"In Vino Veritas (4/6)" - A Gift for orkyd
Title: In Vino Veritas (Part 4/6: Mead)
Author: i_am_girlfriday
Gift For: orkyd
Summary: Cornered by a suspicious colleague, Rose explains why she and Scorpius stopped being friends ten years prior.
Rating: PG-13, eventually R
Warnings: Tame teenage horniness, mentions of Scorpius/OFC and Rose/OMC
Word Count: 4,233
Author's Note: Thank you to my betas, D and T, and B for encouragement.
Rose woke up with a dull headache. Sometime during the night she threw off all the covers and was too drunk to fold them back neatly. Her arms were covered in goosebumps and her feet were cold. She reached along the side of the frame and scooped up her duvet. She covered herself and fluffed it up around her. It was Sunday and she fully intended to nurse her hangover in the comfort of her quarters.
Rose normally handled her alcohol just fine. She used to enjoy a glass of wine or Firewhisky after a particularly rough day back when she’d worked for the Ministry, but ever since she’d moved to Hogwarts she’d indulged in a drink everyday after work. She found little relief in common headache remedies. The kind of headaches that plagued Rose had to do with her empathic ability. The headaches were a painful reminder that Rose’s endurance to be around large groups of people had atrophied over the years.
After Rose was hired by the Department of Mysteries she discovered that most Unspeakables had few friends, and Rose could relate. Rose picked up on privileged information whether she wanted to or not. Discretion wasn’t just a mere consideration for her family and friends. Rose felt a huge sense of responsibility to protect the knowledge and the secrets to which she was privy. She found it was easier if she just avoided social gatherings.
During Rose’s moments of self-doubt she thought of her gift as a curse. As she saw it, not much good had come of it. As an Unspeakable she scanned memories in Pensieves and read prophecies. She wrote lengthy reports on the internal struggles and emotional motivators of the people involved in a memory or a prophecy. Sometimes her assignments were old criminal cases. As far as Rose could tell, her work had little practical application. Her reports weren’t even used by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Rose’s findings were even lower than circumstantial evidence, she was merely speculating in the eyes of most.
Perhaps getting fired from her job had been a blessing in disguise. At least at Hogwarts Rose’s ability helped the living, even if the living in question were her ungrateful students looking for an easy O. Rose hated her tendency to become mired in self-loathing and knew that it was time to get up and face the day, regardless of her alcohol-induced lethargy.
Rose bolted upright in bed but regretted it immediately. She headed to the loo and examined her massive head of hair. Calling herself a redhead was a euphemism. Rose’s hair was orange--bright copper mixed with strawberry blonde. And it refused to lay flat. It was overgrown and curly. Perhaps a poet would describe it as something like candy floss, but to Rose it was just one more thing that caused her problems. Her cousin Victoire had convinced her to wear it in a classic chignon when she was a first year, but then Hugo arrived at Hogwarts during her third year and pointed out that Rose’s ears stuck out. Ever since then she’d worn it loose with a few pins to keep it from obscuring her vision.
Rose forced herself to ignore her reflection and took a large dose of De-Lemon-Aid. The potion soothed her sour stomach and got rid of that peaky, almost jaundiced look Rose tended to sport after a night of drinking. She took a long shower and immediately felt more like herself--in control, intuitive, not insecure and whiny. It was easy for Rose to dwell on all her flaws before she washed her hair or drank her first cup of coffee.
Before Rose headed to the Great Hall for Sunday Brunch, she flicked her wand and cast a few cleaning spells to tidy up her quarters. After Scorpius had walked her to her portrait door the previous night, she cried on her couch. When she finally stopped crying she’d been quite hungry. Rose had apparently eaten a bag of crisps and gotten crumbs everywhere. There was an open box of cereal on the sofa, a soggy container of melted ice cream on the counter, and her clothes were strewn around the room. Rose hadn’t gone on a bender like that since the last time she’d been at Hogwarts crying over Scorpius.
Rose gritted her teeth, and headed to the Great Hall, not quite ready to face Scorpius, but too hungry to care. She walked down the long aisle to the teachers’ table, determined to get through the meal without getting worked up. Seated at the long bench were Scorpius, Calista, and Lauren. Calista was talking animatedly, gesturing with her fork and a saltshaker. Lauren and Scorpius watched her in rapt attention. Rose felt like she was intruding on them, but the bench was full so she didn’t have much choice.
After the previous night’s debauchery Rose wasn’t sure where she stood with Scorpius. It was clear that he was ready to pick up their friendship where they had left it as foolish teenagers. Maybe not all was forgiven, but he seemed blissfully ignorant of the issues that had driven them apart in the first place. As Rose took her seat at the table she decided that she had to put the past behind them if she was going to survive seeing Scorpius on a daily basis.
Rose sat next to Calista who was on the end and greeted the group. “Good morning!” She filled her plate with her favorite breakfast foods.
“Morning!” Calista and Lauren returned.
Scorpius smiled at Rose sheepishly. It was the same smile that Rose used to count on to get her through classes. They used to communicate just by smiling. Long ago Scorpius’s grandfather insisted that Malfoys don’t smile, but much to his chagrin Scorpius had inherited the trademark Greengrass dimples.
