Fifty-one hours - Chapter eight
Title: Fifty-one hours
Chapter: 8 / ?
Author: snfan3 and Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: M/M sex, Non con, Violence, Spoilers only for episodes already aired in U.S.
Beta: As always we want to thank our ever speedy beta Wenchpixie for her wonderful work and encouragement. A very special thank you too to jdsampson who told me about a fic she is writing that involves Jensen and a Gun, giving me the prompt (plot bunny) for this and the next chapter.
Feedback: Most definitely!
Disclaimer: Official Disclaimer here...We don’t own them, but they sure as hell own us!
Summary: After Jensen gets kidnapped, both he and Jared struggle to come to terms with the aftermath.
Cross-posted like stupid; padacklesrps, super_real, supernaturalfic, cw_rps, sn_fic jensenslash
Previous Chapters: xXx One xXx Two xXx Three xXx Four xXx Five xXx Six xXx Seven xXx
Fifty-one hours - Chapter eight
“How could you do that to me?” he whispered as tears streamed down his face.
He felt sick as he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around himself protectively.
“I trusted you.”
Jensen continued to sob as he pulled himself into an even tighter ball. It was minutes before he finally realized that Jared was talking quietly to him. He couldn’t do this right now. He knew he had to get away, but apparently his body wasn’t listening to any of his commands. Start acting like a man and get your ass off the floor Ackles!
“Jensen, I didn’t…I wouldn’t, you have to know that I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Jensen tensed as he sensed Jared moving towards him. “Don’t touch me!” he growled as he finally got his body to co-operate and pushed himself away from Jared.
“Jen please, I…” Jared paused as he heard Jensen’s cell ringing in the living room behind them.
Thank god. Jensen calmed slightly as he realized this was his way out - away from Jared, away from the pain.“I have to get that,” he said as he pushed himself up off the floor and stepped around Jared’s still crouching form.
Keeping his back resolutely turned to Jared, Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, giving himself a moment to push down his emotions before flipping open his phone. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this Mr. Ackles?” an unfamiliar female voice asked.
“Can I ask who’s calling please?” Jensen replied automatically as words from his first manager flitted through his brain. Never answer yes to that question Jensen. It might be a reporter…
“My name is Claire, I’m calling from Holt Medical Center,” she replied.
Holt Medical Center… Holt Medical Center? Why does that…Oh fuck! Jensen’s breath hitched dangerously as he realised who was calling, why they were calling.
“Yes, I’m Jensen Ackles,” he croaked as his throat seemed to suddenly close up. “How can I help you?” he asked shifting nervously, suddenly aware that Jared was moving cautiously to his side.
“Mr Ackles, I’m calling because you missed an appointment today for a blood test. I’ve been asked to call and see if there was a reason you were unable to make it?”
“Ahh… no. I just… sorry, I completely forgot that the test was today.”
“Well sir, I’m sorry to inform you that unless you were unable to attend for medical reasons we’ll have to charge you for the missed appointment. The cost…” Jensen tuned the lady out and almost laughed. Medical reasons? You mean like having a fucking nervous breakdown?
“Mr Ackles?” Claire asked. Apparently he’d tuned her out for too long.
“Sorry, I’m here. That’s fine, you can charge whatever you need to.”
“And the new appointment?” she asked.
“The what?” Jensen cringed as the question came out far more shakily than he would have liked.
A small sigh sounded from the other end of the line. “A new appointment for your blood test sir. When are you next available to come in?”
“Oh, umm…” his mind raced as he unconsciously turned to start pacing, stopping abruptly when he realized he had just taken a step straight into Jared. Jared. He growled and quickly spun himself away. God I need to get out of here, like now.
“How about today?” he asked hopefully. Not that he actually wanted to have the blood test done, because that would mean that there’d be results… No. I can’t think about that, not now. Right now all he needed to concentrate on was getting an appointment time so that he could get away from Jared and…
“The only appointment we have left for today is in just under an hour at 2:30. Would you be able to make it by then?”
“Yes!” Jensen jumped at his chance before realizing that he must sound like a complete nut job to the receptionist. “Yes,” he said in a much calmer tone, “I can make that.”
“Okay then Mr Ackles, we’ll see you soon.”
“Thank you yes, I’ll see you soon,” he said before he slowly lowered the phone from his ear and flipped it shut.
“You…” Jared’s voice sounded thick and hesitant.
“I have to go,” Jensen snapped, anger suddenly filling him again as his mind struggled to keep up with everything that had happened over the last ten minutes.
“But, that was… I mean, was it…” Jared trailed off seemingly unable to find the words, but Jensen could tell from the fear in his eyes that Jared knew exactly what the phone call had been about.
Without another word, Jensen stalked down the hall to collect his keys and wallet before moving back to the front door and slipping into his shoes. He slammed the door as he left the apartment without so much as a backwards glace at Jared who was apparently still too shocked to speak.
oooOOOooo
Jensen let his eyes flutter closed and concentrated on his breathing as he waited in the small examination room for the doctor to see him.
He frowned a he realized that closing his eyes only made the thoughts, fears running through his mind even louder. Desperate to distract himself he began humming the ‘Back in Black’ tune, which worked up until the first chorus which was when he remembered all the times he’d sung along to the tune with Jared.
“Jesus Christ,” he murmured to himself. “If that doc doesn’t get in here soon I’m gonna…” he snapped his mouth shut as the door opened and an elderly doctor let himself into the room.
“Ah, you must be Mr. Ackles, correct?” the man asked as he shut the door behind him and sat at the small desk opposite Jensen.
“Yeah,” Jensen said, swallowing nervously and forcing his face to at least appear calm.
“Good. Well, I’m Dr. Swanson and I’ll be doing your check-up today so what say we get started?” he asked with a warm smile on his face.
“Sure thing doc,” Jensen quipped with a wide smile of his own. Careful Jensen, don’t lay it on too thick, he silently berated himself as he eased back on his smile which was more appropriate for the red carpet than a clinic’s examination room.
“Okay, well if you’ll just roll up your left sleeve, well get started with your blood pressure.”
Jensen nodded and silently complied with the request.
“How have you been feeling over the last few months?” Dr. Swanson enquired calmly as he slipped the cuff over Jensen’s wrist and manoeuvred it up his arm.
Just fucking awesome doc. I’ve been a real barrel of sunshine.
“Have you had any flu symptoms? Fever, achy muscles, blocked or runny nose?” he clarified.
Jensen gulped as the possible ramification of his ‘holiday flu’ once again raced through his head. “Ahhh….. yeah,” he admitted quietly. “ I had all of those a few weeks back. But it just lasted for a day. I think I was just run down,” he added hopefully.
The rest of the exam passed quickly, the doctor listened to his heart and lungs and checked his ears and throat before he asked Jensen to sit on the bed while he drew the blood. “I know you said you won’t faint at the sight of blood, but let’s get you up here just in case,” he added with a wink.
