Portraying BDSM relationships and fic blatherage
This is a friendly reminder that if you haven't read The King's White Falcon yet, you might want to do that ( LJ/Ao3) since a) it's still the best fic I've ever written and b) I'm going to start posting the sequel in a few days if all goes well and c) I'm probably going to ruin the original with the sequel and I know I hate it when sequels do that. God knows.
Not that I am suffering from a bout of ego-crushing literary inadequacy right now or anything. But yeah, if you only read one Jaffar/Princess story of mine, that's probably the one to go for. And I'm not above saying I could use some commentage; I wonder if that's why I'm feeling so inadequate. Fanfic is weird when you've used to feedback and stuff, IDK. I still don't even have a frickin' beta so it's kind of weird to write in a void; I have no idea which bits are actually working. *fumbles around Jaffar's and Princess's hearts and naughty bits while blindfolded*
I'm so going to post it all on just Ao3, though. It's 52 k and I'm sick of LJ's post limits. I think I will split it into two or three parts or something because all the unfing might get a bit tedious otherwise, IDK.
Ah, well. Anyway. I'll just be so glad when this proofreading period is over and I can finally start posting it. It's not badfic or anything, but it bloody well is difficult to try and judge what's right when it's such a small fandom. On the other hand, there are fewer crazies about having apoplectic fits over me Doing It Wrong or something, so that's a relief at least. I've written some seriously realistic angsty subby woman stuff in this, too, so I know some would probably think I was failing the sisterhood. She has insecurities and she--*GASP* thinks she can't live without her husband. Terrible and unfeminist, I know, but I'm not writing about paragons--I'm writing about someone real, and real people have fuckups and angst about losing their loved ones. Not every woman on the planet is a kickarse ninja warrior. But versaphile said a really great thing to me the other day when I was whining about how I hate the idea of my stuff being read negatively:
If anything, I think we need stories that have broken people going through
the process of healing, however circuitous or un-PC that process ends up
being. Because we're all broken or flawed in some way, and we all need to
heal. And stories about perfect people in perfect relationships doesn't
give us any guidance on how to do that. Even Merlin and Arthur, who have
actual prophecies about their OTPness, have a lot of baggage and emotional
insecurities and flaws that they have to deal with in order to be together.
[spoiler for Pam's current fic omitted] And [spoiler] is going to take time
and effort and acceptance.
The people who don't understand, they don't matter. The people who do
understand, who have experienced pain and need that kind of healing, the
impact that your story will have on their healing is so much more important.
And I know in my heart for that to be true, but oh, man, I wish the voices of understanding were louder than the kneejerk haters. I've been working seriously fucking hard to portray a realistic BDSM relationship and it's insanely hard to find that done well in het--or, at least, in the way I see it. For instance, I think of both partners as automatically equal irrespective of the roles they take--I never even spell D/S with a small s the way most kinky folks do because it sets off my inequality squicks *hard*. I don't think of the broken person being lesser; that'd be like kicking the one who was down. If anything, a good top heals the bottom and the love and care of intense sex is an equalising thing. It's an absolution, it's a pet on the head, it's a "good girl", a ritualised form of acceptance and absolution and healing that people don't usually get IRL. The stronger person gives of their strength to the one who's broken and they are more balanced out after the experience. I don't do the whole bratty sub or always-broken-and-never-healed sub bullshit or subscribe to ideas of the all-powerful alpha male or the cold and distant dominatrix, really. It's... more of a journey where both partners learn from each other. And boy, oh boy, does she have issues because I don't believe in magic healing cock either--at least not immediately; what I want to show is the gradual progress of healing. Jaffar does have magic, of course, and they use magic in this universe and use it in bed. And what they can do with it actually helps make this story more positive than a magic-free universe would allow, because there's telepathy and stuff. So there's also the aspect of pampering the reader with stuff that's actually better than real life, and god knows we need that because RL human-to-human communication and relationships... yeah. Exactly.
Fuckit, I'll stop rambling now and go back to poking the fic. But yeah, the more I think about it, the more this 'verse is about doing some deep kinky stuff right--it's me attempting to write the sort of het BDSM *I'd* want to read about but can't usually find under all the revoltingly corny and outright abusive or sexist/inequal or just plain crappy crap that's out there. Not that I think mine is perfect, of course, as you can see from the insecurities. But I try. I try *really* fucking hard, guys.
