I know how tall she is without her platform shoes.
I sit at my desk, thoroughly exhausted, trying to assess our furniture needs for the new house. My brain is short-circuited. Monday night, I nearly lost 96 pages of writing and my solution to that was to yell at Steve for trying to save my corrupted disk. Because, obviously, that’s what one would do in that situation. Being that so much is about to change in my life and I’m going to be busier than ever, I need to keep it together. For the first time, I’m really trying. I’m not going to let myself spin in circles and I’m going to continue to take my meds like a good little girl. But, alas, I didn’t go to sleep until 1:00 last night because we foolishly decided that it was time to watch the last episode of Six Feet Under. I mean, holy hell, was that necessary? That ending montage was like being repeatedly beaten. Do you love sweet, strong Keith? BAMPF! Who’s your favorite character? Is it David? BAMPF! BAMPF! Don’t you think Brenda’s awesome? BAMPF! BAMPF! Wouldn’t you feel better if they simply let Claire drive off into the sunset without the goddamn white screen epitaph? BAMPF! BAMPF! BAMPF! By the very end of it, I was a total freaking mess. I was worse than I was at the series finale of Buffy. I think that’s because of the awful reality of SFU and the fact that it just leaves your mind spinning with questions, themes, and philosophy. I woke up at 5:00 in the morning when Orson dumped a glass of iced tea on me.
I will eventually learn to balance the fact that I’m unbelievably fortunate with the fact that I have periodic, irrational, paralyzing anxiety about my unbelievable fortune. My life is awesome and I can’t deal with the fatiguing work it takes to make my life awesome.
Vacation last week was pretty fantastic. If it weren’t for the omnipresent rain, it would have been much akin to my ideal existence. We were at Kennywood during the giant storm on Thursday; they kicked our asses out at 6:00 and gave us replacement tickets, which will be fairly difficult to use because there are only certain dates that they’re valid. Swimming at Mom’s pool on Wednesday, we got rained out. The morning of the cookout/sleepover, rain fell just enough to make the ground muddy. We went to the museum; it rained. Everywhere we went, everything we did, it rained and rained.
[Later…] I return to my desk after my lunch workout, which I forced myself to do even though I could use the rest. Get up and walk, I thought, Get up and walk, you asthmatic, smoking, body-abusing, gluttonous American pig. I’m glad I went, but now my body is screaming that I should just put my head down and sleep. I wonder if anyone here would notice. Perhaps I’ll give it a try.
I will eventually learn to balance the fact that I’m unbelievably fortunate with the fact that I have periodic, irrational, paralyzing anxiety about my unbelievable fortune. My life is awesome and I can’t deal with the fatiguing work it takes to make my life awesome.
Vacation last week was pretty fantastic. If it weren’t for the omnipresent rain, it would have been much akin to my ideal existence. We were at Kennywood during the giant storm on Thursday; they kicked our asses out at 6:00 and gave us replacement tickets, which will be fairly difficult to use because there are only certain dates that they’re valid. Swimming at Mom’s pool on Wednesday, we got rained out. The morning of the cookout/sleepover, rain fell just enough to make the ground muddy. We went to the museum; it rained. Everywhere we went, everything we did, it rained and rained.
[Later…] I return to my desk after my lunch workout, which I forced myself to do even though I could use the rest. Get up and walk, I thought, Get up and walk, you asthmatic, smoking, body-abusing, gluttonous American pig. I’m glad I went, but now my body is screaming that I should just put my head down and sleep. I wonder if anyone here would notice. Perhaps I’ll give it a try.