[Battle I] Oh, Great Omniscient Narrator!
The cracktastic result of the birthday fortnight activity. These questions & answers were compiled by the amazing amethysth and moon_destiny . ♥
Q: Why haven't any other inners asked you a question yet?
A: They were waiting for you to step onto the battlefield and lead them to victory.
Q: Why haven't you answered my first question yet?
A: I was re-enacting Oedipus Rex.
Q: Why don't the moons of the other planets have Senshi?
A: They do--you just have to discover them.
Q: Why is it that people are grossed out by an 80 year old man dating a twenty year old girl but they're OK with a vampire who's over one hundred dating a 16 year old?
A: This is a product of the 21st Century, where the sparkly and shiny represent the pinnacle of perfection. This vampire of whom you speak is the culmination of every female (and male)'s fantasy, by the virtue of his ability to sparkle. If the 80-year-old man were to undergo glitter surgery, his sexual conquests--on any level--would be deemed acceptable to your society.
Q: Should I be worried about the fact that by asking the question I have in fact allowed you to gain 90 points on the Inners?
A: Not if it means you have gained 10 points on the Outers.
Q: Do you love me?
A: Ah, little one, I see you have mastered the rhetorical question. ♥
Q: What is the Inners greatest flaw?
A: Forgetting their apostrophes.
Q: What is the greatest song ever written?
A: 4′33″.
Q: Is it bedtime yet?
A: It is always bedtime; it is just never sleep-time.
Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: I have written one of the world's most famous plays (along with many other more mediocre and downright atrocious novels) to explore such a theme.
Q: Aragorn or Castle?
A: I am currently sleeping with them both.
Q: Should I stay up to watch the Castle season finale?
A: I am disappointed you felt such a question had to be asked.
Q: Am I procrastinating right now?
A: You are practising, yes, but not truly engaging with the arts of procrastination. In order to do so, you must first gain the necessary academic qualifications.
Q: Why did my screen just go all weird?
A: I accidentally brushed against the graphics card while I was rummaging through your computer. I shall be more vigilant in keeping my presence unnoticed next time.
Q: What Hogwarts house do you belong in?
A: I am Hogwarts.
Q: Who would win in a fight without weapons between Beckett and Aragorn?
A: I am confused by your question, and understand it to mean, "Who would assume the sexually dominant position between Beckett and Aragorn?". However, as you have not explicitly asked that question, I cannot answer it.
Q: Why are you standing right behind me?!
A: My omniscience comes with omnipresence.
Q: Did I make you want to write a LotR/Castle fic yet?
A: This fic of which you speak has already been written, and is currently floating in the infinite nebula of my all-knowing psyche. Perhaps you shall be privileged to read it someday. In the meantime, you should satiate your needs by joining themiddleearth and castleland.
Q: WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE ISSUES READING RULES???!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!
A: You were too busy being distracted by your chibi!O'Neill. It's understandable. ♥
Q: Can I have a hug?
A: I would give you one, if I was not a ball of pure energy.
Q: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: That would depend on whether it was African or European.
Q: Will we be best friends forever?
A: No.
However, if I ever decide to relinquish my hold on this pathetic excuse of a human host who goes by the name of "Sammy", then the two of you may live happily ever after in mushy friend-land.
That is, of course, if I don't decide to take your body as the next husk to house the overwhelming power of The Omniscient Narrator.
Q: You knew my last question was going to be asked, didn't you?
A: Of course. I. See. All.
Q: Where were you on the night of April 15, 1997?
A: Reaping in the profits that I knew would come from a film released later that year about the RMS Titanic.
Q: Can you recommend some good music for me?
A: I believe this pathetic human host who goes by the name of "Sammy" has recently uploaded some Tchaikovsky music.
Q: Why are flights to Europe so expensive?!
A: Because the general public has not been made aware of Asgard beaming technology.
Q: Is this real life?
A: Would you have spent countless hours here in the last three months if it was not?
Q: Can you move to Boston and teach my son to play piano?
A: Of course. In return, I am only asking for the small price of unlimited access to his life energy.
Q: WHY CAN'T I ASK MORE QUESTIONS?! ;_;
A: Unfortunately, your parents did not consider the possibility that the time of your conception may have a tremendous effect on the fate of this battle; those 50 points may have been what you needed to defeat the Outers.
Q: How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
A: 3.14159265.
Q: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
A: Birds do not possess the best eyesight, and may mistake human hair for their natural habitat. That is why you should wear a hat when you go outside.
Q: Are you also omnipresent and omnipotent?
A: I am indeed! :D ♥
Q: If Usagi is afraid of thunder why doesn't she freak out when Jupiter uses one of her attacks?
A: Mako-chan is well aware of dear Usagi-chan's phobia, which is why our favourite Iron Chef makes sure Usagi-chan's food is always spiked with courage-inspiring booze.
Q: Please, all-knowing-one, tell me who gets shot in the season finale of Grey's Anatomy?
A: I'm assuming you're referring to the Season 6 finale. In order of being shot: Reed, Karev, nurse Jane, security officer John, Nose dive, McDreamy, Lucius Vorenus, and Gary Clark.
Q: If SML was burning down and you could only save one team which team would you save?
A: I set the fire would watch in silent contemplation as everything is destroyed, then decide--from the goodness of my soul--to revive everyone.
Q: Dear Omniscient Narrator, what is the meaning of life?
A: To play on sailormoonland until your eyeballs fall out.
Failing that (because you might have very strong eyeballs), go out and live! Breathe the free air again, my friend! Eat the first of the strawberries with cream! Share one lifetime with him than face all the ages of this world alone!
