One Week
It's one week since my last post and nothing has changed. You would think that my stress level would decrease in 1 week...but no.
When I first started working at Liberty Mutual-I loved it so much. I swear I had LMs coming out of my pores. I'm not going to lie, it was hard in the beginning, and it took me a good 6 months before I knew what I was doing, let alone, what my job actually WAS. I only handled NJ workers' comp claims and I did it pretty well--I got promoted twice in a year, was asked to travel to another office in Tennessee to help close files, was asked to help interview potential applicants, and even got my ARM designation in 6 months when it usually takes 9-12 months. I overcame a lot of obstacles and gave 150% to meeting all of my goals/objectives even when I had no idea what I was doing. The job is challenging, stressful and fast paced, and that's what I love about it. Not to mention I felt that my job actually helped people and I was making somewhat of a difference by the relationships that I was building with people.
In the beg. of August, they told me I would be moved to a new unit handling higher value claims, I took on the challenge head on. But that wasn't the only change they would make. At the end of August, I was told that I now had to learn DE and MD jurisdictions which are completely different from NJ. I was optimistic and up for the challenge. I was probably the most optimistic person in the whole office and told everyone that it would be FUN and that change is good, and the only way to move forward is to change, blah blah blah. I actually believed these words. What a load of BS, now that I think of it. It is nearly 2 months later and I am MISERABLE. I have come home everyday with a stress headache. I am only one person and am expected to do so much and honestly i don't know how much more I can take. Is it because I have done so well in the past that they expect I can just handle so much being thrown at me at once? Perhaps. But everyday that goes by, i am becoming more and more stressed out. I remind myself that it took me 6 months to understand my job when I first started so that it should take me around the same time to understand my new position, but honestly, I don't know if I can handle this until February. Because honestly, i never once, and i repeat, never once, felt this stress in those initial 6 months in 2006.
I don't want to be whiny or anything, but I just don't know where else to turn anymore. Maybe I need to start writing in this journal more or taking more time for myself. I don't want to be this person that is miserable because of their job. I never once dreaded going to work, for nearly a year and a half, and for the past 3 weeks or so i have been absolutely dreading waking up in the morning. I am tossing and turning at night having nightmares about it as well. I guess I will keep on moving forward with what has happened, but it is such a negative work environment now and I just can't take it. Maybe it's because the MD and DE claims that I am taking over are from case managers in PA who are losing their jobs(to me) and don't want to help me or answer questions, maybe it's because i'm getting disasters that have not been looked at for 5 months and I now have to figure out a whole litigation plan by next week. It's just too too much. Not to mention I have been putting in 12 hr work days on a consistent basis since July.
I just don't know anymore.
someone snuggle me.. :(
When I first started working at Liberty Mutual-I loved it so much. I swear I had LMs coming out of my pores. I'm not going to lie, it was hard in the beginning, and it took me a good 6 months before I knew what I was doing, let alone, what my job actually WAS. I only handled NJ workers' comp claims and I did it pretty well--I got promoted twice in a year, was asked to travel to another office in Tennessee to help close files, was asked to help interview potential applicants, and even got my ARM designation in 6 months when it usually takes 9-12 months. I overcame a lot of obstacles and gave 150% to meeting all of my goals/objectives even when I had no idea what I was doing. The job is challenging, stressful and fast paced, and that's what I love about it. Not to mention I felt that my job actually helped people and I was making somewhat of a difference by the relationships that I was building with people.
In the beg. of August, they told me I would be moved to a new unit handling higher value claims, I took on the challenge head on. But that wasn't the only change they would make. At the end of August, I was told that I now had to learn DE and MD jurisdictions which are completely different from NJ. I was optimistic and up for the challenge. I was probably the most optimistic person in the whole office and told everyone that it would be FUN and that change is good, and the only way to move forward is to change, blah blah blah. I actually believed these words. What a load of BS, now that I think of it. It is nearly 2 months later and I am MISERABLE. I have come home everyday with a stress headache. I am only one person and am expected to do so much and honestly i don't know how much more I can take. Is it because I have done so well in the past that they expect I can just handle so much being thrown at me at once? Perhaps. But everyday that goes by, i am becoming more and more stressed out. I remind myself that it took me 6 months to understand my job when I first started so that it should take me around the same time to understand my new position, but honestly, I don't know if I can handle this until February. Because honestly, i never once, and i repeat, never once, felt this stress in those initial 6 months in 2006.
I don't want to be whiny or anything, but I just don't know where else to turn anymore. Maybe I need to start writing in this journal more or taking more time for myself. I don't want to be this person that is miserable because of their job. I never once dreaded going to work, for nearly a year and a half, and for the past 3 weeks or so i have been absolutely dreading waking up in the morning. I am tossing and turning at night having nightmares about it as well. I guess I will keep on moving forward with what has happened, but it is such a negative work environment now and I just can't take it. Maybe it's because the MD and DE claims that I am taking over are from case managers in PA who are losing their jobs(to me) and don't want to help me or answer questions, maybe it's because i'm getting disasters that have not been looked at for 5 months and I now have to figure out a whole litigation plan by next week. It's just too too much. Not to mention I have been putting in 12 hr work days on a consistent basis since July.
I just don't know anymore.
someone snuggle me.. :(