A Plethera of Cliches by fizzerbass
Title: A Plethera of Cliches
Author: Fizzerbass
Pairing: everyone
Rating: PG
Notes: This was supposed to be just a funny little thing and it totally exploded. Look for yourself and see what a mess it made. Unbetaed 'cause it wasn't supposed to be long enough to need a beta. It is longer than 1,000 words so feel free to delete it if need be.
Feedback: This is supposed to be firmly tongue-in-cheek but please let me know if it totally bites. I realize that I probably changed tenses about ten times throughout but feel free to bring it to my attention.
**I totally got the whole 'Casey sings I'm A Little Tea-Pot' thing from a wonderful fic I just read and cannot for the life of me find again. I am sorry for not crediting the true author. Please tell me if you know who it is!**
Casey really didn’t know why he agreed to play Truth or Dare. He must have selective amnesia or something. He remembers laughing at everyone else making a fool out of themselves but never remembers that he inevitably will be called on to do the same. You would have thought that he learned his lesson after he was forced to give a shirtless rendition of ‘I’m A Little Tea-Pot’ the last time they all played this stupid game. But, it had been a boring couple of days in the sports world, and everyone was feeling in the need of something to break up the monotony. Besides, the way Kim had amended the rules to make it ‘Strip Truth or Dare’ made it sound verrry interesting.
“One lassss rule” Kim slurred her way through this statement on her way to, “we’re playing shteams.”
Dan shot a quizzical look at Casey and raised his hand. Dana leaned forward to speak into the candle on the coffee table in front of her and adjusted the straw that she had tucked behind her ear as if it was a headset. “Dan has his hand raised.”
“For those of us not versed in Kim-is-drunk-as-a-skunk speak, what exactly are ‘shteams’?
All heads turned to look at Kim who was staring intently at Dana. She slid sideways into Jeremy, who very graciously stopped her from toppling all the way over onto the floor. He winced as she cupped her hand around his ear to loudly whisper, “Do you think Dana knows that her shtraw isn’t connennected to anything?”
Jeremy chortled as he propped her back up against the couch. “That’s OK because I think Casey and Dan have turned their microphones off.”
Kim turns to look at Casey and Dan who shrug innocently. They tilt their heads at an angle in unison as they follow Kim’s sideways slide in the other direction. Elliot is watching Dana recite cut-away instructions into the candle and gives a start when Kim ends up face down in his lap.
“Camera Two, cut away from catatonic Kim on my mark. Three, two, one; cut away to camera three.” Dana’s voice, usually so melodic when whispered over a control room microphone has taken on an eerie séance-like quality as she whispers into the candle. Thank God that her exhalations have blown the flame out long ago or she would have more than nervous blemishes to worry about.
“Uhm, Kim? I hate to break into any quality time that you and Elliot might be sharing over there but you haven’t answered Dan’s question. What are ‘shteams’?” Casey is starting to regret (again) that he agreed to play this game. What if ‘shteams’ were some kind of aphrodisiac or sex pollen he hadn’t heard of? What if his beer had already been spiked? He didn’t feel any differently than he normally did after six beers and countless shots, but he had to admit that Jeremy was looking mighty fine in his brown plaid shirt. Huh, maybe he was a six-beer queer.
A loud, very unladylike, belch erupts from the vicinity of Elliott’s crotch. A look of alarmed surprise runs across his face as he quickly pushes Kim into an upright position. “Shteams. You know, shteams.” Another small burp bubbles out as she continues to explain. “Shteams… partners… you and me against the world. Shteams.” This time her burp looks like it might have something behind it and Elliott hauls her up and away into the bathroom.
Dana cups her hand over the end of her straw. “Natalie, call Chris and Dave and see if they can come in to cover for Kim and Elliott.”
Natalie tries very hard to keep a straight face as she slowly, but ever so slyly, moves Dana’s Margarita away from her. “I’m sorry Dana, but I can’t do that.”
“What do you mean, you can’t do that? I’m the executive producer of this show and you will do as I say.”