Rose cut her eggs up and watched the yolk run into the acidic tomatoes. She stabbed the slices and ate them. She pretended her food was endlessly fascinating. It kept her eyes from wandering toward Scorpius. She savored the salty bacon and washed it down with bitter coffee. A fry-up was her dad’s hangover cure. Rose could hear Lauren and Calista buzzing with excitement about Halloween. As a new teacher Rose wasn’t expected quite yet to jump in with organizing events, but she knew it could only be to her advantage if she looked keen. She did her best to smile and nod at Calista’s ideas. She stopped concentrating on blocking out emotions and she tried to read Scorpius. He seemed to be feeling a lot of things at once--confused, happy, nervous, annoyed. Rose did her best to focus, but in her current state she couldn’t get past his more superficial and fleeting emotions. She looked up and caught him watching her. Embarrassed, Rose ducked her head back down and busied herself by pushing around the kippers and mushrooms left on her plate. They’d never been her favorite.
“Well, then I best be off and meet with Headmaster Longbottom and discuss some of these ideas! See you three around!” Calista flew from her seat leaving Rose next to Scorpius.
There was a pregnant pause. Rose blushed. Scorpius looked off into the distance. Lauren munched on her toast and observed the awkward silence from the other side of the table.
Scorpius stood up and looked uncomfortable but said nothing.
“Bye, Scorpius.” Rose said, attempting to clear the air. She took a long sip from her mug.
“Yeah, bye. See you two later.” Scorpius seemed to trip over his words as he exited the Great Hall.
Rose busied herself with buttering her toast and simply nodded. As soon as Scorpius was out of ear shot Rose started asking Lauren about grading policies for OWL students, but Lauren interrupted her.
“What just happened there?” Her mouth was agape.
“Nothing.” Rose chewed her toast, but her mouth suddenly was very dry and she could scarcely swallow without choking.
“That was not nothing. That was absolutely something!”
Rose skewered a sausage with her fork and dipped it in a puddle of yolk. She ate it slowly and let Lauren wait for an answer. Rose sensed Lauren’s stubborn curiosity. She would probably read more into the situation than was there, or worse, go to Scorpius and ask him what was going on between them. Rose decided to placate her.
“Do you have plans this evening? Rose stood from the bench, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“No... I believe I have it free.” Lauren looked perplexed.
“Then perhaps you’ll oblige me and join me in Hogsmeade?”
“Only if you promise not to try and discuss OWL level grading policies!”
“Alright, how about some window shopping and tea at Madam Puddifoot's?”
“Sure I can’t tempt you for a drink at Three Broomsticks?”
Rose’s headache came back, the blood pulsated in her temple. “Too noisy.” She dissuaded.
“The Hog’s Head, then?” Lauren insisted.
Rose felt a wave of nausea pass over her, but nodded her head in agreement.
“Come on!” Lauren teased her. “Hair of the dog could do the trick. And it won’t be a proper girls’ night if we don’t drink.”
“Alright, I’ll meet you in the corridor at a quarter to five.” Rose agreed reluctantly as she turned to go.
Rose realized it had been years since she’d gone out with a girlfriend. She felt a twinge of guilt for ruining all of her relationships, but at the time her reasons had seemed sound. Another amendment to her to do list was to organize a weekend with her cousins. She had already started corresponding with Lily, Roxanne, and Dominique, but she hadn’t seen them or Victoire, Molly, or Lucy in a long time.
After a nap and a second dose of De-Lemon-Aid, Rose met up with Lauren. They retraced the very steps Rose had taken the previous night with Scorpius. Instead of catching up on a mutually abandoned friendship, Lauren grilled Rose about everything and anything. Was she in contact with her ex? Did she miss her family? Why weren’t she and Scorpius best mates anymore? What happened the night before to cause them such awkwardness? Rose’s initial reaction was to dodge each question and deflect attention back onto Lauren, but Lauren seemed wise to her game.
“I know your tactics now, Rose. You’re the one who suggested this outing, so spill it.”
Rose compromised. “Okay, let’s have some privacy before I start talking about Scorpius.” She said in a low whisper, looking around and making sure there was no one lurking nearby.
Lauren pulled Rose into the apothecary shop. Lauren made a show of checking to be sure the coast was clear.
“Right...” Rose busied her hands with vials of essential oils. “It’s complicated. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“They say the beginning is the best place to start.”
Rose had spent the afternoon napping fitfully and thinking how she’d satisfy Lauren’s curiosity. Lauren wasn’t a gossip-monger, but if Rose didn’t answer her questions, she’d talk to Scorpius. He’d been her mentor for the past two years. They were friends. If Lauren really wanted to know what was going on between the two of them she’d find a way. The best outcome Rose could hope for was to get Lauren to hear her side of the story.
“We used to be friends.” Rose smiled fondly. “We were both in Slytherin and at first we both wished desperately to have been sorted in to any other house. I wanted to be different from my cousins who were all mostly in Gryffindor. I was bookish like my mum, so I thought I had a fair chance of making a decent Ravenclaw. And Scorpius would have made an excellent Hufflepuff. But mainly he wanted any house except Slytherin. Some fourth-years on the train had called him a baby Death Eater.”
Lauren grimaced.
“We were both lonely during the first few days, so we sort of latched onto each other.” Rose omitted the detail that she’d been dared by her father to beat Scorpius in every test and that was what had prompted her to be his friend. It made her sound like a heartless little brat. “I missed my cousin Al terribly. We’d been inseparable up until Hogwarts, but after he was sorted into Gryffindor and I into Slytherin, we didn’t see much of each other. Al was off having a grand time with the rest of our cousins.”