And then come back to play on sailormoonland until your eyeballs fall out.
Q: Can the Ring of Power be destroyed anywhere other than Mt. Doom?
A: Mount Doom is myth perpetuated by filthy orcs--its proper name is the Galaxy Cauldron. There, the Ring of Power has been destroyed...for now.
Q: Oh mighty One, what's the bestest dessert there be?
A: Why, the anything from the Sugar Hits in Sydney, of course! I believe you've been to one of them. ;)
Q: Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
A: According to obscenity acts, it's fine to not wear any pants in public while your male bits are...unexcited. However, Donald is a naughty little duck when he's in the shower, so the towel is necessary.
Q: Why hasn't Sailormoon(land) taken over the (lj)world yet?
A: Because the damn frank keeps eating my pants.
Q: Why?
A: Because fish have sex in it.
Q: Why is it a birthday fortnight and not a birthday trinight?
A: Because we want people to come back for the next battle, not quit out of fear for their sleep-deprived lives.
Q: Am I making life difficult for you right now?
A: Absolutely not! I'm more than happy to answer your questions, my dear! ♥
Q: How about now? =P
A: Nothing has changed since my last comment! (My pathetic human husk, however, is starting to complain, but I will silence her with my powers!)
Q: Omniscient Narrator, when will you release your hold and return my body to me so I can finally become a normal person and lead a normal life with normal sleeping habits?
A: When you clean your room.
Q: Oh, almighty Omniscient Narrator, can you please write this English essay for me?
A: No.
However, you may wish to consider asking the minions residing in smlheadquarters.
Q: Will I fail Stats and have to stay at uni for an extra year to repeat the course before I can graduate?
A: Only if you don't do your Stats assignment.
Q: What should I do in the next 55 minutes before I declare birthday fortnight closed and post other stuffies?
A: Stop talking to yourself, for one.
Q. Is homosexuality a sin? What if you're cousins?
A: Homosexuality is not a sin if you are called Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. It is a sin if you are called either Kaioh Michiru or Tenou Haruka; however, if you masquerade as cousins, then your sins are immediately absolved by the decree of DiC Entertainment.
Q: Suppose the average weekly earnings of a production worker in 1997 were $424.20. Suppose a researcher wants to determine whether this figure is still accurate today. The researcher randomly selects 54 production workers and obtains a representative earnings statement for one week from each. The resulting sample average is $432.69. Assuming a population standard deviation of $33.90, and a 5% level of significance, determine whether the mean weekly earnings of a production worker have changed.
A: I have determined that this is not a question.
Q: Is this a question?
A: Yes, if this is an answer.
Q: What exactly are we fighting for in these battles? Why are the Inners and Outers fighting each other? Are we allowed to both be winners if we team up against the Starlights (whom Haruka doesn't like anyway) and Chaos?
A: You are fighting for what's inside of you, little one. You have a pure heart, a dream, a star seed, and copious amounts of energy, just crying to be set free. And you, along with the rest of the team, must fight to show the rest of the world that what's inside of you is the most epic...at least for this battle. Perhaps next battle, you will--along with the rest of your team members--decide on another, less narcissistic reason for your fight. But no matter how hard you try, you will never defeat omniscience.
Q: Whatever happened to Naru after she disappeared from the series?
A: She became her own Hero. You can read more about her story here.
Q: Will Minako ever find the right guy for her?
A: Yes, if she remembers the guy she left.
Q: Will Hotaru ever stop being reborn again and again, or will she finally go without destroying herself long enough to reach adulthood? Does Hotaru even WANT this, or is that her clever ploy to always be a kid?
A: Hotaru will keep being reborn--she is, after all, the soldier of destruction and rebirth. She also regularly helps the other senshi go through the process of rebirth. Thus, she is a crucial figure in Sailormoon--without her, our titular character will look like this.
Q: Is anyone else dazed by how awesome Outers are or is it just me and you're all blind? xDD
A: You are all blinded by my awesomeness.
Q: Did someone drug you when you produced that sparkling vampire nonsense? How do you feel having your greatness tainted by such murky... blood?
A: I believe I ingested some bad eggs at the time, and consequently fell to the literary diarrhoea that followed. Of course, I am more than pleased at the amount of energy I am gathering from all the devoted fangirls around the world, which, in turn, only adds to my greatness.
Q: If Chiba Mamoru and Bass Chuck XD Chuck Bass went out for America's Next Top Model, which one of them would win?
A: Sauron would be the prettiest one to rule them all.
Q: If a person were to eat himself, would he turn into nothingness or be twice as large?
A: The Law of Conservation of Mass dictates that one would remain the same.
Q: Is it possible for a pickle and a strawberry to mate? (If yes, what would you call the offspring? What would it even look like?)
A: Yes. The result would be this.
Q: What is the mole ratio of silver chloride to barium chloride if an experiment with 10.2 grams Barium Chloride (BaCl2) produced 14.5 grams Silver Chloride (AgCl)?
A: Molar Mass BaCl2 = 137 + 2*35.5 = 208 grams/mole
Moles BaCl2 = 10.2/208 = 0.049 moles BaCl2
Molar Mass AgCl = 107 + 35.5 = 142.5 grams/mole
Moles AgCl = 14.5/142.5 = 0.102
The ratio should be exactly 1 to 2 ie 1 mole BaCl2 to 2 moles of AgCl
0.102/0.049 = 2.08
The Omniscient Narrator knows how to use Google.
Q: Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
A: If you look like this, then you enjoy both.
