(no subject)
Wow. Its been a long and tiring and stressing and hard month,not to mention week.
Im pretty sure im depressed.i havent been diagnosed but iam pretty damn sure
This whole week ive been depressed. idk why really. Well yeah of course i have reasons but still. Im not saying them really.
Wednesday night i was talkin to nick for awhile...then later i cut myself 2 times. That whole day i took 15 painkillers,the next morning when i got out of the shower i felt like i was dying so i lied down and yeah.
Yesterday justin and cass cmae to get me from school. Kim and Rachael called me and wanted to come tell me soemthing (jasper said we werent going out). Right,fuck its fucked up,i asked clayton and he didnt no and hes findin out today. Then off to justins. He gave me some of this powder he mixed together-like coke herion meth weed i think- haha wow. Cass left at 730 and me and him went walking around and talking about alot of shit.It helped.
Oh yeah,i love ian so much. Talked to him yesterday morning,he alwasy helps me.iwas supposed to go over last night but couldnt get a ride so hopefully am today. We really need to talk.
Talked to nick for like 3 hrs right wheni got home. He helped me alot too and said so much that meant sooo fucking much to me. I like him so fucking much and he says he really likes me. But then thersesarah . They got into a fight last night and idk. But yeah he says he doesnt no how long they will last blahblahblah. and that hi mand i will be togther someday. SO whatever idk he just confuses the fuck out of me. He says hes "in love with sarah" im not going to question his love or whatever but i dont think he is cos usually when ur in love with someone u dont really like someone else and u dont say shitt about the person ur in love with.
Im callin him later today ,sucks he ahs school today. Ive been realyl wanting to-he wants me to- to find a ride to waukee high and see him but i dont think that will happen. How much u wanna bet imma get screwd over with this me nick sarah deal??
Well..im going to go call ian and justin.i love those 2 so much. I dont no what i did without justin for those couple of weeks in the fall and what i did without ian for like a month earlier this year.
I need to figure shit out. I love you guys and thank you for everything