Slave to the wage
It has indeed been a very long time since i wrote anything on LJ.
life has continued to suprise me in good and bad ways. as it always seems to do.
health just seems to get worse and worse. the whole being sick thing got old a long time ago, yet it still follows me everywhere, no matter how healthy i try to eat. no fair!
I am loving living in new farm at my new house, it is good to finally be able to step back and take a breath, for months i haven't had my own place, just been living out of bags, staying with friends and boyfriend. finally i have a bedroom again. well, it's not entirely mine, seeing as my boyfriend (Rob) has moved into this new house with me. it is such a full house, 5 of us all up. i was looking forward to this new start, but right around the time we got the house approved, rob was told he had to move out of the sharehouse he was living in, which meant he would have to find somewhere asap, but it seemed obvious that he'd just move in with me. i dont mind, becuase i want to be able to help him, it's just that he is so exhausting. his personality is too much for me sometimes. his agressive mood swings and anger and the amount of weed he smokes, i just dont know how to just relax and be myself, i am always afraid of being yelled at for something. but thats only sometimes. we seem to fllow the same path, its good then bad then good again, then bad again, and always the fear of him just leaving me. always threatening to end it. i am too much of a pushover. i am too emotional. I guess it's all part of the package of being a Pisces dating a Taurus. we have been together for 2 years in November. such a long time for such a dysfunctional relationship. it's almost ironic.
ok now for a complete change of tangents.
i want to be able to write like no one will ever read, but then again, i like people to know what's going on. i just dont know if i am writing honestly or if it is tainted by certain factors like knowing people i know will read this, maybe it will change how they see me. I should'nt be so silly about that kind of thing.
my mind is like a strange world that i dont understand sometimes, yet at the same time i think it makes perfect sense. perhaps it is just the beauty of the human mind.
the amount of theories and standards and different ways i think life should be lived, it seems to evolve and adapt to my current situations. like 2 years ago i was going through a hard time, being 17 and had my heart broken and starting to really get into the partying, yet wanting to get back into church and God, i hadnt tried any drugs yet, i was so firm in my beliefs. but with time people change, and my values i have now are different to that of 2 years ago, but i dont think i am any less of a moral person because of it.
i like to think i am a snowflake. thats where the whole snowflake obsession started. I am unique, evanescent, cold, delicate, beautiful, insignificant. its almost every aspect of human life. but if i can hold true to being a snowflake, i wont have to worry about anything else in life. if i can always remember that there is only one me, that i am only here for a brief moment in time, that i am beautiful in my own way, but in the big scheme of things, i am nothing really.
my back is hurting so bad. i thought it would be over by now. its been more than a year since the operation, yet my body is still rife with pain. fucking doctors and their lies!
ah well, this is my destiny. i know that what happens today, determines who i am tomorrow.
hmmm.
its felt good to write this, cleared my head slightly. now i face a long boring day doing menial office duties. i am a slave to the wage.
---Kat---
life has continued to suprise me in good and bad ways. as it always seems to do.
health just seems to get worse and worse. the whole being sick thing got old a long time ago, yet it still follows me everywhere, no matter how healthy i try to eat. no fair!
I am loving living in new farm at my new house, it is good to finally be able to step back and take a breath, for months i haven't had my own place, just been living out of bags, staying with friends and boyfriend. finally i have a bedroom again. well, it's not entirely mine, seeing as my boyfriend (Rob) has moved into this new house with me. it is such a full house, 5 of us all up. i was looking forward to this new start, but right around the time we got the house approved, rob was told he had to move out of the sharehouse he was living in, which meant he would have to find somewhere asap, but it seemed obvious that he'd just move in with me. i dont mind, becuase i want to be able to help him, it's just that he is so exhausting. his personality is too much for me sometimes. his agressive mood swings and anger and the amount of weed he smokes, i just dont know how to just relax and be myself, i am always afraid of being yelled at for something. but thats only sometimes. we seem to fllow the same path, its good then bad then good again, then bad again, and always the fear of him just leaving me. always threatening to end it. i am too much of a pushover. i am too emotional. I guess it's all part of the package of being a Pisces dating a Taurus. we have been together for 2 years in November. such a long time for such a dysfunctional relationship. it's almost ironic.
ok now for a complete change of tangents.
i want to be able to write like no one will ever read, but then again, i like people to know what's going on. i just dont know if i am writing honestly or if it is tainted by certain factors like knowing people i know will read this, maybe it will change how they see me. I should'nt be so silly about that kind of thing.
my mind is like a strange world that i dont understand sometimes, yet at the same time i think it makes perfect sense. perhaps it is just the beauty of the human mind.
the amount of theories and standards and different ways i think life should be lived, it seems to evolve and adapt to my current situations. like 2 years ago i was going through a hard time, being 17 and had my heart broken and starting to really get into the partying, yet wanting to get back into church and God, i hadnt tried any drugs yet, i was so firm in my beliefs. but with time people change, and my values i have now are different to that of 2 years ago, but i dont think i am any less of a moral person because of it.
i like to think i am a snowflake. thats where the whole snowflake obsession started. I am unique, evanescent, cold, delicate, beautiful, insignificant. its almost every aspect of human life. but if i can hold true to being a snowflake, i wont have to worry about anything else in life. if i can always remember that there is only one me, that i am only here for a brief moment in time, that i am beautiful in my own way, but in the big scheme of things, i am nothing really.
my back is hurting so bad. i thought it would be over by now. its been more than a year since the operation, yet my body is still rife with pain. fucking doctors and their lies!
ah well, this is my destiny. i know that what happens today, determines who i am tomorrow.
hmmm.
its felt good to write this, cleared my head slightly. now i face a long boring day doing menial office duties. i am a slave to the wage.
---Kat---