Q: Why does Severus Snape have a strong, unwavering obsession with fuzzy pink earmuffs that make non-stop moo-ing sounds?
A: In another life, Severus Snape assumed this identity.
Q: If Mamo-chan quit Tuxedo-Kamening because he's sick of being ridiculed for his lengthy, corny speeches and suddenly decided to become a Backstreet Boy, which one would he be?
A: Tuxedo Kamen does not share power; he would become Justin Bieber.
Q: Would men still be obsessed with breasts if people universally referred to them as "fatty tissue and milk glands"?
A: Yes. The relationship between a word and the object which it represents is completely arbitrary, in that there is no connection between the sound or image of the word itself and the object. It is society as a whole that determines and agrees on this relationship, thus entering the structure of language.
What's in a name? That which we call a breast
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So boobies would, were they not boobies called,
Retain that dear perfection which they owe
Without that title.
Q: Should Mamo-chan pierce his nipples?
A: I thought you already knew.
Q: Interesting. Does Usagi know?
A: She has a matching one.
Q: Which is better, vanilla or chocolate?
A: Why, chocolate, of course! :D
Q: Are you excited for all the points this is gonna get you?
A: Absolutely! All these points only reaffirm my supreme awesomeness. ;)
Q: Why is SML so damn awesome? <3
A: Because all the SML-ers are so damn awesome! ♥
Q: There are two lengths of rope.
Each one can burn in exactly one hour. They are not necessarily of the same length or width as each other. They also are not of uniform width (may be wider in middle than on the end), thus burning half of the rope is not necessarily 1/2 hour. By burning the ropes, how do you measure exactly 45 minutes worth of time?
A: For one, I would not do something as pointless as burning both ends of one rope and only one end of the other, and then burn the other end of the second rope once the first rope has finished--this is a waste of rope. Instead, I would tie you to a chair and force you to watch an episode of Stargate, which will run for about 40 minutes, giving me 5 minutes to microwave some popcorn and get some ice-cream.
Q: If you are omniscient, all my thoughts are present within you. You think, therefore I am. Do I cease to exist?
A: Contrary to representations in popular culture, there is no relationship between thinking and existing; however, there is one between fangirling and existing. Adulo ergo sum--therefore, you exist.
Q: why am I incapable of spelling the word "alcohol" without spellcheck assistance?
A: Because you were never properly taught in the first place. The correct spelling is "alcomohol".
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: Wood would be below Chuck to chuck.
Q: Why am I lazy?
A: Because you have yet to discover the term "motivationally challenged".
Q: Why can't you answer questions immediately?
A: Suspense is a powerful thing, my dear.
Q: What's your answer veracity rate vs a Magic 8 ball?
A: A Magic 8 Ball is 3.14159265 times more accurate, but only because I created it in the genius of my youth.
Q: Why is Sailor Moon (the show) so wonderful? *O*
A: Because Tuxedo Kamen is in it. ;)
Q: What should I have for lunch?
A: Every Friday, you should have a peanut butter Nutella ice-cream sandwich. All other days, have the number of Maltesers that correspond to the number of the day (i.e. 7 on Monday, 6 on Tuesday, etc).
Q: What is your perfect day?
A: Spend my mornings watching my little SML-ers frolicking in the sun, my afternoons travelling through the Stargate, and my evenings torturing Rangers in Barad-dûr (but the kind of torture that makes them beg for more).
Q: Why does my cat persist on crushing me while I'm trying to sleep?
A: Your cat is actually a lion named Simba. :D
Q: Are the Habs going to totally blow this one?
A: Only into clarinets.
Q: What is the best song of all time?
A: 4'33".
Q: Why do you receive 100 points for answers?
A: Because I do not share my mighty powers without substantial repayment. ;)
Q: May I ask a question?
A: If I may answer it.
Q: Does the Omniscient Narrator support UsaXMamo?
A: Absolutely. ♥
Q: Where does your lj name come from, oh mighty Sauron?
A: Ah, very good question! I received an invite to LJ (back in the days when you needed an invite to sign up), and the username I usually use, "serenade", was taken. I tried to come up with something, and settled for "mesmerising" because it was the British/Australian spelling and therefore not already taken. XD But it's actually worked out quite well, and I'm glad I feel I can still relate to it today.
Q: Dear Omniscient Narrator...can I get a kitty?
A: Here you go.
Q: Dear Sauron...when do I get to be Birthday Baby? *iz born in December*
A: Why, in Battle IV! :D
Q: Why do you need sleep, mighty narrator?
A: I do not need sleep.
However, I do take the liberty to sit back and be highly amused by your collective questions. With great power comes the luxury of deciding when to answer.
Q: Dear narrator...WHY are these so many unanswered questions in this post? *puzzled*
A: I am taking my time torturing some Hobbits, one of my numerous past-times.
Of course, I also derive pleasure from knowing some of you are simply burning with the desire to have your questions answered.
Q: WHY DOES FIREFOX KEEP CRASHING ON ME? And Paintshop Pro for that matter? RAWR.
A: Firefox and Paintshop Pro are both very sleep-deprived, and therefore feel the need to crash without warning.
Q: Why am I online instead of rushing to get dressed to make my appointment?
A: Because this is real life! :D
Q: Why are some songs so catchy?
A: The mathematical configuration of such songs trigger a reaction in the auditory cortex, which then spreads to the rest of the brain, due to the different elements which comprise of such music.
Q: What do you love most about being the narrator?
