(no subject)
So. I got in to UNCG. Already. 98% of me is SOOO excited. Just thinking about it makes me ready to pack my bags and get outta here. But every now and then, that 2% creeps up and stops my heartbeat and chills my skin. I got into COLLEGE. ALREADY. It's been a month since we started school. Everywhere i go now, i'll listen to people talk about college and the stress that they have applying to so many different places and their procrastination at not writing essays, and then, inevitably, someone says "well, sarah doesn't have to worry about it anymore" and they all look at me with that look, and then of course there's always that one person who hasn't heard the news, so i have to go through the story again and smile when they tell me congratulations. It's not that i'm not excited, it's just that every time that happens, no matter how much i want this, and how much i know other people would kill to be in my position, somewhere deep inside it feels like i've been punched. What am i doing? I can't go away to college in a year, i'm not old enough! I don't know what to do, and that scares the hell out of me. Now that college is real, is tangible, i'm afraid. My life is finally going to start, but what if i don't do it right? You only really get one chance to make the right choices, i don't care what people say. What if I choose a career that i end up hating? What if i've gotten in way over my head, and college just kills me. What if i marry a guy who i really love, and then ten years later we realize we don't love each other anymore? What if i spend too long on my career and don't have time to raise a family? What if i spend too long raising a family and don't have time for a career? All of a sudden, we're supposed to make life-changing decisions, and we aren't old enough!!! How can i possibly know at this point what will make me happy for the rest of my life? The more i tell people i got into college, the more i feel dread creep into my fairy tale.