Blamethrower locked and loaded!
I’m going to blame Pike for this one. And Kitty. Both of them for mocking me and telling me not to be stupid, when I worried about when a girl flirted back. “…it was meant as a pithy mockery of your reaction when confronted with a friendly and responsive female”.
She was. And she’s so fucked up. And because of that I’m probably gone. Is it that she’s fucked up that I fell, or did I fall for her because she’s fucked up. Now fucked up sounds bad and nasty, I know, but that’s not how I want it to sound. She’s confused on so many levels, again, not because she’s dense or is not capable of understanding, it’s just that she doesn’t happen to understand things right now. She’s had an odd upbringing in so many ways, it’s like she’s an alien from another planet who knows the rules of culture and can function, but not how to understand things and how it is that they connect and such.
Why am I gone? Because she seems vulnerable and I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it in my arms, seen it up close.
I can’t leave in good conscience now. Not until she inevitably forces me out.
I didn’t know she was twenty-two. I thought a year or two older, not that it makes much difference.
She’s interesting. Embarrassed by half things and nothings. Embarrassed because her mouth was dry. Embarrassed that she was confused, and didn’t know what to do and what she wanted. So cautious and afraid of heading towards recklessness, should she allow herself some latitude.
Doesn’t trust herself. Asked me. “What sort of person are you?” How do you answer a question like that?
She was. And she’s so fucked up. And because of that I’m probably gone. Is it that she’s fucked up that I fell, or did I fall for her because she’s fucked up. Now fucked up sounds bad and nasty, I know, but that’s not how I want it to sound. She’s confused on so many levels, again, not because she’s dense or is not capable of understanding, it’s just that she doesn’t happen to understand things right now. She’s had an odd upbringing in so many ways, it’s like she’s an alien from another planet who knows the rules of culture and can function, but not how to understand things and how it is that they connect and such.
Why am I gone? Because she seems vulnerable and I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it in my arms, seen it up close.
I can’t leave in good conscience now. Not until she inevitably forces me out.
I didn’t know she was twenty-two. I thought a year or two older, not that it makes much difference.
She’s interesting. Embarrassed by half things and nothings. Embarrassed because her mouth was dry. Embarrassed that she was confused, and didn’t know what to do and what she wanted. So cautious and afraid of heading towards recklessness, should she allow herself some latitude.
Doesn’t trust herself. Asked me. “What sort of person are you?” How do you answer a question like that?