A: Very good question! Knowing that in some way, no matter how small, I've managed to make some sort of difference in people's lives (even if the majority of that 'difference' may be causing sleep-deprivation and people to fail uni and lose jobs). I love reading the different posts and comments everyone makes in their team comms and the other subcomms and seeing how folks are friendly & having fun & meeting new people & generally enjoying themselves--and then I realise that I am responsible for all this; I created a community--not the challenges, not the concepts, but a community, the environment and opportunity and pocket of space in the infinite stretch of our world and the Internet, where people can do this. And that's what makes all the RSI & sleep-deprivation & stress worthwhile. :)
Q: And what don't you like about it?
A: Okay, this is going to sound like self-pitying and attention-seeking, but you asked, so...
I'm sometimes sad that I can never really belong. I'm the centre of the structure, but the centre is always above and beyond, so I'm always looking in; I'm a part of everything, but I'm not a part of anything. (Sorry for being Derridean and kind of a downer... XD)
Q: What would be a good colour to dye my hair?
A: Black. Then I'll dye mine red, and stalk Bill Walker's Italian place.
Q: I have read that the meaning of life is 42. Is this correct?
A: That is a lie. The meaning of life is 101010.
Q: Where do you go to, my lovely, when you're alone in your bed?
A: Inside your head. ♥
Q: Dear all-knowing one, how are you so awesome?
A: I am continually powered by the energy all of you give me by participating in sailormoonland. ♥
Q: Why does the earth spin?
A: The earth is actually a disco ball that spins for the amusement of those living in the Moon Kingdom.
Q: Why are the youma in Sailor Moon so stupid?
A: They are trying to make the titular character look better.
Q: Why is the cake a lie?
A: The cake is not a lie.
Q: What does the lyric 'I wanna take a ride on your disco stick' in Lady Gaga's Love Game song mean? What exactly is a disco stick?
A: Contrary to popular belief, a disco stick is not a phallus. It is the name given to Dr. Gregory House's cane when he goes dancing. Lady Gaga's message is clear: you should all work hard to become doctors so that you can get stoned on Vicodin for free.
Q: Why have no youma in the anime tried attacking the senshi while they do their long, drawn out attack sequences? Wouldn't that be more effective?
A: The youma are blinded by all the shiny lights.
Q: Where is the Hotel California? And why can you check in any time you like, but then never leave?
A: Hotel California is in Siberia. You can never leave because you're always snowed in.
Q: Why do I epically fail at uni?
A: Because you need to find your own Bill Walker. :D
Q: In 10 words or less... Why should I watch Stargate?
A: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Q: What book should I read next?
A: Atonement by Ian McEwan. :D
Q: What colors should I paint my room?
A: Pink with bunnies, of course! :D
Q: Mt Dew is my favorite drink... What is yours?
A: Actually, I love, love, loooove water. XD But anything with alcohol is good.
Q: How come we don't know anything about Princess Serenity's dad (Queen Serenity's husband in the Silver Millenium) or see him? Was Princess Serenity conceived like Anakin Skywalker was?
A: Ah, well, you see... I am Princess Serenity's father.
Q: Since you know everything, oh great one, can you predict the outcome of this battle? Who will win? Will it be YOU?
A: Yes, I can--and yes, IT WILL BE!! :D :D :D
Q: If Tuxedo Kamen were to be an American superhero, which one would he be?
A: Tuxedo Mask. ;)
Q: Why didn't Queen Nehelenia just use an anti-aging wrinkle cream instead of exiling herself in a dream mirror? It would've saved her so much trouble.
A: The White Moon stole all of the anti-aging wrinkle cream--why else do you think they look so good at Crystal Tokyo?
Q: Where do all the roses that Tuxedo Kamen produces in a battle come from? Do they come...out of his butt?!
A: Actually, you're very close. You see, dear Jelena, when a man and woman love each other, the man gets excited and produces...roses.
Q: Can you please clean my room for me?
A: No. However, if you have any chocolate cheesecake lying around, I'll be happy to clean that up for you. ;)
Q: Why is it so fun to draw shapes in condensation on windows?
A: Temporary art is the best art.
Q: Why is it so hard to think up questions at quarter past two in the morning?
A: Your brain is telling you to do something more important: watch Castle.
Q: What sort of dress should I wear to my brother's wedding in October?
A: This one.
Q: Why am I such an insomniac?
A: Because you know better than to waste your life sleeping.
Q: Why are pretty boys so tempting?
A: Excellent job for mastering the art of rhetorical questions! :D
Q: What are some good flirting techniques?
A: I have it in good authority that this type of make up is particularly effective.
Q: Why can't we have summer all the time?
A: Because you don't live near the equator!
Q: I'm bored. Can you suggest something for me to do?
A: Sign up for smut_69. XD
Q: Where are some awesome places to go in Greece?
A: There's only one place you have to visit, where you need to take piccies a la Silver Millennium. :D
Q: What should I read next?
A: How about some more Jean Rhys? Cause I know you adored Wide Sargasso Sea. Also, Atonement? :D
Q: Dear, all-knowing one, how would you propose one go about writing smut if one hasn't had a lot of experience writing it before?
A: Read a lot of smut, make a list of what you think works and doesn't work, then work off that list. :D (And I shall see this smut after it's done! XD)
Q: Where is the greatest place to live on earth?
A: Here. :)
Q: Why do adults lie to little kids and tell them about Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy? They aren't REAL, dammit! \:
A: How dare you question my existence!
Q: What is the best way to die? Spontaneous combustion or in your sleep or another way?
A: The best (yet most pointless way) to die is this.