Before he knew it, Dr. Swanson was scribbling down the code from the vial of collected blood and handing him an information sheet along with more information brochures with titles like ‘Living with HIV: the facts’.
“The results will be ready in three days. All you need to do is call the number on this sheet, quote the code at the top, and you’ll be given the results. However, if you’d rather come in, I can schedule another appointment for you and I’ll go over the results with you in person.”
Come in person and risk having to see that look again? “No, that’s okay thanks, the phone call will be fine.” Jensen nodded and shook the doctor’s hand before turning and getting out of there as fast as he could.
oooOOOooo
After running a quick errand, the ride home seemed to pass in a blur as Jensen tried desperately to stamp down the seething emotions which were currently twisting his insides into knots.
When he pulled into his parking garage, finally away from public scrutiny, he succumbed to the burning in his eyes and let the tears flow freely down his face. How could he do this to me? How could he betray me like that? Questions continued to spin through his head until he was once again sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for breath as tears and snot blazed trails of pain and sorrow down his face.
It wasn’t until another twenty minutes had passed that Jensen was finally able to get himself under control. Glancing at his blurry form in the rear-view mirror he almost laughed at the desperate face which stared back at him. If my fans could see me now, they sure as hell wouldn’t think I was that sexy.
He grabbed a tissue and wiped off his face, before squinting at his image again to try and see if he looked presentable enough to use the communal stairs in his apartment block. “Shit!” he cursed, as he realized suddenly that it wasn’t tears which were making his vision blurry, but the loss of his contacts. “Can’t believe I fucking cried my contacts out and didn’t notice,” he berated himself. “When the hell did I become such a pussy?” Anger at himself for feeling so out of control was now rolling through him and taking over the despair of only moments ago.
With a tired sigh, he pulled on his sunglasses I don’t care if it’s an inside stairwell and trudged towards his apartment.
When he reached the top of the stairs he froze as he took in a familiar figure sitting outside his apartment, back leaning against his front door.
“What’s up JR? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Mackenzie grinned cockily as she pushed herself to her feet.
“Mac,” he breathed as he strode forward and enveloped her in tight hug, dropping his head to her shoulder as a small tremor of emotion raced through his body.
“You’re not looking so hot big brother. I thought we had a deal? You were supposed to be taking care of yourself,” she chided softly as she clung to him tightly with one arm while the other moved in small circles on his back.
“I’ve had the worst fucking day Kenz,” he whispered, face firmly nestled into her neck, knowing that by now she would be able to feel the tears leaking from his eyes. “So glad you’re here.”
“Of course JR. What are little sisters for?”
They stood in comfortable silence, locked in a tight embrace until Mackenzie spoke again. “Jensen, I know you love me and I love you too bro, but I’m kinda partial to having all my ribs in one piece so you’re going to have to loosen the grip a little here.”
“Shit,” he gasped as he jumped back quickly. “Did I hurt you?” he asked with wide eyes.
“Pfft. Like you’d ever hurt me Jense,” she said with a quick smile as she firmly pulled him back into a hug. “And I never said anything about stopping; I just said you needed to loosen your grip a little… It’s good to see you again.”
Another minute passed before Jensen pulled away sniffing and wiping at the tears on his face. “Why didn’t you call and let me know you were coming?” he complained. “You know I would have picked you up from the airport.”
Mackenzie simply rolled her eyes as she turned and picked up her bag. “Honestly JR, which part of the ‘surprise visit’ concept don’t you understand?”
Jensen growled at the use of his nickname. “You realize you’re the only one who I’ve let get away with calling me that since I turned thirteen, right?”
“Yeah, but I’m special,” she beamed as she moved into his apartment ahead of him.
A warmth settled inside Jensen which he would have thought impossible only five minutes ago. A sense of comfort and love filled him as he followed his little sister through the door.
“That you are kiddo,” he said seriously.
She might have been hell on wheels since the time she hit her teens, but they’d always shared a strong bond. She was his little sister; someone who he’d fought with and protected for most of his life. She was someone who had always seemed to be able to know what he was thinking and what he needed… sometimes even before he did.
Jensen sniffed and smiled when she gave him a concerned look. As he locked the door behind himself, he couldn’t help but hope that maybe, with his sister around to help, he’d be able to survive the mess his life had fallen into.
oooOOOooo
“So let me get this straight. You and Jared had a huge fight today because he told someone else a secret you’d told him?” Mackenzie asked carefully.
“Yeah,” he grunted, a hint of warning in his tone. There had been more tears and hugs as Jensen had unloaded all his emotions on his sister over the last two hours. They now sat eating Chinese food as Mackenzie tried to make sense of everything he’d told her.
Of course, he hadn’t actually told her everything. His family knew about the HIV test - they’d been told it was because of the all the blood spilt during the fight while he was being held captive. But he hadn’t allowed the doctors to tell them about the rape, and so Jensen had had to be vague about why he wasn’t Jared’s friend anymore and never could be again, because god damn it. A real friend would never have betrayed me like that!
Unfortunately, Mackenzie wasn’t accepting the censored version and was pushing for the ‘full story’.
“JR, come on. This is me you’re talking to - why won’t you tell me what actually happened?” she all but pouted.
Jensen sighed at the question. The same one I’ve heard her ask at least ten times in the last two hours! “Mac, it’s not impor…” Jensen broke off as a yawn suddenly took over his ability to speak.
Mackenzie’s eyes softened as she looked at him closely. “You look exhausted Jen. I know it’s early, but I had a long day too. Why don’t we hit the sack and pick this up in the morning?”
“Yeah,” he murmured as another yawn crept up on him. “Thanks Mac, I really am wiped.”
Shoving the leftovers into the fridge, Jensen walked his sister into the hallway, stopping at the door to his guest bedroom. “Thanks for listening to me Mac, I mean… you’ve been really great and…”
“Of course I’ve been great. We’ve already established that I’m the best little sister in the world,” she jested, casually giving Jensen the chance to escape from yet another emotional moment.
“Yeah, but I mean all the stuff with Jared… the kiss… I know mom and dad would freak if they knew and it means a lot to me that you didn’t. Freak I mean. So I… I just wanted to say…”
“I love you too big brother.” Mackenzie smiled with earnest sincerity.
Jensen nodded and pulled her in for another quick hug. “Love you Kenz. Thanks for coming. I don’t know what I would have done tonight without you.”
“Oh, this isn’t over yet JR. But you’re welcome. I’ll see you in the morning okay?”
“Yeah, okay. ’Night Mac.”
“Oh and JR?” Mackenzie called as he moved down the hall to his room. “I take two sugars in my coffee and I’ll have scrambled eggs with my bacon.” She grinned at him before stepping back into her room and quietly closing the door.
Jensen couldn’t help but laugh to himself as he continued on to his room and collapsed onto his bed, exhaustion pulling him into a deep sleep before he could even worry about possible nightmares.
oooOOOooo
Jensen yawned around his coffee as he and Mackenzie sat quietly together, eating their Sunday morning breakfast.
