Fifty-one Hours - Chapter 7
Title: Fifty-one hours
Chapter: 7 / ?
Author: snfan3 and Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: M/M sex, Non con, Violence, Spoilers only for episodes already aired in U.S.
Beta: Wenchpixie Thanks for the speedy beta and thanks to jdsampson for hand-holding :) We love you girls!
Feedback: Most definitely!
Disclaimer: Official Disclaimer here...We don’t own them, but they sure as hell own us!
A/N: We’re back! Did you miss us? :D
Summary: After Jensen gets kidnapped, both he and Jared struggle to come to terms with the aftermath.
Cross-posted like stupid; padacklesrps, super_real, supernaturalfic, cw_rps, sn_fic jensenslash
Previous Chapters: xXx One xXx Two xXx Three xXx Four xXx Five xXx Six xXx
Fifty-one hours - Chapter seven
“Jen?” Jared tentatively reached out and patted his friend’s knee. “We’re here.”
He had fallen asleep on the way back as Jared drove Jensen’s car, leaving his own car there for pick up later, not daring to separate after the night’s events.
Jensen stirred. “Hmm, where are we?”
“My place,” Jared answered.
Jared wasn’t quite sure if Jensen was with it, he looked sleepy and incoherent. “Let’s go inside,” he said as he reached across and opened Jensen’s door for him.
When Jensen didn’t move, Jared got out and walked around to the passenger side and gently swung Jensen’s leg out of the car. “Come on man, let’s get you inside and to bed.”
Once Jensen started moving he seemed to respond automatically, standing up and allowing Jared to guide him inside.
They were met at the door by Sadie and Harley and Jared tried to intervene, but Jensen immediately crouched to pat them. It was the first real unaided thing he’d done, and Jared grinned knowingly at how much Jensen secretly loved his dogs.
“Coffee? Shower? Bed?” Jared asked, not really sure what to do now he had finally gotten Jensen home, and safe.
“Huh?” Jensen still looked dazed.
“Do you want a drink? A shower? Or do you want to go straight to bed?” Jared clarified.
It was six in the morning. They had been on the road for most of the night and they were both exhausted, but Jensen just shook his head. “No. Ahh, coffee yeah, that sounds good.”
Jared walked into the kitchen and Jensen followed, sitting on the black leathered kitchen chair at the table. “Instant okay, or do you want me to break out the beans?”
“Yeah fine,” Jensen said absently.
oooOOOooo
It wasn’t until Jensen asked for his third cup of coffee that Jared realized he was avoiding something.
“Jen, I’m ready to collapse man. I think we should both get some sleep.”
Jensen met his eyes and bingo, Jared could see fear. “What’s wrong Jen? Aren’t you tired?” he asked, trying the diplomatic approach.
Jensen shrugged but Jared could see he was thinking about something. “Sorry, umm… You just go to bed and I’ll go outside and have a smoke. I’ll just bunk on the couch when I’m ready.”
Jensen hadn’t had a cigarette for a while now and for a moment Jared could have believed it was just withdrawal that kept him from going to sleep, but when Jared said he would wait for him and that he was not sleeping on the couch, the fear returned to Jensen’s eyes.
“Whatever,” Jensen feigned indifference as his stood and headed for the backdoor.
They sat in silence and Jared watched as Jensen inhaled deeply. It was as if he wasn’t able to get the tar-filled smoke far enough into his lungs.
Jensen was a regular smoker and Jared often wondered what the attraction to the poisonous substance was. “Ever thought about giving up?” he asked as a way to break the silence.
Jensen smiled. “Yeah, every day, but…” He shrugged his shoulders. “Never really tried I guess.”
“Bet you could if you really wanted to.”
Again Jensen shrugged. “Yeah maybe.”
When Jensen finally threw the butt down and stood on it, he looked up at Jared. “Look man. I really appreciate you holding my hand through all of this, but I’m okay now. Just get some shuteye and I’ll get a cab home.”
“Like hell!” Jared’s face tightened. “I…I don’t think that’s a good idea Jen. I really think you should crash in the spare room and we can grab a bite later.”
Jensen looked away as casually as he could. “Nah, I think I’ll just go home.”
Anyone else would have believed him ’cause damn he really was a good actor, but Jared knew him well enough to know that something was wrong.
“What is it Jen? What’s going on?” Jared asked, having already put together a theory for himself. “Why don’t you want to sleep?”
“I just prefer my own bed,” Jensen said defensively.
“Bullshit Jen. You’ve slept here loads of times. It’s never been a problem before.”
“Well it is now okay!” Jensen stood and started to walk inside.
Jared snagged him by the arm, turning him back around. “Jen?”
Jensen pulled out of the hold. “Fuck Jay!” The heat in Jensen’s eyes caused him to physically flinch.
“I don’t need you to be with me every minute of the day. I’m not a goddamned child. You’re smothering me. I need some fucking space alright!”
Jared’s face tightened as he let out a disbelieving breath. “Fine!” he growled as he brushed past Jensen to walk inside.
Guiltily Jensen lowered his head. “Jay!” he called, but Jared kept walking. “Please Jay.”
Turning to look back at Jensen, Jared lifted his chin. “What?”
“I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean that.”
Jensen still had his head hung and when he lifted his eyes to meet Jared’s, the anger in Jared’s face drained, replaced with concern. “I’m sorry if I’m being overprotective but I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying to work through this too.”
“I’m having nightmares,” Jensen was quick to interrupt, a pale flush running up his features. He hadn’t really considered how Jared would be affected by this too.
“Nightmares?” Jared was dumbfounded. How hadn’t he known this? He’d just spent the last month of his life with Jensen, almost 24/7.
