(no subject)
while i wait i like to eat. i eat everything. i eat orange cookies, and strawberry/vanilla cookies (which I don't even like). I eat a sandwich with deli turkey on it. i have toast with chunky peanut butter. i eat lots and lots of mixed nuts, but mostly i just eat the cashews and almonds. i'm eating all my feelings. i pick at an apple, i pick at a banana. i debate having a bagel with cream cheese but decide not because there isn't enough cream cheese. i eat more orange cookies and then i look for a snack. i chew my nails. i have pasta for supper, it has sauce which has mushrooms in it and garlic; i eat two huge bowls full: one with Kraft parmasean cheese the other without. i continue to scavenge for food. i think about making some garlic cheese toast but it reminds me of you, as does the redbull in the fridge that's been there since you left (and i debate drinking it, but i've never had redbull before, so i leave it there for when you decide to come back). the thought of baking an orange cake entices me, but i don't bake it because if i bake it i'll eat it. i don't stand on the scale once because i don't need to be reminded. i eat another tiny delectable orange cookie, i'm sure i've eaten at least 7 or 12 by now. they are easy to forget about, i drop them in, like i'm dropping a quarter into a candy machine. except i don't get anything in exchange, just some more fear to knaw away on. and then i plan what i will or won't eat tomorrow.