[Fic:] Not a change, just an Not a Change, just an Adjustment Chapter 36
Title: Chapter 36 Awkward Conversations
Author : smirkingcat
Rating: PG-13
Word Count : 2.507
Notes:
find part one lj, dw
as usual all the thanks and gratitude to themightyflynn for the beta, who is sticking with me through the good, the bad, the exasperated and everything else
written for January 2020 Prompt 2: Breathless from hp_BunInTheOven
Summary: They hate to talk, but some awkward conversations are necessary, even for them.
Warnings: fluff, flangst, mpreg, D/s- subtext, OOC, heavy future angst planned
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Awkward Conversations
The silence after his outburst stretched on, and finally Blaise didn't want to stand around in the hallway. He sighed before he turned around and started walking back towards his rooms. He would go to bed, he would fall asleep, he would forget all about what just happened.
"Blaise," Severus said suddenly and most of all unexpectedly.
Blaise halted, not sure if he wanted to turn around. Maybe it would be better if the two of them talked less. Talking, after all, was not their forte. Especially when it was not about something professional.
"I concede that there are more changes than I anticipated in the beginning. And certainly, due to the current circumstances, our communications have suffered."
Blaise had turned partially to look at Severus. If that was all Severus had to say, he would lock the man out of his bedroom. 'Their communications have suffered'? They had barely seen each other all week and, before that, they had been drifting, trying to deal with the fact that soon enough they would be three. He could see Severus' jawbones grinding together. And it was this sight more than anything that relaxed Blaise. It proved that he was not the only one struggling; that Severus, too, had opinions and doubts.
"As you said, I am rather used to accepting things I cannot change. It is a reaction I have had since my childhood, so at this point, I think it is safe to say this behaviour won't change," Severus said slowly.
Blaise nodded slightly. He didn't expect Severus to change, but something had to give.
"I might also have acted on perceived expectations," Severus added after another moment of silence.
Blaise looked at him puzzled. "I am not certain I follow," he said when nothing more seemed to be forthcoming.
"These changes... they are unexpected, but I believe they can be adjusted to... I therefore acted in this way, as I was certain it would lead to me being able to keep your trust. I do not wish for you to doubt me." Severus spoke slowly, his words well chosen.
Still, Blaise needed a few moments to find the essence of what Severus was saying.
"I am well aware that this and that are different issues. I can trust you to bind me, in some way torture me, and still doubt if you want to be a part of this for real. You just keeping quiet about everything and going along with it makes me paranoid... and I am certain there is some deeper issue some would say needs uncovering, but to be honest, I would just prefer to move on," Blaise replied, looking Severus in the eyes, trying to read him. Though, Severus' face was void of any reaction.
"I am not certain myself how far I want to be part of this. It is not the marriage, though I do take vows very serious." Severus said honestly. "However your mother digging into my family history and forcing me to take over that family... It does not sit right with me. I do not care for the wealth that my mother had forsaken for her own reasons and for me. I do not like to seem like a betrayer to a beloved person," Severus went on.
Blaise nodded. "My mother... I...she is not a bad person, you know? But her views of the world are just... she sees things differently, but I do not believe that she has bad intentions," he tried to explain, but he was certain that he was not able to say what needed to be said.
"It is not your fault, and I do not judge you by your mother's behaviour."
"Well," Blaise said and turned around to continue the way back to their quarters. "I certainly hope you don't. Yet, she is still connected to me, and I am sorry that she just acted on her own."
"You should not be. Especially since I have the feeling that this is not the only time you wish to excuse your mother's behaviour," Severus replied.
"No. I do not entertain this habit of excusing my mother. But you are a special case. And I am aware that you value your independence a lot. I, therefore, am able to understand how frustrating it must be for you to follow my mother's lead," Blaise said.
As a rule he certainly never excused his mother, not to his friends, not to the business partners of the Zabini family and certainly not to people wholly unconnected to him. But as he said, Severus was special.
"Indeed," Severus said after a moment of silence in which his eyes seemed to stare into Blaise's soul. "But then again pet, I have you, and if it means enduring your mother for a month, I think I am capable of coping."
As Severus was leaning closer and speaking into Blaise's ear, Blaise felt a hot wave working through his body. Technically, they had shared their bed the last week, but only now when they were this close did Blaise realise that their last touch has been quite some time ago.
He couldn't blame Severus for that though, because he hadn't thought about that either. It was not something either of them was used to.
Blaise searched Severus' eyes before learning forward and catching Severus in a soft kiss. For a moment, he feared that his advances had been unwanted, but then he felt Severus' arms around him, pulling him closer. The soft kiss got more heated, and Blaise couldn't help himself, moaning into the kiss.
"Maybe we will find another way to tire you out, so that sleep may find you," Severus spoke against his lips.
