Mother-in-law rant
Every family on this earth has a member of it who doesn't really understand the concept of "boundaries", and keeping their nose out of their family members "personal business", and not blabbing to the wrong people in the wrong way about things that are really supposed to be kept in the family right?
Well ours is my mother-in-law. My own mother is sometimes also guilty of this, but not to the same extent as Devon's mom. Maybe all moms are guilty of not taking their children seriously, and being too nosy? I don't know but I know the two moms in our lives sure have this issue.
Connie is foolish, she behaves badly many times and sometimes I think she may even do it on purpose. Hiding behind an "act of stupidity" so to speak so no one expects very much from her, then she can say and do things without having consequences as serious as if she were to behave in a normal, mature manner. Whenever I have to spend time with her, or KC too for that matter anymore, I seem to always come home and need to "unwind". I tend to find my mom, kind of rant on her shoulder about the latest stupidity that either KC or Connie have come up with, and then I let it go and I'm good to go. I don't see either of them daily, it usually ends up being no more than once per week and its usually something that I find to be stupid, but their family would find to be relatively normal for Connie's behavior. Those at church who must interact with her, all roll their eyes behind her back because she is rude, abrupt, brutally honest, lacking in tactful speech and modest behavior... I knew when I married Devon that my mother-in-law was a "winner" on an epic level. I just never dreamed there would be a blow up like this.
As angry as Devon was when he found out about an hour ago that his mother treated me like that... I honestly do not know what to expect from him, or the family in general... so we're just gonna talk this thing out and try not to stress out too much. It isn't good for the baby... or me.
Today's problem/rant is that yesterday my mother-in-law (Connie), sister-in-law (KC) and myself went to a cousins baby shower. The cousin's name is Amy and we are about two weeks apart in our pregnancies, so when we arrived, the cousin is sitting there like a queen bee with all her little bee's flying around her.
The first thing Amy says to me is "Hi Preggo! Hows the little one?" (I think she used another name for our baby but I dont remember what it was so we'll go with "little one"). I said "Hi. We're fine thanks." and Amy goes on to begin comparing belly sizes, gloating about how her belly is rounder and bigger than mine. I responded with "Well I'm 2-weeks behind you..." and she just laughs and says "yeah... so? Mine is still bigger!" This whole exchange, from how Amy is sitting there like a queen bee and letting everyone serve her, to how she greeted everyone (showing off her belly, and gloating to everyone how nice and round it is) was offensive to me, so when Amy stood up to pull my dress tight across my belly to compare belly sizes officially I slapped her hands back and tried to laugh it off by saying something like "oh lets not worry about comparisons... this is your day not mine!" or something. I dont remember my exact words. I was focusing on getting away from her to go sit in a quiet corner and just watch everyone else...
I don't do incredibly well with large crowds. So that combined with the fact that I don't really know anyone at this party except Connie, KC and one of Devon's aunts (Maryanne)... I just wanted to hide in a corner. Connie followed me, of course, and said "What did you do that for?" I told her that I didn't think we needed to compare bellies out there in front of everyone, that Amy was just trying to be mean. Connie responded with "I think you were rude." I said "Maybe, but she was being difficult" Connie says "Well I think you acted like a bitch."
I didn't make a big deal out it, just let it roll off my back, and let it go. It wasn't until I came home and talked to mom about it that it kind of upset me a little bit, but even then it was only for a short time and I let it go.
Before going to the shower, the three of us had gone to the store to buy diapers for the shower and some other things KC needed. KC & I split the cost of the diaper gift, because neither of us have any money so it was easier for us both that way. Connie decided to go shopping for other things, clothes and who knows what because she didn't want to follow us around. We combined it into one order at the register and the amount was just under $100. I paid her my $6 and KC paid her however much she owed her for her things, but the rest would have been Connie's. When I came home and told Devon about the day, he said I should have "controlled" his mom more. What the crap?!? How am I supposed to "control" her?? She is an adult woman of 54... I can control her no better than I could change the way the planet orbits the sun!
I did not care how much she spent. It isn't my money! It isn't my responsibility! However, as in previous cases of needing to vent off steam because of the stupidity, or the unbelievable behavior I'm inadvertently exposed to at her hand... I came home and vented on my mom. I told mom Connie had called me a bitch and it didn't actually even make that big of an impression on her, other than to illustrate the "quality" of person I am dealing with in these scenarios. However, today as I am talking over the previous day with my sister, my mom pipes up and volunteers the fact that Connie had called me a bitch, so how could I be held responsible for her spending habits? Well, something that wasn't a big deal to my mom, or me either for that matter, hit Devon COMPLETELY wrong. He had known for awhile that his mom and me weren't always getting along, but the thing is that he didn't know she had been so blatantly rude to me; and also did not know she had been having dreams about beating me up and getting into fights with me.
Before he found out what his mom had said to me yesterday, we all had been planning to go to the lake for the day. Put dads sailboat in, take the grill over, just... hang out at the lake for the day ya know? So mom and I went to the store, I hoped he wouldn't blow up and do something rash before I got home... but I knew in the back of my mind that there was a serious possibility that he would lose his head and try to call his mom, or worse, go over there in person to confront her. My sister text's me just as we're leaving the store to come home that Devon had just tore out of the yard to go "talk this out" with his family. So I called him. He was so angry he was speechless, and although able to form sentences, I could tell it was because he was focusing really hard. He hung up on me the first time I called, I started crying because I was scared what he would do... so I called him back and he didn't hang up on me that time. I begged him not to do anything stupid, to not talk to her... That talking about all of this wouldn't fix anything, that it would only make it worse, and that she would undoubtedly blame it all on me, saying that I made it up (again) or that I "misunderstood" (again). He listened to me talk for awhile, calmed down a little bit... enough to talk back in a semi-coherent manner anyway... and explained that this has been a long time coming, that he needs to resolve this, that it will make him feel better. I relented, because at this point he was nearly there anyway.
EDIT
Connie just called using Devon's phone. Playing mind games again, assuming I will pick up the phone for him, not her. She is claiming she didn't say it, that she was talking to Maryanne and not paying any attention to me. That she thinks it was Amy or Amy's friend who would have said it all. *Face palm*. Whatever. I'm just glad it's "resolved", and no one is mad at anyone although I'm getting the impression from both Devon and his mother that they're "handling" me. How frustrating. But I will just swallow it, (along with the major heartburn this has stirred up) and move on... I truly do not want something this stupid to split up the family or something. I just really wish Devon wasn't such a hot-head sometimes.
He has decided he will stay for supper over there (he hasn't been over to his parents house without me in a very long time) so he'll be home later, and doesn't want to go to the lake. So... I'll just hang out here I guess... but that means I need to find something to eat. And as tight as my stomach is right now, it may be a good idea to take a walk... kind of "clear my head" so to speak...