here's my happy face.
isn't it lovely how nearly everyone seems to be getting on my nerves lately? i'd even take it as far as to say that i'm rather an unpleasant person to ba around as of late.
i guess i'm just waiting for my day to come. and it will come, mind you. there's only so much built up anger that one person can stand. and i'm probably way over maximum capacity already. this shall not be cross-posted into any other livejournal forum. including my own journal, lest i offend anyone.
here i go...
there is entirely too much shit going on in my life for me to keep up with right now, and i really don't feel like dealing with it anymore. everyone has their own little set of rules that they expect me to live by, and none of them coincide. yes, yes, it's fucking fabulous. i love to be pulled in eighty thousand directions all at once. it makes me so so so happy. my parents are the worst, however. the rest i could deal with, if not for them. it shall suffice to say that 79,968 of the my directional ropes are in their hands. and they're all going different ways. ouch. it hurts, you bastards. and people actually used to think that being drawn into quarters was bad. bah.
they expect me to "act like an adult", but really, their definition is rather paradoxial. their idea of "adulthood" involves coming home on time, which, in itself, is a rather un-adult thing to do, since most of the adults i'm familiar with take control of their own lives, instead of listening to mommy and daddy all the time. so, i figure, if they're going to treat my like a child, as far as running my life goes, they should be required to help me pay my bills as well. because children who come home on time, just like mommy says, should at least get a bit of financial assistance. i mean, christ, isn't that what parents are supposed to do?!?!?!? no. i get to pay for my own ridiculousy high car insurance, and my cell phone minutes, and my oil changes, and my food and gas, and whatever the hell else i need. by the time i'm done paying for all of this shit, i have no money left to spend on doing anything fun, and i'm still in debt!!!!!!! my entire paycheck goes to necessities. and, yes, cigarettes count. we've already had this discussion, remember? so, car insurance, cigarettes, and gas. the most i ever spend money on apart from those three things is fucking coffee at denny's, or the occasional video-rental, which costs a whole whopping fifty cents, might i add. and then they have the audacity to ask me why i don't have any fucking money left on my god damned cell phone!!!!! hello!!!! maybe if they could just bite the bullet, and cough up the twenty dollars that would last for at least two months, i wouldn't have to re-register my phone, because my number got cancelled!!!!!! what a brilliant fucking concept! christ, i could invent the first time machine with a mind as ingenious as mine!!! i mean seriously, what the fuck?
so...let me get this straight...give me a minute.
alright. i think i've got it. so you're not going to help me out with college, or car insurance, or keeping my car running, or clothing me, or anything like that, but somehow, magically, i'm supposed to have enough money to pay off my debt to you (which keeps growing, because you keep adding ridiculous shit to it), keep arriving miraculously to work in my car that's almost always low on gas, and is constantly falling apart lately, graduate from high school so that i can make it into a good college (not that you care about any of that), and keep minutes on my fucking cell phone, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!?!? i mean, really, i'd like to know. not to be rude or anything like that, i just want to know precisely when i stopped being your daughter, so that i can go back and mark the day on my calendar, because clearly i missed it, and it seems like it should have been a relatively important event. when did i become the girl who lives in your house, but has positively no relation whatsoever?? it's not as though i really ask you to do anything for me. i'm not constantly whining about how you never buy me new clothes, or movies, or shoes, or books. i just want a little help with the important things.
i can't drive to get to work and make money if i don't have gas and car insurance. i hope you do this to chaiya when she grows up too. i don't think mommy and daddy's little fucking princess will be able to handle it though. she'd probably jump off a building or something.
oh, and then they pull the "get a second job" bit. as if they don't think i would if i could. i'm taking eight fucking classes right now, and i already have one job. when the hell else do they expect me to work? i mean i could work midnights and never sleep, and just sit around all day eating mini thins to stay awake, and then maybe i wouldn't have to drive my car to farmington hills and back with my low fuel light on all the fucking time, but i'd also get absolutely dick done, because i'd be too fucking tired all the time. and i'd go crazy without any free time. i don't have enough as it is. i'm not about to give the rest of it up, just because my parents don't know how to be parents. so, they can't even help me out until i graduate in two months because they're incurable fuck-wits.