Natalie downs the rest of Dana’s Margarita and slaps it back down on the table. “First of all, Chris and Dave are studio technicians, not associate producers, so they would be no help when it comes to replacing Kim and Elliott.” She snags the shot glass sitting in front of Casey and slams that back too. “Secondly, I can’t call in anyone to replace Kim and Elliott because we aren’t really doing a show here. You do know that we aren’t doing a show here, in the middle of Kim’s apartment, don’t you?”
“We’re not? We’re not doing a show? Then what are we doing?” Dana’s melodic voice has left its séance-ness in the dust and has rolled on into out-and-out whining.
“Playing Truth or Dare,” Casey, Dan, Jeremy and Natalie reply in unison. They all look at one another, grin, raise whatever glass is in front of them in a silent toast, and drink.
Natalie struggles into a standing position and goes into the kitchen where they can all hear her rummaging through several drawers. She gives a small cry of triumph and stumbles back into the living room, holding something behind her back. “Whose turn it is?”
“It’s Casey’s turn and I would like to take this opportunity to commend you on your fine grasp of the English language. ‘Whose turn it is’ is just about the most eloquent thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Dan looks smug until he realizes that the gleam in Natalie’s eyes is not one of drunken stupor but of retaliation. He gives a small yelp of surprise as she lurches over Jeremy to snap a pair of handcuffs onto his and Casey’s wrists.
“Natalie, what the hell are you doing?” Casey startled look causes Jeremy to giggle uncontrollably. He reaches up to grab Natalie and drags her into his lap. He knows that Casey would never actually hurt Natalie but he is looking quite apoplectic. Better to be safe than sorry.
She pointed her finger accusingly somewhere in the vicinity of Casey’s left shoulder. “That’s for not telling me that the shot I stole from you had Jaegermeister in it.” She whipped her finger around to point in Dan’s general direction. “And that’s for making fun of my command of the English language. I have a very good command of the English language. It bows down at my feet and worships me I have such a good command of the English language.”
Dan had remained very calm during the whole escapade, knowing that it is not wise to tick off Drunk Natalie. It’s foolhardy at best to piss off Normal Natalie; only a twit with a death wish would irritate Drunk Natalie. Besides, it’s not the worst thing in the world to be temporarily attached to Casey McCall. It’s not like they are being forced to have sex or anything.
“Back to the game at hand.” Dana had finally left the office at the office and was ready to party. She looked around absently for her drink, shrugged a little ‘Oh well’ when she couldn’t find it and turned to Casey. “Truth or Dare.”
“Truth!” Casey answers without hesitating. Who know what these lunatics would come up with as a Dare if he were to so choose? They’d probably make him have sex with Dan or something equally outrageous.
“You secretly want to be forced to have sex with Dan.” Natalie has settled like a baby within Jeremy’s arms but looks about as innocent as a pit viper. Casey’s not so sure that he didn’t see a forked tongue curl out of her mouth to catch a bit of beer foam left there.
“He does not!” Dana exclaims as Casey protests, “I do not!” They both try to stand in indignation; Dana forgetting that her balance is severely alcohol impaired and Casey forgetting that he is temporarily tethered to Dan. They collide with an almost comical thud and manage to both fall right on top of Dan who hits his head soundly on the edge of the coffee table.
Elliott and Kim choose this moment to come out of the bathroom and find Dana and Casey writhing in a pile on top of Dan. “Hey! No fair shtarting the orgy without me!” Kim has lost her greenish tint but it doesn’t make her pout look any prettier. “And, uhm, aren’t you shupposed to take your clothes off first?”
Casey ignores Kim as he finally gets his legs untangled from Dana’s. He gently pushes her in the general direction of Jeremy and Natalie who have been watching the antics with much amusement. Dan’s like a dead weight hanging off his arm and he’s not having much luck getting himself up into a sitting position. He looks down at Dan to see why he isn’t helping at all and realizes with horror that there is a small pool of blood collecting at the base of Dan’s skull.
“Oh no!” Natalie cries. Dan has had a sudden injury/impairment that will cause Casey to have to care for him intimately!”