Q: Why must the male species be such horndogs?
A: Because the male species are actually a slightly more evolved form of dogs.
Q: Why haven't any other inners asked you a question yet?
A: They were waiting for you to step onto the battlefield and lead them to victory.
Q: Why haven't you answered my first question yet?
A: I was re-enacting Oedipus Rex.
Q: Why don't the moons of the other planets have Senshi?
A: They do--you just have to discover them.
Q: Why is it that people are grossed out by an 80 year old man dating a twenty year old girl but they're OK with a vampire who's over one hundred dating a 16 year old?
A: This is a product of the 21st Century, where the sparkly and shiny represent the pinnacle of perfection. This vampire of whom you speak is the culmination of every female (and male)'s fantasy, by the virtue of his ability to sparkle. If the 80-year-old man were to undergo glitter surgery, his sexual conquests--on any level--would be deemed acceptable to your society.
Q: Should I be worried about the fact that by asking the question I have in fact allowed you to gain 90 points on the Inners?
A: Not if it means you have gained 10 points on the Outers.
Q: Do you love me?
A: Ah, little one, I see you have mastered the rhetorical question. ♥
Q: What is the Inners greatest flaw?
A: Forgetting their apostrophes.
Q: What is the greatest song ever written?
A: 4′33″.
Q: Is it bedtime yet?
A: It is always bedtime; it is just never sleep-time.
Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: I have written one of the world's most famous plays (along with many other more mediocre and downright atrocious novels) to explore such a theme.
Q: Aragorn or Castle?
A: I am currently sleeping with them both.
Q: Should I stay up to watch the Castle season finale?
A: I am disappointed you felt such a question had to be asked.
Q: Am I procrastinating right now?
A: You are practising, yes, but not truly engaging with the arts of procrastination. In order to do so, you must first gain the necessary academic qualifications.
Q: Why did my screen just go all weird?
A: I accidentally brushed against the graphics card while I was rummaging through your computer. I shall be more vigilant in keeping my presence unnoticed next time.
Q: What Hogwarts house do you belong in?
A: I am Hogwarts.
Q: Who would win in a fight without weapons between Beckett and Aragorn?
A: I am confused by your question, and understand it to mean, "Who would assume the sexually dominant position between Beckett and Aragorn?". However, as you have not explicitly asked that question, I cannot answer it.
Q: Why are you standing right behind me?!
A: My omniscience comes with omnipresence.
Q: Did I make you want to write a LotR/Castle fic yet?
A: This fic of which you speak has already been written, and is currently floating in the infinite nebula of my all-knowing psyche. Perhaps you shall be privileged to read it someday. In the meantime, you should satiate your needs by joining themiddleearth and castleland.
Q: WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE ISSUES READING RULES???!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!
A: You were too busy being distracted by your chibi!O'Neill. It's understandable. ♥
Q: Can I have a hug?
A: I would give you one, if I was not a ball of pure energy.
Q: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: That would depend on whether it was African or European.
Q: Will we be best friends forever?
A: No.
However, if I ever decide to relinquish my hold on this pathetic excuse of a human host who goes by the name of "Sammy", then the two of you may live happily ever after in mushy friend-land.
That is, of course, if I don't decide to take your body as the next husk to house the overwhelming power of The Omniscient Narrator.
Q: You knew my last question was going to be asked, didn't you?
A: Of course. I. See. All.
Q: Where were you on the night of April 15, 1997?
A: Reaping in the profits that I knew would come from a film released later that year about the RMS Titanic.
Q: Can you recommend some good music for me?
A: I believe this pathetic human host who goes by the name of "Sammy" has recently uploaded some Tchaikovsky music.
Q: Why are flights to Europe so expensive?!
A: Because the general public has not been made aware of Asgard beaming technology.
Q: Is this real life?
A: Would you have spent countless hours here in the last three months if it was not?
Q: Can you move to Boston and teach my son to play piano?
A: Of course. In return, I am only asking for the small price of unlimited access to his life energy.
Q: WHY CAN'T I ASK MORE QUESTIONS?! ;_;
A: Unfortunately, your parents did not consider the possibility that the time of your conception may have a tremendous effect on the fate of this battle; those 50 points may have been what you needed to defeat the Outers.
Q: How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
A: 3.14159265.
Q: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
A: Birds do not possess the best eyesight, and may mistake human hair for their natural habitat. That is why you should wear a hat when you go outside.
Q: Are you also omnipresent and omnipotent?
A: I am indeed! :D ♥
Q: If Usagi is afraid of thunder why doesn't she freak out when Jupiter uses one of her attacks?
A: Mako-chan is well aware of dear Usagi-chan's phobia, which is why our favourite Iron Chef makes sure Usagi-chan's food is always spiked with courage-inspiring booze.
Q: Please, all-knowing-one, tell me who gets shot in the season finale of Grey's Anatomy?
A: I'm assuming you're referring to the Season 6 finale. In order of being shot: Reed, Karev, nurse Jane, security officer John, Nose dive, McDreamy, Lucius Vorenus, and Gary Clark.
Q: If SML was burning down and you could only save one team which team would you save?
A: I set the fire would watch in silent contemplation as everything is destroyed, then decide--from the goodness of my soul--to revive everyone.
Q: Dear Omniscient Narrator, what is the meaning of life?
A: To play on sailormoonland until your eyeballs fall out.
Failing that (because you might have very strong eyeballs), go out and live! Breathe the free air again, my friend! Eat the first of the strawberries with cream! Share one lifetime with him than face all the ages of this world alone!