“Yeah,” Jensen confessed, “They only started a week or so ago. Thought it was something I’d just get through, but…”
“But what?” Jared asked taking a few steps towards his friend.
Jensen lowered his head and shrugged, glancing casually to the side almost as if he was embarrassed. “They’re just so…vivid.” Frightening.
Jared didn’t want to be patronizing and he couldn’t help but think that there may have been some truth in Jensen’s words. You’re smothering me. But the demanding need inside of him to look after Jensen would always win out.
An odd sense of betrayal sat deep in his chest. “You should have told me.”
He kicked himself for phrasing it that way when the defiant look on Jensen’s face returned. “Why? Why should I have told you? You can’t do anything about this Jay. I have to handle this on my own. You’re not my mother for Christ sake, you can’t just tuck me in and kiss my forehead and make the boogey man go away.” He gestured dismissively with his hand.
Jared smiled slightly at the image, but didn’t react to the heat in Jensen’s words. “No. I guess I can’t,” he replied softly.
Jensen’s eyes softened but he scrunched them quickly as he swayed on his feet. His hand flew to the table to steady himself.
Jared was there with his arm wrapped tightly around his waist before he could even moan. “Jen? What is it?” he asked as he forcibly steered Jensen onto a chair. “Talk to me.”
Positioning himself in front of Jensen, Jared knelt down and put his hands either side of Jensen’s face. Forcing his head up Jared said, “Look at me man. Jen?”
Jensen’s eyes were still scrunched shut, but he lifted a hand to grip Jared’s. “Dunno, just got dizzy.”
“That’s it!” Jared said almost angrily. Standing he put his arms around Jensen and made him stand too. “You’re going to bed now and you’re going to get some goddamned sleep,” he said a he led Jensen to the spare bedroom.
Jensen had no energy to fight Jared when he removed his shoes, socks and jeans, guiding him onto the bed like a child.
Curling himself up into the softness of the mattress, Jensen sighed and looked up at Jared who was sitting beside him.
“Okay, get some sleep,” Jared said as he stood up and began to push the blankets underneath the mattress.
“Oh dude!” Jensen laughed and rolled his eyes.
Jared just grinned and continued to tuck him in. A mischievous grin on his face.
“If you dare…” Jensen began, but before he knew it Jared was leaning over him and his lips were on the top of Jensen’s brow.
It was meant to be a quick peck, something to make Jensen smile and to relieve any of the tension between them, but he lingered and it became soft and slow, Jared having to mentally kick himself to pull back.
When he did stand to look at Jensen, his eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and rhythmic. He was sound asleep.
oooOOOooo
“You’re pathetic Jensen you know that?” Jared spat. Personal space not an issue. A very ‘in your face’ posture. “I hate you.”
Jensen felt terror creep through him. Why was Jared saying these things to him?
Jared looked like he wanted to kill him. “The fuck?” Dean Winchester’s persona came out of him spontaneously as he tried hard not to crumble under his best friends glare.
Holding his hands up in mock surrender, Jensen found himself speechless. Opening and closing his mouth.
Jared’s lanky form telegraphed the punch he was about to throw. Jensen half blocked and half sidestepped it easily.
Jensen felt Jared’s huge hand on his throat… how did things get turned around so quickly? How did Jared wanting to punch him turn into Jared wanting to take his life?
He was gasping for air, and fuck, he could feel himself starting to lose conscious thought.
Could Jared seriously kill him?
“Fuck Jen wake up,” Jared screamed. Frustration caused him to shake his co-star with more vigor than he intended.
Jared was shocked when Jensen didn’t startle awake. He simply moaned and blinked, looking totally lost. “What’s going on?” Jensen asked, seemingly unable to recall the dream.
“Dude you were talking in your sleep, you were having some sort of nightmare.” Jared’s tone conveyed sympathy, the look on his face said that he thought it must have been about the rape.
Comprehension hit Jensen as the overall feeling of the dream returned. “You and I were fighting,” he stammered, eyes darting as he manually tried to gain access to his memories.
Realizing his hands were still lingering on Jensen’s shoulders, Jared squeezed reassuringly. “What were we fighting about?”
Tilting his head back, Jensen moved further into the bed, gently breaking Jared’s points of contact. “You said you hated me,” Jensen almost whispered.
Jared looked carefully at his friend. “That’s not true,” he exerted.
A brief smile crossed Jensen’s face. “I know that man,” he reassured.
Feeling a little foolish, Jared moved back slightly. “Sorry dude. I really thought you were having a nightmare.”
There was a look on Jensen’s face then, only Jared wasn’t sure if it was anger or hurt. “I was.”
A dream about me hating you? You consider that a nightmare? Jared smiled inwardly. I mean that much to you?
“I’m okay now though.” Jensen had regained his composure, snuggling softly into the pillows. “Just want to go back to sleep.”
Jared nodded and began to rise from the bed. “Sure.”
“Jay?” Jensen’s voice was soft but commanding. “Do you think…” he hesitated, a flush of pink tainting his cheeks. “I know I really do need the sleep. I think it’s half my problem.” Jensen smiled sheepishly. “Why I’ve been so jumpy.”
“Yeah,” Jared said sitting back down on the bed. “Sleep deprivation can do some strange things.”
“The dreams only started since we got back from Hawaii," Jensen informed. “I don’t…”
“Don’t what Jen?”
“You help.” Jensen looked up at his friend, but the look he gave Jared was of a lost puppy dog. “I don’t seem to have them when you’re around.”
Jared could see there was a question in Jensen’s eyes. It took only a brief moment before Jared had deciphered it. Stay?
Relaxing his shoulders Jared sprawled into a more comfortable position. “How can I help Jen?” Anything. “Just ask.”
