It is so hard to forgive...
It takes a lot of practice and I do feel like I try HARD. I don't know why it's so incredibly difficult for me but I have a list in my head of people that I bear varying degrees of ill will to. Some I've had for nearly twenty years and they weren't ever nice people in the first place, they are the ones I have the hardest time letting go of. Especially because I never got any kind of apology. Maybe though it's partially me, perhaps I never made a big enough fuss in the first place and they have no idea that I'm still angry. I know that I did stand up and act out against several of the most painful offenders but it still doesn't feel like enough.
I have a fairly easy time getting over transgressions when I genuinely think the offender is seriously trying to make amends. I can't seem to forget though,the pain is always there.
I don't know if this is going to go away...this is a long term painful issue. Perhaps I should forgive myself for not being able to forgive others? I am just a person after all, as prone to err as the next.
I will continue my practice because stories of bitterness and lack of closure are the ones that make me the saddest.
I have a fairly easy time getting over transgressions when I genuinely think the offender is seriously trying to make amends. I can't seem to forget though,the pain is always there.
I don't know if this is going to go away...this is a long term painful issue. Perhaps I should forgive myself for not being able to forgive others? I am just a person after all, as prone to err as the next.
I will continue my practice because stories of bitterness and lack of closure are the ones that make me the saddest.