i'm on the pursuit of happiness and i know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
this summer is so weird. so different. a certain lack of endless possibilities and nights that go on for forever. nothing even remotely close, in fact.
i would like there to be a giant bonfire with lots of cool people and copious amounts of beer. and i would like to smoke cigarettes and go in a river fully clothed but drunk so the clothes part doesn't matter. dance around barefoot with my eyes closed. lay in the sand and sun for hours and hours on end. mountains... waterfalls... none of the above has happened in ages. i miss all of it... things like that are what made me understand the "infinite" part of the perks of being a wallflower. i'm scared i won't be able to get the knowledge of that feeling back.
i don't even know if it's possible to actually lose knowledge, but i sure as hell know you can just forget and stop realizing it. knowledge is useless if you don't realize it. i guess the thought that moreso freaks me out is that i'm going to end up like mcmurphy from one flew over the cuckoo's nest and by the time i actually figure out what's REALLY going on, i'll be a vegetable laying in a bed with a lobotomy and not even know it. metaphorically speaking, that is.
you know when you have those moments where you could just stay paused in them forever because they just feel right? like that's how you're supposed to be feeling all of time for the rest of your life. i'd say 95% of those moments for me has happened in the summer. okay maybe more like 85%, but still... they haven't even stood a chance at existing this time around so far. and deep down i know it shouldn't bother me because this is my first summer with a real full-time job and i knew it was going to suck from the start. but just because i knew this would be coming months and months ago, that doesn't make it feel any less terrible right now.
this is obviously just a part of growing up and as a result i have come to a very firm conclusion: GROWING UP IS TERRIBLE. from what i can see where i'm standing, all it involves is making life boring and taking all the fun away. no time for real fun when you're grown up. i don't know any adults who have legitimate INFINITE fun on a regular basis. it doesn't exist.
except for rock stars. so that it what i need to become. rock on gold dust woman.
i'll be fine once i get it.
i would like there to be a giant bonfire with lots of cool people and copious amounts of beer. and i would like to smoke cigarettes and go in a river fully clothed but drunk so the clothes part doesn't matter. dance around barefoot with my eyes closed. lay in the sand and sun for hours and hours on end. mountains... waterfalls... none of the above has happened in ages. i miss all of it... things like that are what made me understand the "infinite" part of the perks of being a wallflower. i'm scared i won't be able to get the knowledge of that feeling back.
i don't even know if it's possible to actually lose knowledge, but i sure as hell know you can just forget and stop realizing it. knowledge is useless if you don't realize it. i guess the thought that moreso freaks me out is that i'm going to end up like mcmurphy from one flew over the cuckoo's nest and by the time i actually figure out what's REALLY going on, i'll be a vegetable laying in a bed with a lobotomy and not even know it. metaphorically speaking, that is.
you know when you have those moments where you could just stay paused in them forever because they just feel right? like that's how you're supposed to be feeling all of time for the rest of your life. i'd say 95% of those moments for me has happened in the summer. okay maybe more like 85%, but still... they haven't even stood a chance at existing this time around so far. and deep down i know it shouldn't bother me because this is my first summer with a real full-time job and i knew it was going to suck from the start. but just because i knew this would be coming months and months ago, that doesn't make it feel any less terrible right now.
this is obviously just a part of growing up and as a result i have come to a very firm conclusion: GROWING UP IS TERRIBLE. from what i can see where i'm standing, all it involves is making life boring and taking all the fun away. no time for real fun when you're grown up. i don't know any adults who have legitimate INFINITE fun on a regular basis. it doesn't exist.
except for rock stars. so that it what i need to become. rock on gold dust woman.
i'll be fine once i get it.