(no subject)
i always knew, you know. i have some problems. i thought it was cool, they seemed to be much worse before. much worse than they are now. but they're still there. just waiting for a little tiny thing to make them bloom unexpectedly.
i wish i knew when it'd happen, so i could make sure i wouldn't take it out on anyone.
so now. i'm eating all my hope. and all my wishes and dreams away in kisses i never got.
when one's gone, i get another one. it won't make up for it you know. you just left.
didn't even try to make it better. you didn't even try. you didn't reply, so maybe you did what i said you should. i understand, cause i did tell you to do it. but in all honesty, it's the last thing i want.
i'll admit it. i do want attention.
i won't go to extremes to get it. i won't brag about the stuff i do to get it. i just want it. kinda like i want new slippers for christmas. warm one's. so if you can wrap a lifetime's supply, or maybe just a year's supply, of attention, and give it to me for christmas, i'd be happy.
i want your attention.
there's been 2 of these relationships in my life. in the first one i got everything i wanted. whenever i wanted it. no material things, but everything else, and i got so used to it. now there's this one and whenever i pull that trick you turn around on me, you say "k, whatever" even though you know i hate it, and i realize i can't pull that trick on you. it just doesn't work.
i deserve it though, right ?
i hang up without saying i love you back, and without saying goodbye, very well knowing you really do care that i'm sad. i know you do. of course you do. then i do that, to make myself seem stronger, and all i get is tears streaming down my face like little rivers, stuffing my nose even more, wishing i'd just given in and told you i loved you so much. cause i do.
you don't know that about me. it's really weird, and explaining it to you would just be .. impossible. i have problems, and i don't even know exactly what they are. they confuse me so much, and if i did try to explain it to you, you'd be confused too, and we'd both be confused and we'd be back where we started.
i'm a whiny little baby, i'm sorry you guys.