“You still look tired JR,” Mackenzie mused as she carefully examined her brother. Dark shadows circled his eyes and the normal sparkle in them seemed hazy this morning.
“’m fine,” he mumbled, eyes resolutely fixed on his breakfast.
Mackenzie sighed. She’d heard her bother tossing and turning in the early hours of the morning, clearly having a nightmare, but by the time she’d pulled herself out of bed the noises from his room had stopped and she’d figured that he probably wouldn’t appreciate his little sister barging into his room in the middle of the night.
Despite how close they were, Jensen was still a guy and she’d worried about making him uncomfortable by forcing him to talk to her. After all, him opening up to her last night was one thing, but her forcing a heart to heart on her usually proud and independent older brother was completely different.
Now though, she worried she’d made a mistake. Jensen clearly hadn’t gone back to sleep after the nightmare. Men! What is it about them never asking for help when they need it?
“So, are we going shopping today? ’Cause your kitchen is seriously lacking…pretty much everything,” she grinned, hoping to take his mind off the nightmare.
Jensen froze.
Was that fear she saw in his eyes?
“Not today Kenz, the shops will be packed - I’ll get some stuff tomorrow after work,” he choked, suddenly not making eye contact.
Mackenzie narrowed her eyes. Something’s definitely bugging him. “Okay JR, spit it out.”
Jensen looked startled at her comment. “I don’t…” he started.
“Nuh,” She interrupted, raising her hand in the universal sign for stop. “Don’t even think about lying to me JR; I know you too well. Something is obviously bothering you.”
“Mac seriously, there’s nothing wrong.”
“Okay, let’s start with an easy one then. Why don’t you want to go to the store?” she asked with a tone that let Jensen know she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer.
Jensen dropped his eyes and blushed, suddenly squirming in his seat.
Mackenzie sat patiently waiting for her brother to tell her what was going on. Come on JR, you may not think we know, but it wasn’t that hard to work out. Why don’t you trust me enough to tell me? she silently urged.
“I just…” Jensen shifted again, finally fixing his eyes out the kitchen window. “I haven’t been to the store since the kidnapping, I mean I have but not without Jared,” he confessed gruffly. “It’s just all the people there; there’s too many of them Kenz. All these strangers…bumping into me…touching me…I just can’t,” he stuttered out.
Mackenzie reached for her brother’s hand across the table and squeezed reassuringly. “He’s been there protecting you,” she quietly murmured, suddenly even more grateful that her brother had found such a wonderful friend.
“He just…he’s big enough to keep people away…and he knows, can tell, when I have to leave…when it’s too much for me,” Jensen admitted quietly, his hand now clenching hers like a lifeline.
“He makes you feel safe,” she agreed, heart breaking at the fragility in her brother’s voice.
“He knows, and he doesn’t care, and he’s never looked at me with that look,” Jensen breathed, tears now slipping silently down his face. “He never looked at me any different, never looked at me like I was damaged.” The words now seemed to stream from his mouth.
Mackenzie, sensing her brother was about to finally open up completely, moved around the table and pressed herself into his side, slinging one arm tightly around him; feeling the tremors now rumbling through his body.
“He doesn’t look at me like I was raped,” he whispered.
She could feel him tense at the admission; waiting for her reaction. Pressing a kiss to his temple, she tightened her hold briefly before lifting her arm so that she could face him. “That’s because he loves you JR. We all do. None of us think of you any different because of what happened. It wasn’t your fault.”
Jensen blinked as he continued to stare at her. She waited patiently, never breaking eye contact, as he seemingly processed what she’d just said.
“You knew?” he breathed in astonishment.
Mackenzie nodded, hating the uncertainty she could see in his eyes.
“Yeah JR, a few weeks ago I thought that maybe it had happened, just from some of the things you’d said on the phone, and then when Jared called looking for you the other day, I knew. I knew that the kidnapping had to have been something more for you to be so upset.”
“You knew,” he said again, this time dissolving into gut wrenching sobs. “I didn’t want people to know,” he wept. “I didn’t… and now Mike’s worked it out too…”
“Shhhh, JR. Shhhh. It’ll be alright. It’s okay. You don’t have to hide this from us. We love you and this doesn’t change anything,” she assured, pulling him back into a tight embrace.
Silently, she pulled him up and led him over to the couch; pushed him to lie down and sat quietly on the floor next to him. “Just get some rest JR, you need to get some sleep,” she said firmly, gently running her fingers through his hair. “We can talk about this later. After you’ve slept.”
Mackenzie pressed another kiss to his forehead, continuing to run her fingers through his hair in an attempt to settle him into a peaceful sleep. “Just sleep big brother, I’ll stand guard for you,” she whispered quietly.
Jensen didn’t protest. His eyes flickered shut and his hitching breath soon smoothed into the rhythmic pattern of sleep.
oooOOOooo
Jensen sighed quietly as he took the elevator up to Eric’s office. Eric had called while he was still asleep, but Mackenzie had spoken to him, letting him know that Jensen wanted to come in and have a meeting with him and Kim.
How she’d known that that’s what he’d wanted to do he had no idea, but he figured it probably had something to do with little sister ESP.
Schooling his face to look calm, Jensen readied himself to apologise to his boss. God I hope they’re not too angry.
Walking into the office, he greeted them quietly and took a seat next to Kim.
“Jensen, we wanted to talk to you…”Eric started.
“I know,” Jensen interrupted, launching into the speech he’d silently prepared. “I know that you can’t be happy with the way I behaved on set the other day, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t professional and it won’t happen again, I’ll make sure of it.” Jensen spoke woodenly, being sure to push down any hint of weakness or vulnerability.
“You can dock my pay. I mean, you should. I know I cost you half a day of shooting and you should…”
“Jensen,” Eric interrupted. “You’re right, what you did wasn’t professional and we don’t want it happening again, but we’re more worried about why it happened this time. We’re worried about you Jensen,” Eric said earnestly.
“If you feel you’ve come back too soon, or that the load’s too heavy at the moment, we can change the shooting schedule to something that suits you better,” Kim said, continuing on with Eric’s speech.
“No,” Jensen said firmly. “I don’t need any more time off. I just… Alona was pushing me down and for a moment I felt trapped… I felt like I was back there,” Jensen admitted quietly. “But it won’t happen again,” he assured. God I hope it doesn’t happen again.
“Jensen,” Eric said softly. “We’re not angry about what happened on set, we didn’t come here to chew your ass. We came here in the hope that we could work something out with you. Work out a way to make things easier for you on set.”
Jensen nodded, silently thankful for their understanding, but not wanting to be seen as unable to do his job.
“It’s fine, really. You don’t need to change anything.”
“Jensen,” Kim warned in his ‘I’m not taking any kind of bullshit’ voice.
Jensen felt himself lose a little of his control at the sound of Kim’s concern. “Okay,” he conceded. “It would be easier if you could make sure I have all my scenes the day before. I’ll be fine if I have a chance to go over them and work through them with Jared.” He paused as he realized what he’d just said. God damn it! What happened to not appearing weak?
