Come break me down... bury me, bury me.
wow im really a penn state student now haha. monday night dad and i drove up to psu... in a torrential downpour in pitch dark haha. it was terrible weather, like we could not see a thing. but we made it up there... at midnight. woke up at 6 hours later to be out of the hotel in time to get a spot in line before it was too late to get my psu student id and email account! my id picture is okay. i dont hate it but dont love it. but then again, i never like pics of myself so what else is new? then there was like the introduction ceremony and then students split from their parents into classes to learn about scheduling and get our placement test scores back. i scored really high in english and qualified for honors english composition. my scores were in the average range for math and chem. then in the afternoon we actually scheduled our classes! unfortunately like every class i wanted to take was full. thank God my advising day wasnt any later cuz even honors english had no seats left available! i wont be taking italian, cuz therse only 6 elementary italian classes with 25 seats in each... so yay, 150 students out of a bajillion can take elementary italian a semester. so i basically will never get to take it. im taking 17 credits worth of classes, which is alot. my adviser (shes not my real adviser, she was just faculty from the health and human development college that has my major) was a total idiot and made me sign up for like everything. and she had 3 flesh colored moles on her face that looked like pink bubbles. i could not take my eyes off of them. she told me i had to take english, first year seminar, and then recommended chem and chem lab. i have 4 days of 8am classes... chem on monday and friday and english on tuesday and thursday. tuesday nights i have chem lab til 1035pm!!!! aaaaaaaaah. im also taking microeconomics (need it for my major), introductory psych (need it for my major), and a first year seminar in the HHD college. and im taking a food science class cuz it looked cool and the adviser said i should have 3 more credits. so i might not be alive by the end of the semester but we'll see. my goal is to make dean's list, which is a gpa of 3.5 or higher. i really hope i can do it. i dont wanna be just a number at penn state, even though its hard for me not to be since im one of like 38,000 people. i want my teachers to know my name and to do something that will make the university proud of me. yea, and besides that, i met some really cool people, guys and girls. most girls wore head to toe hollister and/or abercrombie and carried around coach bags. wow, theres me all over the place haha. next year should be fun, if im ever not in class haha. i also met a girl thatll be in two of my classes which is pretty cool.
im sooooo glad i got to spend that time with my dad. things are better with us now. we had one incredibly deep conversation and he ended up tearing up. which like tore my heart apart cuz ive seen that man cry maybe two other times in my life. it was basically about me almost being an adult. which is great but really scary/sad at the same time. i just get scared that i'll end up being the older daughter that the parents are like wow whatd we do wrong with her? i mean its not like im all drugged up and stuff, im just not the sweet innocent girl i was when i was 7. and i wish i still could be, cuz that was before i ever really did anything to disappoint them. and now im just this child that really is practically an adult that they cant really tell what to do anymore. but i guess, if i dont wanna feel like im the total screwup of a child, that i need to use my new independence to do good things and only make them proud of me. so that they cant regret losing me to adulthood and college. i mean of course they knew thye couldnt control me forever. but still. how i live my life determines how they have and will continue to raise my siblings. when i think about this stuff it makes me never wanna drink again and save myself for marriage. who knows, maybe i will save myself. but i really dont know if i can do that, or if i'll wanna do that. i just really want my parents to be proud of me for all that i do, in and out of a classroom.
well its late and i should sleep before i ramble anymore. i recommend seeing superman to anyone that likes movies with action, romance, high tech weapons, baby-daddy drama, and information about minerals and crystals. haha
im sooooo glad i got to spend that time with my dad. things are better with us now. we had one incredibly deep conversation and he ended up tearing up. which like tore my heart apart cuz ive seen that man cry maybe two other times in my life. it was basically about me almost being an adult. which is great but really scary/sad at the same time. i just get scared that i'll end up being the older daughter that the parents are like wow whatd we do wrong with her? i mean its not like im all drugged up and stuff, im just not the sweet innocent girl i was when i was 7. and i wish i still could be, cuz that was before i ever really did anything to disappoint them. and now im just this child that really is practically an adult that they cant really tell what to do anymore. but i guess, if i dont wanna feel like im the total screwup of a child, that i need to use my new independence to do good things and only make them proud of me. so that they cant regret losing me to adulthood and college. i mean of course they knew thye couldnt control me forever. but still. how i live my life determines how they have and will continue to raise my siblings. when i think about this stuff it makes me never wanna drink again and save myself for marriage. who knows, maybe i will save myself. but i really dont know if i can do that, or if i'll wanna do that. i just really want my parents to be proud of me for all that i do, in and out of a classroom.
well its late and i should sleep before i ramble anymore. i recommend seeing superman to anyone that likes movies with action, romance, high tech weapons, baby-daddy drama, and information about minerals and crystals. haha