A bad day
Today my mom and my grandpa were admited into the hospital. My mom was diagnosed with heart failure about 2 months ago and has been doing well on the medications to help her. But in the past 2 days she has gained 12 lbs due to fluid building up around her lungs. When people that have heart failure the body can't get rid of fluids so they build up around the lungs making it hard for her to breathe. Good thing is she did not have a heart attack but has to stay in the hospital for observation. She is doing good now since they gave her medication to help her body expend fluids.
My grandpa was admited due to not being able to eat or drink. They think that he has stomach cancer. He is almost 83 and was an alcoholic for many years so it is not a big surprise. I don't know how to feel about him being sick since I have never had a close relationship with him. He was a big reason why my dad has so many problems in life. My dad was treated very bad by my grandfather due to his drinking and it caried over to how I was raised. My dad isn't an alcholic but because of his upbringing he did not know how to be father other than how he was raised. So there wasn't a close bond with me and my dad until the past few years. But thats something I will get into more later.
I am really worried about my mom. I just have a bad feeling that she isn't going to be around much longer. She has had many many health problems in her life and I just don't think that her body can take her heart not working properly. I don't know what I would do without her. I feel like it is partly my fault cuz of the stress I have brought on with me not being able to work and them supporting me. I just want to disappear. Then I also have to worry about my dad. He is disabled due to his mental illness as well and everytime my mom ends up in the hospital he spirals down. The last time my mom was in the hospital he tried to kill himself and I was the one that found him and had to call 911. That is something that I can never get out of my head when the paramedics were doing CPR on him. I don't know what to do I wish I could just get stoned outa my mind right now and just relax. Cuz I know that worrying isn't going to help anything right now.
My grandpa was admited due to not being able to eat or drink. They think that he has stomach cancer. He is almost 83 and was an alcoholic for many years so it is not a big surprise. I don't know how to feel about him being sick since I have never had a close relationship with him. He was a big reason why my dad has so many problems in life. My dad was treated very bad by my grandfather due to his drinking and it caried over to how I was raised. My dad isn't an alcholic but because of his upbringing he did not know how to be father other than how he was raised. So there wasn't a close bond with me and my dad until the past few years. But thats something I will get into more later.
I am really worried about my mom. I just have a bad feeling that she isn't going to be around much longer. She has had many many health problems in her life and I just don't think that her body can take her heart not working properly. I don't know what I would do without her. I feel like it is partly my fault cuz of the stress I have brought on with me not being able to work and them supporting me. I just want to disappear. Then I also have to worry about my dad. He is disabled due to his mental illness as well and everytime my mom ends up in the hospital he spirals down. The last time my mom was in the hospital he tried to kill himself and I was the one that found him and had to call 911. That is something that I can never get out of my head when the paramedics were doing CPR on him. I don't know what to do I wish I could just get stoned outa my mind right now and just relax. Cuz I know that worrying isn't going to help anything right now.