(no subject)
lately, i find myself thinking back.
i find myself staring at your house when we drive by. and from there to my house, i used to walk there everyday pretty much, to come see you.
"meet me halfway." that's what it was like. always.
we always met halfway. neither one of us sacrificed more than the other. there were always perfect compromises.
i miss it. i don't think i'd start over, but i miss everything we had.
i miss the friendship we had.
you were truly the first and only person who has ever understood me completely.
even when i went crazy, you were the only one who knew what to do.
you always knew what to say, and you always made everything better.
and it wasn't just me, who shared everything, and told you everything. you did the same thing. you weren't like everyone else, scared to tell me things. you weren't afraid of being embarrassed, and i think you trusted me enough to know i wouldn't embarrass you.
the amount of trust, and honesty, and love, and just everything, we had was amazing, and i feel so bad saying this now, for multiple reasons, but i can't keep it in me, and keep thinking about it. at least now, there's a chance that you might read this, and know that i do still think about you. i do still care. and when we don't talk, i worry, but i'm scared to start up a conversation. i pretend things could be great, but obviously, they won't ever be, if we can't even talk in person without feeling awkward.
like on your birthday.. i guess i won't say anything about that, because .. it was awkward. i kept thinking, if i do go up to him, and give him a hug and all that, what if he wouldn't want me to ? what if i make a complete fool out of myself ? so what happened was a halfassed hug-sorta. like the one's i hate so much. great.
it's weird how things can go from absolutely perfect, to .. this.
i guess i just want you to always know that i'll always care. cause that's what i do. and that's what you deserve after everything. i'm always here, and i guess i can just wait and see if you acknowledge that.
<3