“I ah,” he stuttered, “I mean, that scene I did, I got it at lunch and I didn’t really…” he trailed off, recognizing that he was just digging himself into an even deeper hole.
“No Jensen, don’t be afraid to ask for this,” Eric assured. “We don’t want you doing anything you’re uncomfortable with and if you need some extra time to prepare for the scenes that’s okay.”
“Thanks,” Jensen nodded, grateful that Eric and Kim weren’t angry at him. “Like I said, it won’t happen again.”
Kim chuckled, “Yeah, we know Jensen, it’s not like you’re some diva. Now why don’t you get out of here. We’ll see you first thing Tuesday, and we’ll make sure to get a complete script to you by tomorrow morning.”
Letting out a silent sigh of relief that they hadn’t fired his sorry ass, Jensen said his goodbyes and headed back to his car.
One down, two to go.
oooOOOooo
“Hello, Luke’s Gun Store, Luke speaking.”
“Hello? Ahh…I made an application a few months ago, and I just wanted to see if my security check had come through,” Jensen asked nervously as a man politely answered his call. “My name is Jensen Ackles,” he added.
“Yeah buddy, just give me a sec to check the system,” Luke replied.
Jensen wiggled in his driver’s seat anxiously as he waited for the reply. He had only made the application a couple of days ago, and he wondered if his friend Kevin from the Burnaby Police Station would really be able to backdate the application as he said he would.
“Yep, your application has been approved. You can pick up your gun any time you like…Umm, hang on,” Luke said cautiously.
Jensen held his breath. “What? Is…is there a problem?”
“Well the Security check is here. But you need to have done one of the accredited Gun handling courses. I should have a copy of the certificate they gave you.” Jensen could hear Luke clicking the mouse on the computer.
“Oh yeah that,” Jensen sighed as he went into full on actor’s mode. Kevin had warned him that it may take a little longer to create that kind of record, but had informed him on what to say if questioned. “There was a glitch in the system. The guy at the desk said he would fax it to you instead of email.
“Fax?” Jensen could imagine the man standing there scratching his head. “No wonder,” he said. “Rarely check that these days. You know with all this new fangled high tech. stuff.”
“Yeah, know what you mean,” Jensen said sympathetically.
“Okay hang on, I’ll go check.”
After hearing the rustle of paper, Luke returned to the phone. “Okay, yeah, sorry about that Mr. Ackles, it’s here.”
Well I’ll be damned. Jensen thought smugly. It really isn’t what you know…
“Thanks,” Jensen said as the terror that clenched his heart loosened a little. “I’ll come by and pick it up soon.”
Without thinking about what he’d just done, he flipped his phone shut and steered his car away from the downtown district and over to a quiet part of town.
Just need to be safe.
oooOOOooo
Jensen had done his research about keeping a gun in the house. He knew he needed to lock it up and keep the key in a separate place. It was a ‘child proof’ precaution, and although he didn’t have any kids, he wanted to do it anyhow.
It’s there just as a safe guard, nothing more. Jensen reminded himself, as he stared at the shine on the metal of the gun. He fought the desire to actually wear the piece on the holster that had come with it.
Too extreme? he mused, actually considering it briefly, before he heard loud banging on his front door. He sighed. Not knowing how, but as he strode down the stairs to answer it, he knew by the tightness in his chest, it would be Jared.
“Dude you’re going to splinter the wood,” Jensen said when he swung the door open.
Before he could even blink, Jared had pushed past him and through the door, turning and taking a deep breath in preparation for his monolog. He had practiced exactly what he was going to say and Jensen was not going to stop him saying it.
“I know you’re pissed at me Jen, but… It’s just not fair. I mean, I didn’t do anything wrong.” Jared pleaded with his eyes as well as his words. “I didn’t tell Mike, I swear it. I don’t know how he found out, but…you just have to believe me man,” he implored.
Jensen opened his mouth to say something but Jared continued seemingly unaware. “See, the thing is. You know me. You do. Right? You know that you’re the best friend I’ve got.” Jared started to pace. “You’ve gotta know I could never betray you.”
Although kind of enjoying the comical element of Jared’s ramblings, Jensen did manage to speak eventually. “I do Jared. I do believe you.”
Jared couldn’t help but let the grin on his face widen. “You do?”
“I’m really sorry Jay,” Jensen said sincerely. “With all the shit that’s happened. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you man. Not you. I’m sorry.”
Jared visibly relaxed. “I’m sorry too.”
“They say you always hurt the one you…” love Jensen cut his words off abruptly. Its worth as a ‘throw away line’ suddenly changed.
Slowly the gap between them started to get smaller as each man edged their way towards the other. Their need to be closer outweighing the awkwardness of what to do when they got there.
Jared smiled at the unspoken word of ‘love’ that hung in the air between them. “Jen?” Jared reached out to feel Jensen’s face when he was close enough.
Jensen didn’t flinch, just closed his eyes and leaned into the touch with a soft sigh.
“Jared?” A loud and bouncy voice beamed from the door way, causing Jared to take a step back and turn around.
“Mackenzie?” Jared looked surprised, preparing himself for the onslaught as Jensen’s kid sister raced into embrace and kiss him. Almost knocking them both to the ground in the process.
“Wow Mac, what are you doing here?” Jared said, and then thought that it may have come out wrong. “I…I mean, Jensen didn’t mention you were coming up,” he corrected.
“Jensen didn’t know,” she said slyly, impressed with herself.
“Oh, okay. Well it’s good to see you again anyhow Mac.” Jared grinned. He could tell with one look how happy his co-star was to have his family around.
Mackenzie placed her hands on her hips. There was an authoritative tone in her voice when she spoke. “So you two boys kissed and made up then?”
Jared’s eyes widened a little, not sure if it was a question or a statement as he shot a questioning glance towards Jensen.
“Yeah, we’ve sorted it out,” Jensen answered his sister casually, and Jared immediately got the impression Jensen had been completely honest with her.
“Good!” Mackenzie couldn’t help the smile, but there was still a ‘was going to smack your heads together otherwise’ in her manner.
“So how about we get some pizza, have a few beers and watch some TV?” Jensen asked them both.
Please stay for a while? was what Jared heard.
Jared’s was sure he saw a hint of mischief on Jensen’s face when their eyes met. “Yeah, sounds good,” Jared agreed, acutely aware he was starting to flirt.
Jensen steered him towards the kitchen with a hand that brushed ever so slightly over his ass, before softly coming to rest on the small of his back.
Jared couldn’t help the flutter of anticipation that raced through him. He felt like a teenager falling in love for the first time, because damn, Jensen was flirting back!
TBC…
AN from snfan3: Thanks for sticking with us so far! We love all the reviews we get, so please keep them up! ♥ ♥ On a side note, I fly down to visit Zenamydog in just 11 days (how cool is that) - both of us in one city... god help you all! :D
Chapter Nine...