Lauren asked for a break so she could pay and then they headed over to the bookshop. She had an assortment of vials and jars so Rose helped her hold onto the parcels as Lauren picked out a few books.
“Anyhow, Scorpius and I were thick as thieves, as my Granny Granger used to say. Our parents were a bit weird about it at first, but we were both such good kids they could hardly complain. We never got in trouble... Well, we never got caught and punished.” Rose smiled. She still felt smug after all these years. “Eventually our parents came to terms with our friendship. It helped that Mrs. Malfoy worked at Gringotts with my Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur. Asteria is one of my aunt’s dearest friends.”
Her aunt and uncle had hosted a party at Shell Cottage during the summer after Rose and Scorpius’s first year. Rose always thought her Aunt Fleur was very glamorous, and she’d thought Asteria was equally sophisticated. The party provided a perfect opportunity for the Malfoys and Weasley Grangers to mingle. Rose’s mother and father looked about as excited as Mr. Malfoy, but Scorpius’s mother had handled the situation with expert diplomacy and enviable grace.
“Okay, okay, I get it. You and Scorpius were friends. Why aren’t you friends now?” Lauren became impatient.
Rose sighed. “I’m going to need a drink.”
Lauren paid for her books and they walked to the Hog’s Head. It was windy and by the time they got inside Rose’s face felt frozen. Rose ordered them a round of hot honey mead. Rose immediately felt the effects of the warm liquor. It heated her from the inside and eased a bit of her nerves.
“So are you going to tell me, or what?” Lauren looked exasperated.
Rose ignored Lauren’s whining. Rose was sharing a private story, not providing cannon fodder. She took another sip of her mead and chose her words carefully.
“Do you know how my ability works?” Rose took a calculated risk.
Lauren furrowed her brow. “No...”
“I’m commonly called a Seer, but I don’t see things. I feel things. I’m an Empath.” Rose looked down at her glass and avoided Lauren’s gaze.
“What kinds of things do you feel?” Lauren’s posture became rigid. She was poised to hear Rose’s explanation.
“I am attuned to what people are feeling, particularly feelings they are conflicted over, feelings of a private nature, usually.”
Lauren’s face turned beet red in a matter of moments. “Oh, Merlin!” She put a hand to her cheek.
Rose reached across the table and held onto Lauren’s other hand. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell.” Though Rose had conceded to tell Lauren her history with Scorpius, she had played Lauren so that she’d be complicit in keeping Rose’s secrets strictly confidential. Rose may have been a begrudging Slytherin, but she was nothing if not resourceful.
“Do you know if anyone else knows?” Lauren’s voice was just above a whisper.
Rose rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t work that way. I just told you I can only feel people’s emotions, not hear their thoughts. Although... Professor Chang is quite suspicious. She exudes a mixture of curiosity and happiness when she sees you and Calista together.”
“What about Headmaster Longbottom?” Lauren looked mortified.
“Neville? Oblivious! He doesn’t feel a thing when he sees you two together. Just proud of two of his finest teachers.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” Lauren smiled.
“Yeah, he’s a great man.”
“Okay, we’re getting side tracked again! What does this have to do with you and Scorpius?” As soon as she spoke things clicked into place.
Rose felt Lauren’s feeling of understanding, even sympathy.
“My ability complicates things. I feel things that are private, things people aren’t ready or willing to admit. And... Well, when we got to be teenagers, things changed.” Rose nursed the last of her drink. Scorpius may have had his fair share of randy feelings for Chantal, but beneath all of it was a constant attraction and affection for Rose, too. She was sure of it.
Lauren raised an eyebrow. No words were needed between them.
“I was patient. I waited for Scorpius to figure it out, to come to me, to admit out loud what he was feeling. But he never did. I loved Scorpius and he loved his girlfriend.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Nothing. I kept putting it off. I told myself he’d figure it out on his own and he’d pick me. He’d chuck Chantal. But he never did. He picked her. I walked away. And I stayed away.”
“So ten years have passed and now you’re thrown together again?” Lauren understood the gravity of the situation even if she and Rose were not intimate friends.
“Yeah...”
“So how does he feel about you now?”
“I’ve been avoiding him as much as possible. Last night was the first time I’ve spent a considerable amount of time with him. He misses me. He feels like he should be angry with me.”
“It’s never clearer than that?” Lauren questioned Rose’s ability.
“The more attuned I am to a person, the more I feel what they’re feeling.”
“How long did it take for you to figure me out?”
“About you and Calista?”
Lauren nodded, a light blush spreading from her cheeks to her neck.
“Well, we’ve been around each other a fair amount. Maybe not in a social setting, but even just interacting at work is enough. I felt it within the second week. You missed her one night when you were helping me with my lesson plans. It was romantic.”
Lauren ran her fingers through her light brown hair, clearly embarrassed.
“I was trained to take my empathic ability very seriously. I follow a strict set of rules. I don’t tell people that I can read them, and I never reveal to others what I know about someone else. I’ve spent the past ten years working to channel my ability into something useful. I’m able to block out others’ feelings, but it’s exhausting. It’s harder to do when I’m with familiar people or one on one with someone.”
Lauren nodded her head. Rose felt her relief. “It’s a lot to take in. I’m going to the loo. Excuse me for a moment.”
