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I just don't think that I can stop listening to Jack's Mannequin and thinking the things I do.. I today was one of those days. I was talking to my mother when we were in the waiting room. I threw myself down on the couch that was across from hers and I curled into a ball and just looked at her and told her that I wanted to go home and sleep and that I didn't want to be there. Then after she made me feel loved we talked about if we both had any wish in the world what would we pick, I of course choosed the one thing that should be a secret but isn't; my huge obession for wanting to be sailormoon. I winned about it to proclaiming me love of Sailormoon. She laughed, so I did too, because it's an extremely childish dream. I want to cry right now. I can feel it in my eyes. I'm watching ER and I think that if i watch anymore I will cry, it's exactly 10 oclock,(make a wish.) So anyways I figue I'll tell everyone about my WONDERFUL day, I got beautiful pictures taken of me during my first block, I skipped so Ashley could take them. Then I stayed in the photoroom with her during second. We left for a while to go to Burger King. The pictures are so beautiful.. anyways what I really want to get to is, Today I had my operation that I didn't tell anyone about. There was a chance I might of had Cancer. Woo. I think that there is still a chance.. I'll find out in a week. They had to cut me, and take a piece. I cried so much. And when I was told that they were going to have to take a "sample" I wanted my mom to hold my hand, so she sent the nurse. Highly like my mom, she went out for a smoke, and a phone call and they couldn't find her, so the nice nurse held my hand while I bawled and clenched her hand. I just can't forgive my mom for not being there for me even though I told her I didn't want her to go back. It was so painful. I hope I never have to go through something like that again. My mom and I were talking about how I'm always sick, when we were waiting. That was after the Sailormoon conversation. I don't take care of myself. I should. Ugh. I'll be at school tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get busted for skipping. I didn't go to first and second and my mom checked me out... which is like code red. When they see Abs. Abs. CheckOut. Oh well, part of me is like forget it. I need to take all of my meds.. and brush my teeth. I feel so heavy, as I walk I just want to lay down, and disappear.. maybe if I do, I'll disolve into the rug. I feel like anything is possible and that my mind is slipping with everybit of hope. I'm depressed, incase you didn't get that. My mom continues to go out all the time. I know it's time for me to grow up, but I'm still her little girl and I still wish I saw more of her, i erased the frown, but you know. ugh. I can't believe it's Feb. I hate this month so many bad memories, and sad. I guess there are a lot of good, but those go with the sad. I wish that I could have my memory erased. I really do. I'm just too depressed to write anymore. I really hope Mr. Delucia gets better because even though I love pushing his buttons, I'm really worried... My eyes feel heavy, maybe I'm just a blob.

EDIT;
If you want to play the love game, make sure you win.
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