To the place that was home.
After 5 years
I am going to that place
one last time.
I used to run in your beaming
sunlight
With blue skies and blue water
And then I ran in those dreams
Dark, grey, endless
"Where are you?"
"Where is everyone?"
"Why am I alone?"
I could have
run on forever
farther
into the distance
of that computer screen.
How I begged time
to stop, to reverse
Closed my eyes
and opened them
in a world without you.
Waking up every night
catching my breath
but I could never
catch up to you,
who lived in the far corners
of my tourted mind.
But you used to be
my home.
You used to be
the place in my heart
I would go to
to remind me.
I have what should be
everlasting, beautiful
memories
of you.
On that porch
we would dance
during those storms.
I loved you all
and I loved it there.
Paddling out on the water
Games in the sand
Unpacking our clothes
And that room
You were my place
You were our place
And I never thought
anyone could take you
away from me.
But I let her,
and I blamed her
more than I should have.
I was alone
and you left me
he left me too
there.
That was what
you had become,
my once treasured paradise.
If only I had been
stronger
I could have stopped
myself from
letting the darkness
of that day in.
But I was a child
Unable to let go
A child
crying in that room
Because I had to grow up
Because I had to grieve
Because I had to lose
my most treasured things
I thought I was above fate
I thought that I could stop it
I thought you loved me
like I loved you.
Now all I want
is for you to become
what you were before.
Once again,
shining in my memories.
No more nightmares.
I want to face it
and be at peace.
I was always so
sensitive and emotional,
loving too much.
Since they left
Since you became an enemy
Life has been a dream for me.
Maybe I will wake up
once again
with you.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that
you'll just be a place.
But it can't be.
You hold so much of me.
5 years later.
It was 8/7/6.
I'll be 8/7/12.
I already let go
of that girl I was
that person I loved
but like them
I want you
to live on forever
in my heart.
I'll be alone
in that room
again,
but I won't be alone.
This is something I need to do.
I am going to that place
one last time.
I used to run in your beaming
sunlight
With blue skies and blue water
And then I ran in those dreams
Dark, grey, endless
"Where are you?"
"Where is everyone?"
"Why am I alone?"
I could have
run on forever
farther
into the distance
of that computer screen.
How I begged time
to stop, to reverse
Closed my eyes
and opened them
in a world without you.
Waking up every night
catching my breath
but I could never
catch up to you,
who lived in the far corners
of my tourted mind.
But you used to be
my home.
You used to be
the place in my heart
I would go to
to remind me.
I have what should be
everlasting, beautiful
memories
of you.
On that porch
we would dance
during those storms.
I loved you all
and I loved it there.
Paddling out on the water
Games in the sand
Unpacking our clothes
And that room
You were my place
You were our place
And I never thought
anyone could take you
away from me.
But I let her,
and I blamed her
more than I should have.
I was alone
and you left me
he left me too
there.
That was what
you had become,
my once treasured paradise.
If only I had been
stronger
I could have stopped
myself from
letting the darkness
of that day in.
But I was a child
Unable to let go
A child
crying in that room
Because I had to grow up
Because I had to grieve
Because I had to lose
my most treasured things
I thought I was above fate
I thought that I could stop it
I thought you loved me
like I loved you.
Now all I want
is for you to become
what you were before.
Once again,
shining in my memories.
No more nightmares.
I want to face it
and be at peace.
I was always so
sensitive and emotional,
loving too much.
Since they left
Since you became an enemy
Life has been a dream for me.
Maybe I will wake up
once again
with you.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that
you'll just be a place.
But it can't be.
You hold so much of me.
5 years later.
It was 8/7/6.
I'll be 8/7/12.
I already let go
of that girl I was
that person I loved
but like them
I want you
to live on forever
in my heart.
I'll be alone
in that room
again,
but I won't be alone.
This is something I need to do.