Not that I am suffering from a bout of ego-crushing literary inadequacy right now or anything. But yeah, if you only read one Jaffar/Princess story of mine, that's probably the one to go for. And I'm not above saying I could use some commentage; I wonder if that's why I'm feeling so inadequate. Fanfic is weird when you've used to feedback and stuff, IDK. I still don't even have a frickin' beta so it's kind of weird to write in a void; I have no idea which bits are actually working. *fumbles around Jaffar's and Princess's hearts and naughty bits while blindfolded*
I'm so going to post it all on just Ao3, though. It's 52 k and I'm sick of LJ's post limits. I think I will split it into two or three parts or something because all the unfing might get a bit tedious otherwise, IDK.
Ah, well. Anyway. I'll just be so glad when this proofreading period is over and I can finally start posting it. It's not badfic or anything, but it bloody well is difficult to try and judge what's right when it's such a small fandom. On the other hand, there are fewer crazies about having apoplectic fits over me Doing It Wrong or something, so that's a relief at least. I've written some seriously realistic angsty subby woman stuff in this, too, so I know some would probably think I was failing the sisterhood. She has insecurities and she--*GASP* thinks she can't live without her husband. Terrible and unfeminist, I know, but I'm not writing about paragons--I'm writing about someone real, and real people have fuckups and angst about losing their loved ones. Not every woman on the planet is a kickarse ninja warrior. But versaphile said a really great thing to me the other day when I was whining about how I hate the idea of my stuff being read negatively:
If anything, I think we need stories that have broken people going through
the process of healing, however circuitous or un-PC that process ends up
being. Because we're all broken or flawed in some way, and we all need to
heal. And stories about perfect people in perfect relationships doesn't
give us any guidance on how to do that. Even Merlin and Arthur, who have
actual prophecies about their OTPness, have a lot of baggage and emotional
insecurities and flaws that they have to deal with in order to be together.
[spoiler for Pam's current fic omitted] And [spoiler] is going to take time
and effort and acceptance.
The people who don't understand, they don't matter. The people who do
understand, who have experienced pain and need that kind of healing, the
impact that your story will have on their healing is so much more important.
And I know in my heart for that to be true, but oh, man, I wish the voices of understanding were louder than the kneejerk haters. I've been working seriously fucking hard to portray a realistic BDSM relationship and it's insanely hard to find that done well in het--or, at least, in the way I see it. For instance, I think of both partners as automatically equal irrespective of the roles they take--I never even spell D/S with a small s the way most kinky folks do because it sets off my inequality squicks *hard*. I don't think of the broken person being lesser; that'd be like kicking the one who was down. If anything, a good top heals the bottom and the love and care of intense sex is an equalising thing. It's an absolution, it's a pet on the head, it's a "good girl", a ritualised form of acceptance and absolution and healing that people don't usually get IRL. The stronger person gives of their strength to the one who's broken and they are more balanced out after the experience. I don't do the whole bratty sub or always-broken-and-never-healed sub bullshit or subscribe to ideas of the all-powerful alpha male or the cold and distant dominatrix, really. It's... more of a journey where both partners learn from each other. And boy, oh boy, does she have issues because I don't believe in magic healing cock either--at least not immediately; what I want to show is the gradual progress of healing. Jaffar does have magic, of course, and they use magic in this universe and use it in bed. And what they can do with it actually helps make this story more positive than a magic-free universe would allow, because there's telepathy and stuff. So there's also the aspect of pampering the reader with stuff that's actually better than real life, and god knows we need that because RL human-to-human communication and relationships... yeah. Exactly.
Fuckit, I'll stop rambling now and go back to poking the fic. But yeah, the more I think about it, the more this 'verse is about doing some deep kinky stuff right--it's me attempting to write the sort of het BDSM *I'd* want to read about but can't usually find under all the revoltingly corny and outright abusive or sexist/inequal or just plain crappy crap that's out there. Not that I think mine is perfect, of course, as you can see from the insecurities. But I try. I try *really* fucking hard, guys.