My heart
Just slowly starts to heal some...and then I realize my world as I see it and as I dreamed it...is crumbling around me. He came home on Monday night and has been acting if all is the same, yet no appt at the docs or counseling set up as of yet for him. He talks to me a lot...lets me ask things and stuff.... I am sick and tired of hearing how he has been living a double life with me for the past 18 years. WTF?
I am not stupid....
I am overwhelmed however...very, very overwhelmed.
Its as if I am being punished for something I didn't do.
I am not a person who takes well to no love and no companionship....and if he keeps telling me how his "friends" said they are better friends with their ex's then ever...I am going to kill him. We have always gotten along, we have fun we friggin GAME together...or used to nightly. We eat out, all kinds of things...we are NOT enemies.
Now we are doing friend chat...now I am feeling alone and abandoned.
I can't do this for months on end.
I can't go on living in this fucked up world I have been thrown into.
Last Sunday I came home from church with this focus....it was awesome...it was as if God had spoken to me and told me what I had to do and I was gonna do it damn it all!
Then that night that entire vision went to hell.
I have never EVER had an experience quite like last weekend.
This weekend his parents were here, I adore them. Yesterdays lunch with his mother whom loves me was all about divorce.
I am confused....
I am ever so very lost and alone.
He tells me not to listen to those who tell me this...but he is not doing a damn thing to make me feel as though there is no reason to focus on this.
My world is falling apart around me literally....
I am hoping this overwhelming sensation is hormonal tonight...if not....it ain't gonna be pretty for me...even if it is...it ain't gonna be pretty. =(
Dear Peri Menopause...F.U.!!!
I am tired of listening to what others tell me, I am tired of listening period....
I am just tired...utterly tired.
I have never ever wanted to give up so badly as I do at this very moment. =(
Tonight it is as if my heart was torn in two again....my gut hurts as well.
F.M.L.
I am not stupid....
I am overwhelmed however...very, very overwhelmed.
Its as if I am being punished for something I didn't do.
I am not a person who takes well to no love and no companionship....and if he keeps telling me how his "friends" said they are better friends with their ex's then ever...I am going to kill him. We have always gotten along, we have fun we friggin GAME together...or used to nightly. We eat out, all kinds of things...we are NOT enemies.
Now we are doing friend chat...now I am feeling alone and abandoned.
I can't do this for months on end.
I can't go on living in this fucked up world I have been thrown into.
Last Sunday I came home from church with this focus....it was awesome...it was as if God had spoken to me and told me what I had to do and I was gonna do it damn it all!
Then that night that entire vision went to hell.
I have never EVER had an experience quite like last weekend.
This weekend his parents were here, I adore them. Yesterdays lunch with his mother whom loves me was all about divorce.
I am confused....
I am ever so very lost and alone.
He tells me not to listen to those who tell me this...but he is not doing a damn thing to make me feel as though there is no reason to focus on this.
My world is falling apart around me literally....
I am hoping this overwhelming sensation is hormonal tonight...if not....it ain't gonna be pretty for me...even if it is...it ain't gonna be pretty. =(
Dear Peri Menopause...F.U.!!!
I am tired of listening to what others tell me, I am tired of listening period....
I am just tired...utterly tired.
I have never ever wanted to give up so badly as I do at this very moment. =(
Tonight it is as if my heart was torn in two again....my gut hurts as well.
F.M.L.