Jared watched as Jensen reached down and slowly drew back the covers, a tentative invitation. He couldn’t remember seeing Jensen look more vulnerable.
Jared climbed in beside Jensen without hesitation. He’d long ago committed to making Jensen’s pain go away.
Jensen moved over to make way for him but his long lanky form still managed to bump and kick Jensen. Some of which was a stalling tactic. Now he was here, what did Jensen want him to do?
Lying there, Jared felt a cool tingle go through his body as Jensen curled himself into the crook of his arm. He could smell Jensen’s shampoo. God. He could smell Jensen.
He’d never taken Jensen for the snuggling type. But then that had a sexual overtone didn’t it? This was definitely not sexual. He was simply helping to prevent a friend’s nightmares.
A friend who was in desperate need of sleep, he further justified to himself.
“I miss touch,” Jensen said softly.
Instinctively Jared’s hand slid to grab Jensen’s shoulder, drawing him closer into the circle of his arms.
“At the risk of sounding like a total girl,” Jensen hedged, tilting his head up so he could see Jared’s eyes. “Not with you though… It’s okay. I mean, I don’t jump.”
Jared thought that was the most unintentional compliment he had ever heard. The fact that Jensen trusted him enough to be this open took his breath away.
“I’m here for you man. I mean that,” Jared reassured. His lips ghosting over the top of Jensen’s head.
Again Jensen tilted his head upwards, but this time his hand flickered softly to Jared’s cheek.
Jared’s whole body stiffened. “God,” slipped out of his mouth like a puff of wind. Jared couldn’t see past the pinkness of Jensen’s moving lips. Shit. How did they get from 0 to 10 so quickly?
A second later, both knew exactly what was going to happen. With an unspoken agreement between them, they pushed their lips closer together.
Jensen sighed deep and trustingly into the kiss as Jared opened gently, bringing their tongues into contact for the very first time.
It was strange and sweet and God, Jared couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever been this turned on by a single kiss before.
So maybe Jared had been wrong about the whole non sexual bit. It took a while for him to actually let it all filter through. First coherent thought; he was French kissing Jensen Ackles. Second coherent thought; he liked it.
Jared knew that when they finally did come up for air, there would be a very awkward moment. But right now? He couldn’t have cared less.
When Jensen moved away, he turned his back to Jared while sliding his fingers into Jared’s hand. Jensen pulled Jared’s arm around him, moving his whole body towards the warmth. “Hold me?”
Jared couldn’t even begin to fully comprehend what those two words did to him as he folded his body around his co-star like it was the most natural thing he’d ever done. “Yeah, I can do that,” Jared spoke softly into Jensen’s ear.
It was kind of weird to be lying next to his co-star like he was and Jared felt dazed by the fact that not only was he here, in bed with Jensen, but he had just kissed the man… and he wanted to do it again.
Jared listened to Jensen as he mumbled something that sounded like “thank you” and “sorry”, his mind apparently already dancing awkwardly somewhere between the plane of awake and asleep.
He smiled to himself when Jensen just kept rambling. It was hard to make it all out, but Jared reached further around Jensen’s waist, moving in to hold on tighter when he heard the last of Jensen’s sleep filled sentences, “Safe with you.”
Jared’s breath hitched and his heart ached. Tears were beginning to fill his eyes when he buried his face into the back of Jensen’s neck. You are now Jen, because I swear, no one will ever hurt you again.
oooOOOooo
Jensen moaned groggily as the sound of knocking reached his ears. He felt the warmth of Jared’s body leave his back and the mattress shift as Jared rose from the bed and quietly padded out of the bedroom.
He forced his heavy eyes open and turned to look at the clock fuck, 1pm already… He stilled as he realized that he’d slept almost seven hours without being woken by a nightmare. Guess Jared really can keep the boogey man away.
As memories of last night filtered into his brain he smiled as he remembered the tender caress of Jared’s lips. I can’t believe I’m falling for a guy…especially now. He shook his head in an attempt to clear away the thought. For the first time in over a month he felt happy… peaceful. There was no way he was going to jeopardize that with over thinking.
Realizing that he recognized the voice coming from the living room as Rosenbaum’s, he hauled himself out of bed and headed quietly down the hall towards the bathroom. First I’ll shower, then I’ll face the day.
When he entered into the living room twenty minutes later, he found Jared and Mike sitting comfortably on the couch; drinking coffee and talking quietly.
“Hey, you’re up,” Jared greeted. “Coffee’s in the kitchen man,” Jared said, but Jensen saw the almost nervous question in his eyes.
Jensen smiled brightly at his friend, silently letting him know that they were okay. A warmth settled inside him, reassured by the fact that Jared wasn’t freaking out about last night’s kiss.
“Oh Jensen, it’s nice of you to join us,” Mike drawled, a playful glint in his eye.
Oh god, that look’s never good. I definitely need coffee… Jensen raised his eyebrows in response to Mike as he slipped around the corner, grabbed the coffee pot and poured himself a mug.
“So what exactly have we done to be graced by your mighty presence?” Jensen asked as he settled into the arm chair next to Jared.
“I’m just checking on your boy here. You got his panties in quite a twist with your disappearing act you know?” Mike grinned, but Jensen knew him well enough to recognize the concern in his voice.
He blushed a little as he turned his gaze to Jared. “Umm… exactly how many people did you call Jay?”
It was Jared’s turn to squirm as he glanced nervously from Jensen to Mike and back again. “I ah… I was worried Jen… I just thought…”
“It’s okay Jare,” Jensen murmured, realizing for the first time just how freaked out Jared must have been when he’d disappeared for hours without a trace. Just like before… God! How could I have done that to him?