“Of course.” Rose gave Lauren a small smile.
Rose stared off into space and thought about the last night she’d spent at Hogwarts during her seventh year. She’d spent a decade running from the memory.
***
Scorpius found Rose in the Slytherin Common Room. She’d been drinking out the silver flask her cousin Dominique had given to her on her seventeenth birthday. The liquor made saying goodbye easier. Scorpius led her away from a group of their housemates and walked her towards the hearth. It was spring but it was still cold in the dungeons. Scorpius had a strange look on his face. Rose sensed something close to happiness from him, but after a few sips from the flask it was hard to tell to whom the emotions belonged. He started rambling. Rose gathered from the sly grin on his face that he’d gotten back together with Chantal. Rose hadn’t been able to muster a smile for him.
“Aren’t you happy for me?” He asked. Scorpius always seemed to need encouragement from Rose.
Rose pondered his question over in her slightly buzzed brain. Scorpius had been whinging about the breakup for weeks, though Rose didn’t understand why. Scorpius and Chantal had almost nothing in common. They seemed to like the idea of dating each other more than actually having genuine feelings for each other. It wasn’t in their actions or in what they said, but Rose could feel it. She was a natural barometer. Their relationship was something amusing for Chantal. Scorpius was wealthy and came from an established family, even if the family line was riddled with madness and Death Eaters. Chantal rather liked being put on a pedestal, and Scorpius was more than willing to do it. Chantal had given him his first taste of teenage love, and from the look on his face and his disheveled appearance, it was clear that she’d given him another first that night.
Rose let her guard down for a moment. She let herself feel Scorpius. Underneath his triumph he felt terrified, nervous, angry, an array of emotions that Rose didn’t understand. Rose hated being an Empath at that precise moment. She had a gift she didn’t know how to use. She would later blame her actions on the alcohol, but it was more than that. It was specifically the affect Scorpius had on her when she’d been drinking. She was totally unable to stay rational, to think clearly, to strategize her way out of a corner. She spent six years being totally open and honest with him; deceit and lies of omission had not come naturally to her when it came to him.
“No. I’m not happy for you, Scorpius.” Her words were out before she could censor them. She covered her mouth in a futile attempt to stuff the truth back in her mouth.
“Why?” Scorpius was incredulous.
“Because I can’t do this anymore!” Rose cried.
“Do what?”
“This!” Rose gestured to the space between them.
“You can’t be my friend?”
“No, I don’t want to be your friend.” Rose refused to make it any clearer for Scorpius.
“So that’s it? You don’t like my girlfriend so I have to choose between you and her?”
“It’s not about how I feel about her!”
“Then explain this!”
“You have to choose. You can have her if that’s what you want. But you have to let me go. You have to let me go, Scorpius...” Rose felt a tear roll down her cheek. “This isn’t fair to me.” There was so much more that she wanted to say.
It wasn’t fair that no other boy approached her, as if somehow she was untouchable. She was just friends with Scorpius, but she wanted more, and she knew that he felt something too. Rose never tried to date anyone else, because she’d been waiting around on him.
“Rose.” He seemed hurt and perplexed. But the way he said her name was a challenge. He was daring her to say something.
“No, I have to go.” Rose turned abruptly and went to her room. She had everything to lose if she admitted what she was feeling. She wasn’t willing to risk it. She cried and drank the night away, but in the morning things were the same.
Rose found herself an empty train car, but she wasn’t there five minutes before Scorpius discovered her. He had Chantal in tow.
“Rose! There you are!”
Rose didn’t smile, but she did look up and caught his eye.
“Come sit with us.” Scorpius encouraged.
Rose looked up and saw Chantal’s face. Her jaw was set and clenched. The two of them had never got on from the start. Rose shook her head.
Scorpius stepped inside the car and leaned over Rose. “You didn’t mean what you said last night. You were drinking. Come on. Come sit with me.”
Rose looked up into his blue-grey eyes and knew it had to be the last time. She knew why she wasn’t sorted into Gryffindor -- she wasn’t brave. She’d had seven years to tell Scorpius she loved him and she’d never found the guts. She knew why she wasn’t sorted into Ravenclaw -- she wasn’t reasonable. She knew that somewhere, deep down, Scorpius felt the same way about her and yet she wasn’t willing to risk embarrassment. She wasn’t sorted into Hufflepuff -- she wasn’t tolerant. If she couldn’t be with Scorpius, she didn’t want be his friend either. She was a Slytherin through and through -- calculating, manipulative, and competitive. She had played a game with her best friend and lost.
Rose wanted to take it all back, but burning bridges seemed like a better way to heal. There was nothing graceful about apologies. “You should go. Sit with your girlfriend.” Scorpius stood up straight and backed out of the train car. Rose held his steely gaze as he closed the door.
The tether that kept them bound finally snapped. She had pushed him too far.
***
When Rose looked up again she saw Lauren returning to the table. They decided to head back to the castle for dinner. Lauren didn’t press Rose for any more information about Scorpius. Instead they discussed Lauren’s relationship with Calista. Rose regretted that she’d manipulated Lauren, but she didn’t feel like she had much of a choice. Rose had repressed what she’d been feeling about Scorpius ever since she was seventeen; it was hardly fair for her to have to open up to a stranger. Rose reasoned that maybe Lauren being a mere acquaintance made the situation more tolerable. If Rose had tried explaining that story to one of her cousins she thought she might die from shame.