Chapter: 8 / ?
Author: snfan3 and Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: M/M sex, Non con, Violence, Spoilers only for episodes already aired in U.S.
Beta: As always we want to thank our ever speedy beta Wenchpixie for her wonderful work and encouragement. A very special thank you too to jdsampson who told me about a fic she is writing that involves Jensen and a Gun, giving me the prompt (plot bunny) for this and the next chapter.
Feedback: Most definitely!
Disclaimer: Official Disclaimer here...We don’t own them, but they sure as hell own us!
Summary: After Jensen gets kidnapped, both he and Jared struggle to come to terms with the aftermath.
Cross-posted like stupid; padacklesrps, super_real, supernaturalfic, cw_rps, sn_fic jensenslash
Previous Chapters: xXx One xXx Two xXx Three xXx Four xXx Five xXx Six xXx Seven xXx
Fifty-one hours - Chapter eight
“How could you do that to me?” he whispered as tears streamed down his face.
He felt sick as he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around himself protectively.
“I trusted you.”
Jensen continued to sob as he pulled himself into an even tighter ball. It was minutes before he finally realized that Jared was talking quietly to him. He couldn’t do this right now. He knew he had to get away, but apparently his body wasn’t listening to any of his commands. Start acting like a man and get your ass off the floor Ackles!
“Jensen, I didn’t…I wouldn’t, you have to know that I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Jensen tensed as he sensed Jared moving towards him. “Don’t touch me!” he growled as he finally got his body to co-operate and pushed himself away from Jared.
“Jen please, I…” Jared paused as he heard Jensen’s cell ringing in the living room behind them.
Thank god. Jensen calmed slightly as he realized this was his way out - away from Jared, away from the pain.“I have to get that,” he said as he pushed himself up off the floor and stepped around Jared’s still crouching form.
Keeping his back resolutely turned to Jared, Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, giving himself a moment to push down his emotions before flipping open his phone. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this Mr. Ackles?” an unfamiliar female voice asked.
“Can I ask who’s calling please?” Jensen replied automatically as words from his first manager flitted through his brain. Never answer yes to that question Jensen. It might be a reporter…
“My name is Claire, I’m calling from Holt Medical Center,” she replied.
Holt Medical Center… Holt Medical Center? Why does that…Oh fuck! Jensen’s breath hitched dangerously as he realised who was calling, why they were calling.
“Yes, I’m Jensen Ackles,” he croaked as his throat seemed to suddenly close up. “How can I help you?” he asked shifting nervously, suddenly aware that Jared was moving cautiously to his side.
“Mr Ackles, I’m calling because you missed an appointment today for a blood test. I’ve been asked to call and see if there was a reason you were unable to make it?”
“Ahh… no. I just… sorry, I completely forgot that the test was today.”
“Well sir, I’m sorry to inform you that unless you were unable to attend for medical reasons we’ll have to charge you for the missed appointment. The cost…” Jensen tuned the lady out and almost laughed. Medical reasons? You mean like having a fucking nervous breakdown?
“Mr Ackles?” Claire asked. Apparently he’d tuned her out for too long.
“Sorry, I’m here. That’s fine, you can charge whatever you need to.”
“And the new appointment?” she asked.
“The what?” Jensen cringed as the question came out far more shakily than he would have liked.
A small sigh sounded from the other end of the line. “A new appointment for your blood test sir. When are you next available to come in?”
“Oh, umm…” his mind raced as he unconsciously turned to start pacing, stopping abruptly when he realized he had just taken a step straight into Jared. Jared. He growled and quickly spun himself away. God I need to get out of here, like now.
“How about today?” he asked hopefully. Not that he actually wanted to have the blood test done, because that would mean that there’d be results… No. I can’t think about that, not now. Right now all he needed to concentrate on was getting an appointment time so that he could get away from Jared and…
“The only appointment we have left for today is in just under an hour at 2:30. Would you be able to make it by then?”
“Yes!” Jensen jumped at his chance before realizing that he must sound like a complete nut job to the receptionist. “Yes,” he said in a much calmer tone, “I can make that.”
“Okay then Mr Ackles, we’ll see you soon.”
“Thank you yes, I’ll see you soon,” he said before he slowly lowered the phone from his ear and flipped it shut.
“You…” Jared’s voice sounded thick and hesitant.
“I have to go,” Jensen snapped, anger suddenly filling him again as his mind struggled to keep up with everything that had happened over the last ten minutes.
“But, that was… I mean, was it…” Jared trailed off seemingly unable to find the words, but Jensen could tell from the fear in his eyes that Jared knew exactly what the phone call had been about.
Without another word, Jensen stalked down the hall to collect his keys and wallet before moving back to the front door and slipping into his shoes. He slammed the door as he left the apartment without so much as a backwards glace at Jared who was apparently still too shocked to speak.
oooOOOooo
Jensen let his eyes flutter closed and concentrated on his breathing as he waited in the small examination room for the doctor to see him.
He frowned a he realized that closing his eyes only made the thoughts, fears running through his mind even louder. Desperate to distract himself he began humming the ‘Back in Black’ tune, which worked up until the first chorus which was when he remembered all the times he’d sung along to the tune with Jared.
“Jesus Christ,” he murmured to himself. “If that doc doesn’t get in here soon I’m gonna…” he snapped his mouth shut as the door opened and an elderly doctor let himself into the room.
“Ah, you must be Mr. Ackles, correct?” the man asked as he shut the door behind him and sat at the small desk opposite Jensen.
“Yeah,” Jensen said, swallowing nervously and forcing his face to at least appear calm.
“Good. Well, I’m Dr. Swanson and I’ll be doing your check-up today so what say we get started?” he asked with a warm smile on his face.
“Sure thing doc,” Jensen quipped with a wide smile of his own. Careful Jensen, don’t lay it on too thick, he silently berated himself as he eased back on his smile which was more appropriate for the red carpet than a clinic’s examination room.
“Okay, well if you’ll just roll up your left sleeve, well get started with your blood pressure.”
Jensen nodded and silently complied with the request.
“How have you been feeling over the last few months?” Dr. Swanson enquired calmly as he slipped the cuff over Jensen’s wrist and manoeuvred it up his arm.
Just fucking awesome doc. I’ve been a real barrel of sunshine.
“Have you had any flu symptoms? Fever, achy muscles, blocked or runny nose?” he clarified.
Jensen gulped as the possible ramification of his ‘holiday flu’ once again raced through his head. “Ahhh….. yeah,” he admitted quietly. “ I had all of those a few weeks back. But it just lasted for a day. I think I was just run down,” he added hopefully.
The rest of the exam passed quickly, the doctor listened to his heart and lungs and checked his ears and throat before he asked Jensen to sit on the bed while he drew the blood. “I know you said you won’t faint at the sight of blood, but let’s get you up here just in case,” he added with a wink.