Mike chuckled at the awkward silence which had settled in the room. “Sooo, if you two are finished, I’m actually here to invite you to a party tonight at my place.”
“What?” Jensen asked as he turned his attention back to Mike and let what was just said filter through his thoughts. “No Mike, I don’t think…”
“Nope sorry, no is not an answer I’m accepting,” Mike interrupted. “You see, the party is a welcome home party and that means that you have to be there!” Mike grinned, apparently pleased with his plan.
“Mike…” Jared started in a warning tone.
“Okay, okay fine. So it’s not a party, but it will be me, Tom and you two at my place with pizza, beer and the game from last night on TiVO… It won’t be loud but it will mostly definitely party-ish. I’ll even provide the beer.”
“You’re so magnanimous,” Jensen said sarcastically as he thought over Mike’s invite. He knew he didn’t actually want to go, but realized he’d have to start going out eventually and a casual night in with just the guys he could probably cope with…as long as Jared was there.
“Actually Mike, we have to…”
“We’ll be there,” Jensen said, cutting Jared off with a small smile.
“You see that J-man? You’ve just been overruled bitch.” Mike grinned.
“What time do you want us there?” Jensen chuckled as he noticed Jared pulling a face behind Mike’s back.
“Come over like 6:30? We’ve got to shoot some stuff tomorrow so…”
“You’re shooting on a Sunday?” Jared asked. “I thought you guys were on schedule.”
“Yeah we were, but Ali had the flu the other week so we just need to pick up a few scenes.”
“Is she…” Jared trailed off as his phone began to ring in the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”
“No probs man, actually I have places to be so I’ll see you tonight.” Mike said as he moved from his chair and around the coffee table.
Jensen stood too and followed him to the door. “Thanks man, I know you…”
“You don’t have to thank me Jensen. I just want you to know that we’re all here for you, and if you ever want to talk…” Mike dropped his gaze and shuffled his feet a little. “I mean, I know I probably wouldn’t be the first person that jumps to mind, but you can call anytime if you ever need to…” he trailed off again as he brought his eyes up to meet Jensen’s.
Jensen froze.
There it was, that look. How are you doing today Mr. Ackles?
But no, it couldn’t be. Could it?
No, no, no, no. No way. Jared wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t do that to me. He knows that I don’t want anyone to know. He knows that everything was just between us. Oh God… I trusted him. His heart clenched as his mind continued on a panicked loop.
There’s no way he would have told fucking Rosenbaum. But there it was, that look of pity. Of knowing. That look which he hated feared more than anything.
“Jensen? Did you hear me?” Mike asked as he held a business card up to him with a concerned look.
“I…” Jensen stuttered as he took in the name on the card. ‘Victoria Sheffield, Psychologist.’
Jensen’s heart clenched as his world crumbled. Oh my god. He did tell him. He knows and he… how could he betray him like that? How could he?
“Jen man, are you sure you’re okay?” Mike frowned as he reached for his friend’s arm.
“I didn’t want… I’m fine,” he breathed as he moved to shut the door on Mike.
“Jensen. Like I said, she’s really good and she…”
Whatever Mike was going to say was cut off as he slammed the door in his friend’s face, anger now thrumming through his veins. As he turned his back to the door he saw Jared emerge from the kitchen with a small smile on his face.
How the hell can he smile when he’s been lying to me? Did he think I was so pathetic that I wouldn’t find out! He moved as if in a haze and swung his fist before he even realized what he was doing.
Jared flinched back at the last moment, but Jensen’s fist still connected firmly with his jaw.
“Jen! What the fuck?” Jared gasped.
“You son of a bitch! How the hell could you do this to me Jared?” Jensen screamed as he moved to hit Jared again. This time Jared did manage to dodge the blow.
“I trusted you! I trusted that you were my friend! Hell, I actually thought that we…” no, don’t go there.
“Jensen. What are you talking about? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” he screeched in disbelief. “What’s fucking wrong? How the hell can you look me in the eye and ask me that! What was it Jay? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think I’d be too stupid to realize?”
“Jensen, please I don’t know what you’re…”
“No! Don’t you fucking play the innocent act with me you bastard. I don’t even want to hear it,” he fumed as he turned on his heel and stormed towards the bedroom to get his wallet and keys.
“Jensen!” Jared cried as he gripped his shoulder and spun him around.
“Get your fucking hands off me!” he roared, attempting to shove his friend away.
“Just tell me what’s wrong! Did Mike do something?”
“Oh that’s rich coming from you Jared, that really is,” he hissed as his fists clenched at his side. “Cause there’s no fucking way he could have known unless you told him, and now you want to blame him?”
“Told him? Jensen what are you talking ab…” Jared froze mid-sentence, his eyes widening in horror.
“Yeah Jare,” he sneered. “What? Did you forget you’d told him? Did you forget that I was supposed to be able to trust you? Cause I’d really like to know what made you think it was okay to tell him I was raped!”
He stilled. He’d never said it like that before. Never said it in anything but the softest whisper, but now… now it was out there. Now it was real.
With that realization, Jensen felt his anger crumble as all his righteous energy seemed to disappear and be replaced with a choking despair.
“Why?” he sobbed as his legs buckled and he slid down the wall, landing in an ungracious heap.
“How could you do that to me?” he whispered as tears streamed down his face.
He felt sick as he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around himself protectively.
“I trusted you.”
TBC…
AN: *waves to all our beautiful readers* Drop us a line and let us know what you think and how your holidays went!
AN from snfan3: Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 6. They were all wonderful and it really means alot that you took the time to let us know what you thought of our writing. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to any of you, but with family here over the holidays I had very limited computer access and it left me with a choice of writing chapter seven or replying to the reviews... Hope you think I made the right choice! ♥
Chapter eight...