i got all of my shit together. i did everything they asked me to, even though they had absolutely zero faith in me, but nobody ever does anyways, so i'm fine with that. when i do something right, i get no recognition at all. when i do something wrong, i never hear the end of it. and i'm fucking tired of trying to please them all the time, and getting nothing in return.
if i had the money and the means, i'd move out today. and everyone says that you always move out once, and then go back before you really move out, but i don't see that in my future, to tell you the truth. i don't care if i have to live on ramen noodles and saltine crackers for four years while i go to college. and i don't care if i have to sleep under every blanket i own because i can't afford to leave the heat on for more than ten minutes. i don't give a shit. as long as i don't have to deal with the fact that they constantly fluctuate between blatantly ignoring me, and picking me apart, i think it would be worth it.
christ, i wish that i had real parents.
i think i'm going to start sending suicide pictures to my mom every time she sends me one of those "inspirational" emails. the only thing that those emails inspire me to do, is to move out sooner.
let's move on to brighter other things now, shall we?
hmmmm...my best friend no longer exists. she only calls me when she needs something, and i, the old-fashioned sap that i am, give in, because that's what friends do, right? fuck. that right there pisses me off. and it's sad, because the only other girl i really talk to on a regular basis is moving this summer. i never really see any of my friends anymore, and i'm really starting to doubt the fact that i actually still have any.
i guess it's just as well though. it shall better prepare me for my future reclusive life in that cave i'll eventually move to shortly after the general populace finally drives me to homicide. hooray for being a hermit. and really, who needs human contact anyways? generally, humans are a disappointment. it's not that i have unreasonably high standards or anything like that. i really only require the basics. loyalty, trust, compassion, honesty, faithfullness, and most of those things fall into roughly the same category anyways. and yet, for some reason, the majority of the homo sapien population of this planet seems to be physically incapable of exhibiting these simple traits for any extended period of time. although the period of time always varies, it's still absurd.
someone said that if you expect very little, you'll seldom be disappointed. i found that statement to be faulty.
i have come to expect absolutely nothing, which is a disappointment in itself.
done. now, wasn't that fun? like a root canal?
~*~alice~*~
i guess i'm just waiting for my day to come. and it will come, mind you. there's only so much built up anger that one person can stand. and i'm probably way over maximum capacity already. this shall not be cross-posted into any other livejournal forum. including my own journal, lest i offend anyone.
here i go...
there is entirely too much shit going on in my life for me to keep up with right now, and i really don't feel like dealing with it anymore. everyone has their own little set of rules that they expect me to live by, and none of them coincide. yes, yes, it's fucking fabulous. i love to be pulled in eighty thousand directions all at once. it makes me so so so happy. my parents are the worst, however. the rest i could deal with, if not for them. it shall suffice to say that 79,968 of the my directional ropes are in their hands. and they're all going different ways. ouch. it hurts, you bastards. and people actually used to think that being drawn into quarters was bad. bah.
they expect me to "act like an adult", but really, their definition is rather paradoxial. their idea of "adulthood" involves coming home on time, which, in itself, is a rather un-adult thing to do, since most of the adults i'm familiar with take control of their own lives, instead of listening to mommy and daddy all the time. so, i figure, if they're going to treat my like a child, as far as running my life goes, they should be required to help me pay my bills as well. because children who come home on time, just like mommy says, should at least get a bit of financial assistance. i mean, christ, isn't that what parents are supposed to do?!?!?!? no. i get to pay for my own ridiculousy high car insurance, and my cell phone minutes, and my oil changes, and my food and gas, and whatever the hell else i need. by the time i'm done paying for all of this shit, i have no money left to spend on doing anything fun, and i'm still in debt!!!!!!! my entire paycheck goes to necessities. and, yes, cigarettes count. we've already had this discussion, remember? so, car insurance, cigarettes, and gas. the most i ever spend money on apart from those three things is fucking coffee at denny's, or the occasional video-rental, which costs a whole whopping fifty cents, might i add. and then they have the audacity to ask me why i don't have any fucking money left on my god damned cell phone!!!!! hello!!!! maybe if they could just bite the bullet, and cough up the twenty dollars that would last for at least two months, i wouldn't have to re-register my phone, because my number got cancelled!!!!!! what a brilliant fucking concept! christ, i could invent the first time machine with a mind as ingenious as mine!!! i mean seriously, what the fuck?