Before he knew it, Dr. Swanson was scribbling down the code from the vial of collected blood and handing him an information sheet along with more information brochures with titles like ‘Living with HIV: the facts’.
“The results will be ready in three days. All you need to do is call the number on this sheet, quote the code at the top, and you’ll be given the results. However, if you’d rather come in, I can schedule another appointment for you and I’ll go over the results with you in person.”
Come in person and risk having to see that look again? “No, that’s okay thanks, the phone call will be fine.” Jensen nodded and shook the doctor’s hand before turning and getting out of there as fast as he could.
oooOOOooo
After running a quick errand, the ride home seemed to pass in a blur as Jensen tried desperately to stamp down the seething emotions which were currently twisting his insides into knots.
When he pulled into his parking garage, finally away from public scrutiny, he succumbed to the burning in his eyes and let the tears flow freely down his face. How could he do this to me? How could he betray me like that? Questions continued to spin through his head until he was once again sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for breath as tears and snot blazed trails of pain and sorrow down his face.
It wasn’t until another twenty minutes had passed that Jensen was finally able to get himself under control. Glancing at his blurry form in the rear-view mirror he almost laughed at the desperate face which stared back at him. If my fans could see me now, they sure as hell wouldn’t think I was that sexy.
He grabbed a tissue and wiped off his face, before squinting at his image again to try and see if he looked presentable enough to use the communal stairs in his apartment block. “Shit!” he cursed, as he realized suddenly that it wasn’t tears which were making his vision blurry, but the loss of his contacts. “Can’t believe I fucking cried my contacts out and didn’t notice,” he berated himself. “When the hell did I become such a pussy?” Anger at himself for feeling so out of control was now rolling through him and taking over the despair of only moments ago.
With a tired sigh, he pulled on his sunglasses I don’t care if it’s an inside stairwell and trudged towards his apartment.
When he reached the top of the stairs he froze as he took in a familiar figure sitting outside his apartment, back leaning against his front door.
“What’s up JR? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Mackenzie grinned cockily as she pushed herself to her feet.
“Mac,” he breathed as he strode forward and enveloped her in tight hug, dropping his head to her shoulder as a small tremor of emotion raced through his body.
“You’re not looking so hot big brother. I thought we had a deal? You were supposed to be taking care of yourself,” she chided softly as she clung to him tightly with one arm while the other moved in small circles on his back.
“I’ve had the worst fucking day Kenz,” he whispered, face firmly nestled into her neck, knowing that by now she would be able to feel the tears leaking from his eyes. “So glad you’re here.”
“Of course JR. What are little sisters for?”
They stood in comfortable silence, locked in a tight embrace until Mackenzie spoke again. “Jensen, I know you love me and I love you too bro, but I’m kinda partial to having all my ribs in one piece so you’re going to have to loosen the grip a little here.”
“Shit,” he gasped as he jumped back quickly. “Did I hurt you?” he asked with wide eyes.
“Pfft. Like you’d ever hurt me Jense,” she said with a quick smile as she firmly pulled him back into a hug. “And I never said anything about stopping; I just said you needed to loosen your grip a little… It’s good to see you again.”
Another minute passed before Jensen pulled away sniffing and wiping at the tears on his face. “Why didn’t you call and let me know you were coming?” he complained. “You know I would have picked you up from the airport.”
Mackenzie simply rolled her eyes as she turned and picked up her bag. “Honestly JR, which part of the ‘surprise visit’ concept don’t you understand?”
Jensen growled at the use of his nickname. “You realize you’re the only one who I’ve let get away with calling me that since I turned thirteen, right?”
“Yeah, but I’m special,” she beamed as she moved into his apartment ahead of him.
A warmth settled inside Jensen which he would have thought impossible only five minutes ago. A sense of comfort and love filled him as he followed his little sister through the door.
“That you are kiddo,” he said seriously.
She might have been hell on wheels since the time she hit her teens, but they’d always shared a strong bond. She was his little sister; someone who he’d fought with and protected for most of his life. She was someone who had always seemed to be able to know what he was thinking and what he needed… sometimes even before he did.
Jensen sniffed and smiled when she gave him a concerned look. As he locked the door behind himself, he couldn’t help but hope that maybe, with his sister around to help, he’d be able to survive the mess his life had fallen into.
oooOOOooo
“So let me get this straight. You and Jared had a huge fight today because he told someone else a secret you’d told him?” Mackenzie asked carefully.
“Yeah,” he grunted, a hint of warning in his tone. There had been more tears and hugs as Jensen had unloaded all his emotions on his sister over the last two hours. They now sat eating Chinese food as Mackenzie tried to make sense of everything he’d told her.
Of course, he hadn’t actually told her everything. His family knew about the HIV test - they’d been told it was because of the all the blood spilt during the fight while he was being held captive. But he hadn’t allowed the doctors to tell them about the rape, and so Jensen had had to be vague about why he wasn’t Jared’s friend anymore and never could be again, because god damn it. A real friend would never have betrayed me like that!
Unfortunately, Mackenzie wasn’t accepting the censored version and was pushing for the ‘full story’.
“JR, come on. This is me you’re talking to - why won’t you tell me what actually happened?” she all but pouted.
Jensen sighed at the question. The same one I’ve heard her ask at least ten times in the last two hours! “Mac, it’s not impor…” Jensen broke off as a yawn suddenly took over his ability to speak.
Mackenzie’s eyes softened as she looked at him closely. “You look exhausted Jen. I know it’s early, but I had a long day too. Why don’t we hit the sack and pick this up in the morning?”
“Yeah,” he murmured as another yawn crept up on him. “Thanks Mac, I really am wiped.”
Shoving the leftovers into the fridge, Jensen walked his sister into the hallway, stopping at the door to his guest bedroom. “Thanks for listening to me Mac, I mean… you’ve been really great and…”
“Of course I’ve been great. We’ve already established that I’m the best little sister in the world,” she jested, casually giving Jensen the chance to escape from yet another emotional moment.
“Yeah, but I mean all the stuff with Jared… the kiss… I know mom and dad would freak if they knew and it means a lot to me that you didn’t. Freak I mean. So I… I just wanted to say…”
“I love you too big brother.” Mackenzie smiled with earnest sincerity.
Jensen nodded and pulled her in for another quick hug. “Love you Kenz. Thanks for coming. I don’t know what I would have done tonight without you.”
“Oh, this isn’t over yet JR. But you’re welcome. I’ll see you in the morning okay?”
“Yeah, okay. ’Night Mac.”
“Oh and JR?” Mackenzie called as he moved down the hall to his room. “I take two sugars in my coffee and I’ll have scrambled eggs with my bacon.” She grinned at him before stepping back into her room and quietly closing the door.
Jensen couldn’t help but laugh to himself as he continued on to his room and collapsed onto his bed, exhaustion pulling him into a deep sleep before he could even worry about possible nightmares.
oooOOOooo
Jensen yawned around his coffee as he and Mackenzie sat quietly together, eating their Sunday morning breakfast.