Chapter: 7 / ?
Author: snfan3 and Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: M/M sex, Non con, Violence, Spoilers only for episodes already aired in U.S.
Beta: Wenchpixie Thanks for the speedy beta and thanks to jdsampson for hand-holding :) We love you girls!
Feedback: Most definitely!
Disclaimer: Official Disclaimer here...We don’t own them, but they sure as hell own us!
A/N: We’re back! Did you miss us? :D
Summary: After Jensen gets kidnapped, both he and Jared struggle to come to terms with the aftermath.
Cross-posted like stupid; padacklesrps, super_real, supernaturalfic, cw_rps, sn_fic jensenslash
Previous Chapters: xXx One xXx Two xXx Three xXx Four xXx Five xXx Six xXx
Fifty-one hours - Chapter seven
“Jen?” Jared tentatively reached out and patted his friend’s knee. “We’re here.”
He had fallen asleep on the way back as Jared drove Jensen’s car, leaving his own car there for pick up later, not daring to separate after the night’s events.
Jensen stirred. “Hmm, where are we?”
“My place,” Jared answered.
Jared wasn’t quite sure if Jensen was with it, he looked sleepy and incoherent. “Let’s go inside,” he said as he reached across and opened Jensen’s door for him.
When Jensen didn’t move, Jared got out and walked around to the passenger side and gently swung Jensen’s leg out of the car. “Come on man, let’s get you inside and to bed.”
Once Jensen started moving he seemed to respond automatically, standing up and allowing Jared to guide him inside.
They were met at the door by Sadie and Harley and Jared tried to intervene, but Jensen immediately crouched to pat them. It was the first real unaided thing he’d done, and Jared grinned knowingly at how much Jensen secretly loved his dogs.
“Coffee? Shower? Bed?” Jared asked, not really sure what to do now he had finally gotten Jensen home, and safe.
“Huh?” Jensen still looked dazed.
“Do you want a drink? A shower? Or do you want to go straight to bed?” Jared clarified.
It was six in the morning. They had been on the road for most of the night and they were both exhausted, but Jensen just shook his head. “No. Ahh, coffee yeah, that sounds good.”
Jared walked into the kitchen and Jensen followed, sitting on the black leathered kitchen chair at the table. “Instant okay, or do you want me to break out the beans?”
“Yeah fine,” Jensen said absently.
oooOOOooo
It wasn’t until Jensen asked for his third cup of coffee that Jared realized he was avoiding something.
“Jen, I’m ready to collapse man. I think we should both get some sleep.”
Jensen met his eyes and bingo, Jared could see fear. “What’s wrong Jen? Aren’t you tired?” he asked, trying the diplomatic approach.
Jensen shrugged but Jared could see he was thinking about something. “Sorry, umm… You just go to bed and I’ll go outside and have a smoke. I’ll just bunk on the couch when I’m ready.”
Jensen hadn’t had a cigarette for a while now and for a moment Jared could have believed it was just withdrawal that kept him from going to sleep, but when Jared said he would wait for him and that he was not sleeping on the couch, the fear returned to Jensen’s eyes.
“Whatever,” Jensen feigned indifference as his stood and headed for the backdoor.
They sat in silence and Jared watched as Jensen inhaled deeply. It was as if he wasn’t able to get the tar-filled smoke far enough into his lungs.
Jensen was a regular smoker and Jared often wondered what the attraction to the poisonous substance was. “Ever thought about giving up?” he asked as a way to break the silence.
Jensen smiled. “Yeah, every day, but…” He shrugged his shoulders. “Never really tried I guess.”
“Bet you could if you really wanted to.”
Again Jensen shrugged. “Yeah maybe.”
When Jensen finally threw the butt down and stood on it, he looked up at Jared. “Look man. I really appreciate you holding my hand through all of this, but I’m okay now. Just get some shuteye and I’ll get a cab home.”
“Like hell!” Jared’s face tightened. “I…I don’t think that’s a good idea Jen. I really think you should crash in the spare room and we can grab a bite later.”
Jensen looked away as casually as he could. “Nah, I think I’ll just go home.”
Anyone else would have believed him ’cause damn he really was a good actor, but Jared knew him well enough to know that something was wrong.
“What is it Jen? What’s going on?” Jared asked, having already put together a theory for himself. “Why don’t you want to sleep?”
“I just prefer my own bed,” Jensen said defensively.
“Bullshit Jen. You’ve slept here loads of times. It’s never been a problem before.”
“Well it is now okay!” Jensen stood and started to walk inside.
Jared snagged him by the arm, turning him back around. “Jen?”
Jensen pulled out of the hold. “Fuck Jay!” The heat in Jensen’s eyes caused him to physically flinch.
“I don’t need you to be with me every minute of the day. I’m not a goddamned child. You’re smothering me. I need some fucking space alright!”
Jared’s face tightened as he let out a disbelieving breath. “Fine!” he growled as he brushed past Jensen to walk inside.
Guiltily Jensen lowered his head. “Jay!” he called, but Jared kept walking. “Please Jay.”
Turning to look back at Jensen, Jared lifted his chin. “What?”
“I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean that.”
Jensen still had his head hung and when he lifted his eyes to meet Jared’s, the anger in Jared’s face drained, replaced with concern. “I’m sorry if I’m being overprotective but I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying to work through this too.”
“I’m having nightmares,” Jensen was quick to interrupt, a pale flush running up his features. He hadn’t really considered how Jared would be affected by this too.
“Nightmares?” Jared was dumbfounded. How hadn’t he known this? He’d just spent the last month of his life with Jensen, almost 24/7.