And then come back to play on sailormoonland until your eyeballs fall out.
Q: Can the Ring of Power be destroyed anywhere other than Mt. Doom?
A: Mount Doom is myth perpetuated by filthy orcs--its proper name is the Galaxy Cauldron. There, the Ring of Power has been destroyed...for now.
Q: Oh mighty One, what's the bestest dessert there be?
A: Why, the anything from the Sugar Hits in Sydney, of course! I believe you've been to one of them. ;)
Q: Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
A: According to obscenity acts, it's fine to not wear any pants in public while your male bits are...unexcited. However, Donald is a naughty little duck when he's in the shower, so the towel is necessary.
Q: Why hasn't Sailormoon(land) taken over the (lj)world yet?
A: Because the damn frank keeps eating my pants.
Q: Why?
A: Because fish have sex in it.
Q: Why is it a birthday fortnight and not a birthday trinight?
A: Because we want people to come back for the next battle, not quit out of fear for their sleep-deprived lives.
Q: Am I making life difficult for you right now?
A: Absolutely not! I'm more than happy to answer your questions, my dear! ♥
Q: How about now? =P
A: Nothing has changed since my last comment! (My pathetic human husk, however, is starting to complain, but I will silence her with my powers!)
Q: Omniscient Narrator, when will you release your hold and return my body to me so I can finally become a normal person and lead a normal life with normal sleeping habits?
A: When you clean your room.
Q: Oh, almighty Omniscient Narrator, can you please write this English essay for me?
A: No.
However, you may wish to consider asking the minions residing in smlheadquarters.
Q: Will I fail Stats and have to stay at uni for an extra year to repeat the course before I can graduate?
A: Only if you don't do your Stats assignment.
Q: What should I do in the next 55 minutes before I declare birthday fortnight closed and post other stuffies?
A: Stop talking to yourself, for one.
Q. Is homosexuality a sin? What if you're cousins?
A: Homosexuality is not a sin if you are called Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. It is a sin if you are called either Kaioh Michiru or Tenou Haruka; however, if you masquerade as cousins, then your sins are immediately absolved by the decree of DiC Entertainment.
Q: Suppose the average weekly earnings of a production worker in 1997 were $424.20. Suppose a researcher wants to determine whether this figure is still accurate today. The researcher randomly selects 54 production workers and obtains a representative earnings statement for one week from each. The resulting sample average is $432.69. Assuming a population standard deviation of $33.90, and a 5% level of significance, determine whether the mean weekly earnings of a production worker have changed.
A: I have determined that this is not a question.
Q: Is this a question?
A: Yes, if this is an answer.
Q: What exactly are we fighting for in these battles? Why are the Inners and Outers fighting each other? Are we allowed to both be winners if we team up against the Starlights (whom Haruka doesn't like anyway) and Chaos?
A: You are fighting for what's inside of you, little one. You have a pure heart, a dream, a star seed, and copious amounts of energy, just crying to be set free. And you, along with the rest of the team, must fight to show the rest of the world that what's inside of you is the most epic...at least for this battle. Perhaps next battle, you will--along with the rest of your team members--decide on another, less narcissistic reason for your fight. But no matter how hard you try, you will never defeat omniscience.
Q: Whatever happened to Naru after she disappeared from the series?
A: She became her own Hero. You can read more about her story here.
Q: Will Minako ever find the right guy for her?
A: Yes, if she remembers the guy she left.
Q: Will Hotaru ever stop being reborn again and again, or will she finally go without destroying herself long enough to reach adulthood? Does Hotaru even WANT this, or is that her clever ploy to always be a kid?
A: Hotaru will keep being reborn--she is, after all, the soldier of destruction and rebirth. She also regularly helps the other senshi go through the process of rebirth. Thus, she is a crucial figure in Sailormoon--without her, our titular character will look like this.
Q: Is anyone else dazed by how awesome Outers are or is it just me and you're all blind? xDD
A: You are all blinded by my awesomeness.
Q: Did someone drug you when you produced that sparkling vampire nonsense? How do you feel having your greatness tainted by such murky... blood?
A: I believe I ingested some bad eggs at the time, and consequently fell to the literary diarrhoea that followed. Of course, I am more than pleased at the amount of energy I am gathering from all the devoted fangirls around the world, which, in turn, only adds to my greatness.
Q: If Chiba Mamoru and Bass Chuck XD Chuck Bass went out for America's Next Top Model, which one of them would win?
A: Sauron would be the prettiest one to rule them all.
Q: If a person were to eat himself, would he turn into nothingness or be twice as large?
A: The Law of Conservation of Mass dictates that one would remain the same.
Q: Is it possible for a pickle and a strawberry to mate? (If yes, what would you call the offspring? What would it even look like?)
A: Yes. The result would be this.
Q: What is the mole ratio of silver chloride to barium chloride if an experiment with 10.2 grams Barium Chloride (BaCl2) produced 14.5 grams Silver Chloride (AgCl)?
A: Molar Mass BaCl2 = 137 + 2*35.5 = 208 grams/mole
Moles BaCl2 = 10.2/208 = 0.049 moles BaCl2
Molar Mass AgCl = 107 + 35.5 = 142.5 grams/mole
Moles AgCl = 14.5/142.5 = 0.102
The ratio should be exactly 1 to 2 ie 1 mole BaCl2 to 2 moles of AgCl
0.102/0.049 = 2.08
The Omniscient Narrator knows how to use Google.
Q: Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
A: If you look like this, then you enjoy both.
Q: Why does Severus Snape have a strong, unwavering obsession with fuzzy pink earmuffs that make non-stop moo-ing sounds?