"Maybe... we should... see if that works?" Blaise said bit breathlessly, sounding shy for no obvious reason. He wanted Severus, and there was nothing wrong with that. But before they continued onwards to their rooms, Blaise had to make one thing sure. "So... you will talk to me, right? At least just enough that I know we are on the same page?"
Blaise felt incredibly brave and also incredibly stupid for asking, but he needed the reassurance. Just to know that he was not alone in this... to know that he would not be alone in his marriage. Because he had the suspicion that even his mother would be unable to get rid of Severus, should it come to such an end.
"We shall try. Because you also need to talk to me. As you said, we are in this together," Severus agreed, running his fingers through Blaise's hair in a caress.
Blaise was way too affected by such easy words. But he nodded anyway. They were in this together and hearing Severus say it was a relief. At the same time, it also made his heart beat faster.
"Come on, pet. It is too early to stand in this hallway much longer," Severus said and started walking back to their rooms again.
After a moment, Blaise followed him.
So, Severus certainly did not consider his rooms their rooms, but what was he expecting? Blaise felt at home here because it is where he grew up. But he very well remembered when he moved into his flat in London. It took him nearly half a year, before he started to feel at home there. And Severus was even more private than him. Blaise knew this. Usually he was a much more patient person. It was likely that the tempo his mother forced into his relationship got to him.
Returning to the bedroom, Blaise removed his robe and sat down on the bed. He was not sure what he expected to happen next, or if it even would, but he hoped. He wanted his Master's attention back on him, at least for a moment. But he was not certain if what had been insinuated before would come true. Before he got pregnant, before they moved in together, he always knew how to get what he wanted from his Master. Or his Master made it even easier and told him before they even met what was expected of him.
Blaise looked up in surprise as he felt a hand caress his hair.
"Do I wish to know what you were thinking?"
The smooth tone of his Master was like balm to his nerves. His Master knew, his Master understood.
"I was thinking about you... about us," Blaise replied anyway, not certain if the question was rhetorical or not.
"And, pray tell, were you thinking about the far away or more the immediate future?"
Blaise looked up at Severus, noting the amusement in the eyes. Oh, his Master knew very well what he was thinking about. But the teasing itself was also a relief. His Master being in a teasing mood was not something that happened that often, but when it did, it usually was quite the experience.
"If you have to ask, maybe we have to get you to a healer next," Blaise replied, a smile threading to take over his lips.
"Someone has forgotten his lesson. Or has too much cheek for his own good."
As his Master spoke, his fingers grabbed Blaise' hair a little bit tighter. Blaise nearly sighed in relief. At the same time, his anticipation seemed to get the better of him. "I assume it was the cheek that entertained you for all this time," he stated with more confidence than he probably should.
His Master pulled his head further back, so that Blaise looked straighter up to his Master. "And you would be wrong pet. Though I will grant you that sometimes your cheek does amuse me."
He was not certain what that meant for him. It was an insecurity. He was not certain when he picked it up, but it tended to rear its ugly head at the most inopportune moments.
"It is a relief to know that it does something, otherwise I would have to doubt the past years," he answered and let his lips spread in a smile.
It was a good reaction, and if Blaise knew one thing he could trust, it was his survival instinct, and his mouth. Those had saved him many times before, and would most likely to do so in the future. Even if currently his hormones sometimes seemed to impair them.
"That would be a shame. As I remember, there were some quite amusing times in these past years."
"As I remember, they were also quite interesting for the both of us as well." As his Master spoke, he also leaned closer to Blaise.
"One does not exclude the other, I dare say." Blaise grinned up at his Master.
"Careful pet, it is too early for you to be this cheeky," his Master said and pushed Blaise on to the bed. "I know how much you like to be bound."
Blaise shivered at the promise in that voice. Yes, he liked being bound by his Master. It was a feeling he could not describe, but it did something to him like nothing else.
"And as you stated so bravely before, you trust me to bind you every which way I like."
Blaise had to bite his lip to stop himself from begging his Master to be bound.
"But, as you seem to have forgotten the training I bestowed on you the last decade, I have to make sure that you remember how to be a good boy."
Blaise caught his breath. With the mood his Master was in, this could go in many ways. And the longer his Master stayed quiet the more ideas Blaise had. And he didn't know what he wanted to happen.
But his Master did not just keep quiet. His Master looked at him. Blaise knew that, before, his body was easy on the eyes. No matter where he went, someone would look, and people would turn to watch him. The way his Master looked at him was different though. Yes, there was application for his beauty, and his Master had never denied it, but there was more. It was 'more' that Blaise was unable to name, but not unable to feel.
"Why don't you remove your clothes and lay down on the bed?"
Though the tone was suggestive, Blaise knew it was anything but, so he hastened to do as he was told. His Master didn't appreciate being kept waiting.