“Yeah,” Jensen confessed, “They only started a week or so ago. Thought it was something I’d just get through, but…”
“But what?” Jared asked taking a few steps towards his friend.
Jensen lowered his head and shrugged, glancing casually to the side almost as if he was embarrassed. “They’re just so…vivid.” Frightening.
Jared didn’t want to be patronizing and he couldn’t help but think that there may have been some truth in Jensen’s words. You’re smothering me. But the demanding need inside of him to look after Jensen would always win out.
An odd sense of betrayal sat deep in his chest. “You should have told me.”
He kicked himself for phrasing it that way when the defiant look on Jensen’s face returned. “Why? Why should I have told you? You can’t do anything about this Jay. I have to handle this on my own. You’re not my mother for Christ sake, you can’t just tuck me in and kiss my forehead and make the boogey man go away.” He gestured dismissively with his hand.
Jared smiled slightly at the image, but didn’t react to the heat in Jensen’s words. “No. I guess I can’t,” he replied softly.
Jensen’s eyes softened but he scrunched them quickly as he swayed on his feet. His hand flew to the table to steady himself.
Jared was there with his arm wrapped tightly around his waist before he could even moan. “Jen? What is it?” he asked as he forcibly steered Jensen onto a chair. “Talk to me.”
Positioning himself in front of Jensen, Jared knelt down and put his hands either side of Jensen’s face. Forcing his head up Jared said, “Look at me man. Jen?”
Jensen’s eyes were still scrunched shut, but he lifted a hand to grip Jared’s. “Dunno, just got dizzy.”
“That’s it!” Jared said almost angrily. Standing he put his arms around Jensen and made him stand too. “You’re going to bed now and you’re going to get some goddamned sleep,” he said a he led Jensen to the spare bedroom.
Jensen had no energy to fight Jared when he removed his shoes, socks and jeans, guiding him onto the bed like a child.
Curling himself up into the softness of the mattress, Jensen sighed and looked up at Jared who was sitting beside him.
“Okay, get some sleep,” Jared said as he stood up and began to push the blankets underneath the mattress.
“Oh dude!” Jensen laughed and rolled his eyes.
Jared just grinned and continued to tuck him in. A mischievous grin on his face.
“If you dare…” Jensen began, but before he knew it Jared was leaning over him and his lips were on the top of Jensen’s brow.
It was meant to be a quick peck, something to make Jensen smile and to relieve any of the tension between them, but he lingered and it became soft and slow, Jared having to mentally kick himself to pull back.
When he did stand to look at Jensen, his eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and rhythmic. He was sound asleep.
oooOOOooo
“You’re pathetic Jensen you know that?” Jared spat. Personal space not an issue. A very ‘in your face’ posture. “I hate you.”
Jensen felt terror creep through him. Why was Jared saying these things to him?
Jared looked like he wanted to kill him. “The fuck?” Dean Winchester’s persona came out of him spontaneously as he tried hard not to crumble under his best friends glare.
Holding his hands up in mock surrender, Jensen found himself speechless. Opening and closing his mouth.
Jared’s lanky form telegraphed the punch he was about to throw. Jensen half blocked and half sidestepped it easily.
Jensen felt Jared’s huge hand on his throat… how did things get turned around so quickly? How did Jared wanting to punch him turn into Jared wanting to take his life?
He was gasping for air, and fuck, he could feel himself starting to lose conscious thought.
Could Jared seriously kill him?
“Fuck Jen wake up,” Jared screamed. Frustration caused him to shake his co-star with more vigor than he intended.
Jared was shocked when Jensen didn’t startle awake. He simply moaned and blinked, looking totally lost. “What’s going on?” Jensen asked, seemingly unable to recall the dream.
“Dude you were talking in your sleep, you were having some sort of nightmare.” Jared’s tone conveyed sympathy, the look on his face said that he thought it must have been about the rape.
Comprehension hit Jensen as the overall feeling of the dream returned. “You and I were fighting,” he stammered, eyes darting as he manually tried to gain access to his memories.
Realizing his hands were still lingering on Jensen’s shoulders, Jared squeezed reassuringly. “What were we fighting about?”
Tilting his head back, Jensen moved further into the bed, gently breaking Jared’s points of contact. “You said you hated me,” Jensen almost whispered.
Jared looked carefully at his friend. “That’s not true,” he exerted.
A brief smile crossed Jensen’s face. “I know that man,” he reassured.
Feeling a little foolish, Jared moved back slightly. “Sorry dude. I really thought you were having a nightmare.”
There was a look on Jensen’s face then, only Jared wasn’t sure if it was anger or hurt. “I was.”
A dream about me hating you? You consider that a nightmare? Jared smiled inwardly. I mean that much to you?
“I’m okay now though.” Jensen had regained his composure, snuggling softly into the pillows. “Just want to go back to sleep.”
Jared nodded and began to rise from the bed. “Sure.”
“Jay?” Jensen’s voice was soft but commanding. “Do you think…” he hesitated, a flush of pink tainting his cheeks. “I know I really do need the sleep. I think it’s half my problem.” Jensen smiled sheepishly. “Why I’ve been so jumpy.”
“Yeah,” Jared said sitting back down on the bed. “Sleep deprivation can do some strange things.”
“The dreams only started since we got back from Hawaii," Jensen informed. “I don’t…”
“Don’t what Jen?”
“You help.” Jensen looked up at his friend, but the look he gave Jared was of a lost puppy dog. “I don’t seem to have them when you’re around.”
Jared could see there was a question in Jensen’s eyes. It took only a brief moment before Jared had deciphered it. Stay?
Relaxing his shoulders Jared sprawled into a more comfortable position. “How can I help Jen?” Anything. “Just ask.”