A: In another life, Severus Snape assumed this identity.
Q: If Mamo-chan quit Tuxedo-Kamening because he's sick of being ridiculed for his lengthy, corny speeches and suddenly decided to become a Backstreet Boy, which one would he be?
A: Tuxedo Kamen does not share power; he would become Justin Bieber.
Q: Would men still be obsessed with breasts if people universally referred to them as "fatty tissue and milk glands"?
A: Yes. The relationship between a word and the object which it represents is completely arbitrary, in that there is no connection between the sound or image of the word itself and the object. It is society as a whole that determines and agrees on this relationship, thus entering the structure of language.
What's in a name? That which we call a breast
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So boobies would, were they not boobies called,
Retain that dear perfection which they owe
Without that title.
Q: Should Mamo-chan pierce his nipples?
A: I thought you already knew.
Q: Interesting. Does Usagi know?
A: She has a matching one.
Q: Which is better, vanilla or chocolate?
A: Why, chocolate, of course! :D
Q: Are you excited for all the points this is gonna get you?
A: Absolutely! All these points only reaffirm my supreme awesomeness. ;)
Q: Why is SML so damn awesome? <3
A: Because all the SML-ers are so damn awesome! ♥
Q: There are two lengths of rope.
Each one can burn in exactly one hour. They are not necessarily of the same length or width as each other. They also are not of uniform width (may be wider in middle than on the end), thus burning half of the rope is not necessarily 1/2 hour. By burning the ropes, how do you measure exactly 45 minutes worth of time?
A: For one, I would not do something as pointless as burning both ends of one rope and only one end of the other, and then burn the other end of the second rope once the first rope has finished--this is a waste of rope. Instead, I would tie you to a chair and force you to watch an episode of Stargate, which will run for about 40 minutes, giving me 5 minutes to microwave some popcorn and get some ice-cream.
Q: If you are omniscient, all my thoughts are present within you. You think, therefore I am. Do I cease to exist?
A: Contrary to representations in popular culture, there is no relationship between thinking and existing; however, there is one between fangirling and existing. Adulo ergo sum--therefore, you exist.
Q: why am I incapable of spelling the word "alcohol" without spellcheck assistance?
A: Because you were never properly taught in the first place. The correct spelling is "alcomohol".
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: Wood would be below Chuck to chuck.
Q: Why am I lazy?
A: Because you have yet to discover the term "motivationally challenged".
Q: Why can't you answer questions immediately?
A: Suspense is a powerful thing, my dear.
Q: What's your answer veracity rate vs a Magic 8 ball?
A: A Magic 8 Ball is 3.14159265 times more accurate, but only because I created it in the genius of my youth.
Q: Why is Sailor Moon (the show) so wonderful? *O*
A: Because Tuxedo Kamen is in it. ;)
Q: What should I have for lunch?
A: Every Friday, you should have a peanut butter Nutella ice-cream sandwich. All other days, have the number of Maltesers that correspond to the number of the day (i.e. 7 on Monday, 6 on Tuesday, etc).
Q: What is your perfect day?
A: Spend my mornings watching my little SML-ers frolicking in the sun, my afternoons travelling through the Stargate, and my evenings torturing Rangers in Barad-dûr (but the kind of torture that makes them beg for more).
Q: Why does my cat persist on crushing me while I'm trying to sleep?
A: Your cat is actually a lion named Simba. :D
Q: Are the Habs going to totally blow this one?
A: Only into clarinets.
Q: What is the best song of all time?
A: 4'33".
Q: Why do you receive 100 points for answers?
A: Because I do not share my mighty powers without substantial repayment. ;)
Q: May I ask a question?
A: If I may answer it.
Q: Does the Omniscient Narrator support UsaXMamo?
A: Absolutely. ♥
Q: Where does your lj name come from, oh mighty Sauron?
A: Ah, very good question! I received an invite to LJ (back in the days when you needed an invite to sign up), and the username I usually use, "serenade", was taken. I tried to come up with something, and settled for "mesmerising" because it was the British/Australian spelling and therefore not already taken. XD But it's actually worked out quite well, and I'm glad I feel I can still relate to it today.
Q: Dear Omniscient Narrator...can I get a kitty?
A: Here you go.
Q: Dear Sauron...when do I get to be Birthday Baby? *iz born in December*
A: Why, in Battle IV! :D
Q: Why do you need sleep, mighty narrator?
A: I do not need sleep.
However, I do take the liberty to sit back and be highly amused by your collective questions. With great power comes the luxury of deciding when to answer.
Q: Dear narrator...WHY are these so many unanswered questions in this post? *puzzled*
A: I am taking my time torturing some Hobbits, one of my numerous past-times.
Of course, I also derive pleasure from knowing some of you are simply burning with the desire to have your questions answered.
Q: WHY DOES FIREFOX KEEP CRASHING ON ME? And Paintshop Pro for that matter? RAWR.
A: Firefox and Paintshop Pro are both very sleep-deprived, and therefore feel the need to crash without warning.
Q: Why am I online instead of rushing to get dressed to make my appointment?
A: Because this is real life! :D
Q: Why are some songs so catchy?
A: The mathematical configuration of such songs trigger a reaction in the auditory cortex, which then spreads to the rest of the brain, due to the different elements which comprise of such music.
Q: What do you love most about being the narrator?
