"So Little, So Much"
I just realized I haven't updated this thing in over a month. It's odd because so much has gone on during that time, but I feel like I have nothing to write about. Life has been crazy lately, to say the least.
1) My living situation (because of my random crazy potsmoker housemates who are just plain not right for my roommate and I) has gotten a little bit unbearable, and my roommate and I are exploring the possibility of switching over the lease and finding somewhere else to live. It's crazy to think that after all the work and effort and money that I put into this place, I could possibly be leaving it. It's ridiculous that stupid immature and inconsiderate girls have ruined what could have been an awesome thing for me. A 4 bedroom house in Venice with a swimming pool, garage, and patio, and to think I don't look forward to going home everyday. It could have been so fun, but I hate it because of the people and situation I'm surrounded by. They are messy, lazy, unproductive, and they can be inconsiderate jerks sometimes. It's sad and I don't really wanna think about it anymore right now. Who knows what'll end up happening.
2) My boyfriend of 10 months and I recently broke up, pretty much for good. At first I had very mixed emotions about the whole thing, and couldn't think straight the first couple of days, but it's safe to say that I'm doing fine now, and have come to terms with the fact that the right decision was made. Yes, I miss him. I think about him frequently. He was my best friend. We went through so much together, and it was my longest relationship ever. But it just had to be this way, it's for the better. The other way just wasn't fair to him. I feel selfish and guilty for it, but I don't think there is much I can do. Those of you who are close to me know the story, and know why we eventually broke up. It's just a really sad situation, and a sucky place to be in. I just hope he's doing okay. I pray that he gets through this with strength.
3) Lately I have missed my family alot. I never spend the night at home, but I go visit them once a week for a few hours. Even when I visit them I am busy helping my mom with stuff or doing crap here and there, so I havent' really gotten much real quality time lately with them. I feel quite distanced from my 9 year old brother Ozzy, who is the little light of my life. He sees me like a superhero. He admires me like hell, and I love him to death. But I feel him less attached to me, probably because I haven't really been the sister to him that I used to be. Another part of it is probably the fact that he's growing up. Sure, he loves me just as much as before, but he hasn't called me at night crying because he misses me in a while. I need to work on that. Not that I want him to cry, but I need to be a super sister to him, no matter how crazy my life gets.
4) Though always aware, lately I have been awakened to the fact that I am truly blessed. I have the most amazing mother in the world, and the best little brother I could ever ask for. My other brother is a pain, but I love him all the same. My stepdad is a dork, and loves me as his own. Everything I could ever want, everything I could ever need... a great family, an education at an awesome school, great and fun friends, cool stuff, great experiences... I can't ask for anything more. Lately I've been so stressed out about so many things, but when I think about all the good in my life, it just doesn't seem to matter. As cliche as it sounds, its so true.
5) I have developed a couple of new relationships the past couple of weeks, unexpectedly, and I love how they are starting to grow. Spending the past 10 months of my life with pretty much noone except my ex-boyfriend, with the exception of hangouts here and there with the usual people I seldom see, I had no notion of a "circle of friends." Sure, I have my best friends from back home, and my ever BFF roommate, but aside from that that notion was gone. I have many, many on the surface friendships with great people, but beyond that the whole notion was gone. It's something I really need to re-develop, and I can see it forming with those new relationships that have come my way, and possibly also re-forming it with people from school that I used to be close with. It's very random the way it ended up being the case, but I am excited about all of it. It's right for me. It's been quite unexpected, but pleasantly surprising, and I am dorkily excited about it. I don't feel the need to be anyone but myself lately, and it's a good feeling.
6) I continue to be a slacker at school. I don't know why, but I can't get motivated to read, and I skipped a couple of classes this week. It's just so boring... I'd rather be doing anything else. Oh well... maybe someday I'll grow up.
1) My living situation (because of my random crazy potsmoker housemates who are just plain not right for my roommate and I) has gotten a little bit unbearable, and my roommate and I are exploring the possibility of switching over the lease and finding somewhere else to live. It's crazy to think that after all the work and effort and money that I put into this place, I could possibly be leaving it. It's ridiculous that stupid immature and inconsiderate girls have ruined what could have been an awesome thing for me. A 4 bedroom house in Venice with a swimming pool, garage, and patio, and to think I don't look forward to going home everyday. It could have been so fun, but I hate it because of the people and situation I'm surrounded by. They are messy, lazy, unproductive, and they can be inconsiderate jerks sometimes. It's sad and I don't really wanna think about it anymore right now. Who knows what'll end up happening.
2) My boyfriend of 10 months and I recently broke up, pretty much for good. At first I had very mixed emotions about the whole thing, and couldn't think straight the first couple of days, but it's safe to say that I'm doing fine now, and have come to terms with the fact that the right decision was made. Yes, I miss him. I think about him frequently. He was my best friend. We went through so much together, and it was my longest relationship ever. But it just had to be this way, it's for the better. The other way just wasn't fair to him. I feel selfish and guilty for it, but I don't think there is much I can do. Those of you who are close to me know the story, and know why we eventually broke up. It's just a really sad situation, and a sucky place to be in. I just hope he's doing okay. I pray that he gets through this with strength.
3) Lately I have missed my family alot. I never spend the night at home, but I go visit them once a week for a few hours. Even when I visit them I am busy helping my mom with stuff or doing crap here and there, so I havent' really gotten much real quality time lately with them. I feel quite distanced from my 9 year old brother Ozzy, who is the little light of my life. He sees me like a superhero. He admires me like hell, and I love him to death. But I feel him less attached to me, probably because I haven't really been the sister to him that I used to be. Another part of it is probably the fact that he's growing up. Sure, he loves me just as much as before, but he hasn't called me at night crying because he misses me in a while. I need to work on that. Not that I want him to cry, but I need to be a super sister to him, no matter how crazy my life gets.
4) Though always aware, lately I have been awakened to the fact that I am truly blessed. I have the most amazing mother in the world, and the best little brother I could ever ask for. My other brother is a pain, but I love him all the same. My stepdad is a dork, and loves me as his own. Everything I could ever want, everything I could ever need... a great family, an education at an awesome school, great and fun friends, cool stuff, great experiences... I can't ask for anything more. Lately I've been so stressed out about so many things, but when I think about all the good in my life, it just doesn't seem to matter. As cliche as it sounds, its so true.
5) I have developed a couple of new relationships the past couple of weeks, unexpectedly, and I love how they are starting to grow. Spending the past 10 months of my life with pretty much noone except my ex-boyfriend, with the exception of hangouts here and there with the usual people I seldom see, I had no notion of a "circle of friends." Sure, I have my best friends from back home, and my ever BFF roommate, but aside from that that notion was gone. I have many, many on the surface friendships with great people, but beyond that the whole notion was gone. It's something I really need to re-develop, and I can see it forming with those new relationships that have come my way, and possibly also re-forming it with people from school that I used to be close with. It's very random the way it ended up being the case, but I am excited about all of it. It's right for me. It's been quite unexpected, but pleasantly surprising, and I am dorkily excited about it. I don't feel the need to be anyone but myself lately, and it's a good feeling.
6) I continue to be a slacker at school. I don't know why, but I can't get motivated to read, and I skipped a couple of classes this week. It's just so boring... I'd rather be doing anything else. Oh well... maybe someday I'll grow up.