she would come back because it was too high and they wouldn't perform the epidural unless it went down. Like, that's not blood pressure raising.
When she came back, it was still too high. She told me to take a few minutes and relax and to think about "water" or "wheatfields". I asked her half seriously if those were supposed to be "relaxing"?
I know that relaxation techniques include visualizing a place where one is truly relaxed, but I could not think of a single place. Beach? Nah. Bed? Nah. Finally, I just decided to distract myself by fucking around on my Droid, checking email, etc.
Apparently, that worked as it went down and I was INJECTED. This time wasn't so pleasant (and not just because a hot female doctor didn't work on my exposed lumbar spine after the female nurses lowered my underwear) as the male doctor didn't use enough Lytocaine (which numbs the injection site) and caused me to break out in a sweat from searing white hot pain.
A short time later, I promised the nurse that I would be "ok" and would remain bed bound for 24 hours and she bought it because she wanted to get to the cafeteria for lunch. I wasn't "OK". I was a total mess (and not in a good way) when I went to Baja Fresh on my way home. I've no idea how I managed to get home, but I did.
I've also have no idea how hours later when I thought that I was FINE, I went to my mail box and realized I was moving slower than old people. I wanted to move faster, but it felt like I was wading through a swamp (although I've no idea what that would be like) and I also felt incredibly lightheaded.
Today, I woke in pain again. I've no idea if it worked or not. The results are still out. At the best, it should "relieve" some of the pain for some time, but it's not a cure. Last time, it worked for nearly TWO WHOLE WEEKS and I almost kicked my drug habit(s).
Since everyone is wondering when I will get better....the goal (s) is like this:
1. Get pain to move up from leg into back
....???
They really have no clue after that.
Which leads to the only probable solution.
2. SURGERY
and then, 3. Recovery from addiction to prescription pills.
These are the goals. Not necessarily in order. :)
PS The part about boredom, insomnia, and not being able to relax might explain this midnight post.