Part 5.
Author: i_am_girlfriday
Gift For: orkyd
Summary: Cornered by a suspicious colleague, Rose explains why she and Scorpius stopped being friends ten years prior.
Rating: PG-13, eventually R
Warnings: Tame teenage horniness, mentions of Scorpius/OFC and Rose/OMC
Word Count: 4,233
Author's Note: Thank you to my betas, D and T, and B for encouragement.
Rose woke up with a dull headache. Sometime during the night she threw off all the covers and was too drunk to fold them back neatly. Her arms were covered in goosebumps and her feet were cold. She reached along the side of the frame and scooped up her duvet. She covered herself and fluffed it up around her. It was Sunday and she fully intended to nurse her hangover in the comfort of her quarters.
Rose normally handled her alcohol just fine. She used to enjoy a glass of wine or Firewhisky after a particularly rough day back when she’d worked for the Ministry, but ever since she’d moved to Hogwarts she’d indulged in a drink everyday after work. She found little relief in common headache remedies. The kind of headaches that plagued Rose had to do with her empathic ability. The headaches were a painful reminder that Rose’s endurance to be around large groups of people had atrophied over the years.
After Rose was hired by the Department of Mysteries she discovered that most Unspeakables had few friends, and Rose could relate. Rose picked up on privileged information whether she wanted to or not. Discretion wasn’t just a mere consideration for her family and friends. Rose felt a huge sense of responsibility to protect the knowledge and the secrets to which she was privy. She found it was easier if she just avoided social gatherings.
During Rose’s moments of self-doubt she thought of her gift as a curse. As she saw it, not much good had come of it. As an Unspeakable she scanned memories in Pensieves and read prophecies. She wrote lengthy reports on the internal struggles and emotional motivators of the people involved in a memory or a prophecy. Sometimes her assignments were old criminal cases. As far as Rose could tell, her work had little practical application. Her reports weren’t even used by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Rose’s findings were even lower than circumstantial evidence, she was merely speculating in the eyes of most.
Perhaps getting fired from her job had been a blessing in disguise. At least at Hogwarts Rose’s ability helped the living, even if the living in question were her ungrateful students looking for an easy O. Rose hated her tendency to become mired in self-loathing and knew that it was time to get up and face the day, regardless of her alcohol-induced lethargy.
Rose bolted upright in bed but regretted it immediately. She headed to the loo and examined her massive head of hair. Calling herself a redhead was a euphemism. Rose’s hair was orange--bright copper mixed with strawberry blonde. And it refused to lay flat. It was overgrown and curly. Perhaps a poet would describe it as something like candy floss, but to Rose it was just one more thing that caused her problems. Her cousin Victoire had convinced her to wear it in a classic chignon when she was a first year, but then Hugo arrived at Hogwarts during her third year and pointed out that Rose’s ears stuck out. Ever since then she’d worn it loose with a few pins to keep it from obscuring her vision.
Rose forced herself to ignore her reflection and took a large dose of De-Lemon-Aid. The potion soothed her sour stomach and got rid of that peaky, almost jaundiced look Rose tended to sport after a night of drinking. She took a long shower and immediately felt more like herself--in control, intuitive, not insecure and whiny. It was easy for Rose to dwell on all her flaws before she washed her hair or drank her first cup of coffee.
Before Rose headed to the Great Hall for Sunday Brunch, she flicked her wand and cast a few cleaning spells to tidy up her quarters. After Scorpius had walked her to her portrait door the previous night, she cried on her couch. When she finally stopped crying she’d been quite hungry. Rose had apparently eaten a bag of crisps and gotten crumbs everywhere. There was an open box of cereal on the sofa, a soggy container of melted ice cream on the counter, and her clothes were strewn around the room. Rose hadn’t gone on a bender like that since the last time she’d been at Hogwarts crying over Scorpius.
Rose gritted her teeth, and headed to the Great Hall, not quite ready to face Scorpius, but too hungry to care. She walked down the long aisle to the teachers’ table, determined to get through the meal without getting worked up. Seated at the long bench were Scorpius, Calista, and Lauren. Calista was talking animatedly, gesturing with her fork and a saltshaker. Lauren and Scorpius watched her in rapt attention. Rose felt like she was intruding on them, but the bench was full so she didn’t have much choice.
After the previous night’s debauchery Rose wasn’t sure where she stood with Scorpius. It was clear that he was ready to pick up their friendship where they had left it as foolish teenagers. Maybe not all was forgiven, but he seemed blissfully ignorant of the issues that had driven them apart in the first place. As Rose took her seat at the table she decided that she had to put the past behind them if she was going to survive seeing Scorpius on a daily basis.
Rose sat next to Calista who was on the end and greeted the group. “Good morning!” She filled her plate with her favorite breakfast foods.
“Morning!” Calista and Lauren returned.
Scorpius smiled at Rose sheepishly. It was the same smile that Rose used to count on to get her through classes. They used to communicate just by smiling. Long ago Scorpius’s grandfather insisted that Malfoys don’t smile, but much to his chagrin Scorpius had inherited the trademark Greengrass dimples.