“You still look tired JR,” Mackenzie mused as she carefully examined her brother. Dark shadows circled his eyes and the normal sparkle in them seemed hazy this morning.
“’m fine,” he mumbled, eyes resolutely fixed on his breakfast.
Mackenzie sighed. She’d heard her bother tossing and turning in the early hours of the morning, clearly having a nightmare, but by the time she’d pulled herself out of bed the noises from his room had stopped and she’d figured that he probably wouldn’t appreciate his little sister barging into his room in the middle of the night.
Despite how close they were, Jensen was still a guy and she’d worried about making him uncomfortable by forcing him to talk to her. After all, him opening up to her last night was one thing, but her forcing a heart to heart on her usually proud and independent older brother was completely different.
Now though, she worried she’d made a mistake. Jensen clearly hadn’t gone back to sleep after the nightmare. Men! What is it about them never asking for help when they need it?
“So, are we going shopping today? ’Cause your kitchen is seriously lacking…pretty much everything,” she grinned, hoping to take his mind off the nightmare.
Jensen froze.
Was that fear she saw in his eyes?
“Not today Kenz, the shops will be packed - I’ll get some stuff tomorrow after work,” he choked, suddenly not making eye contact.
Mackenzie narrowed her eyes. Something’s definitely bugging him. “Okay JR, spit it out.”
Jensen looked startled at her comment. “I don’t…” he started.
“Nuh,” She interrupted, raising her hand in the universal sign for stop. “Don’t even think about lying to me JR; I know you too well. Something is obviously bothering you.”
“Mac seriously, there’s nothing wrong.”
“Okay, let’s start with an easy one then. Why don’t you want to go to the store?” she asked with a tone that let Jensen know she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer.
Jensen dropped his eyes and blushed, suddenly squirming in his seat.
Mackenzie sat patiently waiting for her brother to tell her what was going on. Come on JR, you may not think we know, but it wasn’t that hard to work out. Why don’t you trust me enough to tell me? she silently urged.
“I just…” Jensen shifted again, finally fixing his eyes out the kitchen window. “I haven’t been to the store since the kidnapping, I mean I have but not without Jared,” he confessed gruffly. “It’s just all the people there; there’s too many of them Kenz. All these strangers…bumping into me…touching me…I just can’t,” he stuttered out.
Mackenzie reached for her brother’s hand across the table and squeezed reassuringly. “He’s been there protecting you,” she quietly murmured, suddenly even more grateful that her brother had found such a wonderful friend.
“He just…he’s big enough to keep people away…and he knows, can tell, when I have to leave…when it’s too much for me,” Jensen admitted quietly, his hand now clenching hers like a lifeline.
“He makes you feel safe,” she agreed, heart breaking at the fragility in her brother’s voice.
“He knows, and he doesn’t care, and he’s never looked at me with that look,” Jensen breathed, tears now slipping silently down his face. “He never looked at me any different, never looked at me like I was damaged.” The words now seemed to stream from his mouth.
Mackenzie, sensing her brother was about to finally open up completely, moved around the table and pressed herself into his side, slinging one arm tightly around him; feeling the tremors now rumbling through his body.
“He doesn’t look at me like I was raped,” he whispered.
She could feel him tense at the admission; waiting for her reaction. Pressing a kiss to his temple, she tightened her hold briefly before lifting her arm so that she could face him. “That’s because he loves you JR. We all do. None of us think of you any different because of what happened. It wasn’t your fault.”
Jensen blinked as he continued to stare at her. She waited patiently, never breaking eye contact, as he seemingly processed what she’d just said.
“You knew?” he breathed in astonishment.
Mackenzie nodded, hating the uncertainty she could see in his eyes.
“Yeah JR, a few weeks ago I thought that maybe it had happened, just from some of the things you’d said on the phone, and then when Jared called looking for you the other day, I knew. I knew that the kidnapping had to have been something more for you to be so upset.”
“You knew,” he said again, this time dissolving into gut wrenching sobs. “I didn’t want people to know,” he wept. “I didn’t… and now Mike’s worked it out too…”
“Shhhh, JR. Shhhh. It’ll be alright. It’s okay. You don’t have to hide this from us. We love you and this doesn’t change anything,” she assured, pulling him back into a tight embrace.
Silently, she pulled him up and led him over to the couch; pushed him to lie down and sat quietly on the floor next to him. “Just get some rest JR, you need to get some sleep,” she said firmly, gently running her fingers through his hair. “We can talk about this later. After you’ve slept.”
Mackenzie pressed another kiss to his forehead, continuing to run her fingers through his hair in an attempt to settle him into a peaceful sleep. “Just sleep big brother, I’ll stand guard for you,” she whispered quietly.
Jensen didn’t protest. His eyes flickered shut and his hitching breath soon smoothed into the rhythmic pattern of sleep.
oooOOOooo
Jensen sighed quietly as he took the elevator up to Eric’s office. Eric had called while he was still asleep, but Mackenzie had spoken to him, letting him know that Jensen wanted to come in and have a meeting with him and Kim.
How she’d known that that’s what he’d wanted to do he had no idea, but he figured it probably had something to do with little sister ESP.
Schooling his face to look calm, Jensen readied himself to apologise to his boss. God I hope they’re not too angry.
Walking into the office, he greeted them quietly and took a seat next to Kim.
“Jensen, we wanted to talk to you…”Eric started.
“I know,” Jensen interrupted, launching into the speech he’d silently prepared. “I know that you can’t be happy with the way I behaved on set the other day, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t professional and it won’t happen again, I’ll make sure of it.” Jensen spoke woodenly, being sure to push down any hint of weakness or vulnerability.
“You can dock my pay. I mean, you should. I know I cost you half a day of shooting and you should…”
“Jensen,” Eric interrupted. “You’re right, what you did wasn’t professional and we don’t want it happening again, but we’re more worried about why it happened this time. We’re worried about you Jensen,” Eric said earnestly.
“If you feel you’ve come back too soon, or that the load’s too heavy at the moment, we can change the shooting schedule to something that suits you better,” Kim said, continuing on with Eric’s speech.
“No,” Jensen said firmly. “I don’t need any more time off. I just… Alona was pushing me down and for a moment I felt trapped… I felt like I was back there,” Jensen admitted quietly. “But it won’t happen again,” he assured. God I hope it doesn’t happen again.
“Jensen,” Eric said softly. “We’re not angry about what happened on set, we didn’t come here to chew your ass. We came here in the hope that we could work something out with you. Work out a way to make things easier for you on set.”
Jensen nodded, silently thankful for their understanding, but not wanting to be seen as unable to do his job.
“It’s fine, really. You don’t need to change anything.”
“Jensen,” Kim warned in his ‘I’m not taking any kind of bullshit’ voice.
Jensen felt himself lose a little of his control at the sound of Kim’s concern. “Okay,” he conceded. “It would be easier if you could make sure I have all my scenes the day before. I’ll be fine if I have a chance to go over them and work through them with Jared.” He paused as he realized what he’d just said. God damn it! What happened to not appearing weak?
