12 hour watches and the mocking fruit snacks...
Ok, I have a problem. After reading an entry from McSweeney's that my wife showed me about the cookie monster, I too have to confess. You see, I stand watches, much like everyone else in the navy, and even underway, I stand watches, a little different than in port, but watches none the less. For 12 hours a day (well, night actually) I sit in a room about the size of a normal walk-in closet, with all kinds of electronic goodness. And when all of said electronic goodness runs, it puts out a lot of heat. So, to counter the heat from the beast...it IS a beast, we have arctic air shipped to us and opened directly into my closet. While everyone else is spending a nice watch in a comfortable room, I stand watch and gaze upon the polar bears and penguins at play in my closet. I figure "Hey, If i'm going to be couped up in here with the winter wonderland elves and J.F. (when you're as familiar with Jack Frost as I am, you too can call him J.F.) I might as well buy some snacks!" So before I make the daily trudge to the uber secret place on the ship that everyone swears doubles as a hot tub, I stop by the ship's store. All kinds of stateside goodies to be had! Well, including the price gouge that would make a mobster green with envy that they can get away with it legally, all in the name of MWR, there are the bane of my existence...Welch's Fruit Snacks. You see, I love them. No, I'm addicted to them! And I blame Kenna! So I buy a pack, creep into the closet and proceed to relieve the watch and kick everyone out so I can have some alone time with my snacks. Don't get me wrong, I like them all, but here is the problem. The phil sea mafia only sells three types of crack...I mean fruit snacks. Grape, Strawberry, and mixed fruit. I can deal with grape or strawberry if i'm really needing a fix, but my goal is always to score the mixed fruit. That is the good shit! As I sift through the bag, devouring all that I extract, I save a certain little shape and flavor every time. Why, I have no idea, but I do it every time. I have grape, strawberry, orange, raspberry, and peach. PEACH! DAMN YOU PEACH! I HATE YOU FOR MAKING MY WANT YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE PEACH FRUIT SNACKS...and I only ever get, at the most, 5 in one bag...5 damn it...and damn you too Welch's...damn you. So I sit here, right now as a matter of fact, ripping through bag number 3 tonight, like Arthur's quest knights searching for the grail, looking for you...peach...my dear dear peach. How you mock me...and how I hurt...
So anyway, what was I saying?
So anyway, what was I saying?