... And He Had A Plan ....
My 33rd cycle on this little green planet started in-character, probably around the time our Clan was trying to prevent the previous King from coming back undead. Go figure.
2013 was going to be my year. After a singularly sucky 2012 I started this year with a two clear objectives:
- Find self. Do not get lost on the way.
- Be happy.
I am happy to say: mission accomplished.
Overall, this was the year of less stress, more sleep and more space for me. While it wasn't always easy to stick to 'The Plan' - which entails a multi-tiered way of spacing appointments and fun stuff in such a way that I can also choose to be spontaneous and can do something that I want within a reasonable timeframe instead of having to schedule a meet with friends somewhere in the next quarter. This has resulted in me being able to do a lot of 'just in time' meets if I or someone else wanted to hang, talk, game or something. This increased 'buddy' time has done me a world of good and my friends have well and truly come through for me this year.
In regards to work I am managing it better, being able to put the day behind me when it is done and asserting less control. I try to grab bitesize bits that I can control, accepting what lies beyond it with an open mind. I am going to try to make a few careermoves this year as well - I think it is time to find something that is a little different to make sure my job keeps my interest.
The 'I must love me' thing is still hard. My greatest enemy has been the remnants of my previous self-image, haunting me left or right with "you should do this or that" and occasionally with a horrified "nooooooo!" at a few of my decisions. But I am more at peace with myself then I was, and I hope to continue the upward trend.
So, having 'found' myself, where do I fit in? As I put it last year:
Somewhere between the Space Marine and the ballerina, somewhere between the leader and the follower, somewhere between all the various versions of myself I gotta find my center - or at least close enough that I can build a place where I belong.
The surprising (at least to me) answer is that I don't have to choose. I am the Space Marine and the ballerina. The leader and the follower. I am me, in all its myriad forms. I have a bit more diversity inside me that I thought I had, and I am finding ways to leverage that realisation to practical ends.
While my physical health has been much less of a thing this year, less stress in combination with discipline paid off this year quite unexpectedly by dumping my weight into the green. I was pretty surprised. I have allowed myself some space to up and down a bit as things got busy and Lies was approaching winterdip, but I find that I have an easier time accepting it, and I expect to stabilize well in the green BMI zone somewhere halfway 2014.
So. What is next? Well, the search continues, but in a more practical sense. More of finding myself, but also settling into a new routine that fits my new paradigms better. There is still a chance that I may get lost on the way, but that thought doesn't bother me any longer. Sometimes it is how it is, and sometimes it isn't how it isn't.
Larping
An unusually quiet year for me, including a summer vacation devoid of any for of larp at all. First time in a decade that happened. I know why it was needed, but it is one of those necessary sacrifices that I do not intend to repeat. It will be more of a priority for me this year - I just love it too much.
Doodspoor saw me NPC'ing in the snow. I was pretty impressed with their new way of handling things, being able to balance resources between -effectively- two larps as the groups split along a 'Real World vs. Dream World' axis. I look forward to the next one, early next year. Tho I hope that I won't have to go arctic camo for it ;-)
Charm has been awesome - much more of a shades-of-grey pirate theme then the previous good-vs-evil cycle, which does work well for me. The second event especially this year saw me playing one of the pirate captains and I think I gave the players plenty to think about. I look forward to the plans the story writers.
Bertram has seen a big shift this year, and this year somehow feels somewhat final for him. The war is starting to wear heavily on his soul, and there are things in the future that may cause him to depart the front lines to settle down. We'll have to see how the dice will fall, but I have started to divvy up the task among subordinates and training a replacement - tho I don't know if they have noticed that yet.
Chronos: Frontier has made big steps forward this year after a rocky first event. While I still regard the rules as a mixed bag a lot of work and love has gone into polishing it up, resulting in a solid third event and the brave decision to switch to a once-a-year format with more plot and group specific special events in between. While the ending of this event left me a bit 'in medias res' in regards to the fate of a member of the group it is in my opinion growing into a very solid setting which adds a good deal of Omen-esque mysticism to a sci-fi feel.
Masuo and Junstal have been effectively on hold this year due to planning issues and priorities. I hate that it has to happen, but as stated: priorities. And sometimes that sucks.
Xenophobia had its first episode, and I am happy with the way it worked - it is the first campaign with the lighter rulesystem we are using and it has its rough edges, but the story of the brave survivors is one that will get pretty interesting, me thinks - and we have a few reinforcements with fresh ideas to help us set up the next event.
I have been one-shotting a bit more this year, adding Obscurus and Long Live The King to our list. One is a bit more of a campaign-y thing and tho I will have to miss the next one I will keep my eye on it. Set in a darker, alternate Netherlands it has a bit of the Lex vibe that I have been missing so much. Long Live The King as an exercise in supporting others to unlock their achievements, and I am happy to have participated. While the orga and I have different opionions on orga-, plot- and play-styles they set up a very nice world for the players to populate and scheme in. That made it all work beautifully.
Still, I need an extra event. It needs to be something special, something with an edge. And something I can do alone. Plenty of group activity, but I feel like some solo-ing.