The only question was what would happen after?
Author : smirkingcat
Rating: PG-13
Word Count : 2.507
Notes:
find part one lj, dw
as usual all the thanks and gratitude to themightyflynn for the beta, who is sticking with me through the good, the bad, the exasperated and everything else
written for January 2020 Prompt 2: Breathless from hp_BunInTheOven
Summary: They hate to talk, but some awkward conversations are necessary, even for them.
Warnings: fluff, flangst, mpreg, D/s- subtext, OOC, heavy future angst planned
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Awkward Conversations
The silence after his outburst stretched on, and finally Blaise didn't want to stand around in the hallway. He sighed before he turned around and started walking back towards his rooms. He would go to bed, he would fall asleep, he would forget all about what just happened.
"Blaise," Severus said suddenly and most of all unexpectedly.
Blaise halted, not sure if he wanted to turn around. Maybe it would be better if the two of them talked less. Talking, after all, was not their forte. Especially when it was not about something professional.
"I concede that there are more changes than I anticipated in the beginning. And certainly, due to the current circumstances, our communications have suffered."
Blaise had turned partially to look at Severus. If that was all Severus had to say, he would lock the man out of his bedroom. 'Their communications have suffered'? They had barely seen each other all week and, before that, they had been drifting, trying to deal with the fact that soon enough they would be three. He could see Severus' jawbones grinding together. And it was this sight more than anything that relaxed Blaise. It proved that he was not the only one struggling; that Severus, too, had opinions and doubts.
"As you said, I am rather used to accepting things I cannot change. It is a reaction I have had since my childhood, so at this point, I think it is safe to say this behaviour won't change," Severus said slowly.
Blaise nodded slightly. He didn't expect Severus to change, but something had to give.
"I might also have acted on perceived expectations," Severus added after another moment of silence.
Blaise looked at him puzzled. "I am not certain I follow," he said when nothing more seemed to be forthcoming.
"These changes... they are unexpected, but I believe they can be adjusted to... I therefore acted in this way, as I was certain it would lead to me being able to keep your trust. I do not wish for you to doubt me." Severus spoke slowly, his words well chosen.
Still, Blaise needed a few moments to find the essence of what Severus was saying.
"I am well aware that this and that are different issues. I can trust you to bind me, in some way torture me, and still doubt if you want to be a part of this for real. You just keeping quiet about everything and going along with it makes me paranoid... and I am certain there is some deeper issue some would say needs uncovering, but to be honest, I would just prefer to move on," Blaise replied, looking Severus in the eyes, trying to read him. Though, Severus' face was void of any reaction.
"I am not certain myself how far I want to be part of this. It is not the marriage, though I do take vows very serious." Severus said honestly. "However your mother digging into my family history and forcing me to take over that family... It does not sit right with me. I do not care for the wealth that my mother had forsaken for her own reasons and for me. I do not like to seem like a betrayer to a beloved person," Severus went on.
Blaise nodded. "My mother... I...she is not a bad person, you know? But her views of the world are just... she sees things differently, but I do not believe that she has bad intentions," he tried to explain, but he was certain that he was not able to say what needed to be said.
"It is not your fault, and I do not judge you by your mother's behaviour."
"Well," Blaise said and turned around to continue the way back to their quarters. "I certainly hope you don't. Yet, she is still connected to me, and I am sorry that she just acted on her own."
"You should not be. Especially since I have the feeling that this is not the only time you wish to excuse your mother's behaviour," Severus replied.
"No. I do not entertain this habit of excusing my mother. But you are a special case. And I am aware that you value your independence a lot. I, therefore, am able to understand how frustrating it must be for you to follow my mother's lead," Blaise said.
As a rule he certainly never excused his mother, not to his friends, not to the business partners of the Zabini family and certainly not to people wholly unconnected to him. But as he said, Severus was special.
"Indeed," Severus said after a moment of silence in which his eyes seemed to stare into Blaise's soul. "But then again pet, I have you, and if it means enduring your mother for a month, I think I am capable of coping."
As Severus was leaning closer and speaking into Blaise's ear, Blaise felt a hot wave working through his body. Technically, they had shared their bed the last week, but only now when they were this close did Blaise realise that their last touch has been quite some time ago.
He couldn't blame Severus for that though, because he hadn't thought about that either. It was not something either of them was used to.
Blaise searched Severus' eyes before learning forward and catching Severus in a soft kiss. For a moment, he feared that his advances had been unwanted, but then he felt Severus' arms around him, pulling him closer. The soft kiss got more heated, and Blaise couldn't help himself, moaning into the kiss.
"Maybe we will find another way to tire you out, so that sleep may find you," Severus spoke against his lips.
