realization
so here i am
another tuesday night
of not doing homework
its raining out
its been raining for awhile
i felt really sick most of this afternoon
ive felt crappy for a really long time now
part of it is i think my chronic pessimistic nature
and im working on that
but another part has to do with people that ive been around
i feel like no matter how much i do
no one is happy with me
well ok not no one
but my parents are CONSTANTLY critiquing me
and half of my friends are probably annoyed with me for being such a drama magnent the last few weeks and god dont even get me started on all the shit my team gets at volleyball for doing absolutly nothing
and here im also going to publicly address the 'nick' situation.
you know what
he doesnt want this anymore
it happens, its the way the world works
im really horrible at moving on and accepting these kinds of things. but you know what, im going to do my best.
im going to do my best when it comes to volleyball and school and getting along with my parents.
and you know what, im not going to keep trying to be someone im not, im not going to keep being afraid to cry or afraid to say what im feeling. goddamnit i have emotions, they are meant to be expressed.
all of these things used to make me really happy
and now i dont know a single thing that ive really enjoyed lately
thus, i need to reboot
start this school yea all over again
starting tomorrow
new. cheerful. me.