so...let me get this straight...give me a minute.
alright. i think i've got it. so you're not going to help me out with college, or car insurance, or keeping my car running, or clothing me, or anything like that, but somehow, magically, i'm supposed to have enough money to pay off my debt to you (which keeps growing, because you keep adding ridiculous shit to it), keep arriving miraculously to work in my car that's almost always low on gas, and is constantly falling apart lately, graduate from high school so that i can make it into a good college (not that you care about any of that), and keep minutes on my fucking cell phone, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!?!? i mean, really, i'd like to know. not to be rude or anything like that, i just want to know precisely when i stopped being your daughter, so that i can go back and mark the day on my calendar, because clearly i missed it, and it seems like it should have been a relatively important event. when did i become the girl who lives in your house, but has positively no relation whatsoever?? it's not as though i really ask you to do anything for me. i'm not constantly whining about how you never buy me new clothes, or movies, or shoes, or books. i just want a little help with the important things.
i can't drive to get to work and make money if i don't have gas and car insurance. i hope you do this to chaiya when she grows up too. i don't think mommy and daddy's little fucking princess will be able to handle it though. she'd probably jump off a building or something.
oh, and then they pull the "get a second job" bit. as if they don't think i would if i could. i'm taking eight fucking classes right now, and i already have one job. when the hell else do they expect me to work? i mean i could work midnights and never sleep, and just sit around all day eating mini thins to stay awake, and then maybe i wouldn't have to drive my car to farmington hills and back with my low fuel light on all the fucking time, but i'd also get absolutely dick done, because i'd be too fucking tired all the time. and i'd go crazy without any free time. i don't have enough as it is. i'm not about to give the rest of it up, just because my parents don't know how to be parents. so, they can't even help me out until i graduate in two months because they're incurable fuck-wits.
i got all of my shit together. i did everything they asked me to, even though they had absolutely zero faith in me, but nobody ever does anyways, so i'm fine with that. when i do something right, i get no recognition at all. when i do something wrong, i never hear the end of it. and i'm fucking tired of trying to please them all the time, and getting nothing in return.
if i had the money and the means, i'd move out today. and everyone says that you always move out once, and then go back before you really move out, but i don't see that in my future, to tell you the truth. i don't care if i have to live on ramen noodles and saltine crackers for four years while i go to college. and i don't care if i have to sleep under every blanket i own because i can't afford to leave the heat on for more than ten minutes. i don't give a shit. as long as i don't have to deal with the fact that they constantly fluctuate between blatantly ignoring me, and picking me apart, i think it would be worth it.
christ, i wish that i had real parents.
i think i'm going to start sending suicide pictures to my mom every time she sends me one of those "inspirational" emails. the only thing that those emails inspire me to do, is to move out sooner.
let's move on to brighter other things now, shall we?
hmmmm...my best friend no longer exists. she only calls me when she needs something, and i, the old-fashioned sap that i am, give in, because that's what friends do, right? fuck. that right there pisses me off. and it's sad, because the only other girl i really talk to on a regular basis is moving this summer. i never really see any of my friends anymore, and i'm really starting to doubt the fact that i actually still have any.
i guess it's just as well though. it shall better prepare me for my future reclusive life in that cave i'll eventually move to shortly after the general populace finally drives me to homicide. hooray for being a hermit. and really, who needs human contact anyways? generally, humans are a disappointment. it's not that i have unreasonably high standards or anything like that. i really only require the basics. loyalty, trust, compassion, honesty, faithfullness, and most of those things fall into roughly the same category anyways. and yet, for some reason, the majority of the homo sapien population of this planet seems to be physically incapable of exhibiting these simple traits for any extended period of time. although the period of time always varies, it's still absurd.
someone said that if you expect very little, you'll seldom be disappointed. i found that statement to be faulty.
i have come to expect absolutely nothing, which is a disappointment in itself.
done. now, wasn't that fun? like a root canal?
~*~alice~*~