Hmmm
As I sit and look at my life, I question where it went wrong. What did I do, what did we do? How can I change it. I know what my friends are telling me, but its easy for them.
They have college degrees they have family to help. They are not pushing the age I am with no skills and two kids who will be harmed if things where to change so drastically. So what do I do until they are older? SO much to ponder, so much to stress over.
DO I change the entire makeup of the family because I am being torn apart little by little...is it me who is more important here? Do I loose my kids, or keep them but loose everything they love and cherish?
IF I look at the big picture....with the economy included here. M could not pay to keep this house, so we'd have to move to an apartment...which means all pets gone. I'd have to get a full time job...which means sending my kids to school...which is NOT an option in my book....public school will never ever happen for my kids. He could not afford private school and if I did get a full time job...I would barely be making minimum wage. So then what? Get two jobs...never be with my kids.
I love how my friends make it sound so simple..when the big picture is horrible.
Do I call my friend back to see the wisdom from God he was given? I mean, so far all they want me to do is leave. I know M will be fine with it...it won't make him find God, change his ways or even remotely change his position on who he is.
IT will make him mad, it will make my life hell and it will tear up my kids.
So here I plan to sit for ten more years...until THEY are safe and sound, they are my priority.
They have college degrees they have family to help. They are not pushing the age I am with no skills and two kids who will be harmed if things where to change so drastically. So what do I do until they are older? SO much to ponder, so much to stress over.
DO I change the entire makeup of the family because I am being torn apart little by little...is it me who is more important here? Do I loose my kids, or keep them but loose everything they love and cherish?
IF I look at the big picture....with the economy included here. M could not pay to keep this house, so we'd have to move to an apartment...which means all pets gone. I'd have to get a full time job...which means sending my kids to school...which is NOT an option in my book....public school will never ever happen for my kids. He could not afford private school and if I did get a full time job...I would barely be making minimum wage. So then what? Get two jobs...never be with my kids.
I love how my friends make it sound so simple..when the big picture is horrible.
Do I call my friend back to see the wisdom from God he was given? I mean, so far all they want me to do is leave. I know M will be fine with it...it won't make him find God, change his ways or even remotely change his position on who he is.
IT will make him mad, it will make my life hell and it will tear up my kids.
So here I plan to sit for ten more years...until THEY are safe and sound, they are my priority.