Rose cut her eggs up and watched the yolk run into the acidic tomatoes. She stabbed the slices and ate them. She pretended her food was endlessly fascinating. It kept her eyes from wandering toward Scorpius. She savored the salty bacon and washed it down with bitter coffee. A fry-up was her dad’s hangover cure. Rose could hear Lauren and Calista buzzing with excitement about Halloween. As a new teacher Rose wasn’t expected quite yet to jump in with organizing events, but she knew it could only be to her advantage if she looked keen. She did her best to smile and nod at Calista’s ideas. She stopped concentrating on blocking out emotions and she tried to read Scorpius. He seemed to be feeling a lot of things at once--confused, happy, nervous, annoyed. Rose did her best to focus, but in her current state she couldn’t get past his more superficial and fleeting emotions. She looked up and caught him watching her. Embarrassed, Rose ducked her head back down and busied herself by pushing around the kippers and mushrooms left on her plate. They’d never been her favorite.
“Well, then I best be off and meet with Headmaster Longbottom and discuss some of these ideas! See you three around!” Calista flew from her seat leaving Rose next to Scorpius.
There was a pregnant pause. Rose blushed. Scorpius looked off into the distance. Lauren munched on her toast and observed the awkward silence from the other side of the table.
Scorpius stood up and looked uncomfortable but said nothing.
“Bye, Scorpius.” Rose said, attempting to clear the air. She took a long sip from her mug.
“Yeah, bye. See you two later.” Scorpius seemed to trip over his words as he exited the Great Hall.
Rose busied herself with buttering her toast and simply nodded. As soon as Scorpius was out of ear shot Rose started asking Lauren about grading policies for OWL students, but Lauren interrupted her.
“What just happened there?” Her mouth was agape.
“Nothing.” Rose chewed her toast, but her mouth suddenly was very dry and she could scarcely swallow without choking.
“That was not nothing. That was absolutely something!”
Rose skewered a sausage with her fork and dipped it in a puddle of yolk. She ate it slowly and let Lauren wait for an answer. Rose sensed Lauren’s stubborn curiosity. She would probably read more into the situation than was there, or worse, go to Scorpius and ask him what was going on between them. Rose decided to placate her.
“Do you have plans this evening? Rose stood from the bench, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“No... I believe I have it free.” Lauren looked perplexed.
“Then perhaps you’ll oblige me and join me in Hogsmeade?”
“Only if you promise not to try and discuss OWL level grading policies!”
“Alright, how about some window shopping and tea at Madam Puddifoot's?”
“Sure I can’t tempt you for a drink at Three Broomsticks?”
Rose’s headache came back, the blood pulsated in her temple. “Too noisy.” She dissuaded.
“The Hog’s Head, then?” Lauren insisted.
Rose felt a wave of nausea pass over her, but nodded her head in agreement.
“Come on!” Lauren teased her. “Hair of the dog could do the trick. And it won’t be a proper girls’ night if we don’t drink.”
“Alright, I’ll meet you in the corridor at a quarter to five.” Rose agreed reluctantly as she turned to go.
Rose realized it had been years since she’d gone out with a girlfriend. She felt a twinge of guilt for ruining all of her relationships, but at the time her reasons had seemed sound. Another amendment to her to do list was to organize a weekend with her cousins. She had already started corresponding with Lily, Roxanne, and Dominique, but she hadn’t seen them or Victoire, Molly, or Lucy in a long time.
After a nap and a second dose of De-Lemon-Aid, Rose met up with Lauren. They retraced the very steps Rose had taken the previous night with Scorpius. Instead of catching up on a mutually abandoned friendship, Lauren grilled Rose about everything and anything. Was she in contact with her ex? Did she miss her family? Why weren’t she and Scorpius best mates anymore? What happened the night before to cause them such awkwardness? Rose’s initial reaction was to dodge each question and deflect attention back onto Lauren, but Lauren seemed wise to her game.
“I know your tactics now, Rose. You’re the one who suggested this outing, so spill it.”
Rose compromised. “Okay, let’s have some privacy before I start talking about Scorpius.” She said in a low whisper, looking around and making sure there was no one lurking nearby.
Lauren pulled Rose into the apothecary shop. Lauren made a show of checking to be sure the coast was clear.
“Right...” Rose busied her hands with vials of essential oils. “It’s complicated. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“They say the beginning is the best place to start.”
Rose had spent the afternoon napping fitfully and thinking how she’d satisfy Lauren’s curiosity. Lauren wasn’t a gossip-monger, but if Rose didn’t answer her questions, she’d talk to Scorpius. He’d been her mentor for the past two years. They were friends. If Lauren really wanted to know what was going on between the two of them she’d find a way. The best outcome Rose could hope for was to get Lauren to hear her side of the story.
“We used to be friends.” Rose smiled fondly. “We were both in Slytherin and at first we both wished desperately to have been sorted in to any other house. I wanted to be different from my cousins who were all mostly in Gryffindor. I was bookish like my mum, so I thought I had a fair chance of making a decent Ravenclaw. And Scorpius would have made an excellent Hufflepuff. But mainly he wanted any house except Slytherin. Some fourth-years on the train had called him a baby Death Eater.”
Lauren grimaced.
“We were both lonely during the first few days, so we sort of latched onto each other.” Rose omitted the detail that she’d been dared by her father to beat Scorpius in every test and that was what had prompted her to be his friend. It made her sound like a heartless little brat. “I missed my cousin Al terribly. We’d been inseparable up until Hogwarts, but after he was sorted into Gryffindor and I into Slytherin, we didn’t see much of each other. Al was off having a grand time with the rest of our cousins.”