"Maybe... we should... see if that works?" Blaise said bit breathlessly, sounding shy for no obvious reason. He wanted Severus, and there was nothing wrong with that. But before they continued onwards to their rooms, Blaise had to make one thing sure. "So... you will talk to me, right? At least just enough that I know we are on the same page?"
Blaise felt incredibly brave and also incredibly stupid for asking, but he needed the reassurance. Just to know that he was not alone in this... to know that he would not be alone in his marriage. Because he had the suspicion that even his mother would be unable to get rid of Severus, should it come to such an end.
"We shall try. Because you also need to talk to me. As you said, we are in this together," Severus agreed, running his fingers through Blaise's hair in a caress.
Blaise was way too affected by such easy words. But he nodded anyway. They were in this together and hearing Severus say it was a relief. At the same time, it also made his heart beat faster.
"Come on, pet. It is too early to stand in this hallway much longer," Severus said and started walking back to their rooms again.
After a moment, Blaise followed him.
So, Severus certainly did not consider his rooms their rooms, but what was he expecting? Blaise felt at home here because it is where he grew up. But he very well remembered when he moved into his flat in London. It took him nearly half a year, before he started to feel at home there. And Severus was even more private than him. Blaise knew this. Usually he was a much more patient person. It was likely that the tempo his mother forced into his relationship got to him.
Returning to the bedroom, Blaise removed his robe and sat down on the bed. He was not sure what he expected to happen next, or if it even would, but he hoped. He wanted his Master's attention back on him, at least for a moment. But he was not certain if what had been insinuated before would come true. Before he got pregnant, before they moved in together, he always knew how to get what he wanted from his Master. Or his Master made it even easier and told him before they even met what was expected of him.
Blaise looked up in surprise as he felt a hand caress his hair.
"Do I wish to know what you were thinking?"
The smooth tone of his Master was like balm to his nerves. His Master knew, his Master understood.
"I was thinking about you... about us," Blaise replied anyway, not certain if the question was rhetorical or not.
"And, pray tell, were you thinking about the far away or more the immediate future?"
Blaise looked up at Severus, noting the amusement in the eyes. Oh, his Master knew very well what he was thinking about. But the teasing itself was also a relief. His Master being in a teasing mood was not something that happened that often, but when it did, it usually was quite the experience.
"If you have to ask, maybe we have to get you to a healer next," Blaise replied, a smile threading to take over his lips.
"Someone has forgotten his lesson. Or has too much cheek for his own good."
As his Master spoke, his fingers grabbed Blaise' hair a little bit tighter. Blaise nearly sighed in relief. At the same time, his anticipation seemed to get the better of him. "I assume it was the cheek that entertained you for all this time," he stated with more confidence than he probably should.
His Master pulled his head further back, so that Blaise looked straighter up to his Master. "And you would be wrong pet. Though I will grant you that sometimes your cheek does amuse me."
He was not certain what that meant for him. It was an insecurity. He was not certain when he picked it up, but it tended to rear its ugly head at the most inopportune moments.
"It is a relief to know that it does something, otherwise I would have to doubt the past years," he answered and let his lips spread in a smile.
It was a good reaction, and if Blaise knew one thing he could trust, it was his survival instinct, and his mouth. Those had saved him many times before, and would most likely to do so in the future. Even if currently his hormones sometimes seemed to impair them.
"That would be a shame. As I remember, there were some quite amusing times in these past years."
"As I remember, they were also quite interesting for the both of us as well." As his Master spoke, he also leaned closer to Blaise.
"One does not exclude the other, I dare say." Blaise grinned up at his Master.
"Careful pet, it is too early for you to be this cheeky," his Master said and pushed Blaise on to the bed. "I know how much you like to be bound."
Blaise shivered at the promise in that voice. Yes, he liked being bound by his Master. It was a feeling he could not describe, but it did something to him like nothing else.
"And as you stated so bravely before, you trust me to bind you every which way I like."
Blaise had to bite his lip to stop himself from begging his Master to be bound.
"But, as you seem to have forgotten the training I bestowed on you the last decade, I have to make sure that you remember how to be a good boy."
Blaise caught his breath. With the mood his Master was in, this could go in many ways. And the longer his Master stayed quiet the more ideas Blaise had. And he didn't know what he wanted to happen.
But his Master did not just keep quiet. His Master looked at him. Blaise knew that, before, his body was easy on the eyes. No matter where he went, someone would look, and people would turn to watch him. The way his Master looked at him was different though. Yes, there was application for his beauty, and his Master had never denied it, but there was more. It was 'more' that Blaise was unable to name, but not unable to feel.
"Why don't you remove your clothes and lay down on the bed?"
Though the tone was suggestive, Blaise knew it was anything but, so he hastened to do as he was told. His Master didn't appreciate being kept waiting.
The only question was what would happen after?