Jared watched as Jensen reached down and slowly drew back the covers, a tentative invitation. He couldn’t remember seeing Jensen look more vulnerable.
Jared climbed in beside Jensen without hesitation. He’d long ago committed to making Jensen’s pain go away.
Jensen moved over to make way for him but his long lanky form still managed to bump and kick Jensen. Some of which was a stalling tactic. Now he was here, what did Jensen want him to do?
Lying there, Jared felt a cool tingle go through his body as Jensen curled himself into the crook of his arm. He could smell Jensen’s shampoo. God. He could smell Jensen.
He’d never taken Jensen for the snuggling type. But then that had a sexual overtone didn’t it? This was definitely not sexual. He was simply helping to prevent a friend’s nightmares.
A friend who was in desperate need of sleep, he further justified to himself.
“I miss touch,” Jensen said softly.
Instinctively Jared’s hand slid to grab Jensen’s shoulder, drawing him closer into the circle of his arms.
“At the risk of sounding like a total girl,” Jensen hedged, tilting his head up so he could see Jared’s eyes. “Not with you though… It’s okay. I mean, I don’t jump.”
Jared thought that was the most unintentional compliment he had ever heard. The fact that Jensen trusted him enough to be this open took his breath away.
“I’m here for you man. I mean that,” Jared reassured. His lips ghosting over the top of Jensen’s head.
Again Jensen tilted his head upwards, but this time his hand flickered softly to Jared’s cheek.
Jared’s whole body stiffened. “God,” slipped out of his mouth like a puff of wind. Jared couldn’t see past the pinkness of Jensen’s moving lips. Shit. How did they get from 0 to 10 so quickly?
A second later, both knew exactly what was going to happen. With an unspoken agreement between them, they pushed their lips closer together.
Jensen sighed deep and trustingly into the kiss as Jared opened gently, bringing their tongues into contact for the very first time.
It was strange and sweet and God, Jared couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever been this turned on by a single kiss before.
So maybe Jared had been wrong about the whole non sexual bit. It took a while for him to actually let it all filter through. First coherent thought; he was French kissing Jensen Ackles. Second coherent thought; he liked it.
Jared knew that when they finally did come up for air, there would be a very awkward moment. But right now? He couldn’t have cared less.
When Jensen moved away, he turned his back to Jared while sliding his fingers into Jared’s hand. Jensen pulled Jared’s arm around him, moving his whole body towards the warmth. “Hold me?”
Jared couldn’t even begin to fully comprehend what those two words did to him as he folded his body around his co-star like it was the most natural thing he’d ever done. “Yeah, I can do that,” Jared spoke softly into Jensen’s ear.
It was kind of weird to be lying next to his co-star like he was and Jared felt dazed by the fact that not only was he here, in bed with Jensen, but he had just kissed the man… and he wanted to do it again.
Jared listened to Jensen as he mumbled something that sounded like “thank you” and “sorry”, his mind apparently already dancing awkwardly somewhere between the plane of awake and asleep.
He smiled to himself when Jensen just kept rambling. It was hard to make it all out, but Jared reached further around Jensen’s waist, moving in to hold on tighter when he heard the last of Jensen’s sleep filled sentences, “Safe with you.”
Jared’s breath hitched and his heart ached. Tears were beginning to fill his eyes when he buried his face into the back of Jensen’s neck. You are now Jen, because I swear, no one will ever hurt you again.
oooOOOooo
Jensen moaned groggily as the sound of knocking reached his ears. He felt the warmth of Jared’s body leave his back and the mattress shift as Jared rose from the bed and quietly padded out of the bedroom.
He forced his heavy eyes open and turned to look at the clock fuck, 1pm already… He stilled as he realized that he’d slept almost seven hours without being woken by a nightmare. Guess Jared really can keep the boogey man away.
As memories of last night filtered into his brain he smiled as he remembered the tender caress of Jared’s lips. I can’t believe I’m falling for a guy…especially now. He shook his head in an attempt to clear away the thought. For the first time in over a month he felt happy… peaceful. There was no way he was going to jeopardize that with over thinking.
Realizing that he recognized the voice coming from the living room as Rosenbaum’s, he hauled himself out of bed and headed quietly down the hall towards the bathroom. First I’ll shower, then I’ll face the day.
When he entered into the living room twenty minutes later, he found Jared and Mike sitting comfortably on the couch; drinking coffee and talking quietly.
“Hey, you’re up,” Jared greeted. “Coffee’s in the kitchen man,” Jared said, but Jensen saw the almost nervous question in his eyes.
Jensen smiled brightly at his friend, silently letting him know that they were okay. A warmth settled inside him, reassured by the fact that Jared wasn’t freaking out about last night’s kiss.
“Oh Jensen, it’s nice of you to join us,” Mike drawled, a playful glint in his eye.
Oh god, that look’s never good. I definitely need coffee… Jensen raised his eyebrows in response to Mike as he slipped around the corner, grabbed the coffee pot and poured himself a mug.
“So what exactly have we done to be graced by your mighty presence?” Jensen asked as he settled into the arm chair next to Jared.
“I’m just checking on your boy here. You got his panties in quite a twist with your disappearing act you know?” Mike grinned, but Jensen knew him well enough to recognize the concern in his voice.
He blushed a little as he turned his gaze to Jared. “Umm… exactly how many people did you call Jay?”
It was Jared’s turn to squirm as he glanced nervously from Jensen to Mike and back again. “I ah… I was worried Jen… I just thought…”
“It’s okay Jare,” Jensen murmured, realizing for the first time just how freaked out Jared must have been when he’d disappeared for hours without a trace. Just like before… God! How could I have done that to him?
