It takes an ocean not to break
when everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I've started doing things on my own now. About a month ago I decided to get a job. I haven't been able to get one because transportation was an issue, but I decided to hell with it and I would figure it out. Things have fallen into place with it and I really like my job. I like the feeling of earning my own money. My college friends and I are all kinda exploring our own roads. My new thing is doing things by myself. I am so sick of waiting to do things with other people and them just flaking. So I stopped waiting and started doing. Friday I went to a play by myself because I didn't think anyone would want to go with me. It was pretty good play but I can't help but feel like I would have enjoyed it more if I could have shared with others. Last year I was really desperate for any sort of connection with people and I made mistakes. I trusted people I shouldn't have. I was vulnerable and stupid. Now I'm going to be all I need for me. It gets lonely some nights but some nights its amazing.
Last weekend I went to see The National in concert. It was kind of a big deal because mass transit at night in a city you are unfamiliar with isn't the smartest idea.
But I went. Old Viviana would have never gone to a concert by herself especially at night. But I did it. It was rewarding and refreshing and amazing. It felt so personal. It was a personal memory that I will hold for a very long time. All the songs just fit and hit me in a way I didn't expect.
I left the concert. Hopped the train and was back in my bed. I was content.
I think last year was about finding myself.
I think this year is about liking what I've found.
I just don't think you can do that sort of thing surrounded by people who hardly know you.
I'm lonely.
Terribly lonely.
But I'm not letting it consume me anymore. Its hard. I am stuck in a push and pull within myself.
Ever Tried.
Ever Failed.
Try Again.
Fail Again.
Fail Better.
I've started doing things on my own now. About a month ago I decided to get a job. I haven't been able to get one because transportation was an issue, but I decided to hell with it and I would figure it out. Things have fallen into place with it and I really like my job. I like the feeling of earning my own money. My college friends and I are all kinda exploring our own roads. My new thing is doing things by myself. I am so sick of waiting to do things with other people and them just flaking. So I stopped waiting and started doing. Friday I went to a play by myself because I didn't think anyone would want to go with me. It was pretty good play but I can't help but feel like I would have enjoyed it more if I could have shared with others. Last year I was really desperate for any sort of connection with people and I made mistakes. I trusted people I shouldn't have. I was vulnerable and stupid. Now I'm going to be all I need for me. It gets lonely some nights but some nights its amazing.
Last weekend I went to see The National in concert. It was kind of a big deal because mass transit at night in a city you are unfamiliar with isn't the smartest idea.
But I went. Old Viviana would have never gone to a concert by herself especially at night. But I did it. It was rewarding and refreshing and amazing. It felt so personal. It was a personal memory that I will hold for a very long time. All the songs just fit and hit me in a way I didn't expect.
I left the concert. Hopped the train and was back in my bed. I was content.
I think last year was about finding myself.
I think this year is about liking what I've found.
I just don't think you can do that sort of thing surrounded by people who hardly know you.
I'm lonely.
Terribly lonely.
But I'm not letting it consume me anymore. Its hard. I am stuck in a push and pull within myself.
Ever Tried.
Ever Failed.
Try Again.
Fail Again.
Fail Better.