~TBC (or would have been if we were allowed to post two-parters)
Author: Fizzerbass
Pairing: everyone
Rating: PG
Notes: This was supposed to be just a funny little thing and it totally exploded. Look for yourself and see what a mess it made. Unbetaed 'cause it wasn't supposed to be long enough to need a beta. It is longer than 1,000 words so feel free to delete it if need be.
Feedback: This is supposed to be firmly tongue-in-cheek but please let me know if it totally bites. I realize that I probably changed tenses about ten times throughout but feel free to bring it to my attention.
**I totally got the whole 'Casey sings I'm A Little Tea-Pot' thing from a wonderful fic I just read and cannot for the life of me find again. I am sorry for not crediting the true author. Please tell me if you know who it is!**
Casey really didn’t know why he agreed to play Truth or Dare. He must have selective amnesia or something. He remembers laughing at everyone else making a fool out of themselves but never remembers that he inevitably will be called on to do the same. You would have thought that he learned his lesson after he was forced to give a shirtless rendition of ‘I’m A Little Tea-Pot’ the last time they all played this stupid game. But, it had been a boring couple of days in the sports world, and everyone was feeling in the need of something to break up the monotony. Besides, the way Kim had amended the rules to make it ‘Strip Truth or Dare’ made it sound verrry interesting.
“One lassss rule” Kim slurred her way through this statement on her way to, “we’re playing shteams.”
Dan shot a quizzical look at Casey and raised his hand. Dana leaned forward to speak into the candle on the coffee table in front of her and adjusted the straw that she had tucked behind her ear as if it was a headset. “Dan has his hand raised.”
“For those of us not versed in Kim-is-drunk-as-a-skunk speak, what exactly are ‘shteams’?
All heads turned to look at Kim who was staring intently at Dana. She slid sideways into Jeremy, who very graciously stopped her from toppling all the way over onto the floor. He winced as she cupped her hand around his ear to loudly whisper, “Do you think Dana knows that her shtraw isn’t connennected to anything?”
Jeremy chortled as he propped her back up against the couch. “That’s OK because I think Casey and Dan have turned their microphones off.”
Kim turns to look at Casey and Dan who shrug innocently. They tilt their heads at an angle in unison as they follow Kim’s sideways slide in the other direction. Elliot is watching Dana recite cut-away instructions into the candle and gives a start when Kim ends up face down in his lap.
“Camera Two, cut away from catatonic Kim on my mark. Three, two, one; cut away to camera three.” Dana’s voice, usually so melodic when whispered over a control room microphone has taken on an eerie séance-like quality as she whispers into the candle. Thank God that her exhalations have blown the flame out long ago or she would have more than nervous blemishes to worry about.
“Uhm, Kim? I hate to break into any quality time that you and Elliot might be sharing over there but you haven’t answered Dan’s question. What are ‘shteams’?” Casey is starting to regret (again) that he agreed to play this game. What if ‘shteams’ were some kind of aphrodisiac or sex pollen he hadn’t heard of? What if his beer had already been spiked? He didn’t feel any differently than he normally did after six beers and countless shots, but he had to admit that Jeremy was looking mighty fine in his brown plaid shirt. Huh, maybe he was a six-beer queer.
A loud, very unladylike, belch erupts from the vicinity of Elliott’s crotch. A look of alarmed surprise runs across his face as he quickly pushes Kim into an upright position. “Shteams. You know, shteams.” Another small burp bubbles out as she continues to explain. “Shteams… partners… you and me against the world. Shteams.” This time her burp looks like it might have something behind it and Elliott hauls her up and away into the bathroom.
Dana cups her hand over the end of her straw. “Natalie, call Chris and Dave and see if they can come in to cover for Kim and Elliott.”
Natalie tries very hard to keep a straight face as she slowly, but ever so slyly, moves Dana’s Margarita away from her. “I’m sorry Dana, but I can’t do that.”
“What do you mean, you can’t do that? I’m the executive producer of this show and you will do as I say.”
