*HYPERVENTILATES*
HAS ANYONE GOT A FUCKING PAPER BAG BECAUSE THIS JUST SHOWED UP ON EBAY
NO
I AM NOT FUCKING DEALING WITH THIS
I AM TOTALLY NOT DEALING WITH THIS SCENE HAVING HAD GRABBIER TAKES THAT ENDED UP ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR BECAUSE HOW RIDICULOUSLY ROMANTIC DOES THAT LOOK
And I don't even know if she's half kneeling or something (looks like it, as June was pretty tall) because I think Connie is standing but HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING ROMANCE PHOTO IS THAT AND TWIST THE KNIFE IN MY HEART, WILL YOU
...or then the Princess has just kneed Jaffar in the balls and Jaffar has frozen in utter agony.
Also this may have been snapped up by a minor collector since it was cheap but I have no idea who that could've been and they most certainly didn't live somewhere in Northern Europe and have a habit of writing novels' worth of romance porn of these two
Just, oh, God. No. No no no no no. I've *just* scanned in two ToB photos I only had small copies of before but you'll probably agree they were so gorgeous they were worth it (click for bigger):
And yet, cleaning these things up is always absolute hell on my mental health. Absolute hell. Because just about all intrusive thoughts *ever* start plaguing me and sometimes cleaning one pic takes up to eight hours (ETA: Here's the original version of the ship photo to show you just how much crap there can be on an old photo, so we are seriously talking Herculean cleanup efforts here. Take a look at all the scratches on that rope around the mast and you're looking at the Photoshopper's worst nightmare right there). And that's a long time to be depressed. Anything monotonous does that to me these days and putting music on doesn't help either. Some psychiatrist might be really interested in making a recording of all the possible horrible things that go through my mind (basically a list of all my pet peeves at utter human stupidity and a list of all the people who hate my guts--basically all of the batshit moral guardians on Tumblr and the like) and... yeah. If I want a good reminder of all the masses and masses of people to whom I'm worse than a piece of shit stuck to their shoe and how they'd genuinely like to physically hurt me or even kill me (having made that explicitly clear to me on occasion), cleaning up a scan would be a good way to do it. I feel so fucking persecuted and horrible at the end of it that sometimes it doesn't even seem worth it. Especially as so few people ever reblog the Jaffars anyway.
And yet I do it. I defy even the most horrible feelings I could ever have just because I love this fucking bastard SO MUCH. It's utter madness and I can't even honestly say it's some spiritually important exercise that helps build character, because it doesn't do that. It just fucks me up. But I've been whacked out on tons of codeine for the past few days because I've been so ill, so that's helped a bit. And I'd still do it even without the codeine because fuck everything, CONNIE.
For what it's worth, all my HQ Connie scans are up on Flickr here. IDK, I'm not making this post to beg for pity or anything because that'd be dicky, but it's just... fucking crazy how much I have to suffer to clean up this shit and I know nobody else would do it as well and with as much perfectionism as I would, so I can't really outsource the cleanup process either. I just wish it wasn't as thankless a job because there are so few people to gush about him with:/ I honestly don't fall into big bouts of depression these days except when I'm PMSing or something really horrible is going on IRL. Or when I'm cleaning up a scan. And now I'm physically ill and PMSing AND cleaning up scans and IDK, it's fucking madness, literally.
And yet I do it out of love. It's madness, but it's love. And I guess this pain is very little in comparison to the ecstasy that Connie gives me, and again it's a very minor pain compared to the utter soul-destroying agony that's being part of big fandoms with ongoing wank and other madness. I probably shouldn't complain. I still cry because of Connie several times a week, and it's always because of what an amazing human being he was and because of how happy he and his characters are making me. It's pretty amazing. And on Saturday, I've got a date with him and Bogie when I finally get to see Casablanca on the big screen. ♥
Belated happy 121st, you majestic man, you.
NO
I AM NOT FUCKING DEALING WITH THIS
I AM TOTALLY NOT DEALING WITH THIS SCENE HAVING HAD GRABBIER TAKES THAT ENDED UP ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR BECAUSE HOW RIDICULOUSLY ROMANTIC DOES THAT LOOK
And I don't even know if she's half kneeling or something (looks like it, as June was pretty tall) because I think Connie is standing but HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING ROMANCE PHOTO IS THAT AND TWIST THE KNIFE IN MY HEART, WILL YOU
...or then the Princess has just kneed Jaffar in the balls and Jaffar has frozen in utter agony.
Also this may have been snapped up by a minor collector since it was cheap but I have no idea who that could've been and they most certainly didn't live somewhere in Northern Europe and have a habit of writing novels' worth of romance porn of these two
Just, oh, God. No. No no no no no. I've *just* scanned in two ToB photos I only had small copies of before but you'll probably agree they were so gorgeous they were worth it (click for bigger):
And yet, cleaning these things up is always absolute hell on my mental health. Absolute hell. Because just about all intrusive thoughts *ever* start plaguing me and sometimes cleaning one pic takes up to eight hours (ETA: Here's the original version of the ship photo to show you just how much crap there can be on an old photo, so we are seriously talking Herculean cleanup efforts here. Take a look at all the scratches on that rope around the mast and you're looking at the Photoshopper's worst nightmare right there). And that's a long time to be depressed. Anything monotonous does that to me these days and putting music on doesn't help either. Some psychiatrist might be really interested in making a recording of all the possible horrible things that go through my mind (basically a list of all my pet peeves at utter human stupidity and a list of all the people who hate my guts--basically all of the batshit moral guardians on Tumblr and the like) and... yeah. If I want a good reminder of all the masses and masses of people to whom I'm worse than a piece of shit stuck to their shoe and how they'd genuinely like to physically hurt me or even kill me (having made that explicitly clear to me on occasion), cleaning up a scan would be a good way to do it. I feel so fucking persecuted and horrible at the end of it that sometimes it doesn't even seem worth it. Especially as so few people ever reblog the Jaffars anyway.
And yet I do it. I defy even the most horrible feelings I could ever have just because I love this fucking bastard SO MUCH. It's utter madness and I can't even honestly say it's some spiritually important exercise that helps build character, because it doesn't do that. It just fucks me up. But I've been whacked out on tons of codeine for the past few days because I've been so ill, so that's helped a bit. And I'd still do it even without the codeine because fuck everything, CONNIE.
For what it's worth, all my HQ Connie scans are up on Flickr here. IDK, I'm not making this post to beg for pity or anything because that'd be dicky, but it's just... fucking crazy how much I have to suffer to clean up this shit and I know nobody else would do it as well and with as much perfectionism as I would, so I can't really outsource the cleanup process either. I just wish it wasn't as thankless a job because there are so few people to gush about him with:/ I honestly don't fall into big bouts of depression these days except when I'm PMSing or something really horrible is going on IRL. Or when I'm cleaning up a scan. And now I'm physically ill and PMSing AND cleaning up scans and IDK, it's fucking madness, literally.
And yet I do it out of love. It's madness, but it's love. And I guess this pain is very little in comparison to the ecstasy that Connie gives me, and again it's a very minor pain compared to the utter soul-destroying agony that's being part of big fandoms with ongoing wank and other madness. I probably shouldn't complain. I still cry because of Connie several times a week, and it's always because of what an amazing human being he was and because of how happy he and his characters are making me. It's pretty amazing. And on Saturday, I've got a date with him and Bogie when I finally get to see Casablanca on the big screen. ♥
Belated happy 121st, you majestic man, you.