Rash of Onion Articles Clearly Written by 20-something White Males
BERKELY, CA A recent string of front page articles written for widely circulated newspaper “The Onion” were clearly all written by 20-something white males, sources report.
Tell-tale signs, including a caustic tone toward Corporate America, a focus on the soul-crushing banality of modern life, and ridicule of human dating and courting rituals all point to the general ennui of a stereotypically disenfranchised young white man, notes Andrea Spindler, a literature professor and scholar at University of California, Berkeley.
“All the best authors reveal parts of their identity through their work. It’s what makes each oeuvre unique and interesting, allowing readers to extrapolate, from the tone of the prose, what the authors themselves might be like. In this case, of the recent articles ranging from the one about the young white guy who goes back home to get laid, to the one about the young white guy who is too chicken-shit scared to send an email to his boss, I think we can paint a pretty clear picture of the authors.”
“Sometimes it’s easier than others of course,” continued Spindler. “I mean, sure the writing screams ‘bitter, lonely 26-year-old Caucasion man,’ but the pictures accompanying each article [depicting solemn, unkempt young men] are a strong indication as well.”
Recurrent themes such as slovenliness and despair, proven to resonate with the demographic, offer further clues to the authors’ identity.
“I like the Onion, but sometimes the faux-reporter style leaves something to be desired,” reported Mike Jonas, himself an mid-20’s white male and self-proclaimed internet humor critic. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the site, but isn’t it supposed to be, like, a newspaper or something? I just read an piece about the guy who couldn’t get dates, cause he ate peanut butter straight from the jar and didn’t shower. That sounds like pretty much every post-college, pre-career guy I’ve ever met. Gee, I wonder who could have written that one.
“Shit, if I knew people were into reading about that kind of stuff, I’d have written my memoirs years ago and totally made a bundle. Then maybe I wouldn’t be stuck at this dead-end job at the [Ramptech] corrugated box factory, only to come home every day to my freezing apartment. I’m wasting my fucking life away man.”
Jonas alternates most of free time between viewing internet pornography and crying softly, neighbors report.
Conspicuously absent in the articles are any and all references to old people, minorities, young people, politics, religion, current events, future events, or really anything that might exist outside the apartment of young guy with no direction in life. One recent article reported on a 26-year-old man’s plan to post an idiotic comment on the internet, despite a recent study indicating that the vast majority of idiotic comments on the internet are posted by users aged 12-17. While it is feasible that only an older man would posses the foresight to plan and carry out such a feat, it is just as likely that the author was simply not aware of anyone younger than himself.
Speculation even exists that the sundry articles may in fact be the work of a single author. likely a youngish Anglo man with a Bachelors degree from a liberal arts college and an upper-middle class upbringing.
“That would make sense if the articles were all written by the same guy,” commented Spindler. “It’s difficult to keep your writing fresh and diverse when you’re on a strict timeline, such as you might be under working for a widely distributed newspaper. I imagine that as the pressure mounted to keep churning out articles, our hypothetical author would have to turn to his own self experience for new material.”
“However mundane and banal that experience may be,” she added. “I mean, a whole spread about a friend that’s bad at hanging out? How is that even satirically newsworthy?”
Although many of the parties interviewed expressed some degree of dissatisfaction with the transparent authorship of these articles, none seemed to care enough to actually do anything about it.
“What am I going to do, start watching CNN?” asked Jonas. “I don’t even own a TV.”
Tell-tale signs, including a caustic tone toward Corporate America, a focus on the soul-crushing banality of modern life, and ridicule of human dating and courting rituals all point to the general ennui of a stereotypically disenfranchised young white man, notes Andrea Spindler, a literature professor and scholar at University of California, Berkeley.
“All the best authors reveal parts of their identity through their work. It’s what makes each oeuvre unique and interesting, allowing readers to extrapolate, from the tone of the prose, what the authors themselves might be like. In this case, of the recent articles ranging from the one about the young white guy who goes back home to get laid, to the one about the young white guy who is too chicken-shit scared to send an email to his boss, I think we can paint a pretty clear picture of the authors.”
“Sometimes it’s easier than others of course,” continued Spindler. “I mean, sure the writing screams ‘bitter, lonely 26-year-old Caucasion man,’ but the pictures accompanying each article [depicting solemn, unkempt young men] are a strong indication as well.”
Recurrent themes such as slovenliness and despair, proven to resonate with the demographic, offer further clues to the authors’ identity.
“I like the Onion, but sometimes the faux-reporter style leaves something to be desired,” reported Mike Jonas, himself an mid-20’s white male and self-proclaimed internet humor critic. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the site, but isn’t it supposed to be, like, a newspaper or something? I just read an piece about the guy who couldn’t get dates, cause he ate peanut butter straight from the jar and didn’t shower. That sounds like pretty much every post-college, pre-career guy I’ve ever met. Gee, I wonder who could have written that one.
“Shit, if I knew people were into reading about that kind of stuff, I’d have written my memoirs years ago and totally made a bundle. Then maybe I wouldn’t be stuck at this dead-end job at the [Ramptech] corrugated box factory, only to come home every day to my freezing apartment. I’m wasting my fucking life away man.”
Jonas alternates most of free time between viewing internet pornography and crying softly, neighbors report.
Conspicuously absent in the articles are any and all references to old people, minorities, young people, politics, religion, current events, future events, or really anything that might exist outside the apartment of young guy with no direction in life. One recent article reported on a 26-year-old man’s plan to post an idiotic comment on the internet, despite a recent study indicating that the vast majority of idiotic comments on the internet are posted by users aged 12-17. While it is feasible that only an older man would posses the foresight to plan and carry out such a feat, it is just as likely that the author was simply not aware of anyone younger than himself.
Speculation even exists that the sundry articles may in fact be the work of a single author. likely a youngish Anglo man with a Bachelors degree from a liberal arts college and an upper-middle class upbringing.
“That would make sense if the articles were all written by the same guy,” commented Spindler. “It’s difficult to keep your writing fresh and diverse when you’re on a strict timeline, such as you might be under working for a widely distributed newspaper. I imagine that as the pressure mounted to keep churning out articles, our hypothetical author would have to turn to his own self experience for new material.”
“However mundane and banal that experience may be,” she added. “I mean, a whole spread about a friend that’s bad at hanging out? How is that even satirically newsworthy?”
Although many of the parties interviewed expressed some degree of dissatisfaction with the transparent authorship of these articles, none seemed to care enough to actually do anything about it.
“What am I going to do, start watching CNN?” asked Jonas. “I don’t even own a TV.”