Natalie downs the rest of Dana’s Margarita and slaps it back down on the table. “First of all, Chris and Dave are studio technicians, not associate producers, so they would be no help when it comes to replacing Kim and Elliott.” She snags the shot glass sitting in front of Casey and slams that back too. “Secondly, I can’t call in anyone to replace Kim and Elliott because we aren’t really doing a show here. You do know that we aren’t doing a show here, in the middle of Kim’s apartment, don’t you?”
“We’re not? We’re not doing a show? Then what are we doing?” Dana’s melodic voice has left its séance-ness in the dust and has rolled on into out-and-out whining.
“Playing Truth or Dare,” Casey, Dan, Jeremy and Natalie reply in unison. They all look at one another, grin, raise whatever glass is in front of them in a silent toast, and drink.
Natalie struggles into a standing position and goes into the kitchen where they can all hear her rummaging through several drawers. She gives a small cry of triumph and stumbles back into the living room, holding something behind her back. “Whose turn it is?”
“It’s Casey’s turn and I would like to take this opportunity to commend you on your fine grasp of the English language. ‘Whose turn it is’ is just about the most eloquent thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Dan looks smug until he realizes that the gleam in Natalie’s eyes is not one of drunken stupor but of retaliation. He gives a small yelp of surprise as she lurches over Jeremy to snap a pair of handcuffs onto his and Casey’s wrists.
“Natalie, what the hell are you doing?” Casey startled look causes Jeremy to giggle uncontrollably. He reaches up to grab Natalie and drags her into his lap. He knows that Casey would never actually hurt Natalie but he is looking quite apoplectic. Better to be safe than sorry.
She pointed her finger accusingly somewhere in the vicinity of Casey’s left shoulder. “That’s for not telling me that the shot I stole from you had Jaegermeister in it.” She whipped her finger around to point in Dan’s general direction. “And that’s for making fun of my command of the English language. I have a very good command of the English language. It bows down at my feet and worships me I have such a good command of the English language.”
Dan had remained very calm during the whole escapade, knowing that it is not wise to tick off Drunk Natalie. It’s foolhardy at best to piss off Normal Natalie; only a twit with a death wish would irritate Drunk Natalie. Besides, it’s not the worst thing in the world to be temporarily attached to Casey McCall. It’s not like they are being forced to have sex or anything.
“Back to the game at hand.” Dana had finally left the office at the office and was ready to party. She looked around absently for her drink, shrugged a little ‘Oh well’ when she couldn’t find it and turned to Casey. “Truth or Dare.”
“Truth!” Casey answers without hesitating. Who know what these lunatics would come up with as a Dare if he were to so choose? They’d probably make him have sex with Dan or something equally outrageous.
“You secretly want to be forced to have sex with Dan.” Natalie has settled like a baby within Jeremy’s arms but looks about as innocent as a pit viper. Casey’s not so sure that he didn’t see a forked tongue curl out of her mouth to catch a bit of beer foam left there.
“He does not!” Dana exclaims as Casey protests, “I do not!” They both try to stand in indignation; Dana forgetting that her balance is severely alcohol impaired and Casey forgetting that he is temporarily tethered to Dan. They collide with an almost comical thud and manage to both fall right on top of Dan who hits his head soundly on the edge of the coffee table.
Elliott and Kim choose this moment to come out of the bathroom and find Dana and Casey writhing in a pile on top of Dan. “Hey! No fair shtarting the orgy without me!” Kim has lost her greenish tint but it doesn’t make her pout look any prettier. “And, uhm, aren’t you shupposed to take your clothes off first?”
Casey ignores Kim as he finally gets his legs untangled from Dana’s. He gently pushes her in the general direction of Jeremy and Natalie who have been watching the antics with much amusement. Dan’s like a dead weight hanging off his arm and he’s not having much luck getting himself up into a sitting position. He looks down at Dan to see why he isn’t helping at all and realizes with horror that there is a small pool of blood collecting at the base of Dan’s skull.
“Oh no!” Natalie cries. Dan has had a sudden injury/impairment that will cause Casey to have to care for him intimately!”
~TBC (or would have been if we were allowed to post two-parters)