(no subject)
i finally went for a run!!!!!! i ran 3 miles, which really surprised me cuz i didnt really think id run more than like, a mile and half. i know no one really cares but im so excited that i finally did something besides those little ab workouts and hopefully i'll stick with it.
i might be going down to the beach for the day on monday! itll just be me and the fam but its fine cuz i just want some sunshine in my hair and some tan on my skin! i guess i should crack down on the ab workouts today and tomorrow though since my stomach doesnt look its best. my hips have gotten wider and according to kay and bean my boobs got bigger too. which sucks cuz theres absolutely nothing i could do about either aside from a breast reduction... but who does that when theyre barely a B cup? i was talking with one of the mexicans last night at work and we got into talking about like girls and boys and those kinds of things. anyway, within that convo he told me that he doesnt regard me as skinny. and i know he meant like im not skinny since im a little curvy and not completely flat chested or anything. so i know he wasnt calling me fat or anything. actually, he said my body was just right. but it still upset me a little, cuz i want to be skinny. and i know i have to do it the healthy way. im really hoping this immense pressure i put on myself to have a good body will only work to my benefit and motivate me to work out and eat healthier. but alot of the time it only seems to stress me out to no end and everytime i eat something other than salad, grilled chicken, or tomatoes i feel sick and bad about it. ugh i just wish i could accept the way i look. if i really do start running everyday like i want to, then i think i will accept myself cuz i'll know theres no reason why i should feel bad about my body if im doing everything i can do to make it look the way it does. aaaaaaaah.
im really bored. i wish i started work earlier than f-ing 6pm. im gona get cut at like, 830. woo, money. sike.
i might be going down to the beach for the day on monday! itll just be me and the fam but its fine cuz i just want some sunshine in my hair and some tan on my skin! i guess i should crack down on the ab workouts today and tomorrow though since my stomach doesnt look its best. my hips have gotten wider and according to kay and bean my boobs got bigger too. which sucks cuz theres absolutely nothing i could do about either aside from a breast reduction... but who does that when theyre barely a B cup? i was talking with one of the mexicans last night at work and we got into talking about like girls and boys and those kinds of things. anyway, within that convo he told me that he doesnt regard me as skinny. and i know he meant like im not skinny since im a little curvy and not completely flat chested or anything. so i know he wasnt calling me fat or anything. actually, he said my body was just right. but it still upset me a little, cuz i want to be skinny. and i know i have to do it the healthy way. im really hoping this immense pressure i put on myself to have a good body will only work to my benefit and motivate me to work out and eat healthier. but alot of the time it only seems to stress me out to no end and everytime i eat something other than salad, grilled chicken, or tomatoes i feel sick and bad about it. ugh i just wish i could accept the way i look. if i really do start running everyday like i want to, then i think i will accept myself cuz i'll know theres no reason why i should feel bad about my body if im doing everything i can do to make it look the way it does. aaaaaaaah.
im really bored. i wish i started work earlier than f-ing 6pm. im gona get cut at like, 830. woo, money. sike.