Lauren asked for a break so she could pay and then they headed over to the bookshop. She had an assortment of vials and jars so Rose helped her hold onto the parcels as Lauren picked out a few books.
“Anyhow, Scorpius and I were thick as thieves, as my Granny Granger used to say. Our parents were a bit weird about it at first, but we were both such good kids they could hardly complain. We never got in trouble... Well, we never got caught and punished.” Rose smiled. She still felt smug after all these years. “Eventually our parents came to terms with our friendship. It helped that Mrs. Malfoy worked at Gringotts with my Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur. Asteria is one of my aunt’s dearest friends.”
Her aunt and uncle had hosted a party at Shell Cottage during the summer after Rose and Scorpius’s first year. Rose always thought her Aunt Fleur was very glamorous, and she’d thought Asteria was equally sophisticated. The party provided a perfect opportunity for the Malfoys and Weasley Grangers to mingle. Rose’s mother and father looked about as excited as Mr. Malfoy, but Scorpius’s mother had handled the situation with expert diplomacy and enviable grace.
“Okay, okay, I get it. You and Scorpius were friends. Why aren’t you friends now?” Lauren became impatient.
Rose sighed. “I’m going to need a drink.”
Lauren paid for her books and they walked to the Hog’s Head. It was windy and by the time they got inside Rose’s face felt frozen. Rose ordered them a round of hot honey mead. Rose immediately felt the effects of the warm liquor. It heated her from the inside and eased a bit of her nerves.
“So are you going to tell me, or what?” Lauren looked exasperated.
Rose ignored Lauren’s whining. Rose was sharing a private story, not providing cannon fodder. She took another sip of her mead and chose her words carefully.
“Do you know how my ability works?” Rose took a calculated risk.
Lauren furrowed her brow. “No...”
“I’m commonly called a Seer, but I don’t see things. I feel things. I’m an Empath.” Rose looked down at her glass and avoided Lauren’s gaze.
“What kinds of things do you feel?” Lauren’s posture became rigid. She was poised to hear Rose’s explanation.
“I am attuned to what people are feeling, particularly feelings they are conflicted over, feelings of a private nature, usually.”
Lauren’s face turned beet red in a matter of moments. “Oh, Merlin!” She put a hand to her cheek.
Rose reached across the table and held onto Lauren’s other hand. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell.” Though Rose had conceded to tell Lauren her history with Scorpius, she had played Lauren so that she’d be complicit in keeping Rose’s secrets strictly confidential. Rose may have been a begrudging Slytherin, but she was nothing if not resourceful.
“Do you know if anyone else knows?” Lauren’s voice was just above a whisper.
Rose rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t work that way. I just told you I can only feel people’s emotions, not hear their thoughts. Although... Professor Chang is quite suspicious. She exudes a mixture of curiosity and happiness when she sees you and Calista together.”
“What about Headmaster Longbottom?” Lauren looked mortified.
“Neville? Oblivious! He doesn’t feel a thing when he sees you two together. Just proud of two of his finest teachers.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” Lauren smiled.
“Yeah, he’s a great man.”
“Okay, we’re getting side tracked again! What does this have to do with you and Scorpius?” As soon as she spoke things clicked into place.
Rose felt Lauren’s feeling of understanding, even sympathy.
“My ability complicates things. I feel things that are private, things people aren’t ready or willing to admit. And... Well, when we got to be teenagers, things changed.” Rose nursed the last of her drink. Scorpius may have had his fair share of randy feelings for Chantal, but beneath all of it was a constant attraction and affection for Rose, too. She was sure of it.
Lauren raised an eyebrow. No words were needed between them.
“I was patient. I waited for Scorpius to figure it out, to come to me, to admit out loud what he was feeling. But he never did. I loved Scorpius and he loved his girlfriend.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Nothing. I kept putting it off. I told myself he’d figure it out on his own and he’d pick me. He’d chuck Chantal. But he never did. He picked her. I walked away. And I stayed away.”
“So ten years have passed and now you’re thrown together again?” Lauren understood the gravity of the situation even if she and Rose were not intimate friends.
“Yeah...”
“So how does he feel about you now?”
“I’ve been avoiding him as much as possible. Last night was the first time I’ve spent a considerable amount of time with him. He misses me. He feels like he should be angry with me.”
“It’s never clearer than that?” Lauren questioned Rose’s ability.
“The more attuned I am to a person, the more I feel what they’re feeling.”
“How long did it take for you to figure me out?”
“About you and Calista?”
Lauren nodded, a light blush spreading from her cheeks to her neck.
“Well, we’ve been around each other a fair amount. Maybe not in a social setting, but even just interacting at work is enough. I felt it within the second week. You missed her one night when you were helping me with my lesson plans. It was romantic.”
Lauren ran her fingers through her light brown hair, clearly embarrassed.
“I was trained to take my empathic ability very seriously. I follow a strict set of rules. I don’t tell people that I can read them, and I never reveal to others what I know about someone else. I’ve spent the past ten years working to channel my ability into something useful. I’m able to block out others’ feelings, but it’s exhausting. It’s harder to do when I’m with familiar people or one on one with someone.”
Lauren nodded her head. Rose felt her relief. “It’s a lot to take in. I’m going to the loo. Excuse me for a moment.”
“Of course.” Rose gave Lauren a small smile.