A: Very good question! Knowing that in some way, no matter how small, I've managed to make some sort of difference in people's lives (even if the majority of that 'difference' may be causing sleep-deprivation and people to fail uni and lose jobs). I love reading the different posts and comments everyone makes in their team comms and the other subcomms and seeing how folks are friendly & having fun & meeting new people & generally enjoying themselves--and then I realise that I am responsible for all this; I created a community--not the challenges, not the concepts, but a community, the environment and opportunity and pocket of space in the infinite stretch of our world and the Internet, where people can do this. And that's what makes all the RSI & sleep-deprivation & stress worthwhile. :)
Q: And what don't you like about it?
A: Okay, this is going to sound like self-pitying and attention-seeking, but you asked, so...
I'm sometimes sad that I can never really belong. I'm the centre of the structure, but the centre is always above and beyond, so I'm always looking in; I'm a part of everything, but I'm not a part of anything. (Sorry for being Derridean and kind of a downer... XD)
Q: What would be a good colour to dye my hair?
A: Black. Then I'll dye mine red, and stalk Bill Walker's Italian place.
Q: I have read that the meaning of life is 42. Is this correct?
A: That is a lie. The meaning of life is 101010.
Q: Where do you go to, my lovely, when you're alone in your bed?
A: Inside your head. ♥
Q: Dear all-knowing one, how are you so awesome?
A: I am continually powered by the energy all of you give me by participating in sailormoonland. ♥
Q: Why does the earth spin?
A: The earth is actually a disco ball that spins for the amusement of those living in the Moon Kingdom.
Q: Why are the youma in Sailor Moon so stupid?
A: They are trying to make the titular character look better.
Q: Why is the cake a lie?
A: The cake is not a lie.
Q: What does the lyric 'I wanna take a ride on your disco stick' in Lady Gaga's Love Game song mean? What exactly is a disco stick?
A: Contrary to popular belief, a disco stick is not a phallus. It is the name given to Dr. Gregory House's cane when he goes dancing. Lady Gaga's message is clear: you should all work hard to become doctors so that you can get stoned on Vicodin for free.
Q: Why have no youma in the anime tried attacking the senshi while they do their long, drawn out attack sequences? Wouldn't that be more effective?
A: The youma are blinded by all the shiny lights.
Q: Where is the Hotel California? And why can you check in any time you like, but then never leave?
A: Hotel California is in Siberia. You can never leave because you're always snowed in.
Q: Why do I epically fail at uni?
A: Because you need to find your own Bill Walker. :D
Q: In 10 words or less... Why should I watch Stargate?
A: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Q: What book should I read next?
A: Atonement by Ian McEwan. :D
Q: What colors should I paint my room?
A: Pink with bunnies, of course! :D
Q: Mt Dew is my favorite drink... What is yours?
A: Actually, I love, love, loooove water. XD But anything with alcohol is good.
Q: How come we don't know anything about Princess Serenity's dad (Queen Serenity's husband in the Silver Millenium) or see him? Was Princess Serenity conceived like Anakin Skywalker was?
A: Ah, well, you see... I am Princess Serenity's father.
Q: Since you know everything, oh great one, can you predict the outcome of this battle? Who will win? Will it be YOU?
A: Yes, I can--and yes, IT WILL BE!! :D :D :D
Q: If Tuxedo Kamen were to be an American superhero, which one would he be?
A: Tuxedo Mask. ;)
Q: Why didn't Queen Nehelenia just use an anti-aging wrinkle cream instead of exiling herself in a dream mirror? It would've saved her so much trouble.
A: The White Moon stole all of the anti-aging wrinkle cream--why else do you think they look so good at Crystal Tokyo?
Q: Where do all the roses that Tuxedo Kamen produces in a battle come from? Do they come...out of his butt?!
A: Actually, you're very close. You see, dear Jelena, when a man and woman love each other, the man gets excited and produces...roses.
Q: Can you please clean my room for me?
A: No. However, if you have any chocolate cheesecake lying around, I'll be happy to clean that up for you. ;)
Q: Why is it so fun to draw shapes in condensation on windows?
A: Temporary art is the best art.
Q: Why is it so hard to think up questions at quarter past two in the morning?
A: Your brain is telling you to do something more important: watch Castle.
Q: What sort of dress should I wear to my brother's wedding in October?
A: This one.
Q: Why am I such an insomniac?
A: Because you know better than to waste your life sleeping.
Q: Why are pretty boys so tempting?
A: Excellent job for mastering the art of rhetorical questions! :D
Q: What are some good flirting techniques?
A: I have it in good authority that this type of make up is particularly effective.
Q: Why can't we have summer all the time?
A: Because you don't live near the equator!
Q: I'm bored. Can you suggest something for me to do?
A: Sign up for smut_69. XD
Q: Where are some awesome places to go in Greece?
A: There's only one place you have to visit, where you need to take piccies a la Silver Millennium. :D
Q: What should I read next?
A: How about some more Jean Rhys? Cause I know you adored Wide Sargasso Sea. Also, Atonement? :D
Q: Dear, all-knowing one, how would you propose one go about writing smut if one hasn't had a lot of experience writing it before?
A: Read a lot of smut, make a list of what you think works and doesn't work, then work off that list. :D (And I shall see this smut after it's done! XD)
Q: Where is the greatest place to live on earth?
A: Here. :)
Q: Why do adults lie to little kids and tell them about Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy? They aren't REAL, dammit! \:
A: How dare you question my existence!
Q: What is the best way to die? Spontaneous combustion or in your sleep or another way?
A: The best (yet most pointless way) to die is this.
Q: Why must the male species be such horndogs?
A: Because the male species are actually a slightly more evolved form of dogs.