Mike chuckled at the awkward silence which had settled in the room. “Sooo, if you two are finished, I’m actually here to invite you to a party tonight at my place.”
“What?” Jensen asked as he turned his attention back to Mike and let what was just said filter through his thoughts. “No Mike, I don’t think…”
“Nope sorry, no is not an answer I’m accepting,” Mike interrupted. “You see, the party is a welcome home party and that means that you have to be there!” Mike grinned, apparently pleased with his plan.
“Mike…” Jared started in a warning tone.
“Okay, okay fine. So it’s not a party, but it will be me, Tom and you two at my place with pizza, beer and the game from last night on TiVO… It won’t be loud but it will mostly definitely party-ish. I’ll even provide the beer.”
“You’re so magnanimous,” Jensen said sarcastically as he thought over Mike’s invite. He knew he didn’t actually want to go, but realized he’d have to start going out eventually and a casual night in with just the guys he could probably cope with…as long as Jared was there.
“Actually Mike, we have to…”
“We’ll be there,” Jensen said, cutting Jared off with a small smile.
“You see that J-man? You’ve just been overruled bitch.” Mike grinned.
“What time do you want us there?” Jensen chuckled as he noticed Jared pulling a face behind Mike’s back.
“Come over like 6:30? We’ve got to shoot some stuff tomorrow so…”
“You’re shooting on a Sunday?” Jared asked. “I thought you guys were on schedule.”
“Yeah we were, but Ali had the flu the other week so we just need to pick up a few scenes.”
“Is she…” Jared trailed off as his phone began to ring in the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”
“No probs man, actually I have places to be so I’ll see you tonight.” Mike said as he moved from his chair and around the coffee table.
Jensen stood too and followed him to the door. “Thanks man, I know you…”
“You don’t have to thank me Jensen. I just want you to know that we’re all here for you, and if you ever want to talk…” Mike dropped his gaze and shuffled his feet a little. “I mean, I know I probably wouldn’t be the first person that jumps to mind, but you can call anytime if you ever need to…” he trailed off again as he brought his eyes up to meet Jensen’s.
Jensen froze.
There it was, that look. How are you doing today Mr. Ackles?
But no, it couldn’t be. Could it?
No, no, no, no. No way. Jared wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t do that to me. He knows that I don’t want anyone to know. He knows that everything was just between us. Oh God… I trusted him. His heart clenched as his mind continued on a panicked loop.
There’s no way he would have told fucking Rosenbaum. But there it was, that look of pity. Of knowing. That look which he hated feared more than anything.
“Jensen? Did you hear me?” Mike asked as he held a business card up to him with a concerned look.
“I…” Jensen stuttered as he took in the name on the card. ‘Victoria Sheffield, Psychologist.’
Jensen’s heart clenched as his world crumbled. Oh my god. He did tell him. He knows and he… how could he betray him like that? How could he?
“Jen man, are you sure you’re okay?” Mike frowned as he reached for his friend’s arm.
“I didn’t want… I’m fine,” he breathed as he moved to shut the door on Mike.
“Jensen. Like I said, she’s really good and she…”
Whatever Mike was going to say was cut off as he slammed the door in his friend’s face, anger now thrumming through his veins. As he turned his back to the door he saw Jared emerge from the kitchen with a small smile on his face.
How the hell can he smile when he’s been lying to me? Did he think I was so pathetic that I wouldn’t find out! He moved as if in a haze and swung his fist before he even realized what he was doing.
Jared flinched back at the last moment, but Jensen’s fist still connected firmly with his jaw.
“Jen! What the fuck?” Jared gasped.
“You son of a bitch! How the hell could you do this to me Jared?” Jensen screamed as he moved to hit Jared again. This time Jared did manage to dodge the blow.
“I trusted you! I trusted that you were my friend! Hell, I actually thought that we…” no, don’t go there.
“Jensen. What are you talking about? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” he screeched in disbelief. “What’s fucking wrong? How the hell can you look me in the eye and ask me that! What was it Jay? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think I’d be too stupid to realize?”
“Jensen, please I don’t know what you’re…”
“No! Don’t you fucking play the innocent act with me you bastard. I don’t even want to hear it,” he fumed as he turned on his heel and stormed towards the bedroom to get his wallet and keys.
“Jensen!” Jared cried as he gripped his shoulder and spun him around.
“Get your fucking hands off me!” he roared, attempting to shove his friend away.
“Just tell me what’s wrong! Did Mike do something?”
“Oh that’s rich coming from you Jared, that really is,” he hissed as his fists clenched at his side. “Cause there’s no fucking way he could have known unless you told him, and now you want to blame him?”
“Told him? Jensen what are you talking ab…” Jared froze mid-sentence, his eyes widening in horror.
“Yeah Jare,” he sneered. “What? Did you forget you’d told him? Did you forget that I was supposed to be able to trust you? Cause I’d really like to know what made you think it was okay to tell him I was raped!”
He stilled. He’d never said it like that before. Never said it in anything but the softest whisper, but now… now it was out there. Now it was real.
With that realization, Jensen felt his anger crumble as all his righteous energy seemed to disappear and be replaced with a choking despair.
“Why?” he sobbed as his legs buckled and he slid down the wall, landing in an ungracious heap.
“How could you do that to me?” he whispered as tears streamed down his face.
He felt sick as he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around himself protectively.
“I trusted you.”
TBC…
AN: *waves to all our beautiful readers* Drop us a line and let us know what you think and how your holidays went!
AN from snfan3: Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 6. They were all wonderful and it really means alot that you took the time to let us know what you thought of our writing. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to any of you, but with family here over the holidays I had very limited computer access and it left me with a choice of writing chapter seven or replying to the reviews... Hope you think I made the right choice! ♥
Chapter eight...