Rose stared off into space and thought about the last night she’d spent at Hogwarts during her seventh year. She’d spent a decade running from the memory.
***
Scorpius found Rose in the Slytherin Common Room. She’d been drinking out the silver flask her cousin Dominique had given to her on her seventeenth birthday. The liquor made saying goodbye easier. Scorpius led her away from a group of their housemates and walked her towards the hearth. It was spring but it was still cold in the dungeons. Scorpius had a strange look on his face. Rose sensed something close to happiness from him, but after a few sips from the flask it was hard to tell to whom the emotions belonged. He started rambling. Rose gathered from the sly grin on his face that he’d gotten back together with Chantal. Rose hadn’t been able to muster a smile for him.
“Aren’t you happy for me?” He asked. Scorpius always seemed to need encouragement from Rose.
Rose pondered his question over in her slightly buzzed brain. Scorpius had been whinging about the breakup for weeks, though Rose didn’t understand why. Scorpius and Chantal had almost nothing in common. They seemed to like the idea of dating each other more than actually having genuine feelings for each other. It wasn’t in their actions or in what they said, but Rose could feel it. She was a natural barometer. Their relationship was something amusing for Chantal. Scorpius was wealthy and came from an established family, even if the family line was riddled with madness and Death Eaters. Chantal rather liked being put on a pedestal, and Scorpius was more than willing to do it. Chantal had given him his first taste of teenage love, and from the look on his face and his disheveled appearance, it was clear that she’d given him another first that night.
Rose let her guard down for a moment. She let herself feel Scorpius. Underneath his triumph he felt terrified, nervous, angry, an array of emotions that Rose didn’t understand. Rose hated being an Empath at that precise moment. She had a gift she didn’t know how to use. She would later blame her actions on the alcohol, but it was more than that. It was specifically the affect Scorpius had on her when she’d been drinking. She was totally unable to stay rational, to think clearly, to strategize her way out of a corner. She spent six years being totally open and honest with him; deceit and lies of omission had not come naturally to her when it came to him.
“No. I’m not happy for you, Scorpius.” Her words were out before she could censor them. She covered her mouth in a futile attempt to stuff the truth back in her mouth.
“Why?” Scorpius was incredulous.
“Because I can’t do this anymore!” Rose cried.
“Do what?”
“This!” Rose gestured to the space between them.
“You can’t be my friend?”
“No, I don’t want to be your friend.” Rose refused to make it any clearer for Scorpius.
“So that’s it? You don’t like my girlfriend so I have to choose between you and her?”
“It’s not about how I feel about her!”
“Then explain this!”
“You have to choose. You can have her if that’s what you want. But you have to let me go. You have to let me go, Scorpius...” Rose felt a tear roll down her cheek. “This isn’t fair to me.” There was so much more that she wanted to say.
It wasn’t fair that no other boy approached her, as if somehow she was untouchable. She was just friends with Scorpius, but she wanted more, and she knew that he felt something too. Rose never tried to date anyone else, because she’d been waiting around on him.
“Rose.” He seemed hurt and perplexed. But the way he said her name was a challenge. He was daring her to say something.
“No, I have to go.” Rose turned abruptly and went to her room. She had everything to lose if she admitted what she was feeling. She wasn’t willing to risk it. She cried and drank the night away, but in the morning things were the same.
Rose found herself an empty train car, but she wasn’t there five minutes before Scorpius discovered her. He had Chantal in tow.
“Rose! There you are!”
Rose didn’t smile, but she did look up and caught his eye.
“Come sit with us.” Scorpius encouraged.
Rose looked up and saw Chantal’s face. Her jaw was set and clenched. The two of them had never got on from the start. Rose shook her head.
Scorpius stepped inside the car and leaned over Rose. “You didn’t mean what you said last night. You were drinking. Come on. Come sit with me.”
Rose looked up into his blue-grey eyes and knew it had to be the last time. She knew why she wasn’t sorted into Gryffindor -- she wasn’t brave. She’d had seven years to tell Scorpius she loved him and she’d never found the guts. She knew why she wasn’t sorted into Ravenclaw -- she wasn’t reasonable. She knew that somewhere, deep down, Scorpius felt the same way about her and yet she wasn’t willing to risk embarrassment. She wasn’t sorted into Hufflepuff -- she wasn’t tolerant. If she couldn’t be with Scorpius, she didn’t want be his friend either. She was a Slytherin through and through -- calculating, manipulative, and competitive. She had played a game with her best friend and lost.
Rose wanted to take it all back, but burning bridges seemed like a better way to heal. There was nothing graceful about apologies. “You should go. Sit with your girlfriend.” Scorpius stood up straight and backed out of the train car. Rose held his steely gaze as he closed the door.
The tether that kept them bound finally snapped. She had pushed him too far.
***
When Rose looked up again she saw Lauren returning to the table. They decided to head back to the castle for dinner. Lauren didn’t press Rose for any more information about Scorpius. Instead they discussed Lauren’s relationship with Calista. Rose regretted that she’d manipulated Lauren, but she didn’t feel like she had much of a choice. Rose had repressed what she’d been feeling about Scorpius ever since she was seventeen; it was hardly fair for her to have to open up to a stranger. Rose reasoned that maybe Lauren being a mere acquaintance made the situation more tolerable. If Rose had tried explaining that story to one of her cousins she thought she might die from shame.
Part 5.