“I ah,” he stuttered, “I mean, that scene I did, I got it at lunch and I didn’t really…” he trailed off, recognizing that he was just digging himself into an even deeper hole.
“No Jensen, don’t be afraid to ask for this,” Eric assured. “We don’t want you doing anything you’re uncomfortable with and if you need some extra time to prepare for the scenes that’s okay.”
“Thanks,” Jensen nodded, grateful that Eric and Kim weren’t angry at him. “Like I said, it won’t happen again.”
Kim chuckled, “Yeah, we know Jensen, it’s not like you’re some diva. Now why don’t you get out of here. We’ll see you first thing Tuesday, and we’ll make sure to get a complete script to you by tomorrow morning.”
Letting out a silent sigh of relief that they hadn’t fired his sorry ass, Jensen said his goodbyes and headed back to his car.
One down, two to go.
oooOOOooo
“Hello, Luke’s Gun Store, Luke speaking.”
“Hello? Ahh…I made an application a few months ago, and I just wanted to see if my security check had come through,” Jensen asked nervously as a man politely answered his call. “My name is Jensen Ackles,” he added.
“Yeah buddy, just give me a sec to check the system,” Luke replied.
Jensen wiggled in his driver’s seat anxiously as he waited for the reply. He had only made the application a couple of days ago, and he wondered if his friend Kevin from the Burnaby Police Station would really be able to backdate the application as he said he would.
“Yep, your application has been approved. You can pick up your gun any time you like…Umm, hang on,” Luke said cautiously.
Jensen held his breath. “What? Is…is there a problem?”
“Well the Security check is here. But you need to have done one of the accredited Gun handling courses. I should have a copy of the certificate they gave you.” Jensen could hear Luke clicking the mouse on the computer.
“Oh yeah that,” Jensen sighed as he went into full on actor’s mode. Kevin had warned him that it may take a little longer to create that kind of record, but had informed him on what to say if questioned. “There was a glitch in the system. The guy at the desk said he would fax it to you instead of email.
“Fax?” Jensen could imagine the man standing there scratching his head. “No wonder,” he said. “Rarely check that these days. You know with all this new fangled high tech. stuff.”
“Yeah, know what you mean,” Jensen said sympathetically.
“Okay hang on, I’ll go check.”
After hearing the rustle of paper, Luke returned to the phone. “Okay, yeah, sorry about that Mr. Ackles, it’s here.”
Well I’ll be damned. Jensen thought smugly. It really isn’t what you know…
“Thanks,” Jensen said as the terror that clenched his heart loosened a little. “I’ll come by and pick it up soon.”
Without thinking about what he’d just done, he flipped his phone shut and steered his car away from the downtown district and over to a quiet part of town.
Just need to be safe.
oooOOOooo
Jensen had done his research about keeping a gun in the house. He knew he needed to lock it up and keep the key in a separate place. It was a ‘child proof’ precaution, and although he didn’t have any kids, he wanted to do it anyhow.
It’s there just as a safe guard, nothing more. Jensen reminded himself, as he stared at the shine on the metal of the gun. He fought the desire to actually wear the piece on the holster that had come with it.
Too extreme? he mused, actually considering it briefly, before he heard loud banging on his front door. He sighed. Not knowing how, but as he strode down the stairs to answer it, he knew by the tightness in his chest, it would be Jared.
“Dude you’re going to splinter the wood,” Jensen said when he swung the door open.
Before he could even blink, Jared had pushed past him and through the door, turning and taking a deep breath in preparation for his monolog. He had practiced exactly what he was going to say and Jensen was not going to stop him saying it.
“I know you’re pissed at me Jen, but… It’s just not fair. I mean, I didn’t do anything wrong.” Jared pleaded with his eyes as well as his words. “I didn’t tell Mike, I swear it. I don’t know how he found out, but…you just have to believe me man,” he implored.
Jensen opened his mouth to say something but Jared continued seemingly unaware. “See, the thing is. You know me. You do. Right? You know that you’re the best friend I’ve got.” Jared started to pace. “You’ve gotta know I could never betray you.”
Although kind of enjoying the comical element of Jared’s ramblings, Jensen did manage to speak eventually. “I do Jared. I do believe you.”
Jared couldn’t help but let the grin on his face widen. “You do?”
“I’m really sorry Jay,” Jensen said sincerely. “With all the shit that’s happened. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you man. Not you. I’m sorry.”
Jared visibly relaxed. “I’m sorry too.”
“They say you always hurt the one you…” love Jensen cut his words off abruptly. Its worth as a ‘throw away line’ suddenly changed.
Slowly the gap between them started to get smaller as each man edged their way towards the other. Their need to be closer outweighing the awkwardness of what to do when they got there.
Jared smiled at the unspoken word of ‘love’ that hung in the air between them. “Jen?” Jared reached out to feel Jensen’s face when he was close enough.
Jensen didn’t flinch, just closed his eyes and leaned into the touch with a soft sigh.
“Jared?” A loud and bouncy voice beamed from the door way, causing Jared to take a step back and turn around.
“Mackenzie?” Jared looked surprised, preparing himself for the onslaught as Jensen’s kid sister raced into embrace and kiss him. Almost knocking them both to the ground in the process.
“Wow Mac, what are you doing here?” Jared said, and then thought that it may have come out wrong. “I…I mean, Jensen didn’t mention you were coming up,” he corrected.
“Jensen didn’t know,” she said slyly, impressed with herself.
“Oh, okay. Well it’s good to see you again anyhow Mac.” Jared grinned. He could tell with one look how happy his co-star was to have his family around.
Mackenzie placed her hands on her hips. There was an authoritative tone in her voice when she spoke. “So you two boys kissed and made up then?”
Jared’s eyes widened a little, not sure if it was a question or a statement as he shot a questioning glance towards Jensen.
“Yeah, we’ve sorted it out,” Jensen answered his sister casually, and Jared immediately got the impression Jensen had been completely honest with her.
“Good!” Mackenzie couldn’t help the smile, but there was still a ‘was going to smack your heads together otherwise’ in her manner.
“So how about we get some pizza, have a few beers and watch some TV?” Jensen asked them both.
Please stay for a while? was what Jared heard.
Jared’s was sure he saw a hint of mischief on Jensen’s face when their eyes met. “Yeah, sounds good,” Jared agreed, acutely aware he was starting to flirt.
Jensen steered him towards the kitchen with a hand that brushed ever so slightly over his ass, before softly coming to rest on the small of his back.
Jared couldn’t help the flutter of anticipation that raced through him. He felt like a teenager falling in love for the first time, because damn, Jensen was flirting back!
TBC…
AN from snfan3: Thanks for sticking with us so far! We love all the reviews we get, so please keep them up! ♥ ♥ On a side note, I fly down to visit Zenamydog in just 11 days (how cool is that) - both of us in one city... god help you all! :D
Chapter Nine...