Plans for 2014
- Some more of finding self, and accepting whatever or where-ever I may find myself
- Be happy.
2013 was going to be my year. After a singularly sucky 2012 I started this year with a two clear objectives:
- Find self. Do not get lost on the way.
- Be happy.
I am happy to say: mission accomplished.
Overall, this was the year of less stress, more sleep and more space for me. While it wasn't always easy to stick to 'The Plan' - which entails a multi-tiered way of spacing appointments and fun stuff in such a way that I can also choose to be spontaneous and can do something that I want within a reasonable timeframe instead of having to schedule a meet with friends somewhere in the next quarter. This has resulted in me being able to do a lot of 'just in time' meets if I or someone else wanted to hang, talk, game or something. This increased 'buddy' time has done me a world of good and my friends have well and truly come through for me this year.
In regards to work I am managing it better, being able to put the day behind me when it is done and asserting less control. I try to grab bitesize bits that I can control, accepting what lies beyond it with an open mind. I am going to try to make a few careermoves this year as well - I think it is time to find something that is a little different to make sure my job keeps my interest.
The 'I must love me' thing is still hard. My greatest enemy has been the remnants of my previous self-image, haunting me left or right with "you should do this or that" and occasionally with a horrified "nooooooo!" at a few of my decisions. But I am more at peace with myself then I was, and I hope to continue the upward trend.
So, having 'found' myself, where do I fit in? As I put it last year:
Somewhere between the Space Marine and the ballerina, somewhere between the leader and the follower, somewhere between all the various versions of myself I gotta find my center - or at least close enough that I can build a place where I belong.
The surprising (at least to me) answer is that I don't have to choose. I am the Space Marine and the ballerina. The leader and the follower. I am me, in all its myriad forms. I have a bit more diversity inside me that I thought I had, and I am finding ways to leverage that realisation to practical ends.
While my physical health has been much less of a thing this year, less stress in combination with discipline paid off this year quite unexpectedly by dumping my weight into the green. I was pretty surprised. I have allowed myself some space to up and down a bit as things got busy and Lies was approaching winterdip, but I find that I have an easier time accepting it, and I expect to stabilize well in the green BMI zone somewhere halfway 2014.
So. What is next? Well, the search continues, but in a more practical sense. More of finding myself, but also settling into a new routine that fits my new paradigms better. There is still a chance that I may get lost on the way, but that thought doesn't bother me any longer. Sometimes it is how it is, and sometimes it isn't how it isn't.
Larping
An unusually quiet year for me, including a summer vacation devoid of any for of larp at all. First time in a decade that happened. I know why it was needed, but it is one of those necessary sacrifices that I do not intend to repeat. It will be more of a priority for me this year - I just love it too much.
Doodspoor saw me NPC'ing in the snow. I was pretty impressed with their new way of handling things, being able to balance resources between -effectively- two larps as the groups split along a 'Real World vs. Dream World' axis. I look forward to the next one, early next year. Tho I hope that I won't have to go arctic camo for it ;-)
Charm has been awesome - much more of a shades-of-grey pirate theme then the previous good-vs-evil cycle, which does work well for me. The second event especially this year saw me playing one of the pirate captains and I think I gave the players plenty to think about. I look forward to the plans the story writers.
Bertram has seen a big shift this year, and this year somehow feels somewhat final for him. The war is starting to wear heavily on his soul, and there are things in the future that may cause him to depart the front lines to settle down. We'll have to see how the dice will fall, but I have started to divvy up the task among subordinates and training a replacement - tho I don't know if they have noticed that yet.
Chronos: Frontier has made big steps forward this year after a rocky first event. While I still regard the rules as a mixed bag a lot of work and love has gone into polishing it up, resulting in a solid third event and the brave decision to switch to a once-a-year format with more plot and group specific special events in between. While the ending of this event left me a bit 'in medias res' in regards to the fate of a member of the group it is in my opinion growing into a very solid setting which adds a good deal of Omen-esque mysticism to a sci-fi feel.
Masuo and Junstal have been effectively on hold this year due to planning issues and priorities. I hate that it has to happen, but as stated: priorities. And sometimes that sucks.
Xenophobia had its first episode, and I am happy with the way it worked - it is the first campaign with the lighter rulesystem we are using and it has its rough edges, but the story of the brave survivors is one that will get pretty interesting, me thinks - and we have a few reinforcements with fresh ideas to help us set up the next event.
I have been one-shotting a bit more this year, adding Obscurus and Long Live The King to our list. One is a bit more of a campaign-y thing and tho I will have to miss the next one I will keep my eye on it. Set in a darker, alternate Netherlands it has a bit of the Lex vibe that I have been missing so much. Long Live The King as an exercise in supporting others to unlock their achievements, and I am happy to have participated. While the orga and I have different opionions on orga-, plot- and play-styles they set up a very nice world for the players to populate and scheme in. That made it all work beautifully.
Still, I need an extra event. It needs to be something special, something with an edge. And something I can do alone. Plenty of group activity, but I feel like some solo-ing.
Plans for 2014
- Some more of finding self, and accepting whatever or where-ever I may find myself
- Be happy.