i cant live with or without yoou
this is the time for everyone to pour their hopes and expectations into one pile and wait for them to come true. most of mine never did.
i could never pin all of that on one night. i depise the importance that people put on the clock striking twelve and how everyone kisses. it just amplifies how lonely i feel, and robs me of a physical example.
whatever, every one is having the best night ever and somehow im drowning in my feelings. all the bad stuff i was trying to avoid the feelings i was trying so hard to mask all of that means nothing.
bc im home and i am stuck. stuck in this place that i know all too well. i hated it then and i hate it now.
but now the fault lies in myself. i think. i made mistakes and dug myself into this hole and now i cant get out of it and the only way for me to escape it is to run away. but time is holding me back unless i can go off and pretend thats not how i feel or distract myself from it.
but for tonight i have to face it and its making my lungs gasp for air. i feel like im in 2nd grade and unhappy all over again. like i messed things up so i have to feel alone in a crowded room as opposed to actually feeling alone.ughh why new years. im tired of making resoultions and analyzing what could be better in my life.
well right now a lot of this could be. i just want to be rid of feeling guilty.how did this happen I was always the one to be hurt i knew that role i could play that card by memory.never did i imagine that i would someday be the one to disappoint someone or be the insensitive jerk
and this all stems from my problems.
1. i dont know what i want,
2. i honeslty could not tell you what i want out of someone right now.
3. i just want to feel wanted i suppose. or like i was worth someones time.
i have become vunerable and i dont know how to pull myself out of it.
i prefer meaningless encounters just because i know i cant handle being let down, again. how pathetic.
happy new years to you too.
i could never pin all of that on one night. i depise the importance that people put on the clock striking twelve and how everyone kisses. it just amplifies how lonely i feel, and robs me of a physical example.
whatever, every one is having the best night ever and somehow im drowning in my feelings. all the bad stuff i was trying to avoid the feelings i was trying so hard to mask all of that means nothing.
bc im home and i am stuck. stuck in this place that i know all too well. i hated it then and i hate it now.
but now the fault lies in myself. i think. i made mistakes and dug myself into this hole and now i cant get out of it and the only way for me to escape it is to run away. but time is holding me back unless i can go off and pretend thats not how i feel or distract myself from it.
but for tonight i have to face it and its making my lungs gasp for air. i feel like im in 2nd grade and unhappy all over again. like i messed things up so i have to feel alone in a crowded room as opposed to actually feeling alone.ughh why new years. im tired of making resoultions and analyzing what could be better in my life.
well right now a lot of this could be. i just want to be rid of feeling guilty.how did this happen I was always the one to be hurt i knew that role i could play that card by memory.never did i imagine that i would someday be the one to disappoint someone or be the insensitive jerk
and this all stems from my problems.
1. i dont know what i want,
2. i honeslty could not tell you what i want out of someone right now.
3. i just want to feel wanted i suppose. or like i was worth someones time.
i have become vunerable and i dont know how to pull myself out of it.
i prefer meaningless encounters just because i know i cant handle being let down, again. how pathetic.
happy new years to you too.